Linda, stuff like that, I copy and paste and put in to a word document, like when the post is open, copy ALL.

:)

Moni

On your hard drive set up a MHT/Or Name it whatever you choose ;0) folder so you can find it, then go into the post you want to save and select File/Save As when that box comes up drop down the save as type box and choose MHT, this will save all of the post including any pictures and it will look exactly like it does on the forum when you open it to read it again.

Of course this is assuming you have windows explorer, I don't know how it works with any other op system.

"Add" the link to your "Favorites"!

adding the link to favorites will not save it...once it disappears from the kitchen table...all you'll get when you pull it up in favorites is something to the effect of "This post no longer exists"!...You have to copy and paste it into a word processing document or even send it to yourself in email!

Thanks Liz. I'll keep that in mind.

Maybe we need to make a suggestion at the Suggestion Forum, that they should make a forum for "The Best of the Best" or Oldies but Goodies" and then just save them for future reference/enjoyment.

Sue

Linda, when you save it the way Zipper explained, you will be able to open and view it whenever you want. To open it, just double click as you would any other file. All the links and everything will be operative just like any thread here. The only thing is you won't be able to share it for others to see at a future date unless you email it to people. Then, they can open it in a browser just like you. To share it for all to see at any given time, you'll have to figure out a way to get it on the internet so it becomes a hosted and active page, something like this thread from 2005. Country Bumpkin did this one for me but can't remember how LOL. I tried to do this with other threads but couldn't figure it out. Click on Freewebs in the link if you want to try, or maybe someone else will be able to help. I know there are archived pages from the Kitchen Table that someone keeps on their website. Forgot who that is though.

or one could start a new thread and do all of it like this....I removed the extra 'stuff' from the first few posts. With more time, I could/would do it all to neaten it up.

There's an old woman living in my house....

Posted by frazoo (My Page) on
Thu, Dec 6, 07 at 13:25

Once in a while, I'll catch a glimpse of her in a mirror. (At first, I thought it was my mother..LOL!) Otherwise, she remains discreet. How do I know she's here? Because she's leaving tell-tale signs around my house. Like....
my hairbrush... full of thin, grayish hairs
my closet...high heels are gone; replaced with tennies and comfortable flat shoes
my lingerie drawer...only white cotton briefs and sturdy bras in there
my medicine cabinet... no birth control pills, but full of vitamins and supplements, stool softeners and/or anti-diarrheal tabs and prescriptions
my snack cupboard... a variety of crunchy, fiber-filled snack bars

How about any of you? Is there an old woman leaving her stuff around in your house?

Leslie/KS

* Posted by vannie (My Page) on
Thu, Dec 6, 07 at 14:05

Yes there is, and she better get it cleaned up!

* Posted by kathy813 (My Page) on
Thu, Dec 6, 07 at 14:07

Some old lady is writing notes that I can't read. Her handwriting is terrible. She also leaves things out that she should put up. I've had to make a new space for all her meds and her doctors numbers are on speed dial.

RE: I forgot to add....
* Posted by kathy813 (My Page) on
Thu, Dec 6, 07 at 14:10

--I can't believe her panties are that big when I take them out of the dryer. Boy she has got a big A$$.

* Posted by frazoo (My Page) on
Thu, Dec 6, 07 at 14:14

Too funny, Vannie and Kathy813! She's even come and put up a smaller Christmas tree this year...and with more gift cards than gifts! What nerve! If only I could catch her in the act...I'd show her a thing or two!

* Posted by pranjal (kpanmann@eim.ae) on
Thu, Dec 6, 07 at 14:42

LOL you gals crack me up!

Muahhhhh
Pranjal

* Posted by pixistix (My Page) on
Thu, Dec 6, 07 at 14:49

Yeah, here too . . . and just as she was feeling a little smug about not having to buy tampons anymore, she's now replacing their space on the shelf with Poise pantyliners!!!

* Posted by phyllis__mn (My Page) on
Thu, Dec 6, 07 at 14:57

....and the old lady living here disturbs my sleep by going to the bathroom umpteen times a night.

* Posted by lilliepad (My Page) on
Thu, Dec 6, 07 at 15:08

OOOOHHH YEAH!! Just yesterday she had me looking for an address book that was right in front of me.Oh well,at least I cleaned out all those old catalogs and fliers she was saving while I was looking for it.Now if she could just remember where she put the Christmas cards she bought on sale last year!

* Posted by grammahony (My Page) on
Thu, Dec 6, 07 at 15:14

Yes, and she's been hiding here for about 5 years. Darn her. I've also seen her fat a$$ jeans in my laundry too.
Leslie

* Posted by ronf (My Page) on
Thu, Dec 6, 07 at 16:10

You guys are sooo funny.
Speaking of old ladies DW and I just took my 97 year old great aunt shopping this morning. She needed new dress shoes for church and snow boots. She lives out in the country by herself a half mile from us. Still drives to town most days and cuts her own grass in the sumer. She found her shoes and boots and was so tickled when the salesperson asked to see her drivers license after writing out a check. She just had a birthday in Oct. and had to get her license renewed, it's good for another 4 years. She's so proud to still have her license.
She was pretty upset this morning. The snowplow clipped her mailbox and bent it so the door doesn't close right. She spent a good ten minutes cussin' him out. ;-) She doesn't hear very well anymore but her mind is as sharp as a tack. Geez, I hope I can grow old like her.
Ron

* Posted by jannie (My Page) on
Thu, Dec 6, 07 at 16:31

I have a 75 tear old cousin who I want to grow up to be. I'm 55. She maintains her house and garden and babysits for her three year old grandson. And does it all beautifully!

* Posted by happy_go_lucky_gayle (My Page) on
Thu, Dec 6, 07 at 16:34

Ya'll are crazy....I think I wet my diaper.

Gayle

* Posted by bunglogrl (My Page) on
Thu, Dec 6, 07 at 16:38

She does something to my books to make the print seem blurry. She also sneaks shapewear into my lingerie drawer.

* Posted by teresa_j30 (My Page) on
Thu, Dec 6, 07 at 16:46

LOL...you ladies are too funny!! I am sitting at my desk at work laughing like a fool while everyone looks at me like I'm crazy!! Pixie...your post could've been written by my mom!

* Posted by sooey (My Page) on
Thu, Dec 6, 07 at 17:38

Holy Crap! That old lady has been in my house also. What a PIA! I'm sure she would never admit it, but she has a "problem". It could be that she can't hear it, but she farts and burps...at will! Geesh...I hope I'm not that bad when I'm that old...

* Posted by nita__az (My Page) on
Thu, Dec 6, 07 at 17:50

Sooey, I have that same old stinky lady living at my house. Man she can let out some whoppers too. I sure hope DH doesn't think that is me, it is soooo embarrassing.

o
RE: There's a very, very old woman living in my house....

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* Posted by sooey (My Page) on
Thu, Dec 6, 07 at 17:57

Oh My Dog!...nita...isn't it awful? How can someone FART like that. Some of her farts are so loud, well, all I can say is...they must HURT! And the burps...in the middle of a sentence! I'm just glad I was not raised like that. jeesh...

o
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* Posted by frazoo (My Page) on
Thu, Dec 6, 07 at 18:11

It's the SBD's that get me...sneakin' around...pollutin' the air. And, those snorky sounds she makes when I'm trying to nap....jerks me awake every time! How rude!!!

o
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* Posted by liz_ga (lizflys@hotmail.com) on
Thu, Dec 6, 07 at 19:00

I walk by the mirror sometimes and scare the bejeezus outta myself...that can't POSSIBLY be me....let's not go there about my gastro problems...

o
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* Posted by sooey (My Page) on
Thu, Dec 6, 07 at 19:03

I know EXACTLY what you mean, fraz...Right in the middle of a good, sound nap...whamo...I'm awake for no reason except that old lady making some sort of snorky sound. It's so loud she actually makes me jump!...How rude, INDEED!

o
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* Posted by tami_ohio (My Page) on
Thu, Dec 6, 07 at 20:39

I think she snuck in here, too!

o
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* Posted by junkyardgirl (My Page) on
Thu, Dec 6, 07 at 21:00

Well, she may visit all of you, but she lives here! She is watching old timey movies, and leaving all her pain pills on my kitchen shelf where I used to keep my teas. She even switched out my teas to things like "Sleepytime" and "Smooth Move"...the nerve!

And the candles she buys...lavender and peach scent! Where are my "sensual" and "erotic" scented candles?? I think she threw them out.

She is in the bathroom at least three or four times a night, and won't let my cats sleep in the bed with me, because they keep her awake, and she needs her sleep.

She has my car radio set to the oldies station, or heaven forbid, SOFT ROCK! She keeps downloading Frank Sinatra, Perry Como, and Bing Crosby songs onto my computer.

And my frig is FULL of healthy food! Fruits, veggies, yogurt, lean meats. Where are my hamburger, steaks, potatoes, and bakery stuff?

I cringe when I see her old lady cotton panties, and all those elastic waisted pants and shorts, and dowdy old lady shirts. Where do you think she hid my Rolling Stones T-shirt with the big tongue on it??? Or my Grateful Dead tie-dyes??? Or my ripped up size 5 jeans???I haven't seen them in years!

My medicine cabinet is full of salves and ointments, and herbal remedies for joint pain, poor eyesight, and night sweats.

To top it ALL off, she has done away with all my perfumes! I had to actually go out and buy some the other day. No fancy soaps or bath stuff, either! It's getting way too expensive replacing all this stuff.

If you see her at your place, please KEEP HER!

o
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* Posted by frazoo (My Page) on
Thu, Dec 6, 07 at 22:37

Oh, junkyardgirl, you summed it up beautifully! That wretched old woman is wreaking havoc wherever she goes. No one wants to keep her, so she just keeps travelin' on from house to house.

This has been fun. I've read this thread several times and keep cracking up! Thanks to all who joined in.

Leslie/KS

o
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* Posted by evatx (My Page) on
Thu, Dec 6, 07 at 22:46

Ohmigosh! Some old lady's been leaving her granny pannies in my lingerie drawer. Lingerie - Ha! It's been a lonnnngg time since what I wear could be called "lingerie." *sigh"....I do remember, though.

o
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* Posted by chubby_rat (My Page) on
Fri, Dec 7, 07 at 0:46

Well....she's now in El Paso! Would someone come and get her please? I think Lillie's old woman stole my Christmas cards I bought last year too! I had to buy new ones again!AND the rotten old woman is following me to work now! She limps when she gets a "crick" in her leg....she has to say "huh" a lot because her ear buzzes...that poor old womans got a hitch in her giddyup.....I well remember being able to run...LONG time ago....now she's lucky to walk a little fast...I don't like her..

o
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* Posted by joyfulguy (My Page) on
Fri, Dec 7, 07 at 1:46

Haven't noticed much of her spoor around here, up till now ...

... but ...

... someone disturbs my sleep by wandering into the bathroom a couple of times a (short) night.

And there are those briefs that were bought a while ago, labelled, "Large" ... but when I put them on, I can hardly breathe.

I don't think that they're going to be very durable!

ole joyful

o
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* Posted by organic_donna (My Page) on
Fri, Dec 7, 07 at 9:57

Man oh man, she's at my house too. I was wondering who she was just yesterday. I was out shopping and saw her reflection in a store window. She seems to be following me. She has this tired worn out look in her face. Big dark circles and jowls around her mouth. She took my clothes too and must have altered them when I was out because they are all too tight to wear anymore. I think she's scaring men away too because I haven't seen any around here in years. I want her to leave as soon as possible before she moves in here for good. How do you think I can get rid of her? She seems to be closing in on me.
Donna
P.S. She's a farter too!

o
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* Posted by toni_ne (My Page) on
Fri, Dec 7, 07 at 10:59

I have an ol lady in my house too. Yesterday I realized how old she was when not only is she wearing those big undies but she has to hold on to the vanity to get them on! Come on, anything with leg holes that big shouldn't be a problem to get on. She insists that her duck feet have a tendency to get caught somewhere in the cavernous panties and if she didn't hold on to something she might end up sprawled across the floor. Its only a short time before I'll have to get her one of those emergency necklaces, just in case she falls and can't get up. Hello, firemen, I'm stuck in the tub.....

o
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* Posted by aptosca (My Page) on
Fri, Dec 7, 07 at 11:08

There has been one living in my house for years. I don't where she came from, but one day she just appeared. I wish the younger one would come back, I liked her better. LOL
Clare

o
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* Posted by grittymitts (My Page) on
Fri, Dec 7, 07 at 11:52

I'm sick of looking in the mirror to check my hair only to see HER there instead. In addition, something has happened to her lower "gaskets" too! Sounds like an ol' Put-Put car when she walks by!
Suzi

o
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* Posted by velleen78 (My Page) on
Fri, Dec 7, 07 at 12:00

Yeh! She came to my house to stay. DH seems to like her real well any way. Said he will keep her. Guess it is because he is limping around and doesn't have any energy.
Those two old foggies sit at the table trying to chew their food, or I guess I should say gumming their food and
slobbering it all over. Have to keep the dog in there to lap up the mess they drop on the floor.

o
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* Posted by happy_go_lucky_gayle (My Page) on
Fri, Dec 7, 07 at 12:26

Just when I thought it was safe here in Texas...SHE shows up. Getting up in the middle of the night for SNACKS. She must have a bladder the size of a dime.

One time she was wearing MY crocs and when She sneezed She peed in my crocs!

She can't even hear Herself Fart. Then wonders why the dogs scatter.

Gayle

o
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* Posted by bestlawn (My Page) on
Fri, Dec 7, 07 at 12:41

"Then wonders why the dogs scatter."
HAHAHAHAHA!!!

This thread is hilarious!

o
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* Posted by anettemartinrn (My Page) on
Fri, Dec 7, 07 at 13:09

this is one to save in the archives.

anette (who has the same problem with that old woman)

o
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* Posted by jel48 (My Page) on
Fri, Dec 7, 07 at 13:20

Read this last night but was too busy laughing to post!

But she's been here too! She left odd tooth cleaning devices (to be used on implants and bridges I think) in my bathroom and different pairs of glasses all over the house, two or three pairs of bi/tri-focals, reading glasses, computer glasses... at least she's jazzy enough to use the computer and need glasses for that, LOL!

I think she's left other stuff around too... and I just haven't discovered it yet. I don't DARE look in my underwear drawer after reading what she left at all of YOUR houses!

o
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* Posted by kiwidj (My Page) on
Fri, Dec 7, 07 at 13:41

Yep that old woman is obviously well travelled cos she's here at my house in New Zealand too!!!
She leaves those big undies and other heavily re-inforced undergarments laying around. Not to mention the 'groaning' noises she makes when she gets up every morning! I liked the young one much better ... the one who could leap out of bed and get all my housework done in the blink of an eye. This one does nothing but b!tch and moan!

o
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* Posted by happy_go_lucky_gayle (My Page) on
Fri, Dec 7, 07 at 14:24

And what about that OLD MAN she hangs out with?

Don't get me started.

Oh yeah...HE has the nerve to threaten to get a younger women....AS IF?

And Boy is the Viagra a BIG joke. What in the world would anyone want something like THAT to last even LONGER.

And that God awful smell of Ben Gay! Like that would make ME wanna Spon!

Gayle

o
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* Posted by vannie (My Page) on
Fri, Dec 7, 07 at 14:30

I'm with you, girl. I never thought I'd ever sleep w/ a 66 y o man. I told him the other day if I die and he remarries to please clean up his morning bathroom activities. He said what would that be? And I said at least shut the door! I've been married 2/3 of my life! I don't remember him not being around. As for that old woman in the house, good grief!! She deserves better than this. LOL (This is definitely tongue in cheek. I probably wouldn't trade him!!!)

o
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* Posted by ronf (My Page) on
Fri, Dec 7, 07 at 15:14

You wanna talk about some old man hangin' around... I don't know where he came from but, when he gets up in the morning all his joints starting cracking and popping; why when he takes those first couple steps it sounds like someone spilled a box of corn flakes on the bedroom floor. And, he gets no respect! His kids friends as them "Is that your Grandpa?" At least he hasn't started wearing black socks with his shorts in the Summer.
Ron

o
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* Posted by happy_go_lucky_gayle (My Page) on
Fri, Dec 7, 07 at 15:18

I just knew He'd show up at Ron's House.

Gayle

o
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* Posted by ronf (My Page) on
Fri, Dec 7, 07 at 16:23

Thanks, Gayle. I can always count on you. ;-)
Ron

o
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* Posted by frazoo (My Page) on
Fri, Dec 7, 07 at 17:37

Oh, lordy, may this thread never die!! I just came here and read all these new postings....BWAA-HAA-HAA!!

The old woman was offended and left the room, but I know she'll be back...and on my back, again...the ol'hag!

Leslie/KS

o
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* Posted by rosebudms (My Page) on
Fri, Dec 7, 07 at 18:54

She comes to my house too. She alternates with huffing and puffing because she is retaining fluid and leaving a little trail of drops when she heads for the bathroom after taking her Lasix. Somehow she doesn't always remember to get the proper supplies at Kroger.

And she hides my bills from me. Sometimes she takes them out of the designated folder and sticks them in a book as a bookmark, but then forgets she is reading the book until the bill is overdue.

She also sits and scratches on her old dried up legs and leaves a pile of dead skin on the floor.

We won't even talk about the ratty ole big underwear.

o
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* Posted by hey_j (My Page) on
Fri, Dec 7, 07 at 22:30

Oh my word! I thought this side was completely dead and look at all of you who've been *out there*
but not stopping by to say *hello* till now!!!
Where have you old ladies been all this time? LOL What a riot you are!!!

Oh, yeah, one of your old ladies has been creeping around my house, too! In nine years,
I'll be the age of my mother when she died in a car accident--69 yrs. old! I've
always looked like her, but now I AM HER!!! Kinda nice to look in the mirror
and see her smiling back at me, though!

Thanks for the laugh gals, and don't be such strangers, ya hear?? And thanks, Joyce,
for getting the ball rolling and the bellies laughing!

Now, where did that old lady put my ear plugs--I've got her old man to listen to all night,
sawing logs and claiming I'm the one doing all the snoring!!

Janice

o
old woman living in my house....losing her mind!

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* Posted by hey_j (My Page) on
Fri, Dec 7, 07 at 22:32

Oops, that old lady snuck in and posted a letter in my name, thinking she was on the hosta forum.
She's really losing it, gals!!!! Sigh! Blush!!! We won't speak of this again, okay??

o
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* Posted by tami_ohio (My Page) on
Fri, Dec 7, 07 at 22:57

That old man is here watching TV! Snore? Where are those ear plugs? Please pass them over.

o
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* Posted by bulldinkie (My Page) on
Sat, Dec 8, 07 at 6:47

Yeah I know the feeling,The one here has dry skin,pees alot,cant sleep shes up all night,cant see,she s starting to say what? alot.Shes tired all the time,Shes getting lazy works not getting done.I may have to fire her.Thats it...

o
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* Posted by jel48 (My Page) on
Sat, Dec 8, 07 at 10:35

If there's more then one.... and not just one old woman going from house to house.... let's fire them all! That's a really good idea :-)

o
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* Posted by jamielovescoffee__az (My Page) on
Sat, Dec 8, 07 at 11:28

Yes, the old lady hangs out at my house quite a bit. In practically every room in my house I have found these little ugly reading glasses that "old people" wear down low on their nose. She must have bought them in bulk at Walgreens when they were on sale or something!

And why does she constantly turn the volume way up on all the T.V.s? DH and the kids are always blaming ME--sheesh!

In the mornings I find 1 or 2 sweaty night shirts on my bathroom sink that she must have taken off during the night. Man, she is making a lot of extra laundry for ME to do, what with having to change the sheets almost every day and having to wash all the extra pajamas. The old bat must be having hormonal issues because she also cranks the air either way up or way down and again, the rest of the family blames ME.

o
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* Posted by velleen78 (My Page) on
Sat, Dec 8, 07 at 15:03

This is too good a thread to end here. I know we have moreold gray mairs here. Let us hear from you.

o
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* Posted by petaloid (My Page) on
Sat, Dec 8, 07 at 15:48

It could be the ghost of my dear departed Great Aunt Ethel. I think I've seen her here at my house -- in the mirror (oh, no, don't look!)

o
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* Posted by littlebug5 (My Page) on
Sat, Dec 8, 07 at 16:38

Yeah, I got one at my house too. I opened the breakfast cereal cabinet this morning and saw a box of Fiber One. What the #$%?

o
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* Posted by happy_go_lucky_gayle (My Page) on
Sat, Dec 8, 07 at 16:49

When I go to weigh myself, I KNOW She is putting her foot on the bathroom scale.

Gayle

o
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* Posted by mikka_north (My Page) on
Sat, Dec 8, 07 at 16:56

Ok, really REALLY TOO funny... Leslie I never thought I would say this, but she is here too! The stamps to mail all my Christmas cards, I know she has to have snuck them in some little nook or cranny because they are NOT where I keep them!!

And now even worse after Gayle's last posting, I REALIZE she HAS BEEN here for 10 bloody years stepping on my scale too!! WHO would have thought???

Does anyone want her?? Cause she's gotta go

Rosie

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* Posted by jannie (My Page) on
Sat, Dec 8, 07 at 17:02

When I turned 50, my husband threatened to replace me with two 25-year-olds! Ha! I did have an experience recently. I was walking past a store window and saw this crabby-faced old woman walking next to me, wearing the exact same clothes as I was. It made me make a point to smile or at least relax my face when out in public. Lucky no one at KT can see me now!

o
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* Posted by glenda_al (My Page) on
Sat, Dec 8, 07 at 17:21

This is ME!
Please add me to your list!

o
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* Posted by sooey (My Page) on
Sat, Dec 8, 07 at 17:25

OK Kids, this all started out as a funny little thread...but now it's getting serious! If someone doesn't come over to my house and get this old lady. I think I will have to throttle her.

She is repeating herself, over and over and over again. I swear...if I have to hear that stupid story about the night she found a mouse sitting on her thigh, I am going to SCREAM! And she better get her GIGANTIC 'Cotton Carters' out of my laundry basket before the next time I do laundry next or I will donate them to GoodWill. And, I just found a jar of Benifiber in the corner cabinet in the kitchen...what is up with that?

And I swear...if I have to hear that stupid story about the night she found a mouse sitting on her thigh, I'm going to SCREAM!

Knock on wood, this will NEVER happen to my!

Oops, gotta go...someone just knocked on the front door.

o
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* Posted by grammahony (My Page) on
Sat, Dec 8, 07 at 17:38

That's it. She was just here again 15 minutes ago. I was watching a movie on TV. I allowed myself to just relax and rest, covered up, all cozy, because I've felt punk all day. Aching and kinda cold. Then there's this snorking noise that woke me up, as my lips flapped together. Geesh, I was only resting my eyes.
Leslie

o
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* Posted by happy_go_lucky_gayle (My Page) on
Sat, Dec 8, 07 at 18:57

Tomorrow is Sunday.

I just know when She stands up in Church She's gonna have the skirt all wad up in her butt crack again.

Beware I got a glimpse of her in the grocery store a while ago and She bought BROCCOLI! Can you imagine...with her problem and all. Be fore WARNED!

Gayle

o
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* Posted by nita__az (My Page) on
Sat, Dec 8, 07 at 19:27

Seems like no matter what that little old lady eats she puts, puts, puts around here. I think she thinks they sound like little mice but I have news for her some of them sound like BIG rats!!! Even the cat turns his head when he hears her.

o
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* Posted by livinwell (My Page) on
Sat, Dec 8, 07 at 23:16

The old lady who follows me around is so confused.

She bought a small foreign convertible because she finally has no need for a third row of seats that fold down. Yet, she can't rise from the low seat effortlessly.

She cruises with the top down and heat on until a moment comes when she has to turn on the air conditioner full blast, but only for a moment.

She keeps saying things to her grown sons, like, "I can't wait until you are all out of the house", but when she enters her home on the occasion that no one is there, she's apprehensive and checks closets and empty rooms before she can feel comfortable with the fact that she is alone.

I guess I'll let her hang around, but I've got my eye on her.

o
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* Posted by shequit (My Page) on
Sun, Dec 9, 07 at 0:06

I thought it was just me. Thank you to you sisters of the amazing age. She's here, doing that.......

o
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* Posted by jejvtr (My Page) on
Sun, Dec 9, 07 at 0:50

This is the funniest threads i have read on here ever! this must go down in the annals - I spit on my computer screen, while similtaneously peeing in my pants when I got to glenda's post - You ladies are hysterical!

o
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* Posted by clueless (My Page) on
Sun, Dec 9, 07 at 1:32

The old woman in my house got so hot last night that she slept with the bedroom window open, and it was only 23 degrees out.

I spent $40 on a needlepoint kit today and had to take out several rows of stitches because she decided to help even though she could not see very well and skipped a row.

She is ruining my ladylike reputation because she sneaks up on DH at night and snores right in his ear, and he blames me for waking him up.

She has one of those gigantic ziplock bags full of medicine and it takes up a whole drawer in my kitchen.

She replaced all my fancy size 5 bikini panties with some big whoppin' white cotton full-sized undies that look like they belong on a fat ugly jail matron, and have matching full-figure bras.

She spends a fortune on Egg-Beaters and other old lady food that I certainly never touch, and have to toss when it expires.

She constantly whispers in my ear that I should live more healthily and even suggested that I take water aerobics. But she replaced my swimsuit with one that is sized so large that I just know it would hang on me -- and I can't appear in public looking like that.

Worst of all, she is constantly adding Tums to my shopping list. Next thing I know, Depends will appear on there, too.

She leaves gray hairs everywhere. I hope she goes bald soon so I don't have to look at them.

o
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* Posted by rosepetal2 (My Page) on
Sun, Dec 9, 07 at 2:09

the one here keeps leaving her 10x mirror, tweezers and a huge pile of course black hairs on my bathroom counter.........I don't even want to guess where those hairs came from. She leaves things in the stupidest places, I've found my potato peeler in the veg drawer in the fridge with the potatoes, my letter opener by a picture frame with one screw out and a different picture lying beside it, and she leaves candy bars hidden in drawers in the computer room............like the weight won't show up if no one sees her eat it and don't even get me started on all the time she spends on the computer instead of doing house work!!!!

o
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* Posted by joyfulguy (My Page) on
Sun, Dec 9, 07 at 2:34

Sorry to hear that you folks are having such trouble with those old gals that seem to flit (well, maybe not quite "flit") about your houses.

Very few such problems around here.

But - don't tell her about me ... maybe she'll show up!

ole joyful

P.S. Wait a minute!

What was that about memory?

Snoring? (Son doesn't want to sleep in the same room).

Eyeglasses everywhere ... except when you need one.

Socks scattered here and there ... but most with holes. Underwear with stretched elastic at the waist?

Yikes! Don't tell me that she's been here!

o j

o
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* Posted by nita__az (My Page) on
Sun, Dec 9, 07 at 3:18

Haha OJ you got things mixed up. You don't have an old woman visiting your house you have an old man. Please keep him there I don't need another, one is enough.

o
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* Posted by terible (My Page) on
Sun, Dec 9, 07 at 8:09

I just wish she would stop leaving that nasty garage footstool around in the kitchen for when her herniated disk acts up. And, mine has a corner of the counter taken with all her meds as well. The other thing that bugs me about that old lady is that she has half a section taken up in the freezer with those little plastic ice cube blankets for hot flashes and every time she takes a shower in my bathroom, the drain needs to be cleaned of what looks like a full head of hair. She even uses my makeup mirror and tweezers to pluck long chin hairs from her face (disgusting). This women is just way to much work and I wish she would go, I would tell her myself but shes just so mean and moody from pre-menopausal symptoms IÂm afraid.

o
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* Posted by nita__az (My Page) on
Sun, Dec 9, 07 at 8:27

She fell asleep in MY recliner last evening and woke up at midnight to play on MY computer. She came to bed at 2am and then woke me up again at 4 because she had a hot flash and had to go pee to boot. I will never be able to get a decent nights sleep with this old broad around.

o
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* Posted by never-give-up (My Page) on
Sun, Dec 9, 07 at 10:06

I am quite sure she is taking things to a whole new level. Somehow she has managed to take the hair that USED to be on my husband head and made it sprout on my FACE!!!

o
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* Posted by janwad (My Page) on
Sun, Dec 9, 07 at 11:10

She's leaving drool all over my pillow at night. How can I get her out of my bed?

It's not like she's sleeping that much. Otherwise I wouldn't have gotten that glimpse of her nodding off during a party. I don't think she can even keep her eyes open after 9pm anymore. Creepy. Of course, when I listen carefully, all she talks about at parties is her health (or lack thereof), so it's probably best if she nods off.

At least I feel safer knowing she isn't out there driving as much at night. I hardly ever see her on the roads late.

Is she the one who altered the list of specs for the electrician? I don't remember asking for that much lighting. It's like there's someone around who can't see well in low light. It cost a fortune.

I had one more, but she can't remember what it was.

o
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* Posted by carolswfl_2007 (My Page) on
Sun, Dec 9, 07 at 12:07

I have this same ole lady (Granny undies and all, when she sneezes, coughs, or laughs she must run and change them) at my house but I do find that she comes in handy once in a while when she gets her senior discounts, (not moments) and there are many (of both)!

o
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* Posted by mamatoad (My Page) on
Sun, Dec 9, 07 at 12:24

She has taken up permanent residence at my house!She has a bad case of Furniture Disease, like Glenda noted.(Her chest seems to be slipping right down to her drawers.)The clothes she wears are all designed by OMAR The Tentmaker, and when she waves, her upper arms look like bats in flight(really, really BIG BATS!!). I was mortified the other day when I heard her call a doctor "Hon"!! I don't care if she has known him since he was in kindergarten, that was not very respectful! Bettye

o
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* Posted by happyladi (My Page) on
Sun, Dec 9, 07 at 12:55

She's here, too. And she snores!

o
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* Posted by rosebudms (My Page) on
Sun, Dec 9, 07 at 13:43

And what is this Blanche Devereaux fixation on the sweaty muscular young hunks running up and down the basketball court with their flapping shorts? Doesn't she know that Michael Jordan is far too young for her? Not to mention the entire Duke team? Ah, the fantasies of the old and decrepid!

o
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* Posted by frazoo (My Page) on
Sun, Dec 9, 07 at 14:26

She was here again, too,...and uninvited. My two DGDs came for the weekend and they decorated the tree and put up the village. The old woman decided to help. She was wearing a sleeveless shirt because she was hot (it's 23 degrees here) and when she went to hang an ornament up high, the younger GD took a "thwack" at her swinging underarm and I thought the vibrations were going to topple the tree!

Go away, old woman, go away!!

Leslie/KS

o
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* Posted by patti43 (My Page) on
Sun, Dec 9, 07 at 14:30

She's at our house, too. She keeps messin' with the thermostat--up and down, up and down. I go check it and it reads the same every time. She's sneaky, that one.

OJ, that old man's here, too, when he isn't at your house. He's making DH's hair disappear on top. I think it's going down through his scalp, because now it's coming out his ears and nose. How's he DO that, anyway?

o
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* Posted by rhome410 (My Page) on
Sun, Dec 9, 07 at 14:47

I only caught glimpses of her at home, looking way too much like my mom for comfort...We, mercifully, have only 1 mirror and bad lighting over it in our temporary quarters while we're building. BUT she followed my daughters and I shopping and gave me the biggest scare of my life in the Victoria's Secret dressing room! Yikes. And my daughters were there to see her. At least they've been warned, but really have no idea how fast she shows up.

I think lately she is beating me in my sleep, since I awaken so sore each morning, as well as a few times during the night...

o
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* Posted by organic_donna (My Page) on
Sun, Dec 9, 07 at 19:13

Hi all,
I caught her following me again today. She was just staring at me with this tired old look on her face. She must be in her fifties and she still wears her hair long. She dresses like she's in high school, wearing jeans at her age. Who is she trying to fool? She looks so serious but when I smiled at her she smiled back, so I guess she's friendly. She must be sneaking sleeping pills in my water because I can't stay up past 9:00pm.
I just started noticing her presence recently, why is she stalking me? And why is she always looking at me in the windows when I shop? I really want her to leave me alone.
Donna

o
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* Posted by lydia1959 (My Page) on
Sun, Dec 9, 07 at 20:00

I thought the old woman died in my bed this morning. It was way past 8:00 and she was just lying there with her white pasty skin (no blood circulation going on there), mouth gaping open, icy cold hands. The old man came in and started talking to himself about his mornings bowel movement, which startled the old woman back to life.

It's time for them to get a condo in Florida.

o
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* Posted by ccinga (My Page) on
Sun, Dec 9, 07 at 20:30

I'm so embarrassed to say that ya'll have shamed me into admitting that this old woman has lived in my house for years. In the beginning, she just stopped by occasionally. Then the visits became more and more frequent ... until one day ... I discovered she had moved in. She's trying to take my place. I keep fighting back as best I can ... but it hasn't done much good. She's a strong old battle ax!

One day she actually ran over my DGD to get to the bathroom and yelled something about "age before beauty". When she is driving on a trip, she maps out where the "Rest Stops" are ... not the turns. She can't laugh, sneeze, cough, etc. without crossing her legs. These actions could cause her to pee, fart, or snort at any time.

A while back, I bought a nice pair of pants, one size larger than I usually wear. Obviously, she washed them in hot water and made them shrink. Now they are tight and short. Oh ... and she did that to my jeans too. I have to lay on my back on the bed to zip them up ... then she holds me down so I can't get back on my feet.

And the NOTES !!! She leaves me notes all over the house and at work. Not good notes though ... not the kind when you read them the next day you can understand what it means. Crytic kind of notes ... like she really was just leaving clues to tease me into figuring it out. Pleeeese, I am not Jessica Fletcher.

The best of all of it though is when she asks one of my daughters ... "Did I know that?" ... when they are talking about something. They stare at her, laugh, and know that it want be long before they are going to have to pin a note on her with their name, address, and phone number for the lost and found department.

CCinGA

o
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* Posted by shequit (My Page) on
Sun, Dec 9, 07 at 22:57

And not only that! She has donated all my "fat clothes" to charity and has shrunk all my "thin clothes" in the last several months. I hope someone is enjoying them. I have nothing to wear! What a stinker she is............

o
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* Posted by mosaicwench1 (My Page) on
Sun, Dec 9, 07 at 23:29

I can't believe your old women don't leave their toenails around for you to step on - DANG that women's toenails are razor sharp and HARD!!

There has to be old-woman repellent of some sort!!

o
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* Posted by frazoo (My Page) on
Sun, Dec 9, 07 at 23:59

Oh, no kidding, mosaicwench1! I'd forgotten about that! The old woman in my house does that, too! You should see all the limbering up she has to do to get ready to trim those nasty things. She stretches, bends, squats trying to reduce the cramping she gets from trying to reach her toes.

And, her manicure kit....it looks like a miniature Black & Decker tool set. And, when she finally vaccuums, it sounds like a popcorn popper...poppity pop, poppity pop!

Leslie/KS

o
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* Posted by drewsmaga (My Page) on
Mon, Dec 10, 07 at 1:40

Ah, mosaicwench1 & frazoo, that's why the old woman living in my house.... is banished to the back yard to clip those brick thick nails and dremel them into something that won't tear through hikimg boots. But she sneaks into my house afterwards -- I see her sometimes in the mirror with those reddish bags under her eyes. And if her eyelids droop any further, she won't be able to see at all -- oh well, that's her problem, not mine!

o
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* Posted by icheer (My Page) on
Mon, Dec 10, 07 at 7:22

You ladies don't know how lucky you are ... the little old lady who lives at my house leaves her teeth in a glass in the kitchen window! And I could parachute from the top of the Empire State Building using her undies! And what is up with those bras she wears? Those things have enough reinforcement to support an elephant!

When my little old lady meets God, she wants to have a little chat with Him regarding spacing of children ... did He think it was funny to space her kids so far apart that she has teenagers and grandchildren at the same time??? It's kind of embarrassing when she begs the grandkids to go to sleep at 7:30pm because "THEY" are so tired ...

And what's up with the hammer I found on the counter by these mystery bottles of medication? I think child proof caps are getting a bit too complicated for her ... and why are the labels in such small type now a days? (Although it was really funny when she mistook her sons ADHD medication for her antibiotic! We had to peel her off the ceiling that night!)

o
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* Posted by bluejeans4ever (My Page) on
Mon, Dec 10, 07 at 7:54

ROFLOL!!! (Laughing even harder at GLENDA'S pic!!!!!)

One lives here, too. She annoys my teenage daughter consantly with stories about when she was her age. AND what's worth, is that she repeats herself. Constantly.

Drives me nuts.

Drives me nuts.

Too much excitement for one day. Need a nap now. :~)

BJ

o
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* Posted by happy_go_lucky_gayle (My Page) on
Mon, Dec 10, 07 at 8:55

The old lady that lives her is always trying to find her glasses. Duh! They are on top of your head!

It is really fun to watch her in the grocery store when she forgets her LIST! She just roams up and down every isle trying to remember what she is there far.

Then when she gets into the parking lot, she can't remember where she parked her car. She just keeps beeping her "alarm" until she finds the car with flashing lights, because she can't hear the alarm.

Gayle

o
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* Posted by stjohnsgypsy (My Page) on
Mon, Dec 10, 07 at 9:09

This old broad is doing some traveling...she made it to my house......and I've got to get her packing...caught her in the bathroom in dismay because she said her mouth looks like Howdy's Doody's...getting the puppet mouth she said and started pulling on her face...then she got in the medicine cabinet..got out the Prep-H and said, by Gosh, if that stuff can shrink up hemrorrhoids, it can surely shrink these dang wrinkles...so she went for it....watch out AVON! Then at the grocery store, she was ahead of me and she had to announce OUTLOUD she was a senior citizen and it was SENIOR CITIZEN day..........and her purse had so many pockets and compartments she could pack clothes, etc. and travel across the world.....out fell a ziplock bag with chewing gum, hard candy, a rain hat, aspirin and coupons...then she said she wanted to eat at a buffet of all places instead of a nice quaint little restaurant she used to favor.......she piled her plate so high, you'd thought it was her last meal........again announced, she wanted the senior citizen discount......as she shuffled her way to the check-out. For Christmas she said she doesn't need any more knick-knacks cause she's just have to dust them.........and the old man she's living with....she had to put his boot on him this AM cause he's all boogered up....gout...........I didn't know she was traveling with a companion?

o
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* Posted by ronf (My Page) on
Mon, Dec 10, 07 at 9:10

Remember that old geezer I spotted around here? I think he's injecting me with something in the middle of the night. Some weird hormone. Maybe it's Bovine growth hormone. All the hair on my head is falling out. I could live with that, but it's growing back everywhere else! And I mean EVERYWHERE. Out my ears, out my nose. If DW doesn't trim my eyebrows every time she cuts my hair I'll look like Sarah Ferguson's dad in about 4 months. It's like a couple woolly caterpillars have decided to live on my face.
I think I'll get one of those motion activated cameras like okwriter has and try to catch him in the act.
Ron

o
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* Posted by happy_go_lucky_gayle (My Page) on
Mon, Dec 10, 07 at 9:16

If I had a Motion Detecter in my hallway at night it would flicker like a strobe light around the bathroom in the hall.

o
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* Posted by vannie (My Page) on
Mon, Dec 10, 07 at 10:20

Gayle--that old lady here looks for her glasses, too, and they're on her head!! One day she was packing up her purse to leave the house. Needed to put the cell phone in the purse and didn't see it anywhere. You guessed it, she was talking on it. Now, she's really getting old w/ that one!!!

o
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* Posted by susiesunshine (clutterbug5301@yahoo.com) on
Mon, Dec 10, 07 at 11:03

Well..... Folks... something strange.... the old lady who is living at my house... Is Very Very Nice...SHE IS UGLY and hard to LOOK AT!!!!.... but she is H A N D Y>>> so I am going to have to cut her some SLACK....
You see... she has had some sorta SPECIAL ~~~T R A I N I N G ~~~ she is the only one in the house who ***KNOWS *** how to put TOILET PAPER on the holder...
it's true... and.... SHE IS THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS HOW TO TAKE OUT THE TRASH>>>>>
perhaps the Uglier the Old Lady... they get that SPECIAL TRAINING !!!! they do come in handy....
and SHE IS... very entertaining ______
forgetful YES>>. but one moment mean and angry... and the next moment... laughing and jovial and then the crying andddddd sobbing followed by... the cooking and baking of sweets to make up for the FITS she has... so all in all due to the old lady hidding things... and giving the whole family entertainment... of the memory laps and FITS...
I think ,,,, I'm gonna * * * KEEP HER * * * * for a few more days !!!!!
besides.... I think she has hidden some Christmas gifts around the house... I'm not sure where...
God Bless!
M E R R Y + C H R I S T MAS !!!
ole susiesunshine/alias The REAL OLD WOMAN !!!!!!

o
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* Posted by socks12345 (My Page) on
Mon, Dec 10, 07 at 11:19

Actually, she is impersonating me at work as I was sorry to see in a recent photo of our staff. The nerve!!!

o
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* Posted by olgaflowers (olgaflowers@yahoo.com) on
Mon, Dec 10, 07 at 11:25

Has anybody thought this would make a good Book !
Let's make this old lady rich !! And all I ask Is buy me
A dozen Donuts ! Olgaflowers,

o
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* Posted by minivanmom (My Page) on
Mon, Dec 10, 07 at 14:11

Ladies (and Gentlemen):

I have to tell you. I was sitting in the lobby, waiting for my dd at religious school yesterday and was reading this thread on the web from my phone. I was laughing so hard to myself that I was in tears!!!! People must have thought I was nuts, but you guys are soooooo funny. You have to save this thread somewhere for everyone to read. It is hysterical. Thanks for making my day.

Donna

o
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* Posted by monicakm (My Page) on
Mon, Dec 10, 07 at 15:48

Does anyone know if this old lady has a younger sister? Someone (kinda) fitting this description is in and out (guess I COULD keep the doors locked!) but I get the feeling she's a little younger than this crotchety older woman that's on the loose. Just so I know who to be on the lookout for, about how old would you ladies say she is?
Monica

o
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* Posted by kathsgrdn (My Page) on
Mon, Dec 10, 07 at 16:17

I guess I've missed this post for some reason. The old hag, though, is here too, in MY house! This morning she made me do something stupid, like put socks in the fridge, sad thing is, now I can't remember what the heck she made me do. It was sorta funny at the time, in a sad sort of way...wish I could remember what it was.

She's also messing with my climate controls in the car, in the house and at work. One minute I'm freezing, the next I'm pouring sweat.

The old bag trips me sometimes too, walking through the livingroom, nothing there, mowing the grass out back, same thing. She must be kicking me in the back when I sleep too because I wake early in the morning with back pain, can barely walk to the bathroom and then have to spend the rest of the morning on the couch.

And I see her in the mirror sometimes (most of the time I try not to look), wrinkles, dark circles, jowls, sagging boobs, flabby arms and all that gray hair!

o
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* Posted by vannie (My Page) on
Mon, Dec 10, 07 at 17:04

Monica, it's possible that the OLD WOMAN has a younger sister, but the younger sister is probably just in training to become the OLD WOMAN. Now,having said that, the really scary part is that the OLD WOMAN just may have an older sister. Now, that's sobering. I'd say this gal is probably close in age to the sweet, young, beautiful, spry, witty, energetic lady of the house she has chosen to live with. BEWARE. Be careful. Be very, very, careful!

o
RE: There's an old woman living in my house....

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* Posted by rchovey (My Page) on
Mon, Dec 10, 07 at 19:01

OMG...she's here in NC now. I just saw her in the mirror...I'm really scared. She is sucking the life out me. I'm starting to feel tired all the time, aching all over. Be careful, she's dangerous!She'll take all the fun out life, keep her away at all cost.

o
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* Posted by ntt_hou (My Page) on
Mon, Dec 10, 07 at 19:27

You all can keep the old man and the old woman and her sister! They haven't been here yet and I'm double locking all my doors and windows! I'll make sure to turn on the house alarm on when I'm out so they won't sneak in. Better yet, I have better throw out all those mirrors to avoid luring them in my home =o)

PS: Thanks for the laugh and for things that I don't want to look forward to but hope that I will adapt to them graciously when the time comes ;o)

o
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* Posted by use2bcapecodr (My Page) on
Mon, Dec 10, 07 at 19:58

Oh for heavens sake!! Now that old woman has moved into MY HOUSE!! She's decided SHE is going to do the Christmas decorating in MY house!! Boy...is she brazen!! And sooooooooooooooo slow! It took her all afternoon just to decorate the mantel and the porch! If she wouldn't keep holding a pair of glasses in each hand maybe she'd be able to work faster. (She says one pair is for reading and one is for the computer...which I keep trying to keep her away from...but she insists on wasting a lot of time at.) By the time she gets around to decorating the tree...it will be Valentine's Day!!

I can't stand it! If we're not going to

Sue ~ that was a lot of work. Thanks...

Linda