I'm with you on this. Don't give them any connection into your home at all. You've done what you have without their help so far, and you can be proud of yourself for your accomplishments. DS sound like a user, and a very selfish money grubber. Up to no good.
Leslie

Exactly what grammahony said!

junkyardgirl ~ It's a sad but true fact that we can't choose our family; that's out of our control. The good news is that we can choose whether we see them or not and how often. You know what kind of person your sister is and she did something long ago that let you know you can't trust her. I think you are doing the right thing by not taking her up on her offer.
I hope things work out for you so that you can get your home fixed up the way you would like to.

We here at KT are your sisters and we care about you. Please feel free to come here anytime to vent.

Linda

I have a crazy older sister too. Yeah, crazier than me, and she is as mean as a snake with it's tail stepped on. She has always been mean and it has always fallen back upon her. She hasn't had a good life, and now she is 82. She has a son who is about 55 living with her, who doesn't work. Probably when she dies, he will prop her up in the corner somewhere and keep drawing her ss checks. I want no part of them.

I'd live in a tent before I would put myself in a situation like your sister suggested.

Just because you swim in the same gene pool doesn't mean you have to like or see your relatives. Don't let her manipulate you. Just say NO!! I'm proud of you. Oh, if she keeps badgering you aren't obliged to talk to her.

Linda

Wow! And I thought, my sister was "one of a kind". Well, at least I hope it was. Didn't know she multiplied! Eeeeek! I'm having the creep now knowing that you have a sister like that.

Don't get me wrong, I love her but I don't like her at all. I don't trust her neither. So, I can understand where you're standing.

Same as your sister, mine, when she does something nice for me, she'd want a million thanks a day! If I leave 1 day without thanking her, she'd tell everyone that I'm being unappreciative. Guess, they don't understand that family is supposed to help each others freely and not expecting something back except for love and respect.

One time, she hand me a check for $1000 to help me pay for some bills. I didn't even asked her for it. She said it was a lend for "whenever" I could pay her back in which I did. I later found out that she told relatives and family that she had rescued me from a deep dept! LOL... the story she makes to bring her up and tear me down. Except... there's a problem... She couldn't! My spirit is way up there for her to be able to reach and tear it down =o)

People as such, don't want you to have anything nice. When they give you money, it's "pity" money in their mind. Or, they have a vicious plan tucked somewhere. You're doing the right thing, don't fall for it!

Geez, your family sounds much like mine... Very selfish! EEEEK!!! Stay away from them! You know that's my major reason for having a home alarm. Not to keep burglar away but to keep my family away!!! LOL... why are they so annoying?!? I guess God created them so we can look into our daily lives and appreciate that they're no longer in it, right? =o)

Don't ever, ever, ever, mix family and finances. I made that mistake once. DW and I bought a house for my MIL and SIL to live in. It caused a rift in the family that has never healed. Don't walk, RUN, the other way.
Ron

I agree with what everyone has said, but am curious why in the heck your house would have to be appraised for her to help financially with repairs.

Ohhhh... it just came to me. Get it appraised now the way it is.
Fix it up. She puts in X number of dollars.
Sell it, and she gets her X number of dollars back (first) and then the 2 of you split any profit above the original appraisal price...Similar to "Flip this House" like on TV, but you are providing the house, she provides the fix up money, and you split the profit.

I'd likely tell her to look elsewhere for a house to 'flip'.

Sue

I am assuming she sees an opportunity to make some money. Then you will move close to her, and you will start taking care of mom and bf.

As usual, I am odd (wo)man out. I think you want to do it and like the idea. Two clues: you told her you'd think about it instead of flat out saying no; you admit it sounds enticing, which tells me you are intrigued and interested. You can't imagine exactly the outcome, so you don't know in what way it will turn out awful. You just believe it will be awful based on past experience....but you don't know. And, that's what is so intriguing to you. Also, I can't help thinking you have shared something with her that we don't know about because I don't see a completely unsolicited phone call offering help to sell your house that you have no desire to sell. So, what have you told her? You don't have to tell us. I'm just saying this was not so sudden and out of the blue.

Since I can't help feeling you are thinking about doing this, I really want to join the others in suggesting you stay far away. She has made it clear to you that she expects something, and there's no telling what she has up her sleeve. She's shown you herself before, and "When someone tells you how they are believe them!" no matter how badly you need the money. And, if you think about it, you can try selling your house in the condition it is in. Any loss you have to take would be absorbed in the other scenario anyway, plus the lower price might even make it a little bit more appealing to potential buyers in this sad realty market. Well, no harm in trying if it being a source for money is the way you want to look at it.

My husband's siblings are the same. He has no contact with them since his parents died. He did stay in contact with one brother (we would visit, give gifts to the brother's grandchildren, etc.).

When our youngest Grandson was born, I let that brother know and never heard back from him since (no card for the baby, nothing).

We washed our hands of his family (I do feel bad for my husband though).

I said that if my husband went before me, I would not let any of his family know (I don't need the phonies) and I would make sure the funeral home knew (in case one of the siblings somehow got word - although they all live in other states.

Sheryl - NJ

Say No! Sounds like she is up to something. If she didn't offer to help you before, why now all of a sudden? Does she want you to come and look after your Mom instead of her?

I have a SIL that is always suggesting I take my older sister in to live with me because eventually she will need some care and since I live alone it should be me. Like you said "WHAT??" I did the caregiving time with no family help at the time when I should have been starting my own family but gave that up to care for my Mom. I am not about to do it again with my Sister. No How! No Way! Her husband is my sister's sibling too so if she is so worried about my sister why dont they take her in, their kids are adults and will soon be leaving the nest?

Nope, it seems like your sister and my SIL are only looking out for themselves.

Stay in your house - hopefully you can find the means to repair it. I was in your shoes too but somehow a Fairy Godmother found me and made my house liveable along with some wonderful neighbours.

Vent anytime. Feels good doesn't it?

Anne

Hi junkyard girl,

Since when do leopards change their spots?

ole joyful

P.S. If she were really doing it as a good turn without a kicker ...

... how come she made you feel guilty when you showed less than big deal enthusiasm for her wonderful offer??

Don't touch it with a ten mile pole.

o j

If you owe any money to the bank for your place, PLEASE be sure to go to talk to them and make it clear that your sister has NO SAY in your finances! I wouldn't put it past her to go behind your back to try to set some wheels in motion.

(I speak from a little bit of experience, we had a small mortgage left on our house and my MIL took it upon herself to pay it off, without our knowledge. We were shocked and I was mad when the papers came in the mail because we had worked hard to pay off a 30 year mortgage in about 10 years and we were "this" close to doing it. She took away all our feelings of satisfaction and I was not appreciative of it. I cannot believe our small town bank allowed it, either. Woody wasn't too thrilled, either. Yes, it was generous of her, but being usurped like that was disappointing.)

Protect yourself, please! And don't ever be afraid to just say NO. No, thank you, if you must but definite NOs get the message across.

Flamingo, I am just 'got that a bank would do such a thing.
My guess is that something like that could not happen in this day and age, with all the privacy laws in place. I'd think a bank could never disclose what was even owed on a mortgage to an outsider today.

Sue

You are lucky to have the foresight to see that she is up to somehting. Many people wouldn't be so lucky and would get taken advantage of. Best of luck to you.

Sorry you're having to go through anxiety with your sister, but it sounds like you know the right thing to do. Don't let her wear you down.

Please, please do NOT give this woman any of your personal information. Don't tell her anything about what/where you owe, no financial info, no social security #. I wouldn't even tell her where I bank, shop or go to church!! Honestly, if she's as conniving as you say, all she needs is a little info from you to cause all kinds of trouble. I wish you the best of luck.

Shirley

I laughed so hard about the 'eeek it multiplies' comment that I couldn't see through the tears...and thanks for that! With all the last minute things to get done before Tuesday, that was a much needed and much appreciated funny...
junk - you don't say how old your sister is, was curious as to her age compared to her boyfriend.
And I agree that your sister can have only two possible motives for this - money for her in a house flip situation, or a built in 'babysitter' for ailing relations because you live right next door.
I'd run far and fast!
Suzan J

You can pick your friends but not your family.
It sounds to me like you have a snake slithering
around. Keep your feet firmly on the ground and be
proud that you can do your own thing.
Dolly

Stick to your guns, jyg! You're smart not to let her get into your business or talk you into moving. Geez, we must be realated. I have a niece that could be your sister's clone. LOL

Take all that has been said and add my name to it.
Kathi

Take this for all its worth - Excellent advice....

"Please, please do NOT give this woman any of your personal information. Don't tell her anything about what/where you owe, no financial info, no social security #. I wouldn't even tell her where I bank, shop or go to church!! Honestly, if she's as conniving as you say, all she needs is a little info from you to cause all kinds of trouble. I wish you the best of luck."

Wow, thanks! I just want to answer bestlawn's question about why I am talking to my sister.

Recently, my mother broke her leg (she is 89) and I had to go up and help out my sister, who was staying at the hospital with her, and trying to take care of her own ailing BF. I really was concerned about my mother. I was intentionally nice to my sister at that time, because I knew I had to be. We actually had a nice time, but I found out things about her that, while they didn't surprise me, made me think she needs professional help. I guess right now, I pity her. Nothing has gone as she planned. She thought her BF would be dead by now. He has almost died twice. She is 67, he is 87, and there is a story behind that that you would not believe! Her BF used to be my mother's BF...yes, you heard that right. My mother and this man have known each other most of their lives, and were corresponding and seeing each other off and on, as they lived a 3 hour drive apart. They talked on the phone quite regularly. When my sister moved to where he lives, he quite innocently offered to help her out with some things. She saw an opportunity, and grabbed it, lied to my mother for months, and finally someone else had to tell my mother that she was seeing him. That was 15 years ago. She is horribly mean to him, and he is totally dependent on her, which is very sad.

I had planned to bring my mother down here, because I did not like the conditions I found her living in when I went there, but she is in an assisted living facility now, and doing well, so until that changes, she will stay there. At least my sister will not have access to her money now, since all of it is going to the assisted living place.

So I talk to my sister because of my mother. It's hard to talk to my mother, because my sister refuses to pay to have a phone put into my mother's room. I'm looking into paying for it myself.

Anyway, I have to be nice to her, that's why I told her I'd think about it. I didn't want a fight. I'll just nicely tell her that I've decided to stay in Florida, and that as I have always done, I'll find a way to work things out with the house. If she gets mad, so be it. I'm happy here, and I could never be happy there.

And you're right, she would be expecting me to do everything for my mother, and she would be taking care of #1, as she always does.

Again, thanks for the support. I knew I was right, but it's nice to have friends who care enough to tell me that.

(((((((((((((((((KT'ers)))))))))))))))))

Just some more hugs for you! STacy

These sisters multiply so fast that many of you have one in the family too! EEEEK! It's horrible to read all of your comments about having a similar relative. It's nice to know that I'm not alone in this!

Junkyardgirl, Wow... your story of your sister gets worse... I can't believe how much you and I think or do of the same toward our sisters.

I think that no matter how our sisters are and what we've seen they're capable of, sometimes, we're in denial that they can be that bad and would do certain things to us, their own family. The truth is, in our heart, no matter what, they're still our sisters and we don't want to believe they can be so cold or non-related to us. We want to believe that they have a heart and we keep on hoping that they'd change some day. And that is why, we keep being nice to them. In hoping that it will be contagious and they will catch on.

In my case, I'm also being nice because me being the older sister, I have to take the lead and set an example. Also, it's because my mom is still alive and I do it to keep my mom in peace. Besides, I don't want to stand as low as my sister. Just because she's ugly toward me, I refuse to be like her! I sleep better at night because I know I treat her or anyone else no wrong!

Although, they don't understand what sisters and family is all about, we do, and basically, that's all it matters. Just so long that we know we do the right thing. Of course, this doesn't mean that we need to fall into trouble that our sisters lay ahead for us, right? Yes, I'm with you, I do feel pity for my sister.

I hope for the best to all of them that some day, something will happen in their lives that would change them to be better people. When and if that time comes, at least, we don't have to mend our relationships.

I being the baby in the family the baby sis...I am sure i have put my siblings thru it all...I am just one of the dang lucky and blessed who stood by me and still are with me and love me to pieces....sTacy

Ditto to most all of the above.

Question: Is she your next of kin? Do you have a will? Is she the beneficiary? If she is not, does she know that? Pardon my cynicism, but could she just be "lining up her ducks", so to speak?

My children are my beneficiaries, and she will never get anything from me! She has everybody else's, she sure doesn't need mine. LOL

"I think that no matter how our sisters are and what we've seen they're capable of, sometimes, we're in denial that they can be that bad and would do certain things to us, their own family. The truth is, in our heart, no matter what, they're still our sisters and we don't want to believe they can be so cold or non-related to us. We want to believe that they have a heart and we keep on hoping that they'd change some day. And that is why, we keep being nice to them. In hoping that it will be contagious and they will catch on."

Yup, that's us. Us other 4 siblings keep trying to blame it on her money-grubbing husband. . .but she coulda said no to him and not screwed us out of Mom's estate. We're talking tens of thousands of $. We shoulda stopped being nice when she/husband screwed us 4 out of an older sister's small estate. . . . Yeah, denial. B/c it's your "SISTER!" And "she wouldn't do that because she was raised the same as us and we wouldn't do that. . . ." Reality check! Some apples that don't fall far from the tree end up rotten anyway. Stay as far away from this sister as you can!

Isn't it interesting to see how many of us have weird sisters..I have 1, younger, and upon getting married, continued to live in the family home with Mom...My Dad died very early and of course it was good to have someone in the house...But, my mother along with working, took care of my sister, her hubby and their 5 kids...And of course my sister thought since she never moved, Mom should put her name on the deed...Mom had a series of strokes and taking care of her would interfere with my sister's life style so after talking with her attorney friend, she had a Power of Attorney drawn, Mom signed it, not knowing what she was signing and my sister had the house and property put in her name and had moved moved to a nursing home...All this happened without me knowing about it...When she called and told me "your mother is now a resident of.....nursing home", that's when I felt I no longer had a sister...It really caused alot of grief...Mom would ask me, how can a daughter do this? And what could I say....Physically, I wasn't able to care for Mom and it broke my heart. But I did make sure she had the visits etc., to make her comfortable...Mom lived a couple of years until another stroke with complications took her...But it did seem, she was waiting for my sister and I to make amends....It was really hard and I remember at the funeral home, my sister did ask if we could please get back together...We're really all we have, no other relatives...I can't be as close as we once were, but we do get along...We try to get together at least once a month and have lunch or just shop...But you know the saying, What goes around, comes around and I'm a firm believer....My sister has had 1 problem after another and I always think, OK Mom she's paying.....Sorry to hijack your post...I guess I was just venting....It's hard, but I think you should stay far away....You have your life, enjoy it!