That information can be useful but keep in mind that those temperatures are only for a short time, just a few hours at most. Any exposure to those kinds of temperatures for hours on end will be the demise of most all citrus. Usually the coldest time of day is a few hours right before the sunrises. Mike

You've done a great job with everything! I especially like that you recognized all of the good times that were had in the original kitchen, and that beam is an absolute delight -- pulls the warmth of the original kitchen's "spirit" right in. Love your webdesign! -Ellen

Hi Iris (duz the "S" stand for "sucker"?), It seems to me that a good variety of useful and friendly advice has been offered. Question 1. Has your husband been an active participant in carrying out these chores related to his family? Or mainly a passive participant as he listens/ed to your squawking? Or did you feel uncomfortable in asking even that participation? Question 2. If these issues were resolved in a manner which left you feeling appreciated, vindicated and fully comfortable, would you be willing to continue to participate? These chores, fertilized by some concern, grew to some frustration in your heart, which grew into anger with all of this unappreciated load of choring care, following the birth. What level of awareness do the perpetrators have of your feelings regarding this unappreciated new addition to the family/ies? (Also, your husband?). How would you relate to a suggestion that you think for a while on the history of this increasing frustration, writing the detailed history down from time to time? Give some thought to it, regarding which issues are essential and which incidental. What parts/proportions of it do you feel comfortable with sharing with hubby ... probably from time to time - and probably orally, rather than having him aware of the treatise with all of its details on one potentially confrontational occasion. Sort through which issues that you feel that you must deal with with the pet owners, which ones have priority, which one would appear to need to be dealt with first, etc. ... and whether better to deal with them all on one occasion, or spread out over a period. One way or another, if you don't get them dealt with to a level with which you can feel comfortable, it would almost certainly lead to further frustration for you if you agree to continue. Even if you don't, I think you need to get at least part of this rather serious issue at least partly dealt with, in the interest of building an ongoing good relationship among the family members, long term. Good wishes as you work through this part of life's journey. I hope and pray that you can get it accomplished with a good spirit on everyone's part throughout. ole joyful

Such things as telling off a mentally ill person do no good. They create negative karma and don't impact the negative person in any way other than to reflect back at them the negative energy they are giving out, which is how their life is going anyway, most of the time. I have already tried that strategy to the max and long-ago abandoned it. There are two issues for me. One is handling an aging parent with mental difficulties. The key is compassionate detachment. It would be the same if you had a younger relative who refused help for something like addiction, etc. Some people can't handle it and completely cut off all contact with the sick person. I have seen that play out in many families. Others get completely caught up in their family's dysfunction. I am treading a middle path, and I think I do that quite well . . . most of the time. My father's sickness frustrates and saddens me, but that is not the source of grief for my mother. It is occasionally painfully ironic, but that is just the tip of the iceberg with him. Mentally ill people do not learn from their mistakes or learn from advice given by other people. If they did, they would not be sick. Sometimes there is no fix, just accept and detach. You know, the old "let go and let god" of AA. I think I was not clear that I am already pretty much in that space as far as self-care goes. That isn't really the source of my grief. It's not just when I'm with my father that this grief for my mother hits me, so I probably shouldn't even have brought up his presence at the dinner. It is just that I so often do or see things I could have done with my mother so easily which would have made her happy, and it pains me to try and still do them, and find it difficult to find anyone ELSE who actually enjoys them the way my mother would. My husband does not, my father does not, and I have few relatives to share old memories with. I do tea parties for work also, and other things for work my mother would have enjoyed. Not the same thing. No one else in my social circle is knocking themselves out to carry on family niceties that include me. So yes, I can do it and I do, but I don't really have a partner in crime and my energy is limited. There are only so many tea parties I can plan. BTW, my whole wedding reception last summer was a tea party in honor of my mother. My cousins helped me do that. Then my cousin died six weeks later. But I still have a lot in common with her daughter and we do whatever we can when we can, but she lives quite far away. It's rare when I can get a friend or family member to visit, most are tied up with kids or grandkids. As a side note, the last time I saw my mother I came over for Sunday dinner, helped her cook and serve and cleaned up from it and left her with a batch of muffins for that next week's tea or breakfast. So I did what I could when she was alive. She never got to finish the muffins, she died from a fall while unloading groceries later that week, she had gotten home at tea time but didn't get that last tea break which would have come after the groceries had been put away. It pained me so to go to a church function at Christmas, one I had attended as a child, and see zero home-made food at the reception, and all paper plates even though the church had a full set of nice dishes--no one volunteering to wash them in the full kitchen that goes unused most of the time now. In their defense, the older ladies who were there were working hard to pull it off, the same group that I see almost everywhere and the ranks are thinning. So it's not just an issue of my mother passing on, that whole genteel way of life is fading away. I belong to some of the social and charity groups my mother belonged to, the ranks get thinner and thinner and older and older, with no young (we're talking 40's or early 50's) people to take their place. Not to mention the professional and community clubs that have just left town already, like AAUW, for example. I can't hardly get a friend to have the time to come over for a nice dinner, even if I could pull one off, most are sandwiching just like us.