Just say that you are not interested. Honestly, it doesn't hurt to have your own personal traditions for a holiday that do not revolve around adult family. So if they insist on going, tell your parents that you will not do. Maybe your nephew can stay with you, and the two of you will have a great time.

My thoughts are going to be a bit random.
1) vacations at Christmas time are quite popular
2) for some it is a lot less stressful to do so than the gifting and meals and day travel
3) if you don't want to go, you don't have to. I would state your reasoning. Mostly it sounds like it doesn't really intersest you, the dogs care..and third really is the expense.
4) if you could find someone to care for your dogs and your parents paid for your trip, that is their choice..if you really did want to join the family
5) your parents can make their own choices
6) have a small family meal before or after their planned trip
7) let the brother and SIL go enjoy however they want..their children with them or not
8) the only way I see you as a party pooper is if after stating your feelings or decision for you..you don't drop it, no matter what the rest of the family chooses, say your peace and don't mention another word about it.
9) your birthday being close to Christmas should not sway others Christmas plans..

I was typing a reply, then I realized I was saying everything Terri said. Re-read and take to heart everything she said.

You sound upset, but don't be. Sometimes it's good to change things on the holidays. You don't need to have a family feud over this, just pleasantly say you won't be going. If people pester you and nag, just sweetly ask them to let it go that you will be happier at home and you hope they have a fabulous time.

It sounds like if a family vote were taken blindly, so no one knows how each voted, that bil might be paddling the boat alone. I'm guessing you are not alone in this. Now if he was insistent then I would expect him to cover all expenses for the entire family. Even then you certainly have the right to say thanks but no.
You can only be the spoil sport if you allow it.

I think your BIL wants to use the holiday for a trip. Wish him well. Buy them something to take on the trip, such as a travel guide. Wave good-bye and stay home. DO NOT go into debt yourself to pay for a trip you can't afford. Be guilt free as you wish them bon voyage.

Terri said it good. My feelings--I don't do cruses, because I cannot swim, and really just don't like being on water. Fly, yes, cruise, no. But that is me. I personally like RV and traveling, even by myself. With DH gone, I have a graduation 2000 miles away and I plan (at this time), take the train, and rent a car. My dd and sil are flying, but they are also visiting his relatives. Yes, I know them, and yes I would be welcome, but I choose not to ""tag"" along. Encourage your folks to go, and plan something else for you. Volunteer? short trip? and maybe find a dog sitter for a few days and find a friend and do something you want to do. Be creative and postive.

I am absolutely adamant about never, ever, EVER being forced to spend money to make someone else happy, to fall into someone elses plans, to go against my own comfort budget levels and I never feel guilty about it.

This is my money and no one else's. *Do not* let your BIL cajole you into doing something you do not want to do regardless of whether or not it is a financial reason, an emotional reason, or a personal comfort reason.

If he pulls the guilt party-pooper card tell him to grow up.

I Just so strenuously object to this kind of behaviour and emotional blackmail. How can you tell?

This is your decision to make and not his.

If I were you, I'd be very tempted to say to my brother-in-law something like this:

"Gosh, [insert name of B-I-L here], that is so very generous of you to offer to pay all of my expenses, including a house/dog sitter, so that I can join the rest of the family on this vacation. Because, of course, you know that on my income and with my other expenses there is no way I could afford it myself. But, on the off chance that you're not offering to pay all of my expenses, it must mean that you don't want to include me in the vacation plans. If this is the case, please just say so."

And if he says that he is not offering to pay your way, just say, OK, and let it go at that.

I am on the other side. We took a family cruise to celebrate my Mom's 70th birthday, Now all parties agreed that we wanted to go on a cruise together. We had our next door neighbor come over and feed the cats & scoop the litter while we were gone. He knew the cats well & when came over he spent time petting them.

Depending on the cruise line and the choice of cabin, cruises can be relatively cheap. We love to go on cruises We arrange to have a birthday cake made especially for my mom on her birthday & one for DD on hers; It was a wonderful trip that we all have great memories from. My DB & family left today to go on a cruise. But we had Christmas with them last Saturday. So they had their cake and ate it too.

But don't let yourself be bullied into taking a cruise. Just ask them if you all can get together sometime during the holidays..

Clip: So come Christmas they do not want or need anything so they want to go on a vacation instead.
Simple, tell them addios.

Don't make a family war out of this, for crying out loud! The more gracious you are, the better you'll feel. Who knows, maybe other family members hate the idea of a cruise (I would, unless it was a very specific kind of cruise) .

Rather than sounding spiteful and needy, wish them a wonderful time! Make plans on a gathering before or after.....and FORGET about those gifts you'll be missing!

Do you really think that your mom feels 'joy' about all of the shopping?

Anyway, leave it alone...as time goes by you may find that others aren't so crazy about the idea, either. But if you stomp around creating factions, the whole family will suffer.....especially you.

Why don't you sit down and talk to your Mom and Dad and see how they honestly feel about it. Perhaps they don't want to go either. In which case, tell BIL to enjoy his cruise but frankly you all prefer to stay home. If your Mom and Dad really want to go, give them your blessings, tell them you'll celebrate Christmas with them when they get back and you look forward to hearing all about the cruise, but you really prefer not to go. If you keep it upbeat, I don't see how you can be considered a spoil sport.

WOW!!! Georgysmom just gave you the perfect response to your BIL!!! Take that attitude and run with it!!!

My DH, DS and I often vacationed somewhere warm while DS was on school break at Christmas. There were always lots of other families on Christmas cruises -- with and without extended family. We had fun in the sun, and I sure didn't miss the pressures of Making Christmas Happen at home as I had done for many years while our parents were living. (We have no extended family.)

Since people can cruise at any time of year, I'm guessing your BIL and family want a break from the traditional hoop-la at home. Is that what's upset you? Would you want them to grit their teeth and 'enjoy' yet another Christmas the way YOU want it?

If you are not comfortable with cruising, you can elect to stay home, and they can elect to cruise. No harm. No foul. Everybody gets to do what he or she wants...and there is *family harmony*.

I went on a Christmas cruise once!

Such a joy seeing family gatherings enjoying eachother. Looked like so much fun.

I totally agree, if it is something you do not want to do, then don't.

Hello thanks all for your advice. I really do appreciate outside perspectives on this. Sometimes especially with family I think its hard to look beyond the situation I do want to say that Im not feeling sorry for my self because I will be alone I don't care about my BD, but I know mom would feel bad about me being alone at this time,and that is a hard thing for me knowing mom feels bad. There is resentment to my sister and BIL having to compromise and always make changes to accommodate them. Or to feel selfish and guilty when I don't I am angry about feeling guilty and selfish.
So I need to stop feeling guilty, then I won't feel bad, then I won't feel selfish, then I won't resent them. So I won't care about not wanting to go with them on a cruise and I won't feel bad about mom feeling bad.hmmm
When the cruise is brought up again I will state that if they want to do this they they should feel free to but Im not going to go. I will not feel bad, I will tell Mom not to feel bad about me not going. I will make alternative plans with my parents to celebrate I will not bring it up again. Sounds like a plan. Thanks to all !

I agree with some of the responses here. I don't think your BIL was out of line to suggest a vacation instead of Christmas. And I definitely wouldn't give him a snarky or sarcastic response to it. Who knows - they may be planning to help you go as their gift to you but I doubt they would offer if you so strongly dislike their suggestion.

I think you need to take a step back and try to look at it objectively (which is what the KT can do since we aren't related!). You are calling his suggestion unfair and implying they are being selfish but take a look at how you are reacting to it. You are saying they are oblivious to the fact that you don't have a lot of disposable income and that you have no interest in cruising (though you have never done it). It sounds like you can't/don't want to go and instead of just stating that, you're trying to twist it around to make BIL the selfish one for even suggesting it since it doesn't accommodate you.

I think it's a good idea to talk to other family members about it if you can keep your stance somewhat neutral. If you bring up to your parents that you don't have the money to go, the dog boarding, that you hate cruises, that you'd be spending Christmas alone, that it's your birthday around then too then they very well might decide NOT to go to appease you and potentially miss out on a wonderful experience. They are mature enough to make their own decisions without you influencing them with your reasons/excuses for not going.

I think your options are to either make peace with changes that happen when people start their own families (and maybe start your own traditions - volunteering maybe?), or find a way to make it work so that you can go. If you start saving a little bit now it might make a difference in a year. Cruises don't have to be super expensive, and I am another one of those who say to give them a shot. :) Excuses can always be made to not do something but sometimes you have to just go for it. Life is short and great memories are priceless.

Usually I think Snidely's responses are a bit harsh, but this time I agree with him/her.

It's BIL's choice to spend Christmas as he wishes, and your choice to spend it as you wish. If they want to go on a vacation, it's not your place to censure them, or as you said in your very first sentence - "how do I handle this?" It's not yours to handle.

I think you are being very open-minded about the responses you have been getting. Good luck.

I think georgysmom said it best. If your BIL is paying for the trip for everyone, go and have a great time. If not just don't go. Sometimes its best to break with old traditions.
Mary

It's a year away, anything can happen between now and then, I wouldn't waste time worrying about it now. If I didn't want to go, I also have 4 dogs I won't leave, I wouldn't hesitate to say no, period. Let them fret about it and your mom should be fine with your reasoning for not going. Happy New Year!!!

Linda~

Maybe there's more to your BIL's idea than just everyone getting away....as he said, he doesn't need gifts. Maybe "gifts" even make him uncomfortable?

Once you can afford to buy anything you want, you become more selective about the things you surround yourself with. You also value your time more. Your priorities change. Your no longer trying to obtain the necessities in life, but trying to live life to it's fullest. You prioritize.

Maybe a vacation adds value to his life, a gift exchange does not.....