Ms Lu, Forget about all the dos and don'ts for a moment. I'll tell you what I do (and I'm not necessarily normal in my approaches) with every landscape design on an existing home. It evolved from being a necessary step for drawing a plan and became (to me) the most essential step in planning a landscape. It is to clear my head of any detail of what I might do and simply go out to the home and start to do an existing conditions plan. I know that you live there and believe you already know those existing conditions, but there are different levels of familiarity. A humorous analogy would be going to first base, second base, . of intimacy with the property. We all know that the more we do anything, the more we understand it and pick up on detail and remember it (whatever "it" is). This is no different with your landscape. The four bases of an existing conditions plan are measuring and photographing, recording your measurements in a sketch or diagram as you measure, and drafting the plan which is a two step process of reading measurements (and looking at the photos for confirmation) and the physical act of drawing it (the home run "theres no place like home, theres no place like home" ). That is a lot of work, but you will know and understand your site like you never have before. It puts you at "ground zero". Now you can move forward logically. You will, hopefully, be a lot less concerned with concepts such as "perimeteritis" or "negative space" and be more focused on what challenges you have to overcome. Some of those should be newly discovered while some you already knew about. . And you will have a base plan to start sketching in your proposed work. Here again is a place where you can work backward or forward. You want a place to sun bathe and enjoy your coffee -these are "activities". You want some privacy and not to be bothered by road noise these are "experiences". Ultimately, you need actual dimensioned physical space, structures, plants, etc, where you can do these activities with the desired experience these are the "requirements". You seem to be thinking backwards by first defining the physical requirements for the experience before the physical requirement for the activity. Glenda the Good Witch said "it is best to start at the beginning and then follow the yellow brick road". I agree. Your list of activities should grow as you do your existing conditions plan (passive activities are also activities). Certainly, you will become aware of more aesthetic issues that will need to be mitigated or enhanced along with the primary ones. Parking, arriving, maintaining, entering, exiting, viewing, bringing in the groceries, playing with the dog, . are all activities, all will yield an experience, and all have physical requirements. Start by planning the primary activities. Place those that are movable where they least conflict with other activities and near supportive activities. If you need a patio, put it in the plan before you think about screening it (opposite of your current thinking that is starting with the screening). Enhance that space (it may begin to screen it). The design will evolve. Just dont make the secondary physical requirement (the screening) become the primary activity and then have to then figure out how your primary activity is going to work within it. Build your landscape around what is important both philosophically and physically. Perimeters and negative space evolve within that bigger context. Starting with a "mixed border" that is "10 out and 56 long" is the same as designing a planting bed and then trying to figure out what to plant within it. Put on the ruby slippers and click your heals together.

LOL, I've been guilty of ordering from Spring Hill before, so I'm not surprised. Filipendula rubra, Queen of the Prairie, should be hardy to zone 3, so that might survive - it does pretty well here, but I'm technically in zone 7. It does like water, as I just found out, about 10 years after planting it. IMHO, you should pray that the tradescantia is too tender; you may find yourself ripping it out (along with your hair) in years to come. Here, at least, it's ineradicable. I suppose by "grab bag" they mean "we randomly grab plants and shove them in a bag" - I hope they priced this selection accordingly!

Ellen; I agree; having a sounding board is helpful. I love reading everyone's input on the original post & thoughts that follow. Too bad that the one thing we do not have when reading; is the person's voice /emotion; we can only read with the emotion we bring to the post that day. I've read feedback on my own post elsewhere one way; only to go back another day in a different mood & realize that it may not have been written as it was originally read. The best advice I can give you is that none of us are living your life; you alone know what each relationship means to you. We have various people in our life; one person not calling to check up on one of us when sick or injured can hurt more then another friend not doing so. I can see a lot of "sides" with the lunch. On one hand; she should have treated you because you were "down"; I can add to that if you normally work; you're missing income from missing work. Others have said that when we visit someone that's recovering; we don't expect to be fed or we bring food to make it easier on the person. On another; I don't know her financial situation or how much traveling cost. I also think that each paying your own works. Come back in a few days to reread the post; use whatever you can to try to mend the relationship if that's what you decide to do. The way the conversation was brought up could have been better; but at least she said something. A lot of people do not & just move on.

Many good quotes today. Barbara Walters's quotes I practically saw happening, since I remember when she joined NBC and remember the fuss which some people made. Wish Shel Silverstein still would be here and write. One of the authors I miss. Luanne Rice's books I really like and look forward to the next one.