KSWL,
Sounds like your DD has two wonderful options to consider now ... We know it will be beautiful and tasteful whatever you do. How fun.

The son of a friend married a pinterest/blog/instagram obsessed young woman. Highly edited details of her personal life are all over the internet for all to see. Neither the bride or groom had good jobs and the wedding cost a fortune. My friend is well off and was coerced into paying for part of the wedding even though she knew the wedding was a big mistake.

The wedding was lovely, featured in wedding blogs, pinned numerous times, etc. The bride and groom were together for about a year and are in the process of a nasty divorce. Not much blogging, pinning or instagramming about that.

K - I posted this to reinforce your belief that most of the bragging and crowing on the internet about perfect weddings does not tell the whole story.

Hope the mansion idea works out. It sounds great!

Congrats on the upcoming wedding!
1. Agree about Pinterest

2. Some brides (or their friends and family) enjoy doing artsy projects to "personalize" their wedding. If that's their thing, ok. It isn't always about the guests' enjoyment.

3. Friday receptions can be problematic in our city, due to heavy traffic. It has not prevented us from attending, but we do have to leave early and fight traffic. Plus, I am always tired on Friday, after working all week. It would not be my first choice. Saturday or Sunday would be better.

4. One of our dear friend's daughter got married last month. She chose a destination wedding in Aruba to which we were invited, but had to decline. They had a party (dinner at a lovely hotel for 150 people) back in MA after the wedding, which was lovely.
I would attend a "party" to honor the new bride and groom if not invited to the wedding ceremony.

5.I detest delays between the ceremony and the reception

6.Most weddings that have involved travel have included a brunch the next day for out of town guests.

7. No to feeding each other cake! Many brides are serving cupcakes and other desserts.

8. Can't speak to the rustic theme because we haven't encountered that one! We attended a wedding last year at Artists for Humanity in Boston, a rather large industrial-style venue, but it was done tastefully and felt cozy. Both the ceremony and the reception were held there. That is becoming more common as more couples opt out of church weddings.

Let your DD take the lead and decide what she wants. Then work together from there. Although we have not had a wedding in our family yet, we have the wedding "fund". Each DD (we have 3) will get a check to spend however they want and will have to plan accordingly. We hope one or two will opt for our backyard at our Cape house. Time will tell!

There's nothing like a wedding thread to bring out the opinions, personal experiences, and helpful suggestions--- reading these replies has been great!

Although the general response to the Friday or Sunday question has been positive, there have been a couple of people who would consider it weird. I've asked DD what she thinks and she's said she would rather get married in a place she likes on a different day than settle for a place she doesn't like just for a Saturday. So we're prepared to do that--- in which case save the date notices will be much more important than I had originally thought.

Hhireno, would love to do ceremony and reception on two different weekends, but with OOT family we end up excluding them from one event or the other.

Maddielee and others who mentioned this, I do like the idea of taking photos before a wedding. As for the "less formal" aspect of rustic weddings.....most of the pictures I'm seeing have everyone in formal attire. Jeans in a barn, okay, but tuxedos.... are we carrying this juxtaposition of formal and rustic too far?

Jlc712, DH and I eloped. It was good :-). Yes to getting someone else to do all the work!

Debrak, I remember your lovely dress and jewelry for the rustic wedding and how much you enjoyed it. Agree completely that rustic is perfect when it reflects the couple's lifestyle. When used as a set for photo ops, not so perfect.

Golddust that link did not work :-( can you repost?

Ellendi, what a great venue choice for your niece! I am with you on the flower question....a friend spent more than $20k on flowers, and yet her DD had never even brought home a bouquet from the grocery store!

Diane, thank you for your responses; are you a minister? With respect to your answer #5, I am afraid you are right....it seems pictures are more important than the event. I find that depressing.

Billygoatjoe, thank you and thanks for your responses. Right now I'm feeling that it is more likely I would enjoy being captured by a band of mariachi-singing terrorists than wedding planning :-)

Fun2behere, having a small ceremony followed by a larger reception is not about the cost but logistics, if where they want the ceremony is tiny.

Shee, i asked the question about the ceremony vs reception because I too would rather be witness too a wedding than participate in the celebration. Pinterest....who could have guessed?

Kitchendetective, offensive bridezillas should be outlawed! I also agree with respect to the sappy toasts, some are just cringeworthy.

Kaboehm, thanks for that link, I forwarded it to DD.

Bees, the couple got engaged in early December and just wanted to enjoy being engaged and happy until after the first of the year. None of us has done this before so we didn't expect to have to start planning two years in advance. This phenomenon does explain why engagements have gotten so long, though! DD created her first Pinterest account just for wedding pix (and of course rants about the site problems). We would have the event at our own home (and still may, depending on the numbers) but as it will be in December an outside tented wedding would not be comfortable. I love the description of your wedding! It and others described here that express the couple's values and personality seem both practical and meaningful.

Drymanhattan, I had to laugh at your description of the guests' wedding attire....my mother has already predicted the worst.

Funkyart, i k ow what you mean about a personal venue...more on that
later :-)

Holly-Kay, your DD's wedding sounds lovely! Our church is very busy with two Christmas Eve services but I agree it would be a great time and place if possible!

Maire Cate, the Quaker tradition is very thought provoking and I would think a Quaker wedding would be even more so.

Mtnrdredux, small Swiss wedding is my choice too! I have been using your "military industrial bridal complex" phrase to mixed reactions, lol. They don't want to wait because for logistic reasons they will be moving in together around that time (I know, I know, don't say it, we all know it is madness to do all of this at the same time) but they would like to be married first. Their idea.

MagdalenaLee, love your wedding description also! And your statement that people "convince themselves that whatever the trend is, then that's exactly what they've been dreaming of." Spot on!

Gsciencechick your wedding sounds just about perfect to me, including size. I may take you up on your generous offer to field questions if you really don't mind.

Suero, we have been told that many brides double or triple book venues (with deposits) so they can make their final choice at leisure. Your mom sounds mine....determined!

Robo, thank,you for your honest retrospective on your own wedding. DD is very focused on her work and and is NOT used to planning events. Actually has never planned one to my knowledge. And she would be more likely to become queen of England than to make napkin rings....even though they sound interesting

1929spanish I agree heartily that it is a party like any other, and the same elements that make a party a success will do the same for a wedding. Dd is in Atlanta and has already looked at her own alma mater's Alumni House which is not available. (Many places are also already booked in December for Christmas parties.)

Colleenoz I don't think am we would do that. Groom's old friends are out of town, for them to fly in for a reception or party afterwards is all the planning all over again without the wedding part. I am not doing this twice!

Joanie , I did not get an email (and it wasn't in the spam filter either). Could you resend?

BGJ, you are so right.....neither Christmas nor Thanksgiving next year, Lol!

Kipp, we are strongly considering hiring someone to Do the wedding.

Selcier I would LOVE to see your wedding pictures, please!

Pesky, thank,you for sharing your DDs' weddings. I've never heard of disc golf and It sounds fun! For obvious reasons weddings in warmer weather have a lot more possibilities! Agree completely that the more trendy, the more dated it looks even as it is happening.

Martina and maire cate, I also like the look of Christmas weddings although they do present some logistical problems.

Porkandham, I love the Cloister! My first thought was for the Jekyll Island Club because of the lovely historic Episcopal church there. DD is not interested, nor in the Hillsboro Club in Florida :-(

Javachik, there are a couple of beautiful historic women's clubs and both are booked all Saturdays in 2015. But they are also in very busy parts of a city during the height of the Christmas season when traffic--- already horrible there--- is at its worst. They are beautiful buildings, though!

Gibby, I agree with your first paragraph completely!

Deee, what a story....sadly, one I've heard before in different versions. When the wedding is more important than the marriage that is a harbinger of things to come.

Bonnieann, good point about Friday traffic, which is insane around the Holidays! Sunday is a much better day for that reason alone, past well as the prospect of already tired guests.

Here's my thing--- to me there is something just not quite right about renting a place you've never been to before just for a wedding. It was always a wedding in your own church, followed by a reception in the church hall, or a club where you were already a member, or at your own home. People who got married in hotels or rented halls did so because they had nowhere else to do it. I am 58, and this norm started changing in the late 1980s and hasn't stopped since. I know it sounds incredibly provincial, but I just have this nagging feeling that it is all wrong to "stage" one of the most important events in your life in a place that is hired just for that one occasion, unless it was a destination wedding. I'm guessing that sounds crazy and/or hopelessly over to everybody but me?

I have been to many beautiful and wonderful weddings in all kinds of places --- resorts, downtown hotels, herb farms, etc. and have enjoyed them all! I guess I just need to get over this hump and move on with the times.

Signed, Dinosaur MOB

Kswl, I kwym about the traditional part of weddings. While I kinda miss them, it is getting harder to go with that flow. I think the B&B would be very nice. And I see nothing at all odd about having a wedding on Sunday. Been to one of those too.

I too don't get some of the more modern traditions you have mentioned. Went to one wedding where only close family attended the ceremony and all others attended the CC blow-out reception. Somehow I felt I missed out, although it was fun. I do hate a long wait between the ceremony and reception, and am a huge advocate of many photos being made pre-ceremony.

We recently attended a large wedding where this was done very well, with the reception several miles from the church, but plenty of drinks and appetizers were ready as the guests arrived, and the wait was minimal before the B&G arrived and dinner was served.

Besides the usual 'reveal' of the bride to the groom, one of my favorite photos is of the reveal of my niece to my brother. It was the sweetest photo and even made one of those national photo spreads of fathers & daughters a few years back. Be sure to get a great photographer.

Never have been a fan of the cake feeding but do understand the traditions some associate with it. Many weddings here have a small wedding cake, but are also serving home-made cakes and pies! Love that, but maybe it's southern thing. I see nothing wrong with serving fruit as an option.

Originally, I had wanted to get married at Christ Church on SSI, but there were too many hoops to jump through. The ceremony was at Lovely Lane and we "imported" an Episcopal priest from Jekyll, but if it's not your DD's cup of tea....

A good friend of mine had a destination wedding on Cumberland. They rented out the Greyfield Inn for the weekend. I bet it would be beautiful at Christmas. Just another idea for a destination wedding (if she's interested in that).

Thank you, outside, I guess I do just miss the more understated weddings. Agree that a good photographer is key!

UPDATE: no to historic home /B and B. Daughter iffy, fiancé no, they are looking at an arts center this afternoon.

Porkandham I love Greyfield but December would not be the month to have a destination wedding there :-). Christ Church is beautiful, did not realize there was that much red tape involved.

I am not sure that DD and fiancé know what they want, at this point. This is all going too fast IMO. The timetable is really a problem!

I didn't save my email to you but here are some of my observations and opinions based on my experiences.

I would never have a reception in a tent no matter the season. DS's wedding was in a tent in early April...DC area. They had heaters but they were pointed at tables, not upwards. The table next to us was dying and fanning themselves the whole time, while our table was wearing winter coats throughout dinner. A friend went to a tent reception in July and all the big fans did was blow the 90 degree heat and humidity around...everyone was miserable.

I wish they would go back to the receiving line after the ceremony. At least you get to have a quick greeting with all the guests. DH and I started to make the rounds at son's wedding but only made it to about half the tables.

I detest the grand entrance and announcing the bridal party, save for the bride and groom. It was so embarrassing marching across the floor...besides everyone knew who we were.

I'm sure no one thought of this beforehand, but the DJ played inappropriate music (rap) during the dinner and it was so loud we were shouting at each other to carry on a conversation. Soft background music during dinner...jazz, standards, even oldies.

The dance music was all the same pounding beat and I only recognized two songs. Even a small sampling of a variety of music from over the decades would have been welcome... and a welcome relief!

A four hour reception did not seem long enough. The dancing lasted only a little over an hour and ended very abruptly. Lights went, party over!

The vote for best "favor" goes to my nieces wedding. A tiny white box tied with a ribbon at each place setting. In it were two chocolate covered mints ordered from a gourmet shop in Chicago. A great refresher and treat after dinner...simple, elegant and way better than a tchotchke that gets thrown in a drawer.

As mentioned before...comfortable chairs!

I'm not sure how I feel about destination weddings in general. In your case a wedding in Switzerland would be ok since the groom is from there. As I write this my son is best man at a wedding in Aruba at an expensive resort. It's costing $4-5 K for him and DIL for Thurs-Mon. That seems to me to be a big financial burden to place on family and friends and if you can't afford it you don't get to see your friend/relative get married.

The weekend was a big whirlwind and blur and I remember not having enough time to visit with old friends and family who'd flown in from all over, even though they were all invited to the rehearsal dinner and brunch.

I do think a brunch, while not necessary, was a lovely way to end the weekend. We did ours at the hotel where everyone was staying so it was very convenient.

I'm all for smaller, simpler weddings......all the $, planning, anguish, usual family tension at some point for one day/weeken.....is it really worth it?

Thank you Joanie, I see you are another kindred spirit in the "is all of this angst worth it for a single day?" camp. However, I realize there are plenty of people who do think all the planning and extravagance is worth it and more, so I don't condemn, I am just not made that way.

I don't care for tents either, there is always that whiff of mustiness ....

Another big believer in receiving lines. They needn't take forever, just a quick hello, introduction to the other parents and off down the line. The problem is that long ago no one was allowed into the exception until the wedding party was in the line ready to receive. Now the guests have already had two or three cocktails and can't be bothered with shaking hands with the people who are hosting. Perhaps a between way to do it would be to do pictures before the wedding, then keep the GUESTS for pictures or short videos of "how I know the bride or groom" while the bridal party gets to the reception and sets up the receiving line. Actually, I really like this idea!

Completely agree about the announcing of the wedding party into the reception. It is usually the DJ who does this....so embarrassing. It's not a court presentation--- and doesn't look or sound it, either!

Not a believer in party favors or swag bags of any kind, but do love the brunch for departing guests the following day---- depending upon logistics.

Oh....and no one will remember the flowers so need to have enormous, over the top arrangements. DIL had a rustic-y theme so popular now and used mason jars for the cenrterpieces so the arrangements weren't large or tall but the flowers used were very pretty and looked very nice on the tables.

For that matter, no one remembers the food either, unless it is just plain awful, so you probably don't need to use the most expensive caterer in town. I can't even remember the menu from DS's wedding not quite two years ago or how the food tasted.

I'm not a fan of "favors"either but I though the mints were a nice touch and covered the "favor" base as well.

I did do "welcome bags" for out of town guests at the hotel. They included bottled water, some munchies, directions to the the venues and our house, as well as a list of nearby restaurants and the stores in the nearest small shopping center in case they needed to pick up drugstore items, wanted to get their nails or hair done, Starbucks, etc.

Good luck with everything and keep us posted!

I wanted to ask this question....my friend once attended a wedding in New Orleans. The reception was all finger foods in a room with no or very few chairs. Basically you had to stand all night. My friend was told that was normal for the area. She was in her 20's but really wanted to be able to sit down.

Is this still true in New Orleans or other places? Standing room only receptions?

kswl, I'm sure whatever your DD decides will be wonderful!

I got "Save the date" card for May 30th. Heard rumors she wants to get married in a barn. Can't wear the same outfit as its the brother of the previous groom. Might be looking for dress help again! LOL

What a day! DD and fiance did not like any of the places they saw today. He ventured that he would like some place like a nature preserve or center. Finally, something to work with! Immediately thought of one option just an hour from us that I thought they would love and initial reaction is positive, so making plans to visit it next weekend! I am getting the feeling that he would like a wedding more than DD. When I sent them pictures of this new idea he said I was going to be the best MIL ever.

My GF of many years ago was as poor as church mouse as both she and her DH were students and her parents were teachers. So she had a lovely church wedding and the reception was in the gardens outside the church. They served champagne, finger foods, soft drinks and cake, coffee and tea. They had a harpist playing music for the reception. It was stand up only, very pleasant, simple and low key. 5 children and many pets later they are still just as married as others with more expensive receptions. My understanding is the low key style reception is more a 'southern' tradition. Works for me.

The one thing you don't want to do is a reception like my friend went to where they ran out of hors d'oeuvres and the whole wedding party disappeared for awhile...turns out they were having a lobster dinner while all the guests were waiting around with no food and their fingers up their navels. That is definitely uncalled for.

I am surprised the two hour lag between ceremony and reception continues. I got married in the late '80's and we were doing pictures before the ceremony to relieve this then. The idea of the groom not seeing the bride when the majority are living together anyway is just silly. Friday weddings are cheaper for the couple --they are a burden for the guests. Is that burden too much? Each couple decides. Bottom line weddings are out of control. They are one INSANELY expensive party. They do not signal much of anything new these days..they are not starting their lives--they are just continuing the life they already live. Couples would be wiser to save their money. I do not understand the "family only" ceremony..but invite the town to the PARTY. What is the priority? If it were one or the other I would much prefer to witness their vows than go to a party.

Sending you an email with some information.

......and just to provide some comic relief into the vicissitudes of wedding planning....

Two weeks before the wedding all 3 of my adult children moved back home, along with DS's fiancee, DD's boyfriend and 3 dogs! They all needed a place to stay since they were in various stages of moving.

My son and future DIL were moving into a new place after the wedding and there were some last minute delays so they put their furnishings into storage and moved in with us.

DD and her boyfriend had a 2 week gap between vacating their old apartment and moving into another one so all their boxes went into the extra garage. And DS # 2 was relocating his office from NYC to Philly and asked to stay with us part time.

It was glorious to have them all under our roof again - it was a hectic and happy interlude.

Maire

Sounds like the B&B might be the thing for your daughter.

We got married out of town up the coast about 3 hours away. The hotel had a beautiful garden, and a nice restaurant plus did catering. Those who wanted and cared to go made a nice weekend out of it. The reception was right after the wedding, also in the garden. Very laid back. We had about 150 people come. My bridesmatrons wore nice dresses they already owned, and we had the flowers, etc. incorporate those colors. The cake was a 3 layer cheesecake decorated with fresh flowers. None was left, and it was too messy to do the feed each other thing. It suited us and years later, I have friends tell me what a good time they had. Anyone who didn't really care to come had a good excuse to not show up. Yes, it was on a Saturday, but that gave people the time to drive up and back home without missing work.

This was my second marriage, the first for DH. We did it fairly painlessly, and not too expensively. It suited us. I think that's what you have to keep in mind, and not go off on weird tangents just to be trendy (rustic/industrial/etc).

The wedding in Switzerland would work for me too :)

Best of luck with your daughter's event, and congratulations to her.

Kswl, I am an ordained minister, Life-Cycle Celebrant, and NJ Certified Civil Celebrant. Non-denominational.

Best of luck with your event!

Thanks, Diane! Its good to hear from a ministerial perspective. I imagine you have seen----and heard-----it ALL over the course of your time performing wedding ceremonies. Please feel free to share any do's and dont's

Ya do what ya gotta do! Oldest DD wanted to rent a yacht out of Newport Beach during the month of July. As you can imagine, in So Ca, every other girl has the same idea! We took what we could get, which was a Friday. We booked the yatch for as late in the day as we could, in hopes most of the guests wouIdn't have to leave work any earlier than necessary, as well as making time for traffic. Thank goodness everyone made boarding time!

Last wedding I went to was in an historic barn. It was a pretty setting except the weather was awful...rainy and cold. Though the barn was heated...or so they said...it wasn't heated enough to keep the guests comfortable. So DH and I did a lot of dancing just to stay warm. They also chartered a bus to bring out of towners from the hotel to the site and back as it was a bit out of the way.

In our area, there are a number of historic homes and gardens which are open to the public but can be reserved for weddings and such including an historic tavern, an old mansion, historic meeting house, etc. I suspect there are a number of those in your area as well.

debrak - we considered a cocktail (evening) wedding post-dinner just to save costs. But ran into the same idea that we wanted our guests to be able to eat their fill, feel comfortable and have a chair for everyone to be able to relax.

I told my husband next time we get married it will be a small destination wedding - he replied if I ever want to go through a wedding again he could guarantee it would be with someone else!

Lisa, I know favors can be a pain, but feel they'really a nice touch and a small 'thanks for coming.' For my youngest DD, we purchased small gold boxes of Godiva chocolates containing two pieces. Even the red ribbon worked since the centerpieces were red roses in 2' silver vases, but changing the ribbon would be a piece of cake. Just a thought........

I am late to the party.

We have been busy with wedding plans. DD2 is getting married in less than 3 mo. The dress just came in after 7 mo and was 9 inches too long. It can't be hemmed, because of the lace. Too late to get another dress in!

So yesterday we spent the whole day shopping for an off the rack dress. We were lucky enough to find a dress that she adored and looks beautiful in.

Her European honeymoon was cancelled (a group tour). There weren't enough people signed up. So she was lucky enough to find a last minute deal to the Caribbean. Not exactly what she wanted but she is trying to be flexible.

She has been engaged since Feb of last year. It takes a while to pull off a wedding. And I admit she wanted the traditional "big" wedding. I also admit I gave her the same amount of money I gave her sister 3 yrs ago. When it's gone it's gone. So budgeting is important. I am happy to pay for their weddings. They are great girls/women.

Older dd spent more money on good food and booze and less guests. Younger dd is spending money on a larger guests list and lower quality food and booze. Lots of beer and country music.

I don't even know where to begin on answering your questions since I'm so late to the post and there are so many responses already.

My best advice is just to offer support and advice if and when they ask for it. Otherwise just keep quiet and nod your head with a smile.

Oh and don't get too stressed. Most of all remind her that the wedding is about the marriage and not the day...when she gets stressed.

Good luck!

"The dress just came in after 7 mo and was 9 inches too long. It can't be hemmed, because of the lace. Too late to get another dress in!"

That is inexcusable....what did the store manager say? I have heard this more than once and do not understand it. You can order a car, for heavens sake, that has many more options than a dress and arrives sooner than seven months. What makes a bridal gown so difficult?

DD and DF are still deciding whether or not they even want a wedding. Next,weekend we are looking at a resort in our state that DD likes but where DF has never been. We have many ties there....we have video of DD there over Easter as a two year old and she has been back many times since....I got my Girl Scout camping badge there (we "camped" in furnished cottages, which my mother the troop leader felt were more than rustic enough to qualify )....DH trained with a tennis pro there through high school....we have gathered there for many Thanksgivings and birthdays with extended family. It is also one of the few places MIL with Alzheimer's recognizes and if there is even the ghost of a chance she can attend such an event this would be the only place possible, as it is just 45 min and her nurse could easily take her for an appearance. One downside, it is more expensive than many city venues. Bar service, for example, is comparable to places like the Ritz Carlton and St. Regis hotels. I guess because it is somewhat isolated they can charge what they want? But, since it is farther away (about 2.5 hours from the city) fewer people would likely attend.

There is a beautiful stone chapel in the woods with a very fine pipe organ for the ceremony that seats 75-----90 with some chairs and people standing in the rear. Guests with difficulty walking would have to get there by golf cart with the wedding party. If it rains it would be awful.

So, lots of pros and cons. We shall see next week what DF thinks of it. If he doesn't like it I think they may just elope, as after extensive Internet searches and visits to several venues they are already burned out on the whole thing. I can only imagine what DD would do in full scale battle with the military industrial bridal complex (thank you again, mtn, for that!). Otoh, I can imagine a beautiful December wedding there with groomsmen in tweed or glen plaid blazers, matching wool scarves and a sprig of holly as boutonnières....no rented tuxedos....bridesmaids in pretty green velvet dresses and the bride wearing her grandmother's mink cape.

Lastly, there is said to be an excellent wedding planner for hire there who by all accounts is a miracle worker, who coordinates every detail because no one who marries there is local. That may figure into their decision as well.

Thanks for the update, I have been curious! I like the two choices that are now on the table; sounds like you do, too. What an exciting time. I can "hear" how happy you are in your post, KSWL.

The weather issue is the one that gets to me more than any other. When I talk to couples, and they tell me that the wedding will be outdoors, I always ask if they have an alternate location in case of bad weather. Only once did the couple not have an alternate location. Thunderstorms. They had a kind of tent set up for guests and something to cover the cake (beautiful fondant with peacock feather decorations). The DJ had to shut down. The caterer got into an accident and the food was ruined. The bride refused to get out of the car for over 30 minutes (while the rest of us were getting drenched). We finally got through the ceremony, but I use it as an example for every couple that I meet.

The other is more humorous. The couple wanted to be married under a gazebo on a local boardwalk. They had the correct permits. On the day of the ceremony, some folks who usually sit on the boardwalk (in their own chairs) decided to set up right behind us just before we started. I politely asked them to move for ~20 minutes. They sulked, and gave me a dirty look, but they moved.

Just a few things to consider! :-)

From the pictures you have shared, you have a beautiful home. If they are at the point of eloping, an intimate wedding at your house might solve their problems.

P.S Mtn is doing it!!!

I am very happy, you are right mtn, with her choice of groom, so we are sort of at that point at which anything they want to do is all right...we will work it out. Last night they met my mother downtown to see a play and there were ticket mix ups and delays and my (increasingly deaf) mother did not hear her cell phone, etc., frantic texts from DD.....her fiancé handled it all with aplomb...he is a wonder of familial diplomacy.

If we can hire a wedding planner who will take most of the work off the rest of us, I see the light at the end of this tunnel. Fiancé has already suggested a Trello project board if they have a wedding; he is organized and will do whatever he is asked in a timely manner with a good attitude.

Diane, I know about weather related wedding changes! My late brother's garden wedding was hastily moved to the nearest Episcopal church not already booked, people standing at the garden with signs directing guests to new site, drenched, unhappy. Most people actually said things like, "Well, wthis was just God, wanting them to be married in a church," and whenever my mother heard anyone say it she pronounced it ridiculous nonsense in no uncertain terms. . Our DD will not get married outdoors in December. The chapel is in the woods, accessible only by foot, bicycle, or golf cart. Worst case scenario is that we will have to rent about 20 additional golf carts if it is raining too much to expect people to walk to the chapel.

Ellendi, we have discussed that also, a nuclear family wedding only at our house, which would be about 20 people. That is still a possibility.

One of the things my mother (who was 83 when I got married) and siblings politely requested was that we do not have everything exclusively outdoors. I had looked at some locations where this could have been a possibility including a fabulous farmhouse of a friend. We were able to have our ceremony outdoors (it was 88 degrees mid-July) but we had an indoor location at the venue if weather was inclement.

I wound up doing my bridal portraits at the fabulous farmhouse, so at least I was able to do that.

Kswl...we ordered this dress at a reputable shop in St. Louis. We dealt exclusively with the owner. She did the measurements, etc. She was mortified when the dress came in wrong. Nine inches too long would be right for a bride that is 6'2" without shoes. She said this has only happened one other time in 25 years. It's a sheath and lace dress. They wanted to cut off the bottom of the "slip" and hem it and let her use the lace overlay of the "Sample". It was pretty beat up. So I declined. She called the manufacturer and couldn't get a solid shipping date for a new dress, so I told her to just cancel the order. Honestly, she felt awful. We are in business too and I actually felt bad for her because I know she was helpless.

All of these dresses are made in China and she said they don't make the dresses until they are ordered..then there is the shipping issue. She said sometimes the lead time is just ridiculous.

Anyway, that is the saga of the dress. The new dress we found is actually prettier on her and was 200. dollars cheaper :-) And she said she would never wear a ball gown.

I hope you find a good venue. I will tell you this. Three years ago when my older daughter got married we didn't have a wedding planner and we had a tent at a wonderful restaraunt with gourmet food. I rented the tent, tables, chairs, linens, decorated, etc. I was majorly stressed although I don't think my dd knew it (she didn't live here).

This dd is having her wedding at a full service place that has a wedding planner that does almost everything. And it has been much easier. Plus dd lives here which has made it easier as well.

The wedding planner has been wonderful.

Just to put you in the mood..this is DDS new dress :-)

Lovely dress, Red Lover! And now you have me feeling sorry for that bridal shop owner too :-) That is very bad for her business. We lived in Ladue in the early 90s and one of the many things I loved about St. Louis were the many small, wonderful shops everywhere. And Ted Drewes, of course!

I spoke to DD tonight and she and her fiancé are considering a weekend elopement in New York in lieu of a wedding. She is in a new job and is in grad school as well and I'm not sure she has any reserves of focus left over for a wedding. She said that while her career is not more important than her fiancé or marriage, it is absolutely more important than a wedding, so I am thinking they're now leaning towards not having a wedding. Their (self-imposed) deadline for making the decision is February 1st, so it will be decided soon one way or another.

Smart girl. I think she will have plenty of fairy tale moments ahead of her whatever she decides.

That was my reaction as well, Mtn. They are both in the early years of careers in which long hours are the norm for juniors. DD won't take a few hours off to tour some venues because they're only shown during weekday business hours--- which says a lot about her lack of interest in the wedding itself. She says she envies women who already have an ideal of what they want their wedding to look like because they have a template for decisions, whereas she has too many possibilities. Her reaction to the unknown is to do exhaustive research, and for this she has neither the time nor the interest. Her three closest friends, two of whom had beautiful weddings fairly recently, are supportive of an elopement; they are college sorority sisters who know DD pretty well.

We still have an appointment to see the resort on Saturday, which she wants to keep, and it will have to be booked that day if they want it. I couldn't begin to call the odds!

red-lover, that is one gorgeous gown! You reminded me of my mother's wedding gown...all velvet with an enormous train. Wouldn't you know they somehow screwed up the measurement for arm length with the measurement from waist to floor. The thing came in with sleeves that were like for an ape man...and they were fitted with the little velvet covered buttons and loops from elbow to wrist. That was one heck of an alteration!

My brother's wedding was at home. We had cleaned the barn in case of rain, but no one was really sure how that was going to work! Fortunately it was in September and the weather was absolutely ideal. Unfortunately the marriage was less so.
{{gwi:2134333}}

Dad planted all the asters just for the wedding and built the lectern. In addition to her own dress, Mom made the wedding gown (SIL found one in the store she loved and Mom copied it) and the dresses for us girls, and she did the flower arrangements as well. I'm the gal on the far right, DH was best man. Can you tell by the colors this was the 70s!

My apologies for going overboard on this trip down memory lane...feeling nostalgic, I guess...but if the weather is with you, an at home wedding can be wonderful.

Red-Lover, that is a beautiful gown, so I'm glad your DD is happy with her chosen gown. I'm glad you explained the situation, but it does seem excessive how long it takes! When my DD got married, I don't recall it taking that long, but her dress probably wasn't made in China then like almost all are now.

I read a lovely story in our local paper yesterday about a bride who had her mother's dress re-made into her own. Photos showed both, and it was almost totally unrecognizable. A local bridal shop did the work, and it was gorgeous.

Kswl, I know you are anxiously awaiting the news and what they decide. And yes, Annie, I kwym about feeling nostalgic and the walk down memory lane. All these posts really bring back the memories of our kids' weddings.

Love that picture, Annie, I love the time warp look of old wedding photos!

Annie, Those asters are fabulous!

Redlover, It's a ballgown, but so sleek and simple. Very lovely.

Kswl...that's how my older dd was. If her father and grandma didn't expect a Catholic wedding, she might have eloped as well :-) . She was in Chicago working and in some kind of Masters program at Columbia with lots of commuting. That's why I did most of the planning, but tried to keep it simple. Her only desires were a tent, good food, good booze and a smallish guest list. That dd was over 30..maybe with age comes wisdom???

Not that this dd is a bridezilla...she is not. She is easy to please.

Thank you girls for the compliments on her dress. I really love the simplicity as well.

Annie..that dress looks like my wedding dress. We actually took mine out of 35 yr storage and dd tried it on (after we found out she was dressless). She was willing to try for a remodel and I just said NO.

She also tried on her sisters gown that night, which was stored at my house. It was so tiny the zipper was 4" from closing in the back.

The best wedding I ever attended was my dd's not long ago; in many ways it was a non-wedding. 1. Held on a Monday. 2. Fewer than 10 people invited/attended, including bride & groom, all family. 3. Held out of state at a favorite location of dd's. 3. The bouquet of flowers for the table, and for her hair and to use in her wedding bouquet were purchased the day before at a supermarket in the area. The ceremony was performed on the top of a tower on top of a mountain; accessed via horse-driven open carriages 5. Dinner in an alcove of the main dining room followed; choices were unknown in advance and were selected from the dinner menu for that night. It was awesome!

This post was edited by peegee on Thu, Jan 29, 15 at 21:07

Peegee, you reminded me of when Mom was doing flowers for another wedding, and she had to make flowers for the horse who was pulling the carriage....

Annie! Is that the famous outhouse in the wedding picture background??? Covered in white with a cross on it?? I just saw that when I looked more closely at the photo and thought I would have a fit!

No, kswl, that's the lectern my Dad built for the wedding. Though this is next door to our house...we did point the guests to the outhouse to use just to spare the septic system...some folks actually took the walk and used it! I was talking to my GF last night about the wedding and neither of us can remember what we did for food....isn't that funny? I can remember getting cases of wine and soaking all the labels off and putting on the custom labels my artistic cousin made for the happy couple...but neither of us can remember the food...

Sorry, annie, I saw the sloped top and couldn't tell how far away it was from the figures in the foreground. That would have been a great disguise for it, though!

About the food---forgetting it wouldn't be possible nowadays, when people obsessively chronicle their dinners out with pictures on facebook.

Yep...and I am dieting (as much as I hate that word). Wish I could eliminate each and every pic of food that comes across my page.

Update: they've decided against the resort for lots of reasons, some logistic, some esthetic, mostly they just couldn't "see" a wedding there in their respective mind's eyes. That last is probably the most important qualification or lack thereof.....I think DD was looking for a place that would make her say yes, this is a place I would really like to have a wedding, and that would make her want to have one

We have backed out of the planning/ viewing / discussion process. We told the couple we would give them X amount of money to do with as they wish and have offered an engagement party here at home in the spring, probably May. I think they will likely just elope in early December.

Last night some of our city friends hosted a dinner party in honor of their engagement. It was lovely amd DD and DF enjoyed themselves very much but have strongly discouraged or simply refused all other offers of parties, luncheons or showers. Much to my mother's disappointment!

Thanks for the update...I was wondering how plans were progressing.

No offense to those who choose otherwise, but I think a romantic elopement is far more romantic ... and yet also more practical .... Than entering the Byzantine world of wedding planning. Plus, iirc, it worked for Mom and Dad, yes?

And ohhhhh the party you will have come May. And all they will have to do is show up, and you, KSWL, will have a wonderful time doing it for them. I can just see the vases of forced quince blossoms and French tulips now.

Brava!

Forsythia!