Freeda - my first thought was a trellis - wouldn't a strategically placed trellis, covered with a vine, help in your case, or is the light too high up to be screened? We have grapevine growing all over one of the walls of our house and vigorously spreading into the lawn. It's actually invasive. It also bears edible fruit. It forms a dense cover from late spring to first frosts. It needs sun. Also, around here people plant juniperus virginiana Skyrocket to form tall and thin hedges (sunny spots, too). I am aware that in the U.S. some restrictions on erecting dividing "screens" - fences, trellises, hedges - probably apply, depending on the area. Also, that constructing such a "screen" - if there is enough space - might make you look unfriendly. But - if you are on non-speaking terms with your neighbour - a screen will do no further harm, and if you are on speaking terms, I imagine he would understand and forgive you building one.. Your being on his south side might be a tricky bit, if such is the case. Around where I live property owners are not shy at all to show others (neighbours, passers-by) that they are not welcome. High fences are raised, constructed in such a way as to obstruct the view. Front gates are covered with metal screens as if we lived in Hollywood. Walls are very few because the climate is too cold. But otherwise.. we all commute to the city from here (1 hour one way) and when we finally get home at night we want to relax. Judging from what their fences look like, most people need privacy for this. So they do protect their homes from unwanted attention, and it is legally allowed (or at least widely tolerated - I have not actually read the existing regulations).

Hi Jill: This is an interesting 'garden preservation' question, I think. My small 14' x 70' backyard borders the yards of no less than 4 neighbors, so I have had occasion to think about this type of situation often. My experience in installing a new fence and perimeter boundary several years ago would provide good fodder for a TV sitcom; perhaps someday I shall recount the stories here. Here are a couple of thoughts: You are of course right to be concerned about what the new neighbors will do. But why not wait to talk to them before going too far down the road with re-design ideas? Having the current owner mention your role in maintaining the hedge was a good idea; otherwise, however, my advise would be to go slowly. Don't try to get them to take a position on the hedge one way or another until they've had a chance to settle in and give it some thought. When you've had a chance to meet them, you might casually mention something like "____ told me she mentioned the work I've done in the past to maintain the hedge between our houses. I'm sure you have a lot of other things on your mind right now, but sometime after you've had a chance to settle in, I'd love to talk to you about it for a bit . . . ." Who knows, the may _love_ the dense hedge and the privacy it provides. Especially if it is clear you are willing to continue maintaining it. Just think of the numerous posts on the Landscape Design forum each day saying "help, I want a tall privacy hedge FAST!" From my own experience as a new homeowner, though, I did learn to be wary of neighbors who descended on me with their various agendas before I had even had a chance to unpack my boxes. Another way to approach this dilemna would be to think about how much the hedge as it exists is worth to you. Instead of investing $$ in new plants and hardscape, you might think about offering your new neighbors some remuneration in return for an easement on their property allowing you to keep and maintain the hedge. An easement would be recorded on their deed, so would provide you with protection even if they in turn were to sell the house. I can't offer legal advice, and you'd have to check with a qualified real estate lawyer in your state, but generally speaking I think that such an easement could either "run with the land" (i.e. be a permanent easement for the benefit of whomever lives on your property) or it could run for a defined period of time--e.g., as long as you and your family occupy your lot. The latter would be a less costly investment for you and possibly more attractive to the property owners, since a permanent easement might be perceived as having a greater (negative) impact on resale value. Alternatively, I wonder if it would be possible to enter into a long-term "lease" of the stip on which the hedge sits for a modest annual sum? Again, you'd need to check with a lawyer as to whether such a lease is feasible. What I am suggesting is essentially the flip-side of your proposal. Instead of moving your hedge/fence within the bounds of land that you control, consider whether there may be a legal (and neighborly) means of extending your control outside the bounds of your lands. Your hedge sounds like such an integral and irreplaceable part of your garden, it seems like a shame just to give up all of time and work it has taken to get to its current state. Perhaps your neighbors will feel similarly (and perhaps they could also use some extra cash for new home improvements). Good luck, keep us posted. Kate

Uh-huh. Clearly, no one (at least those willing to post it) share my opinion about a cat's fitness to endure the rigors of the great outdoors. I've lived on the same 3 acres for nearly 17 years now. In that time we've had 7 cats. One died of natural causes, one was "inherited" and she was it by car 1 1/2 yrs. after she was "moved in". She originally lived "next door" and her territory included the area across the road. Another was attacked by a fox and I took him to the vet.; it SUCKED but he was nearly 14, already showing signs of kidney failure (the boney spine and increased water intake) and I had him put down; it's important to note that the dogs that routinely patrolled the boundries had either died or become too infirm to maintain their "duties". The remaining 4 cats are still here, the eldest is 17. The elderly dogs have gone to the "happy hunting ground" and have been replaced by a very active young, neutered male dog. No deer sited nor any foxes heard in the past 2 years! Maybe they're there, may be not. I don't know for sure. But I know that our cats are in our home at night and we suffer minimal vole damage in our gardens. Deer do not browse our plantings, either.

I agree with so much that has been said. However, I think that there is no one solution. In my case, "Divorce Poison" -as many other step-parent/family books- became a semiread book because I couldnÂt deal with the bleakness of that situation. If you prepare for the worst (it does get 3x worse than what one can ever imagine), please keep on hoping for the best! The odds are against us step-families, but it can be done, and many people here are a testament to that. I did the same thing you did with my "step-wife". I came from such a positive experience, I thought it would be possible NO MATTER WHAT. Boy, did she prove me wrong! If I can give you any advice, here it is: 1. Please try not to let HER issues affect YOUR behavior with the children as others have already said. It sounds like you care for those children; keep on caring and letting them know that you care: they'll receive the message. 2. Find resources that make you stronger, not that instill further fear and doubt. I know there are certain people I can talk to, but others that just donÂt help. I talked to a family therapist to sort things out early on; I began reading books about parenting; I found a momÂs group where my biggest guide has been a bio-mom 3. TALK TALK TALK with your fiancé. He can be your biggest ally as well as your biggest foe. I canÂt tell you the times my husband and I fought, I cried, we walked out on one another, but we stuck with it and things are so much better now. We hit roadblocks every so often, but we have gotten much better in overcoming them. 4. I hate to say this because I like to talk EVERYTHING out, but I agree with everyone in saying that minimizing communication with the children's mother is probably a good thing, at least for the time being. I am all about communication, but if you donÂt have clear boundaries (it takes time to set them, sometimes you have to seek legal recourse as we did), a big wall might just be the best solution for now. 5. Be watchful of that "chameleon" behavior many children of divorced parents exhibit. Reading up on it really helped us call them on it and help them get out of the habit. Their allegiance will always be towards their bio-parent, no matter how damaging these adults can be towards their own children. However, if addressed early on, it can be curbed. The book that helped me the most early on was, "The Single GirlÂs Guide to Marrying a Man, His Kids, and His Ex-Wife". It was so positive and encouraging. I laughed and cried with it and found some good practical tips that worked wonders in my situation. I adored my family-to-be and this book gave me so much hope when things got tough. Good luck lady! Keep us posted PS I just want to say, if I have a gagillion semi-read books, I also refer back to them here and there. I am just not able to read them all the time or all in one period of time. It goes back to suggestion number 2, I try to stay positive.....