Hi, Meredith!! This is my first post in ages. I know you're honored (LOL!!!). Here's my take: although everyone has their own unique idiosyncracies (ie: spontaneous vs. need to plan ahead) and every friendship has unique circumstances (best friend lives next door vs. across town), my personal rule of thumb is that friendships work best with less "requirements" instead of more. So, respecting the differences between you means tolerating different styles, otherwise it's just too much work. The key to a great friendship is immediate and automatic forgiveness and acceptance of the little stuff. She made a special dish for you as you asked (how nice!) but forgot about your special needs and didn't give you warning a day in advance to save your energy/back for dinner (oops!!). You are both miffed....NO PROBLEM!! Why? because there is nothing wrong with your feelings. You shouldn't even be debating whether yours or hers are any less or more valid. There's no right or wrong here. It's really all about how much you tolerate and ultimately forgive your friend. And vice versa. The way I'd handle it is: you call and tell her how sorry you are that you missed your favorite meal, especially since she went to so much trouble for you (any leftovers?). You love and appreciate everything she did. Your back sometimes interferes with your ability to be spontaneous (isn't it a bummer?) But if you get a day's notice, you can often rest your back enough to do what you want. Thank her profusely for going to all that trouble just for you (which she did, unquestionably). End of story. Don't tell her what to do in the future (save that for some other time when there's nothing in the air between you), or expect her to say anything like "I'm sorry". That would be imposing a requirement on her in order to soothe your feelings. If she does it, great!! But if you love this friend, and you are willing to tolerate the differences in your respective styles, it shouldn't matter that she occasionally forgets about your style. Yes, my suggestion sounds like a one way apology...and in some ways, it is. However, you are really acknowledging the special effort she made for you, her friend. That acknowledgement is important, because people need to feel appreciated. She did something for you, but blew it in the execution. Like any other gift, it's the thought that counts. My guess is that with acknowledgement, the whole thing will quickly defuse. And if I know you, you've already had that conversation anyway. So don't do anything more. Keep your feelings to yourself. Someone really wise once told me that in every relationship, including marriage, the parties decide every day, subconsciously, whether they still want to be there. This is part of it. Anyway, that's my take on friendship. It comes from knowing, in my heart of hearts, that I am very imperfect, yet my friends still love me and want to be my friend. I try to...

I took the posted advice and composed an email to the company CEO about this mess and copied in both the first HR employee that I was working with along with the HR director who was supposed to be following up and finding out why the delay. I had also been playing phone tag with three different people at the labor board and was getting no help there. Seems no one really knew if they could help me. I had the state insurance dept lined up for my next step. Before sending my email I tried calling one last time and finally reached a receptionist who understood how upset I was and why I didn't want anyone's voice mail and wanted to speak to someone in HR. It took her several tries and she kept putting me on hold but would come back to let me know what steps she was taking and to apologize for the wait. She finally was able to connect me to the original person that was taking care of things till she went out on her own FLMA leave and I quickly brought her up to date and told her that I was taking steps to go to the CEO and the labor board and the state ins dept. Turns out she had turned over my paperwork to the HR director and after talking with me she put me on hold and went to see why nothing was done. Hello the paperwork was still just sitting on the director's desk! She then tried to talk me into applying for Medicaid instead of Cobra because the Cobra is very expensive. I told her that I had Cobra once before and the cost should be the same that the company would pay if I was still employed. Main reason is by electing Cobra I will have no lapse in coverage and it should run until next year when I will have to find a plan on ACA. It then took about 5 minutes top for her to send everything to Ceridian Benefits Services! Of course the issue now is that we are way pass the time limit of 45 days that an employer has to get the information to me to elect Cobra. And if I am denied because of this time lapse, my HR contact assures me she will make sure I get the coverage. We shall see. For sure I will be contacting the state ins dept if there is a problem and already have the info lined up and all my emails and forms ready to send to them. What a bloody nightmare this has been. One good thing is that the FDA has approved two new promising drugs in the last two weeks to treat Pulmonary Hypertension. Thanks everyone, just being able to vent here has helped and your responses have made things easier for me. Kat

My dd will sometimes text while we are having a conversation - that is really irritating! I tell her to put the phone away, and she does, but I am surprised she does this at all because she is normally very polite. I think texting while talking is common and acceptable in her circle of friends. She pays her own bill with her babysitting money, but still, I would not hesitate to take her phone away if her grades dropped or if it was causing trouble (other than the occasional abovementioned rudeness). I think kids have been finding ways to connect with their friends on the sly for years. When I was a teenager, we wrote long notes to each other during school and passed them in class, and talked on the phone for hours (in bed, while we were supposed to be sleeping). I snuck out of my window to meet up with boys. So, as long as dd keeps her grades up and is polite to me, I don't have a problem with her texting her friends - seems like a different way of doing the same thing teenages have done for decades. I did want to point out, stargazzer, that I feel better about her IM'ing/emailing her friends rather than texting them. I told dd that her IM conversations are logged, and that I probably would never read them, but reserved the right to if necessary. I know her email password and could monitor who she is in touch with if I wanted to. I'm not sure how easy it would be to monitor who she is texting (haven't bothered, because so far it is just her friends and occasionally, the boy who lives next door). I have read about options to get an alert when your child receives a call from someone not on your "approved list" - seem like more work/expense to set this up though.

If you find yourself 'being different' ALL the time, are you simply being oppositional? How likely is it that one person disagrees with a group of others about so much? You are, of course, welcome to your views, whether they are real or simply meant to oppose. Lucille, thanks for your calm and well-stated comments. No, I'm not being oppositional. I'm male (one of few here), I'm younger than the majority of participants, and there are several other demographical differences that others' comments highlight to me. And I'm a hybrid A-B personality, I'm not passive. I want to resolve ASAP problems or issues I face, I don't accept the status quo about anything. These factors make it very likely that my reaction to a situation someone describes on this forum will often differ from that of others. I offer my views, when they differ, as another perspective or counterpoint to consider. To me, a litany of comments of agreement or concurrence to what someone else has said that are common here add little to a discussion. PS - Thank you too to joyful guy.