Hi everybody, Sorry I didn't get these pictures posted earlier, 'puter has been acting testy and I still don't have email working, but at least I'm back to posting! Here's some pics... Margie, I brought the Chocolate Dip, just love the foliage. They come true from seed, I started a pack of 20 seeds over the winter and 4 came up but one died from overwatering and I planted out 2. It's an outdoor plant, supposedly perennial, full sun to part shade. I don't know how it will do with reseeding, I was afraid of the name Hawkweed so I made sure to collect as much of the seed as I could! Hope you enjoy it!

Good morning all! Well, I lived through the convention. I didn't get elected to a state directorship position (I was nominated, just didn't tell anyone), and I did get elected to treasurer from my district. The classes were great, and getting to see old friends is always fun. We stayed at a really nice, chain hotel, and Friday was quiet. Then Chuck-E-Cheese h3ll started on Saturday morning, and you know you're in for it when the door on the room next to yours has a sign that says "THE PARTY IS HERE", and the door is open enough to see about 6 screaming kids between 10 to 14 jumping on beds. The hotel was simply overrun with drinking, oblivious parents, and out-of-control kids. My roommate (who is a public school teacher, and has been one for 41 years)and I were appalled. I asked at the desk, and the desk told me that it (the hotel) had become the breeding ground for parents to get a room on a weekend night, hunker down with other drinking prarents, and let the kids run wild. That was why I had to sign a 'rules' list when I checked in. Unreal. If this is our future, then I shudder. OK--off my box--and if I sound harsh, then I apologize. Nothing will get my goat faster than rude behavior. The Fort Knox show was great--lovely people on post. They have my admiration and gratitude. I was talking with one vendor, and her DH is getting deployed mid-Dec to the middle East. She was calm, and I tried to put myself in her shoes--no words, but bless her heart-- For the Christmas exchange, I have: Joanne Besh NHSuzanne Raeanne Dee Marci BJ Tikanas Gretchen Lynn Jen me Have I missed anyone? Or have I accidentially put in your name? Please let me know, as I'm going to get Rog to draw this weekend-- Gotta go--hope all is well! Hugs, Maddie

Laurie, sorry for so many pictures but I downloaded the pictures from the camera and just had it download all to Photobucket and I was too tired to delete pictures. Next time I share, I will send in less so people will want to view. But I appreciate your nice comments. That is why I sent the way before picture to show that my kitchen is a big improvement from when I bought my home and the mini blinds broke from raising and lowering them. The wall color was also too white for the appliances back then. Since the wall color looks nice in the foyers with my other tile called Akoya Bone that is a little darker, I feel once the tiles are down, it will look nice also. I am not sure how the blinds go yet but I will worry about that next. But I really am liking the tiles and feel they will enhance my kitchen with that outdated in bad shape Linoleum floor gone. I also love that little table. I was dating a guy when I moved into my home and we were looking for a small kitchen table for my kitchen and he kept trying to push me to go with cheap tables at stores that I hated. He finally told me that the deal for the table that was too big for the kitchen was a great deal and he will take me to Ethan Allen to show me what expensive prices are like so I will see that the table and chairs he is showing me were a good deal. The minute I saw this table and chairs, I fell in love and despite how expensive the set was even with the great sale this store was having at the time. I bought all four chairs and the insert to enlarge the table. I am able to add two more chairs from other rooms if I have 6 people at the table with the insert in the middle of the table and it fits in the middle of the kitchen. But I am glad I can then make the table small again for room to walk and cook. The table is so well made and is solid wood with even the side rails for lowering the sides made of solid wood. I went back the next day to bring one of my drawers to see how it matched and bought it. I have always been happy with my decision. I always wished my cabinets were made out of the wood that the table is made out of. Not sure what it(forgot since I did not know much about wood almost 14 years ago but remember it being a nice wood and it was solid wood and not oak so I was happy it went with my cabinets despite not being the same wood). I love the Wheatback chairs so much. I am so glad I did not try to save money and get the table that did not match my cabinets and was too big for the kitchen. Some things are worth investing in. Like you invested in the cabinets and put other purchases on hold. I feel that was a wide decision. I also love your tile floors backsplash, wood floors and baseboard trim in the other room. Again, thank you for being there for me and making me not feel alone during my home renovations. I can't wait to post new pictures when the tile floor is down and then to work on other parts of my kitchen project.

Trish, it was mentioned that the father should be the one caring for the son. I wonder about the background in this situation. If you've been with the mother for five years, he's been with you for three, and that leaves two years. That means he was 11 when you got together? What happened for those 11 years? How was his academic set-up prior? What was his mother's relationship with him? How long prior to five years ago did his parents divorce/split up? It sounds to me that he started failing his fifth year right around the time you two got together. (this is not blaming you) Yes. You nailed the timeframe. She and his father divorced when the boy was 2. When we met, it was revealed to me that he had just failed 5th grade and he was living with his father. He had moved in with him, at age 8 mid way through 3rd grade. From what I was told, though I wasn't in his life to witness to any of it, he had issues with school right from the very beginning and they only proceeded to get worse. In third grade he really began showing signs of defiant behavior; throwing books at his mother, knocking over a dresser, hitting her and running away. At that point she took him to see a doctor who diagnosed him with ADHD. The boy apparently begged her to go live with his father and given her frustration level of not being able to control him, she discussed it with the father, who at the time had just remarried and the new wife, who both thought couldn't get pregnant thought it was a grand idea to "have a son" come live with them. Now, they live in a rural area of South Carolina; mostly woods and not much to do. His behavior calmed down for about 6 months. Then, the wife got pregnant and at the same time, this boys behavior began to reveal itself at his father's, the same way it had at his mothers. Someone else here mentioned ODD. I think that's entirely possible too, though when I mentioned it to his mother, she reminded me that his behaviors had only been toward her at the time. Now these behaviors have "evolved" to include all adults, most of the time. I understand the separation you are trying to make re: woman/mother. Good, because that's all I meant by saying that I hope one day she'll realize that she should have done more to remind me less that she's a mom and more like a woman. I don't think that was too much to expect. Children are by nature self-centered. Boys mature much later than girls. I try to stress to my dd that I have feelings, hopes, needs as well as she does. I point out those needs pretty consistently. Last night it was "Mom, come play with me". I had made her dinner while she showered, then she ate while I cleaned up, then I ate (a grilled cheese, and pretty much standing up-one of those crazy get home late days) I had just finished, and I was ready for a shower. I asked her what we had just done. Well, she said, you drove me to activity, got home, made dinner, cleaned up... and I looked at her and said, yes, and I love doing things for you and with you, and now I need some "Mommy time". When I get out of the shower we can play. She understood, and we continued. Same with bedtime. She has a set bedtime so that "mommy can go to bed" at a certain time, and it's set up that way so that DH and I have time alone in the evenings.My point is that I understand. A mother has to have "personal time" as well as "spouse/lover time" and has to balance those times with "mommy time". A mother wears many hats and it is really difficult (for me, anyway) to know where to draw the line between me as an individual woman, me as a love interest and me as a provider. Ideally they would merge, but more often than not it's robbing Peter to pay Paul. Every time I take "me time" is time I could spend with one or another of my loved ones. Every time I relax with my spouse as a lover is time I could be with my child, and v.v. This conflict is painful at times, and the mother is the monkey in the middle. It's nice to be popular but sometimes I feel everyone wants a piece of me. Our therapist kept trying to tell my partner from the beginning that our relationship needed "adult time" and that it was encumbent upon her to provide it. Her daughter was 8 when we met and she didn't do a whole lot to get a babysitter just so we could go out once a week. I should have known then that this was an issue but I tried to ignore it. My partner's personality is very introverted and isolated. She has no friends to speak of. I'm it. She does'nt like being around people and she has extreme body image issues. I don't understand it because she's a very attractive, very pretty woman. She looks like Julia Roberts with blond hair. She's gained weight since we met, but that's never bothered me and I've tried to tell her that it's not a big deal. It bothers her tremendously but rather than do something about it ( I bought her a gym membership) she doesn't do anything. It was revealed in therapy that she has Adult Attention Deficit, inattentive type. If any of you have this, it reveals itself in ways that are frustrating to normal adults. There's an inconsistency that is enormously overwhelming. There's no organization to people who have this and they tend to be incredibly forgetful. I remember when we met and she burned dinner a few times, and paid a bill to the wrong account, but I didn't really think twice about it. These people get really overwhelmed by things we don't. This is why her son runs circles around her and gets his way. Because she can't deal with it. When the police brought him home another time, he went to the refrigerator and rather than tell him to get his @ss to bed at 1AM, she told him what she cooked earlier; "I cooked porkchops earlier". I found that to be an absolutely absurd response to the situation, and she knew it; but she told me that she has placed a wall up to him so that what he does, doesn't effect her. She can't do the same with me, so when he acts out, I have a visceral response to it, and she can't put an emotional wall up to me and she's told me that she feels pulled between the two of us. On an airplane, the instructions are to place the mask on your face before helping your loved ones. If you have no oxygen, you will be of no help to others. I get the feeling that's what's going on right now. Your lover/wife/girlfriend/mate/partner has placed the mask on her son first and asphyxiated the relationship. This is a fantastic metaphor. I think we both asphysixated the relationship, but I kept telling her that she was neglecting it with her inconsistent attempts. We could never get the time we needed and all conversations evolved around children. She doesn't have any friends or hobbies nor does she do anything other than work so she really doesn't have a whole lot to talk about. She loves techno gadgets though. I like politics and discuss current events quite a bit. I also worked on and completed my Master's degree while we were together despite the escalating problems in order to try to shield myself from the behavior but eventually nothing could help this. So now I'm sitting here in a rather empty house. Where do you want to go from here? Do you foresee a future with this woman once her son is no longer in the house? She does, but I'm not sure. She told me over and over, that she wanted to save the relationship and the only thing she could do was to remove him from my house and that this was the last chance to save what we have. She simply disagreed about sending him back to his father except if he quit school; which I see coming. I'm not sure if this will help or not. Sure, I'll finally get some peace and some perspective. The problem with this is that I'm not sure it will help. It may, but you know, we never got a chance to adjust to each other after we moved in here. The boy came a year later and that was entirely too soon IMO. I'm just not sure what other problems his behaviors overwhelmed to the point where we never got to deal with anything else. We've discussed moving back in once he's gone, but now, were both so overwhelmed at what just happened. It's an amicable separation though. We're not fighting and I didn't scrutenize what she took out of here as she's told me she does intend to come back once she's done with him and is keeping a lot of her things here. Our yard is a gardner's paradise. She rented a place with no yard so that she could take care of this one. We're very much trying to heal and doing alot of talking and she and I and her daughter went to dinner last night. I am just so relieved he's out of my house though. So relieved...