i have never felt so alone lost and frightened


i too lost my husband. he was 37 when he passed. due to depression. due to suicide. it was sudden and shocking. he never did opened himself up to me. till this day, i do not know how to mourn or grief. i keep having flashback to the morning when we received news of his suicide. i could not get over it. every waking hour i keep thinking how it could have happened.

its been 6,7 months and still i am not getting better. theres limited support group or help from where i am. Nobody wants to be associated with widows and suicides. to them its frightening and must be avoidable. this is how crazy a society i am from.

My friends pretty much have their own life and husband and kids. there's isn't anyone i could turn to. Hell, my in laws blamed me and after the funeral, we part ways like strangers only in contact when it involve money.

i feel like i am completely damaged, i still could not come to term with the shocking act he dealt me. i have no more family of my own, no kids and no true friends.. i felt alone and stuck and i am sinking fast into depression...

Comments (3)
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I bet it seems like everything just spirals into worse & worse panic, doesn't it?

I've been that way before, & it's terrifying.

I found that the best way to get my mind to stop obsessing about bad things I can't do anything about is to get very very busy;
if you have to pay attention to customers, or technical things, or counting someone else's money, you give your mind a rest, & eventually your brain & body sort things out & it really does get better.

Do you work outside the home?

If you do, focus on work.

If you don't, get a job, or make yourself help someone else;
helping someone else gives us a jolt of reality like nothing else, plus, it is very fulfilling to know that someone is grateful to have us in their lives.

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Because you live in Korea, I would suggest you talk to some social workers in your largest hospital. Or, contact one of the churches in your area.

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This may be of help to you. Widows-Widowers/support-group

Its been 3 yrs and 5 months for me and its so very hard, it will get easier but never the same. 1 step and 1 day at a time. I still feel very alone and like the world is going on without me. Nothing is the same. I know how your feel. It is a roller coaster with ups and downs for a long time, just ride with it expect the curves its all normal (unfortunately)

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