U did the right thing. Your two kids could start their own family plan and wrestle w/ splitting charges.

I do get the need for kids to become responsible for paying their own bills. Our kids are just at the graduating from college phase and not in relationships (that they could combine plans with). If they got their own cell accounts, I feel the only one that benefits is the cell provider! Our account won't go down in cost that much and the girls would each pay much more than their portion of our bill.

I feel sorry for people just starting out on their own or living singly because the fixed expenses (phone, cable, utilities) are such a higher % of pay than when I started out.

If they were okay with it, then I wouldn't worry. I assume they know whether or not they can handle the extra expense and would have told you if not.

My son is almost 28 and I have gradually removed my support. I laid out a basic plan for him when he moved out: This is how much I will supplement your income for the first year and this is how much for subsequent years.

I always had a little pang of guilt when it was time to reduce his subsidy. If he had had any financial setbacks, we probably would have reevaluated.

My parents never taught me anything about money management so it was very important for me to do that for my son. He recently purchased his first car, so we checked his credit report beforehand. I was astonished that his credit score was 800. I swear, I think I was prouder in that moment than when he graduated college!

Look into your Family Plan.
Sprint has a Family and Friends contract that allows separate billing.
Thus establishing credit for the individual account holders while maintaining the "group discounts".
I don't know if your plan allows that ...just a mention :)

If they're both independent and have full-time jobs, and since they seem to be okay with it, I don't think you should feel guilty.

We have a very different situation with our "adult" son, who is 22 (going on 12). He has a lot of issues, is unemployed and living at home, and we pay for his phone and his subway/bus pass. And of course free room and board. And therapy. And medication. In return for...nothing. Wait. Where was I? We feel that providing phone and transportation (no car) is essential because if he didn't have those two things, he would have an even harder time finding a job. When he has been employed, he has paid for his own transportation but we haven't ever gotten to the point where he could pick up his cell phone payment.

A week ago, we caught him in a lie about breaking a serious rule in our house. We had evidence and an eye witness, yet he refused to admit what happened. We told him we were turning off the phone until he told the truth. Amazingly, he is holding on to his story and the phone has been turned off for over a week, and he is actually (at least pretending to be) okay with it. Of course we also punished ourselves in a way because now we can't reach him when he's not home, but that's a minor issue.

Sorry, totally off the rails with my story but the cell phone issue is big at our house right now!

Even if they were OK with it, I would feel guilty about my children paying more so that XYZ carrier could make more. I would have no problems with my kids paying me their share if they failed to do so then they would get the boot.

"They both were ok with me telling them it was time to take care of their own phone expenses"
I think it's great that you're children are willing to do this on their own. I think that says something good about your parenting. I think you should let them since they're adults now.

I'm sorry I read part of what you wrote wrong, so I'm editing my response.

" Wondering if I should have asked them to just pay me for their shares, although that would have been problematic in terms of logistics (ie I don't particularly want to become a go between cell provider :) OTOH managing one's financial life is certainly a life skill everybody should learn and cell phones are now one of those necessities of life for a twentysomething, right?"

I think either is fine. At some point they really should take it over themselves so now might not be a bad time.

I think in theory your plan is great. Your 'children' are at an age where they should be financially independent, or close to it.

But I have a particular issue with cell phone costs (along with cable TV but that another story). DH and I are a household of two, and we don't qualify for a family plan reduced rate until we would add a third phone, meaning right now we pay double what one phone would cost per month. If taking a 3rd and 4th phone off your plan is not a significant savings for you, I might want to make a 'financially independent plan' adjustment in the phone decision and let the kids begin to pay me. As mentioned above, the phone company benefits - not so sure anyone else does if they are otherwise responsible kids with no harsh lessons to be learned. Have you looked into the rates to see what the difference in annual cost would be compared to the expanded household plan you have? You might be surprised, it could be a few hundred a year that could be going into their savings for car repairs etc.

My adult son, his wife, his wife's parents, her brother, her brother's wife, and DH and I are all on a family plan, and we are geographically dispersed. We each pay for our usage and are billed separately by the cell phone company. No complicated billing logistics.

My boys are both in college and totally on our budget, but cell phones may be one thing I would be willing to continue for some time. We have a family plan and it's much cheaper for us to share that plan, data and all. It is really the least of their expenses, so they will have plenty to be responsible with and I also don't see any reason to collectively pay nearly three times as much. If our carrier goes to the individual billing option, there would be even less reason to change it.

I was in favor, but as I read the other answers, it occurs to me I don't know what I am talking about, which doesn't always stop me, but ...

I think it is germane to know how much extra per year they have to pay? If it's significant, I might consider keeping the plan (and definitely would if bills can be individual).

Sometimes I think younger people don't actually realize how much cell phone service costs. Most are on their parents plans.

At sometime I will have to deal with this but right now we get a discount because my son is a college student. He graduates soon and I hope I can still get the discount based on my daughters college. I would feel bad about kicking him off as he is so responsible with money and works so hard and goes to school full time. He might not find a solid full time job right away after graduating.

With car insurance my DH can't wait to get both kids off of our insurance. We plan to take my son off next fall but my daughter will be on for several years to come. My son actually wants to be independent so hopefully he will be able to afford car insurance when he has to find it on his own.

runninginplace-
You did the right thing. Perhaps a couple of years late, but the right thing :-). I love my three daughters, but the day each turned 21 they were on their own and responsible for their financial choices. They always knew that's the way it would be and they were just fine. It helped make them successful adults.

As far as people being concerned that cell phone service may cost more if a young adult has to get his/her own cell phone plan, let them stay on your plan and pay you what it costs to do so; but don't let them have a free ride and postpone adulthood.

I know some kids have great difficulty being cut loose, but, except for special circumstances, what I have witnessed with all my friends who help their young adult children with cell plans, car insurance, cars, rent, etc., is that they are enabling dependency. I know a lot of young adults who are fully capable and doing quite well financially, but are still happy to accept whatever their parents can't bring themselves to withhold. Sometimes when you want your child to grow up they need tough love.

I guess there are two ways of looking at it...one would be that it's time for them to establish financial independence so have them get their own plan or two, keep,them on the plan but have them pay you their share. That way, they are still having to budget for it, but getting a discount. Isn't that sort of the purpose of the plan? Phone companies want as much business as possible so they purposely designed these family plans as a way to attract customers and keep them from changing providers.

Only two of my kids have phones and I only started getting a discount with the 2nd kid b/c dh is not on our plan b/c his company pays for his phone. I won't need to cross this bridge until I come to it which won't be for at least six years but I assume I'll keep them on my plan as long as they want, but they'll have to pay me for it at some point.

On a related note, I have Amazon Prime and offer the benefits to my parents. They can well afford to have their own account but it's not really worth it to them in terms of free shipping but I knew they would love it for streaming. I realized I could give them access to my account for watching movies on their iPads, so I set them up using my password. Obviously, they don't pay me anything for it, but why not offer it to them? I don't stream that often so we all use the same movie queue without any issues. my mom has added some movies/series I probably would never have heard of but turned out to be really good so it has turned out to be a win/win!

2 of our 3 kids were on our Family Plan until they were in their 30's. We did it for the lower cost which saved them them a lot of money. Plus DH received a 15% discount on our total monthly cell phone bill from work. We paid until they finished college - then they paid us back monthly.

Now - our entire family is on my son's family plan because he's getting a 20% discount on the bill from his employer.

Well.....so much for spousal communication! I just found out recently that 29 year old DD, who lives 400 miles away, is still on our plan. I take care of all the bills but DH takes care of the cell phone bill because it's through his work. I thought he had taken her off years ago!

The two boys both got off our plan when they got phones through their jobs, so they've been off our plan for a number of years.

Here's the kicker....DH has not asked DD to pay her share. He felt it was kind of a wash since the boys live nearby and get "perks" she doesn't, like when we take them out to eat, etc. Fair enough....but HE was not aware that I felt bad she wasn't getting "perks" like the boys so I was slipping her $ to help pay her airfare and airport parking when she would fly home several times a year. Last year she flew home way more than normal for some special occasions as well as the usual holidays.

And another kicker....I'm thinking DD must get at least some $ for a cell phone through her job since she is a consultant and travels. If true, she has been scoring a trifecta---dad paying her cell phone, mom slipping her extra $ to fly home, plus funds from her company. The little stinker!

Looks like DH and I are in for a little chat! And then a little chat with DD!
Lol.....

There must be something about Dads letting daughters slide when it comes to money but holding sons more accountable. : )

I think it was about 10 years ago we had a family plan with 2 of our kids. The other two had prepaid cell phones. When the kids moved out they started to realize they needed to establish credit in their own names, so they got their own plans whrn we found a better rate than our original plan.

Same with car insurance, once they no longer lived at home they had to get their own. Yes, it did cost them more initially, but they then learned about responsible budgeting. Chose between paying their cell phone bill or going to the movies every weekend?

Today its very easy to get better deals on anything by shopping around. Collectively we alI actually pay LESS now for more features with our phones than we did under our old family plan.

By the age of 23 all our kids were financially responsible for themselves. Only exception was that DS was able to stay on our medical insurance plan till last week when he turned 27. Even then he paid his own deductible.

I had some guilt at the time, but when I was 18 I was living on my own, paying my own way. I ate a lot of macaroni & cheese, but I managed.

I haven't read all the responses but I am on my DD's boyfriends plan (7 yrs. together) and I repay it by paying her HOA every month. So, whatever works out fairly is ok in my opinion but don't let them take advantage.

I have my daughters on my plan. The elder daughter pays her share each month. When the younger one turns 25 this year, she will start paying her share.

Starting a new thread on the costs of cell phone. I would like to comparison shop here instead of getting the UPSELL for the providers.

joaniepoanie - LOL. I love the trifecta comment.

We paid our sons' cellphone bills until they graduated from university. Once they had full time jobs we started weaning away their financial support and no longer paid for cell phones, car maintenance and insurance, contacts, dental bills etc. We did the whole thing over about 18 months.

I would be fine forever with my three adult children and DH and I sharing a "plan". Why not if the phone company allows it--why would I want the phone company to make more?? I would for sure be splitting everything up so they are paying for their usage completely. My son has been on plans with girl friends/ girl friends family/ us/ now room mates family. Heck I would let the neighbors dog be on our plan if the bill was always paid and it saved anyone a buck!! It is so maddening that we cannot get our slider's updated, they are trying to force the smart phone $$$$ GRRR I am all for any arrangement that keeps money in the user's pocket!!

As always the responses have been enlightening! I suppose that if it had been possible to set up a multi-payer system on the family plan that might have been a good compromise but that isn't an option evidently. I too resent the cellular companies' sneaky way of pushing up the cost of phones. Now that the saturation rate for cell phone usage is pushing 90%, the subsidies for phone sets are being discontinued (ie no more $650 iPhones for $200 and a 2-year contract). And, the data usage component is now being billed separately and billed hard, which for many people including young folks is a huge portion of what they use on a phone. It's interesting that unlimited talk/text is common but the data levels are exorbitantly pricey.

In today's world a cell phone really is a mobile individual computer server that handles voice traffic but also internet searches, shopping apps, texting, social media, mapping directions and GPS searches etc. To quote my daughter 'I hate that they've got me because I won't give up my smart phone even if it is a rip off!'

Anyway, in my son's case as noted he is 26 years old so the mom subsidy was a nice long ride while it lasted. And my daughter will soon be moving into a rental property we inherited that has been fully remodeled, with a significant break on the monthly rent she is paying and I'm even covering the utilities. So neither is terribly deprived in the overall scheme of things:). And of course the meta issue is independence, expectations and entitlement. I feel very blessed that neither of them expect or demand that mom and dad continue to be financial spigots endlessly flowing.

Ann

runninginplace-
In your first post you said: "other than the cell phones we don't provide ongoing support for any of their expenses with the exception that my daughter pays me for her car insurance, which is still under our account." Then you said: "And my daughter will soon be moving into a rental property we inherited that has been fully remodeled, with a significant break on the monthly rent she is paying and I'm even covering the utilities." Doesn't that latter statement constitute ongoing support? I'm not trying to play gotcha, and what you do is your business, but I am interested in the general issue of why parents choose to continue to subsidize gainfully employed young adults.

"Doesn't that latter statement constitute ongoing support? I'm not trying to play gotcha, and what you do is your business, but I am interested in the general issue of why parents choose to continue to subsidize gainfully employed young adults."

It's certainly a fair question, so at the risk of boring all...we inherited a house from a close friend who died. The place was a WRECK and I've spent the past 6+ months doing a full house repair/remodel project. We could sell it or it is a great rental property. Since we don't need the money immediately, I was planning to rent it out, and then in conversation my daughter indicated she would be interested in living there along with several roommates. She hasn't moved in yet but I'm charging market rent for the house, and giving her a $100/month discount off her share of the cost. In exchange she will manage the house for me and be a good set of eyes and ears. I am including utilities as part of the rent but I have set the rent at a rate that is comparable for other properties in the area that do the same (we are located close to a university campus so lots of student renters). She has been responsible for finding several individuals she knows who are all responsible and reliable young women as well.

At this time our priority is to hold on to the house for a few years while getting enough income to cover costs and yield a small profit, so this plan allows us to do that without turning the house over to random renters and for my daughter to move out and live independently . I trust her to be responsible and not allow destruction or hard wear/tear. So this plan helps ME as much as it helps her.

And philosophically while both my kids have found jobs and are employed, with no student loan or other debt...it can be a very tough road for young people trying to survive financially today. I certainly have my share of tsk tsk moments about some of the families I know but I try to keep in mind that every family's situation is different. Maybe I'm overboard on my support too but it's such a personal decision and my guiding principle is to try to stay on the right side of the helping-but-not-propping-up parental line.

See, told you it would be a long and boring response :).

Ann

Ann- that wasn't boring. It sounds like an arrangement that benefits everyone.

We're currently looking for one (maybe two) properties to purchase in Philly that we can rent to our adult children. All 3 live in the city and the rent they're paying is obscene, yet for various reasons none of them are ready to buy a place of their own. If we can do this it will be financially advantageous to all of us.

Joanie, your response cracked me up. I have one of those daughters... :)

We pay DD's cell phone bill and car insurance. DS is18 and we pay his bill. Lots of his friends pay their own bills. Actually, our cell phone bill is paid by one of our companies, so we don't really pay out of pocket. I had thought once DD needed a new phone she could get her own account, but times are tough in the post-grad world! She's living on her own in an apartment and working as a domestic violence advocate. She is trying SO hard to manage financially, eat well and not freeze to death in her 100 year old apartment. This week I think it's gotten to her a little and she's applied both for a nighttime waitress job and a court officer position. She'll be in NH with us for the weekend and I'll load up some groceries for her to take home.

Running..great plan. The worst part of being a landlord is worry over what is going on at the property. Even if having your daughter there takes 20% of the stress off of you, it is worth it.

Many have been led to believe family plans are to their advantage. Companies, especially phone companies, never act altruisticly. The family plans were to get you and your young kids hooked on usage at a young age and forever dependant on unlimited data" needs" that young adults with out parental support can not continue to maintain. As parents you should not continue to perpetuate the society hurting myth. At this rate, we will not see financially independent adults till senior citizenship, oh wait since no one saves, we will never see it.

If your 21, or older, spawn (i use that word for they are no longer children and it is time we all accept that fact) can not afford more than a basic plan and phone which you can get on welfare if need be, then they should not have more!Ann and Pesky kudos for not falling for the phone plan myth!

Believe me, most WILL ALWAYS find the money-even if they have to get an extra job for the cell phone! LOL!

I was a somewhat irresponsible young adult. Never drugs, but I had a good time partying during and after college.

My dad built me a house after I graduated from college and I had two girlfriends move in the other two bedrooms. Needless to say, after a night of a"trashcan punch" party, my dad had to replace the punch-stained carpet in a house that was about 6 months old! (This was back 30 years ago and when houses were carpeted more). Yeah, he kicked us out and I had to move on to reality!

I actually did grow up after awhile-HA!

This post was edited by olliesmom on Thu, Jan 15, 15 at 10:50

"The family plans were to get you and your young kids hooked on usage at a young age and forever dependant on unlimited data" needs" that young adults with out parental support can not continue to maintain."

Can you explain what you mean here by unlimited data needs (actually, I assume you really mean "wants")? I've never had unlimited data. My 15 y/o is the only one in my house who currently has an iPhone besides me and dh, who is on his company plan. My dd and I share 2gb of data and we've never gone over. I thought most companies have done away with unlimited data? Verizon has to my knowledge.

I think that the key is to have kids contribute to their phone plans while they are still in high school (or whenever). There is no "need" to have a data plan so if they really want one, then they can pay for it. I'm ok paying for phone service in general b/c it allows me to get in touch with my kids, but they also understand that my paying for that means they have a responsibility to answer the phone/text when I'm contacting them or the phone goes "bye bye." The data plan...that is a "nice to have" so if they want that, then they can contribute to it.

Yes, fourkidsforus, I wrote"needs" in quotes because there is no such thing when it comes to phones in my opinion. I do not have a child old enough for a phone yet, my peers seem to disagree though, because my oldest can not yet pay, not towards but, for a plan when they can pay for all of the plan they use then they can have one. Till then we'll take our chances and live like families did in the last century, and guess what I bet we will not only survive but our lives will be enriched, not only fiscally but emotionally and socially as well.

I'm the opposite of all this. I'm 25 and I have always carried my mom on our cell plan. I have paid for both of our phones for a long time. When I was in college, I was given money for rent (bit over that amount) but I was in charge of the bill. Its still the two of us.

On the other hand, my husband (26 with a fantastic pharmacy job) is on a family plan with his mom, dad and brother. I don't know where brother's wife is in terms of a plan. ???

Cell phones are weird. Its difficult to switch providers and even more difficult for you to break off from a family plan and join a small plan/be on your own. For a while, my cell bill was 130 a month and I was the only one that had a smart phone that required data. Thankfully now, I've gotten the bill down to 77 because I will have to outright pay for a new phone. That is soooo much better!!

I guess if cheaper to go family plan AND phone co. offers individualized billing, then fine. BTW, what company offers that?

but my question is: When my mother cut the "amenities" string at 19, did I have rough patches? yes. Did I fall apart and was unable to live? Absolutely not. I think that was crucial training in making me a responsible adult. Don't young people today deserve the same faith in their ability to cope?

Im sorry but it does turn my stomach when I hear parents feel bad b/c grown kids have to pay their way. On the rare occasions my mom or in-laws paid our way, I was completely aware of the gravy train and said nothing. Shame on me! So don't fool yourselves into thinking they are suffering in silence. Besides, young adults have more resources today. When I think about some of the options available today vs. what was available to me (in all aspects of adult living) I think a feel a tad jealous, lol.

OK, now back to my Chai Latte.

Roarah, I'm curious how old your kids are? Do you have any in h.s. yet? While I'm not advocating cell phones for kids at all, in fact, my daughter was the next to last kid in her class to get one and I only begrudgingly did so. She was going through a very difficult time socially, and part of it was b/c she did not have an iPhone. Her friends were having group chats that she was unable to participate in so she was being left out of a lot of social things that were happening in her peer group. One time, another mother and I were taking the girls somewhere - there were four in the car with us. I was sitting in the middle row of the minivan. The three girls with iPhones were having a "conversation" on their phones, completely leaving my dd out. They were laughing and giggling and the one sitting next to her would occasionally show whatever it was on her phone to my dd, but for the most part, I witnessed the whole thing, something my dd had been complaining about for a long time.

Like it or not, this is the world our kids are growing up in. This is the way they communicate in our day. Do I long for the days we had when I was growing up - when talking outside of school with a friend meant sitting on the dining room floor with the phone cord stretched as far away from the kitchen as possible so that I could have some semblance of privacy? Yes, things were so much different then.

While I'm sure not everyone experiences the social isolation that my dd was experiencing and I HATED being put in that predicament simply b/c all of her friends' parents decided their kids were old enough for iphones in 6th and 7th grade. But in the end, we caved and got her the iPhone for her 14th birthday that year. She is a happy, well-adjusted, straight A high schooler who is mature and a great conversationalist among not only her peers but also with adults (adults tell me this all the time).

Now I'm facing the pressure from my son. He just turned 14 and wants an iPhone. Again, ALL of his friends have iPhones (ugh) and have for some time. However, he doesn't have the same social pressures that my dd was facing. Additionally, this year, his school required all middle-schoolers to have iPads for school so he is able to engage in iMessaging with his friends at home when he has wifi, so while he doesn't have connection when he's driving in cars, or out somewhere w/friends, it's not as socially important in his peer group. At this point, he's not getting one. We have an old regular cell phone for his use but he almost never had it with him and when he does, it's either never charged or turned on. Since he seems to have managed w/o it, I'm in no hurry to get him that iPhone he wants so badly.

But back to the point of parents enabling financial dependence, or should I say, not forcing financial independence, I do agree that I won't be paying for my kids' iPhones when they are adults (I don't mind keeping them on my plan, but I won't be paying for them...as it is now, dd contributes to her data package).

I still have two younger ones as well. Amazes me how many of their friends have iPhones and regular phones - in 4th and 6th grade.

On the issue of supporting your adult children..well as long as they are in school they are allowed to be on our health ins..so that continues until they get their first "real" job. We own all cars, they each have the use of one, we pay for the insurance and up keep of, all through college, DH decided half of college expenses for three years was his contribution to their education, and they are paying for their unlimited texting--which in our plan costs extra...upon securing that first job after college they are TOTALLY on their own--but will be officially GIVEN their cars, at which point we will pay for NOTHING. We do fill their gas tanks when they come home to visit us...We haven't yet faced the world of "college grad..can't find a job" so I can't say what that will mean. Mine deal with all their expenses--other than what is listed. DS is now on his own, one year. He has been paying his way w/o incident. He even goes to see his sister (GF lives there) in college and takes her to lunch like an employed brother should...Oh and he is totally debt free. His college loans were paid in full with in 6 mos of being employed.

I have no kids, but I have my sister and a friend on my plan. We have unlimited calls and texts, and 3 GB of data to share among us. We divide the bill equally, and by doing so, each of us pay less than if we were on individual plans. Both of them work, so there is never a problem with getting the payment from them.

My eldest is still young, 2nd grade so yes, peer pressure is not an issue but when it is she can clean the house, mow the lawn,etc things outside of her everyday responsibilities to pay for a plan if she feels she "must" have one. As far as texting when in a room or car with other people this is forbidden in my home or my car. I do not allow whispering so why would I tolerate such rudeness, I have asked adults to stop incessant texting in my company. Maybe if more people stopped feeding the monster it would die.

This post was edited by roarah on Sun, Jan 18, 15 at 0:06

fourkids - I totally agree with every word you wrote. While personally I think it is CRAZY how everyone gives their children phones earlier and earlier, it is absolutely cruel to not provide one for your middle schooler. It is now not only the way peers communicate, but coaches send out messages and things are cancelled at the last second, etc. It has become a necessity.

"Cruel" to with hold the "necessity" of a cell phone from a middle schooler! Really? Do you even realize how awful those words sound. It is necessary to teach your child respect, autonmy and manners. It is cruel to with hold food, love and education not a cell phone! It is parents who are messed up today not kids!

This post was edited by roarah on Sun, Jan 18, 15 at 0:17

An enlightened approach from the people who created the monster...

Here is a link that might be useful: low tech parents the steve jobs approach

I wouldn't call it cruel, Roarah, either. My 14 y/o ds manages just fine without a cell phone. He actually has one, just a regular phone for calls/texting, but he never uses it. It is always either uncharged, turned off, or forgotten when he leaves the house. He wants an iPhone, but at this point, he's not getting one for a variety of reasons.

I have to say that when my kids were younger, I felt the same way as you. I was totally annoyed that the parents of my dd's friends were all giving them iPhones. I didn't necessarily have a beef with a regular phone b/c I could understand for logistical reasons why they might want to even if I didn't necessarily agree. I didn't give the full story here as to what ultimately led to our decision to give dd the iPhone, but the short story was that she was really struggling socially. You can do what you want obviously but I've had to eat crow several times with opinions I had when my kids were younger but have evolved as my kids have gotten older. As I said before, My dd is now a happy, well-adjusted, straight-A student, who is respectful, mature, well-mannered and basically I couldn't ask for a nicer kid. And knowing what I was like at her age and the relationship I had with my mom as a teen, I feel truly blessed. She contributes to her phone and seriously has no sense of entitlement. I can't say the same for several of my friends' kids the same age (this is part observation but mostly opinions my friends share with me).

FWIW, the texting in the car that was going on back when dd was suffering? Not a common occurrence now, two years later. She and her friends have great conversations in the car when I'm driving them around...in fact, I learn quite a bit about them and what's going on in their lives. I cherish these times in the car...no disrespect and ill-mannered kids buried in their phones. Just last night while taking dd and her friend to the movies, we had a great conversation about their recent final exams, group projects and how to handle kids not pulling their weight, their quirky Latin teacher, etc.

"You can do what you want obviously but I've had to eat crow several times with opinions I had when my kids were younger but have evolved as my kids have gotten older."

Ah yes, as the saying goes there is no parent so expert on raising teens as...the parent of a pre-teen :).

Roarah, speaking from the other side of the parenting mountain I agree totally with fourkids. It's awfully easy to make sweeping declarations and plans about what you will always and never do as a parent of teens. Let's talk after your youngest turns 20, and you have actually been through the trenches of raising adolescents.

Ann

Fourkids, I think you and I are on the same page here. You have expressed having your children help contribute to the cost of their plans, they have waited till 14 it seems, which is I believe HS and you have reasonable expectations on its importance. I will allow my children to have phones but I will not fiscally provide it they will fund it. I will allow them to work within the home to earn the money but as a person who does not wish to place such huge significance on such insignificant things I will not make it something which is a parental necessity.

I also feel so badly for children in families who have true needs such as food and clothing who are alinanated by children with parents who are teaching their kids that other parents who aren't providing a cell phone are cruel! Talk about a bullying mentality.

Sorry, I have reread my posts and they are a bit judgemental. I am very against the over use of cell phones by all ages these days. To be honest I have stopped being with many friends lately for I am bothered and feel slighted by their constant need to check and respond to texts. It has gotten out of hand. And just friday I read a report that all states had at least 30 percent of school children on meal assistance and then glad2be writes that it is cruel to not provide a phone to a middle schooler when atleast 30% need meals just really angered me. I apologize for my righteousness.

Both our children chose to go off our plan when, one son got married and started his own plan, and two when our daughter joined the AF and decided it was easier to have her own plan. Once they were graduated and had full time jobs they both started paying us for their part of the plan. Son is now divorced and back on our plan, paying his part to use.
It saves us all a little money. Though it's still crazy expensive, if you ask me, for something for years we went completely without and did just fine too.

Gosh this got ugly. We live out in the country a bit. Our kids had no cell phone until LATE in high school. The bottom line is it kept them away from having a lot of friends. It kept them home. It caused them to miss many many get togethers. In the end my three graduated with honors, pay their own way in the world from graduation on, are on the honor roll in college,have always had jobs, are happy and productive. I am ok with what ever it is they missed from not having cell phones. I see what not having the influence of friends has meant. It has meant they are more decent human beings--than most of their peers. Again I am ok with it. It is all about what sort of ADULTS you want your children to be when they grow up. We didn't plan it that way--but the results are FABULOUS!!