I once received from my dh a "She Who Must Be Obeyed" shirt. He was so proud of himself as he actually had to send away for it, but I was not amused. I believe that is the title of an older British comedy.

SO bought me a Hand Turn Can Opener the other day and said "Merry Christmas". I don't use an electric can opener that takes up counter space and my old hand turn opener got dull.

Oh well. It's the thought that counts. LOL! A$$

When we moved into our first house I bought a beautiful set of Maytags for almost nothing, second hand but less than a year old. The man selling them said he'd bought them for his wife that Christmas and she was divorcing him. (That's all he said. Read it any way you want. LOL)

Boy, those were great machines. The washer went to DS's first house with him. It lasted over 25 years w/two minor repairs. (No wonder that company sold out; they'd failed to make machines that need to be replaced often.)

One year my DH kept telling me how much I was going to love my gift. He had asked a friend who was going to Paris to bring me back a silk scarf. I was devastated. I NEVER wear scarfs!!! He was actually recovering from back surgery but he had several offers from family to do his shopping for him but he kept turning them down because he had it taken care of. Since then he knows better than to "surprise" me.

Linda

OH, too many to count...our first Christmas, he bought me an iron. AN IRON! Oh, and a kitchen clock.
I've also been the recipient of a car vacuum that plugs into a cigarette lighter (that my car didn't have) and a canner that was a "co gift" to share with his mom. I finally got smart and made him a list. The last few years he bought me a special perfume, so things did get better. Oh, I got a ring one year too, that was very special.
Now, with my SO, last year was our first Christmas, and he got me a pound of Starbucks coffee beans. Woo Hoo!

My husband used to buy me clothing from Frederick's of Hollywood, sexy items like thongs, crotchless panties, etc. We would open our gifts in front of the kids and my MIL. It was huniliating. I'd stuff them back in the box and hope no one really saw them. I later explained to him these gifts are nice, I appreciate that he thinks I'm "sexy" but they should be given privately, later on. I think he understands now.

Yeah, when I was married I got a toolkit for three years in a row. After the third Christmas, I said wait a minute...

But I do use them quite a bit.

A man's perspective.

After I write this some of you might hate me. But I have to get this off my chest! And you women don't know where I live!

One of the problems with gift giving is the differences between men & women. Say I was a plumber. If my wife got me a set of top of the line plumbing tools to replace the broken down ones I'd been using for 15 years, I'd be thrilled, and I think other men would too! I need them but would rather make do with what I have rather than spend the money on myself. If my wife's non stick pans lose their non-stickiness (my wife's really did) and I buy her a new set, I'd better be wearing a suit of armor because she'd bash my head in with a saucepan!

We were out shopping together a month ago and she saw a large skillet with a glass top for $50. Later that week it was on sale for $20 so she bought it for herself. Ever since she's been raving about how much faster it cooks and keeps the stove clean because of the top. She loves it! But, it wouldn't do as a Christmas gift from me because it isn't 'personal'!

Her whole family asks each other what they want for Christmas, buy the stuff, wrap them all up and present them to each other to open up on the 25th like they don't know what's in the packages! How wierd is that?

I've tried to get my wife something to surprise her with but it's really tough. I have a list of what were her sizes but she's put on weight this last year. Am I going to ask for an updated list? Not on your life!

That's the real reason a gift that doesn't need a size appeals to me. In a perfect world (at least to my way of thinking) a good Christmas gift is something the recipient can use (OK, needs) but wouldn't buy for themself. But I guess I'm wrong.

How about confirming, or dissenting my thoughts from the other male members of this forum? I'm pretty sure I'll get a few names called me by the women on here. But hey, at least I was honest!

Not a single one! I asked for a bread machine and he gave it to me. I asked for Corelle dishes, and he gave them to me. He knows not to buy me anything for the house unless I specifically ask for it. So far, so good. LOL

I feel like such an odd ball here. When I was married the first time we didn't have much money and had a lot of medical bills to pay. I couldn't afford such luxeries as vacuums or coffee makers etc. My ex would always find a way to buy them for me at Christmas time. I loved them. They were conveniences that lasted all throughout the years. I was working full time with a lot of varied hours as a grocery store cashier and had a young baby as well as a teenaged brother who lived with us. I was always so tired when I got home from work. I loved having a clean home and every little thing he bought me to make daily or weekly routines easier was greatly appreciated.

Linda

LOL, I was just getting ready to post about how "unwomanly" I was at least in the gift department but mscsippy beat me to it. We have been married going on 44 years and I have always loved the gifts I got for Christmas and birthdays. Even the ones to cook or work with were needed and put to good use (and I didn't have to go buy them myself). He also bought better quality appliances than I probably would have sprung for. Now after one of my friends jumped him he is afraid to buy anything but "treats" but I like the jewelry and cameras also. Now me buying for him - that is another story - anything he needs or wants he buys way before Christmas for himself. He has to go through some of his sporting catalogs and give me a selection of things to choose from and then I buy them so he doesn't know for sure what he is getting just that it will be something from his list. Works for us so far. Molly

Amen, softball.
I got your back.

Ron

I think that our society is generally so well-off, compared to several generations ago, that we don't need and greatly appreciate gifts the way our grandparents did. Most of us are able to buy much of what we need and sometimes even what we want. This isn't to say I don't appreciate gifts, but I find shopping so difficult and ask my family to make lists. I got tired of returning! I'm lucky that they generally don't ask for much, as they have their dad's thrifty genes. I love receiving useful gifts and would be far from offended to receive something for the kitchen or cleaning implements. Hmm, I hope this doesn't paint a bad picture of me and my family; I'm just writing down my thoughts.

We tend to get "house gifts" like last year we bought a mattress set, the year before an HD TV. Dishes and appliances would be good "house gifts" because they are something we both can use. No DogHouse. But we always get each other something to put under the tree and unwrap. I've already gotten my DH a DVD and a set of gourmet salts. He loves movies and good cooking!

My DH has never been good at getting me what I want. For our first Christmas he bought me a fondue pot. I didn't even know what that it was! LOL I would drop hints all the time especially when close to my birthday, also in Dec., and Christmas but he never had a clue. After 15 years of hinting I started giving him a long list. He doesn't have to buy everything on the list but can choose a few of them. That way I get what I want and it is still kind of a surprise since I don't know which items he picked to get me. He does the same for me. It has worked great now going on 16 years.
Clare

Oh geez...oh yes. The worst was a Deepok Chopra book. Why a man who goes to church every week thought I needed a book by Deepok Chopra..... I think it was probably put out as a best seller right in front of the bookstore.
Now I tell him what I want. This year I want totes to put horse stuff in.
How romantic is that!?

OK - who else had to Google Deepok Chopra?

I'm usually pleased with whatever he gets me, because he is such a thoughtful and great guy, so I'm never disappointed in a gift. He may miss the mark on occasion, but I do too, for him. He got me a lovely bouquet of flowers for my birthday. They are just gorgeous, but I don't have a talent for flower arranging, and when I put them in a vase they never look as good as they did wrapped in the green florist tissue, LOL. I'm thinking of suggesting he take one of my vases with him and asking them to arrange it in my vase. I'm looking at these flowers right now and I keep wishing they were arranged better!!

Softball, one idea is to get her several things of different types, and hopefully you'll hit on one of them! Maybe get her a personal type gift, a practical gift, and a gift pertaining to her hobbies and interests. For personal, something like perfume or jewelry. If your budget allows, consider an item which is of highest quality, like nice leather gloves, a soft cashmere scarf (if your climate is cold enough that neck scarves are worn in winter), a gorgeous handbag, or a fake fur throw to keep her warm. Or a box of Godiva chocolates. Just something a bit special that she wouldn't buy for herself. If one gift is like that, then it's ok to also give her a can opener. LOL. Just don't let that "housekeeping" gift be the only one. For another gift, think about what her hobbies and interests are, then type that into Amazon's search page. Whatever she is into, gardening, reading, cooking, you can come up with something she will appreciate. You get an "A" for effort!!

And another thought, really offer to help her out during the holidays. It seems like so much of the work falls on the female. Ask her what task you can take over, such as Christmas cards or putting up the tree or running errands. If my husband did more of this, I'd be a happy camper even if there was nothing for me under the tree. Unfortunately, my husband's job is very demanding this time of year and he works long hours, so his availability to help is usually limited.

Let me add to my above post to Softball, and any other men out there, to consider your wife/girlfriend's desires and your situation at the time before deciding on a gift. For instance, some women DO like practical gifts. They don't want any more jewelry, etc. but really want a vacuum cleaner or new toaster. Or perhaps they think perfume and nice sweaters are frivolous when the kids need shoes or stuff for school and money is tight. Then she might look at that gift and be thinking about how that money could be better used. Each year my husband and I discuss beforehand what we are going to do for each other, gift-wise, for Christmas. Sometimes we agree on a joint gift. One year we had just had the house painted and new gutters installed, so we agreed to spend only about $20 on each other.

Shea - thanks for your attempt to suggest good gifts for my wife. Like a lot of people we are somewhere between being homeless and living like Donald Trump.

Perfume - have got that in the past but she didn't care for the scent.

Gorgeous handbag - define 'gorgeous'.

The Godiva chocolates - she does like them but is trying to watch her weight. I might punk out and get them anyway.

Actually although I did have a point to make, I have it easier these days because my daughters are finally old enough to help me pick out gifts that won't put my health at risk.

BTW thanks for having my back, Ron.

Oh Yes! I am a "woman of substance" and one year he gave me a huge sweatshirt with a whale on the front!! He couldn't figure out where he went wrong. So now he gets a list with specifics - store, location in the store, price, names of contact sales people, etc.. Even that doesn't work sometimes.

Last year a fish turner from Paderno was on the list. I told him, "Go in the front door and look to your right. You will see a rack with gadgets on it. The one I want is the first one in the second row." When I opened my stocking on Christmas morning, here was this other spatula. I gave him "the look" and he said," I got that for you instead because I didn't think you really wanted the other one." AAAARRRRGGGGGHHHH!!

I've never understood why women expect men to figure out what they want as a gift. Give them a list, a long list!

My DH and I exchange lists about the end of October, and they are long enough that we can each pick and choose. We've never gone overboard on gift-giving, but we do give a selection - two to four gifts depending on the price.

My DH knows not to buy me jewelry. I only wear my wedding band and engagement ring, and the very rare pair of earrings. We'd been together for almost a year when our first Christmas came around, and he asked my good friend what I would like, and she told him earrings. Stupid - she thought I didn't wear them because I didn't have any. I don't wear them because they drive me nuts! We returned the very expensive earrings, and I selected a really good stockpot, which I have used weekly for about 30 years.

Please - give the guys a clue! And do not just "hint" around, say it out loud: "Gee, sweetie, I'd really enjoy getting that for Christmas!"

They want to please you, they want you to be happy, but they cannot read your mind. And, hey! Who would have known my DH wanted a computer weather station this year?? I didn't have a clue until I saw his list.

Softball, you are so sweet to try to figure this out. LOL. At least you have daughters to help out and bounce ideas off of. We just have two sons, so no help there for my DH!

Without knowing your wife and what her interests are, it's difficult to come up with ideas, but I'm trying to think of things that will keep you out of trouble! I've got to go to an appointment, but will try to think of some suggestions.

I'm allergic to metal so jewelry's out, but even if I wasn't I love getting new kitchen stuff as gifts. Of course, a Coach handbag wouldn't be such a bad gift, either. ;-) But I'd feel guilty about it, probably.

Hmm, I'm probably a freak, but I loved getting my little dustbuster vacuum - because I wanted it and he listened enough to hear that. Same wiht my Felco pruners. However, hgot me a necklace last year that was simply not my taste. I knew I would not wear it and that he spent a lot of money on it. I had him return it.
Getting household stuff does not bother me, but getting something totally random that shows no thought at all does.

In keeping with this discussion, you'll really enjoy this link!

Ellen

Here is a link that might be useful: Beware of the Doghouse

While my guy does very well -- I will say that 20 years ago a friend told me that he doesn't get his wife a Christmas gift -- but, give her XX amount for the after Christmas sales in a nearby major city [Chicago]... Boy did she love that! But she was a 'shopper' and enjoyed bargain hunting.
I agree with lots of people - exchange lists early on... no one is a mind reader... and frankly - if you're not telling what you 'really want' - you shouldn't be surprised when you get 'dog house gifts' -- Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus... we just don't think alike.

The most disappointed I have ever been with a gift from an SO was a few years ago when I got a coffee table book about Tuscany. I had never been to Tuscany but had been to Italy recently. It was the fact that it was a book that was so disappointing. I sold the book at a used book store.

Another male friend, not an SO, gave me a gift I loved. It was a retractable measuring tape. I still have it and have told him many times over the years how much I liked that gift. This same friend once gave me a pair of slippers that were too small. I didn't tell him they didn't fit and I could not exchange them because I had a feeling he bought them at a garage sale.

nelles -- Oh, I LOVED that Doghouse clip! The laundry-folding was a great idea. And the ending...the poor guys are still *clueless*.

But, you know, the women are pretty mean to just 'judge' without providing any reeducation.

My ex gave me a $200 electric toothbrush once. I have to say, that toothbrush lasted longer than he did. And for $200 it pretty much should.

My DH rarely buys me gifts, as I am very hard to shop for and we gave up lists. However, I recall two great gifts he once gave me and they both fall into "dog house" gifts, but I was thrilled with them. The first gift is a very nice floor lamp, so I have light when I read. The second gift is my Kitchen Aid mixer. I had a smaller version and REALLY wanted the big version, but could not bring myself to spend the money on it. When I came home and saw it on the counter I was thrilled!

Well I just have to add to the conversation here. Please ladies, don't ever think they (men) aren't listening.. they just aren't listening to what we want them to hear. DH has surprised me on a couple of occasions with gifts that I'd never have bought myself, one being a needlepoint frame for my tapestries, and another being a train trip up north as a spur of the moment holiday (although he knows I am not too keen on spur of the moment things I haven't planned to death, it was still something that makes us happy to think about now that it's over!!)

But, I must say I have been, and please forgive the pun.. stumped at at least two of his surprise gifts for Christmas. When we moved into our little country cottage, and had our firewood delivered for the first time, I was aghast at how much splitting I'd have to do. I'm the country girl, and he's the sad eyed Englishman, so I knew I'd be responsible for the wood. In some dark corner of my brain.. I do recall saying: "It sure would be easier with a splitting wedge." For those who aren't in the know, a splitting wedge to me is a slightly smaller than a pie slice piece of hard plastic, that enables you to split the wood easier. Imagine my chagrin at being handed a package the size of a large wedge of cheese that weighed 10lbs! Omg.. what could it be? You got it.. 10 lbs of cast iron.. splitting wedge! Oh.. how romantic!

The next gift to be handed to me on that same Christmas morning was the size of the sofa cushions I'd had admired earlier in the fall. But.. it weighed another 10lbs! Yes, it was the cast iron grill pan I'd commented on some year earlier in life.

I guess I could have split him up, and fried ... oh never mind.. he loves me, and does listen... just not to what I want him to hear... sometimes! lol

We are going shopping tomorrow for my Christmas present.....a new toilet to be installed by a plumber. And I am thrilled.
DH is very generous with things like trips, jewelry and going out for dinner but HATES to spend money for things in the house or the garden.
My favorite presents from him have been a Swiss army knife and a compass. I got them years and years ago and still carry them in my purse.

It wasnt a Christmas gift it was Valentines. My boyfriend now husband handed me this beautifully wrapped box, I opened it and was horrified! It was a Lady Remington electric shaver!!! Was he trying tell me something? LOL!!!!

This is the perfect example of what happens when he gives those "In the dog house" kinda things...

When you open it will look kinda strange, but just hang on it will bring up a black view box...and then you'll see the name JC Penney....etc. It' so worth the wait!

Here is a link that might be useful: In the dog house again!

oldrustybucket - you must have missed this but that video was already posted. Loved it!

Posted by nelles (My Page) on Thu, Dec 11, 08 at 15:04

In keeping with this discussion, you'll really enjoy this link!
Ellen
Here is a link that might be useful: Beware of the Doghouse

<?I>

That video was great!! thank you!

I'm probally the odd woman here,because I love DH giving me household things.
I'm not really a jewelery type gal,but he still insists on buying me those types of things...I keep telling him as much as I appreciate it next year I want something more practical.
About 5 years ago we decided not to buy each other gifts,but get something for the house that we both liked..ie a new camera,TV,stereo etc.
We still fill a stocking for each other though.

I have never minded getting household for Christmas. Especially when we were younger, this used to happen, because money was tight then, and sometimes household things seemed like a luxury.

I remember 40 years ago wanting a wrist watch for my birthday or Christmas. I went several years without the coveted gift. Could not afford to just go out and buy one for myself. I asked my hubby why he never got it for me and he said because then I would know what the gift was. dumb, dumb.

dody

DH is the last minute shopper, and spends the season grumbling about the lost meaning of Christmas. So shopping is pitifully painful for him. He absolutely abhors it, and wants for nothing from anyone either. ( I know, Bah-Hum-bug)

One year, he actually beamed as I was opening the 2 gifts he chose for me! I was so excited for his excitement for me, if that makes sense!!! All the family was gathered around because they all know that my poor DH just is NOT the shopping kinda guy. All eyes were on me as I opened the first gift.

It was a seer-sucker bathrobe. That's not so bad, as we are in Florida and I run hot anyway, so don't need a warm, plush, heavy robe. But when I tried it on, something wasn't quite right. It took a few minutes for me to realize...this is a MAN's robe!!! No darts to accommodate the breasts, and no curve at the waist. The belt was hung at my butt-level!!!

His response:

"Well, the ladies robes were too cutesy-wootsie for you"

(I beg your pardon?)

Second gift, same Christmas!

Perfume, all wrapped in the store paper....

Halston....."Por Homme"

"I told them to wrap up the Halston...I thought it was for girls!"

(Thanks, I was feeling pretty macho at this festive time of year.)

Nevertheless, the greatest occurrence of that precise moment, was my dear brother, who howled with laughter at DH's foibles! We still look back and laugh at that one!!!!

And understandably, after that catastrophic embarrassment, DH has reverted back to being bah-hum-bug...he just can't get it right! Poor thing!

(I buy my own stuff and say Santa delivered it for me!)

Carol in california, if my husband of 48 years would have been absent for a couple of years, I would swear that we were maried to the same guy. Same presents and I still carry them too.

Add me to the list of freaks LOL who love to receive useful things or something for the house.

Doghouse things would include most jewelry (don't wear much),smelly things (ugh) and flowers(what a waste, they die).

I love my knives,car stuff,my paper shredder and home improvement stuff I've gotten in recent years. If you get me a gift card forget the the mall stuff. Get me HD, Lowes,Bed Bath and Beyond or the local sporting goods cards.

I was a miserable ***** when I was married. My poor ex.
One year he got me an electric can opener. I hated it.
Another year he got me a beautiful jade and gold earring and ring set. I griped.
What's a man to do?

Cream

The first Christmas we were together, Dean bought me a vacuum...it was wonderful, as we didn't have one! I was thrilled!

We make lists of what we want. Otherwise we show each other exactly what it is that we want. I want a baking stone...so I pointed out the one that I wanted. I go to another store...and Dean buys it! We find it is just alot easier to do this. I know, there is no surprise, but we also don't waste time on returns, it is what we want.

Jewerly...he won't buy anything unless I have seen it and it is the right thing! LOL It just makes life so much easier.

DH does pretty good. The riding lawnmower for my birthday was great, I was the one mowing the lawn.

He has bought me earrings several times which is okay but I seldom wear earrings.

One of the best gifts was the Wal Mart gift card that was to be used for gas. I probably would never had got one to save the 3¢ a gal for gas but now I'm glad he did it.

Several items I have bought then told him he already had my gift for me. lol. One year I bought the Kitchen Aid mixer and told him it was my gift and he gave me the money I had paid. I got it before Christmas so I could make those Christmas cookies, I got so tired of mixing them by hand and I used to make bunches of them and give to our neighbors. Another time I bought this real cute doll that was in cradle at a local church bazaar and told him there was my present.

Some of my best presents have been from my son, he thinks like me. He got me an battery operated fly swatter that kills critters on contact and is wonderful for the larger insects that get in the house. Another one was the cordless drill and a big cordless rechargeable spotlight. The spotlight is used often trying to find my dog at night when he doesn't want to come in the house, love it.

One year I bought myself one of the small tea kettles, wrapped it and put under the tree and when I opened it I just got so excited and told the kids to look at what Santa got me, something I've been wanting for a long time. They looked at me like I was crazy.

The year I received 3 gift wrapped melon ballers did it for me. I buy what I would like and say "see what you got me for Christmas"..... DH does the same usually. I do try to purchase something small so he has at least one surprise to open. But those stupid melon ballers still give me heart burn.

Budster! I was just thinking about your melon ballers yesterday. I was telling one of my friends about them; I hate to tell you this, but he had a good laugh over it. Although we both understand it was not funny to you, especially at the time.

(((Happy Holidays this year, Budster!)))

OK - who else had to Google Deepok Chopra?

Softball he was an Indian guru that made the rounds on Oprah. Haven't seen him lately.
Gift ideas..
Make up a love letter so she will forgive any "what the heck?" gifts. Clean and vacuum her car for no reason at all (that would make me smile) since she is probably busy with holiday stuff. Ask her what she needs done today.
For the "big day" how about several gift cards - homemade with stuff you will do for her. Foot rub, chick flick, eat out, clean car (can you tell my car needs cleaned??), a long walk, Plus one tiny box of a very good chocolate (I am thinking a chocolate raspberry truffle from a chocolate store).
That plus a few practical items would work for me. Just don't get her any Deepok Choprah book unless you are sure it's the right one.
Kathy

Forgive me, but I have gotten huge laughs out of some of these posts. A bit different, but my first husband on our first Christmas went out to get a Christmas tree and did not return until the next day. Call it a surprise gift.