The most common and most loved lilac for American homes everywhere was--and is--the straight species, Syringa vulgaris. There are many cultivars and hybrids but this is the one everyone loved (and loves) best. Cheap and easy to find.

PS. Another thing that really gets to me is that I have a child on the way. My first one, though it would have been my great-grandma's FIFTH great-great-grandchild. Family was more important and specail to her than anything else in the world. She was SO HAPPY when I told her that we were expecting. She was just thrilled. We found out ourselves a couple of weeks after she had broken her hip. However my great-grandma already knew! She tried to talk one of my aunts into believing that my wife was pregnant, and after my aunt kept telling her that wasn't the case, great-grandma said "we'll see" and had a very smug look on her face. She knew before we knew! Oh how I wish that Great Grandma Annie could have lived long enough to hold my baby in her arms at least once. It's not due til July, but I thought she might be able to hang in there. I really did. I thought she'd be up and walking again too after her hip healed. Even if only for a while. I thought she had months left, not just weeks. And the fact that she was taken from us right at the beginning of the holiday season also just kills me on the inside. We were so close to having just one more with her. So close. Why were we robbed of it? I know she'll be and is with us all in spirit, but I can't hug a spirit. The loss of the physical touch is the most painful of all. Oh what I'd give to see her smile, hear her laugh, hear her voice, and give her a great big hug just one more time.....

I don't think you are doing anything wrong. I also don't think that, even taking into account the history and relationships, the other lady is being silly to feel hurt. I don't think too many of us would, in her position, think, "Well, after what's gone down all these years, I don't deserve to be called Grandma, so I'm just fine with this." It has to be painful. She must feel rejected by her daughter. (I don't think it was so smart of her to make a point of saying anything, though.) Whether it's her own fault or not is not the point. She feels what she feels. I don't think you get anywhere by resorting to statements like "It's the mom's choice," either. That's not going to change one thing about how anyone feels, and I also think you are correct that it could all lead to the other lady's trying hard to marginalize you. As for this inspiring her to be a better parent and change her attitude ... seriously? I strongly doubt it. Honestly, I think the smartest thing for you to do here is to tell your stepdaughter that you are very touched and honored, but that as it obviously causes her mom pain and embarrassment, it might be better all around if you are Nana or Meemaw or Granny or Bubbie or something else. We will probably have grandchildren in the next few years, and as Grandma, Bubbie, and Nana are already in use, I predict that we in the next generation will end up Safta (the Israeli), Abuela (the Mexican), and I suppose I'll ask for "Granny" --because it's the only one left I can think of! But I don't think about it much, because, and this applies to you, too, this whole argument may well be a waste. The first grandchild gets to name the grandparents. No matter what anyone decides, you could both end up being "Kiki" and "BingBong," you know. I have one friend who is "Happy." If your stepdaughter insists on it after your saying this, then you have an entirely different problem on your hands. Don't let her use you as a weapon against her mother, for your own sake most of all. Do you have to step back? No. Does her mom have the right to insist? No. Is she being petty to make a thing of it? Yes. Shouldn't the mom get to choose? Sure. But relying on rules or logic rarely solves problems like these. Rather, I would ask yourself what is the best way to maximize everyone's comfort, dignity, and relationships, here, not least the grandchildren to come. What will make you most confident you are behaving like a lady and a grownup? You aren't the one with something to prove. You can afford to be generous. I'm sure you are going to be an excellent grandparent, and if, for whatever reason, you end up as "MooMoo," someday you'll get a crayoned card that says " YOU ARE THE MOST WONDERFUL MOOMOO IN THE WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD!! WE LOVE OUR MOOMOO!" Would that really be so bad? :-)

Congratulations Great Grandma! I became a great grandma at 60 too. My Great grandson is now 7 years old and the best thing that ever happened to me. I was 20 when 1st daughter born, my daughter was 20 when my granddaughter was born and Granddaughter was 20 when great grandson was born. Now if I make it to 80, maybe I'll have a great great Grand? :o)