Interesting problem Marcia. I don't have a solution or even an explanation...but here are some thoughts. Scratch the garden performance last year. No one had a good garden that terribly cold summer. The raised beds would need more water than any other part of the garden. Shouldn't be a problem this year with the high rainfall....but occasionally it might need to be watered because it is raised. Also, now that your garden is in full sun....the need for water is increased. But like I said, with the rain we've had, this is an unlikely culprit. Cole crops may be a bit sulky in this hot weather. You moved the soil from the old garden. Did you add a general all-purpose fertilizer? If you didn't, it is possible the soil is somewhat or seriously depleted from years of gardening. A soil test might be in order? Or...try this experiment. Mix a liquid fertilizer like Miracle Grow or equivalent....half strength. Late in the evening (not during the hot sun) use it as a foliar spray. Select a few plants here and there of each type for the spraying.....making sure that the plant next to it is about equal size. In a week or so...if there is a significant difference between the sprayed and unsprayed plants then low soil nutrients might be the problem. Ideally, spray the potatoes with something that has a high Phosphorus (bigger middle number) like a rose fertilizer. Corn should get something with a higher nitrogen (higher first number). But for the purposes of an experiment...any foliar fertilizer will do. Your planting date sounds fine and should have no bearing on the garden performance. I can understand your discouragement....this year the veggie garden should be flourishing with the heat and rain. Incidentally, I planted potatoes on June 2nd and about 70% of them rotted in the ground. Go Figure? Replanted on July 2nd and they came up quickly and are doing fine. My broccoli is quite awful...everytime it put out a new leaf something turned it into lace or ate it totally. Bugs and more bugs this year. Up until a week ago it was only a 2 inch stem with a few remnants of leaves. Finally, it has shown signs that it might live. Don't hold out much hope for it. The rest of the stuff is loving the weather. Bottom line....do a soil test? Jan

Your post really strikes a chord with me, and probably will with many others as well. Perhaps it's a normal part of aging (and going through the menopausal process that seems to bring about a whole new kind of introspection) that causes one in midlife to reflect on these inevitable outcomes more intently than ever before. I'm so very sorry that your mom's DH isn't in good health, and I hope that the time they have left together will be happy and memorable for both of them. It's really difficult to think of what will become of people who are "left behind" when the one who passes on first was pretty much all they had. How nice, though, that you've reached the place where you know how your mom ticks, and are obviously able to let any negativity go, and just accept her and be her friend. My own parents are 70 years old and still healthy, vital, extremely active. However, I spent this past Sunday with my grandparents at the nursing home where they've resided since earlier this summer, and my heart is breaking for them. It's been less than a month since we last drove down to see them, but in that very short span of time they have deteriorated significantly. Grannie thought I was her other granddaughter during much of our visit. Grandaddy was basically incoherent and had extreme difficulty following or contributing to our conversations. I know they're old. I know their time on this earth has just about reached an end. But to see them as they are now, when it seems like only yesterday they were so vibrant - so alive - even though elderly ... I just want to curl up into a little ball and weep when I think of it. My dad is taking it especially hard. Not only is he now bearing the responsibility for being their legal guardian and caretaker in regards to day-to-day business and future planning, but the sheer emotional aspect of facing their loss - and most of all, seeing them fade away before his very eyes - is just tearing him apart. My ordinarily upbeat, strong 70-year old father cries often these days. During our last visit to the nursing home, the woman across the hall from my grandparents was having a terrible episode. She began by repeatedly calling out for "Sid", whom we quickly determined was her dead husband. My mom, who was also visiting when we were, went to talk to the woman and try to soothe her, but in a short time the woman was crying out, "Mama! Mama! Oh, where are you, Mama? I'm so scared!" My mom then went to get a nurse, who in turn wheeled the poor old woman out to sit in front of the nurses' station, which seemed to calm her somewhat. (However, when DH and I were walking out, the woman spied him and her eyes lit up and she cried out, "Oh Daddy! Is it you?") DH and I were silent during the long drive home, and almost as soon as we walked into our house, all I could manage to do was put on my pajamas and go to bed. It was all just emotionally draining. I still feel like I'm reeling from seeing what has become of my grandparents - two people that I have loved more than anyone else on earth -- and also witnessing the other helpless and possibly forgotten old people also living in the home. I can't imagine what it would be like to end up there. But I could. Any of us could, I suppose. Of course, it makes me think that all too soon, my own parents are going to be in their 90s. I will be the "child" in her 70s whose time has come to take on that role of caretaker in one form or another. How will I do it? How can I possibly cope with that? It's difficult to even consider. I don't know what the answer is -- I guess becoming the caretaker and facing the loss of loved ones is just something that most of us have to go through at some point in our lives, and we muddle through it as best we can. I can see the toll it's taking on my own dad. It's not only physically exhaustive work in having to ensure that all sorts of paperwork is in order (and you wouldn't believe how much can be generated), but it's the emotional upheaval of having those parent-child roles suddenly reversed that is beyond difficult to face. Perhaps you can encourage your mom to begin expanding her social circle now. Not knowing her personally, I wouldn't know exactly how she would do this, but I know that it's never too late to make friends. (((((Hugs)))))

They are lovely Marie!!! All of the kids, tweens, and teens that I know love the raggedy quilts. We had a 6 yo boy at our fam party. His mother has just lost her job and they don't know where the father is. We all gave gifts for him to have a stocking like the other kiddies and his eyes got big when I called his name. Like DH says, 'It is not the children's fault the adults are selfish'. At least the have a grandmother!!! Rosa

First and foremost, speaking as a stepmother--heck, just speaking as a WOMAN-- do NOT tell her her feelings are off base. That has been a revolving argument with me and my DH--him telling me I am over-reacting, or that something doesn't matter, I'm making a big deal out of nothing, it's not that bad, etc. Feelings are FEELINGS. Sometimes they cannot be helped, they have to be worked through. For me, there's nothing worse than my husband telling me my feelings are wrong. I feel invalidated and I HATE that. My DH's ex, my SS's mom, has caused A LOT of drama for us---nasty court battle, physical assault, drinking, problems for SS, etc. It's been rough. But the thing is---my husband is used to her behavior. I am not. And it wasn't "normal" or acceptable to me. He didn't think stuff mattered---I did. And we fought BIG TIME, mostly because I felt completely invalidated. I even told him at times that the situation made me resent being in a stepfamily at all. And his response was "that's an awful thing to say, to think or to feel." Like I was a BAD person for feeling that way. Unfortunately--we cannot always control how we feel, but we CAN control what we do about it. THAT is my motto. There are still plenty of times I resent BM's presence in our lives, I resent the schedule changes and inflexibility that comes with shared custody, etc. I feel unhappy about the impact it has on our life. And it is OKAY to FEEL that way. I do not ACT on those feelings, though. I try to find where they're stemming from, and I work through them--usually, once I allow myelf to feel whatever it is, and work through it, the feeling dissipates. I suspect---without knowing more details---that your GF is feeling overwhelmed and taken advantage of. Being a stepparent is HARD WORK. You [can] have all the responsiblities of a parent---carpool, laundry, homework, housework, etc---but without the privileges or even benefits. It can feel awful, particularly if one feels taken advantage of. I, too, would like to know more specifics to your situation---how did this custody change come about, is your GF in a caregiving role for the kids a lot, how has it impacted her life financially, etc. This comes with the territory, and one should NEVER be with someone with a child---even every other weekend---without thinking "How would I feel if this child[ren] was with us all the time?" Circumstances change ALL the time, and the dad who has every other weekend could--at any day--wind up with full custody. I'm wondering if your GF simply wasn't prepared for such a huge life change and that's what's at play now.