Should appreciation even matter? (long-winded!)

14 years ago

I'm thinking about quitting my job. It's no longer fun and I'm finding it to be quite stressful. Much of it is because my boss is "just that way", as his wife will put it.

I work for a wholesale nursery with a small retail side. Two years ago I moved from the wholesale side, a full-time position, to the retail garden shop where I work only part-time. Honestly, I love the garden shop, the customers and every plant, shrub and tree. Now that I'm getting older, the part-time hours work so much better for me. Even if I am exhausted when I get home.

There is only myself and one other person that runs the garden shop. I will take my share of credit for how the shop is now run. It looks better, both inside and out, than it has looked in years. I work hard, and I work fast, never calling in sick or asking for a day off. Many times, at the last minute, I will work when I haven't been scheduled. I'm a good employee, damn it!

But, I'm not sure if my boss thinks I'm a slacker or if it's just because he's "that way". For instance, this is a busy time for us with poinsettias. My boss has been asking me to work on the wholesale side to help them out, which leaves the garden shop unattended. The girls in the office will call me if I'm needed.

So today, they call because someone was in for a foliage rental. The phone in the garden shop rings, I answer. It's my boss asking what I'm doing. I tell him about the rental, and tell him I'll be back there in about 10 minutes. Well, in my thinking, I would assume someone that I considered a good worker would only have left if there was a reason. Am I not right?

I just found that annoying, especially since earlier in the morning he had misunderstood something I was saying to the girls in the office. At the time I thought he was joking only to have him politely confront me later. I apologized to him that he had misunderstood me, and he apologized for his part. But, it's things like this that go on and on.

When it comes right down to it, he doesn't give a hoot about the garden shop, it's simply a tax right off and a pay check for his wife, whom I adore, but hasn't stepped foot in the garden shop since she brought her tropical plants in for overwintering several weeks ago.

At this point, I'm just tired of him being in a bad mood and thinking it's ok to start nitpicking about things he knows nothing about, just to vent. Twice in the last couple of months I have tried to talk to him but he doesn't allow the conversation to continue because he knows where it's going. He just doesn't want to go there.

This is suppose to be my favorite time of year but lately it's just too emotionally draining.

Done!

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Comments (17)

carol_in_california
14 years ago
Life is too short to work in a job that is stressful and no longer fun.
I quit nursing for the same reason after a large corporation bought the medical clinic I had worked off and on for 20 years. Loved the patients and my co-workers but not the money hungry attitude of the corporation.
I thought I would miss the money but feeling good each day, not dreading to go to work makes up for it.
Listen to your heart.
minnie_tx
14 years ago
Is there any way you can discreetly take some time off which should show your boss how important you are and how much he really relies on you?
If it works out that he really doesn't care then you could make a move being very careful of your benefits IMHO.
I understand your frustration having lived it myself
AAnd try to remember there are some people who only have themselves in their thoughts 24/7n
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lynn_d
14 years ago
Moonie, I'm sorry you are feeling unappreciated and that your boss doesn't want to discuss it with you. Do you need the job? For benefits? Or would you be able to do okay without it or if you moved to another company? Sadly it seems that many smaller businesses are this way with employees, due in part to the weakening economy. I guess they just expect more and more from the employees and the owners are taking out frustrations on those closest to them.

But Carol is so right, you need to do what makes your heart happiest. If that means moving on then so be it. I absolutely loved my travel business but trouble with a former business partner, not being able to find reliable help and the general public began to get to me. I found myself hating to go to work, and when you own the business that really stinks. So when a client asked me to work for him full-time I did some soul searching, closed the agency, changed it to a concierge business and went to work for Chris full-time. I am so happy that I did it.

Be happy, Moonie. Life too short not to enjoy what you do every day.
User
14 years ago
Is it possible that someone said something about you to your boss and now you are fighting a demon you don't know about? If you haven't always had this problem, it may be time to start asking questions?
FlamingO in AR
14 years ago
I agree with Carol and I also think a leave-of-absence might open your boss's eyes very wide. :) Maybe you could figure out a way to take a few months off to evaluate things and he would see how the business doesn't run as well without you and then he'd value you more. And you might see that you just don't want to go back.
dotmom
14 years ago
It's too bad that there doesn't seem to be a whole lot of loyal feelings in employers and employees. Moonie, it is obvious you feel loyal to your job and your pride in your work is obvious from your post. It is disheartening when the feeling isn;t returned from your boss and you don't feel appreciated. I'm sorry I don't have any advice, just wanted to tell you, I know the feeling. I've had both kinds of bosses. I once had a boss who said waitresses were a dime-a-dozen. I gave him a dime and said go buy some because I'm outa here. Then I've had some who made point to thank us for the job well done and said he couldn't tun his business with out us. That was a good feeling. My sister works for Target, and often feels like just a number, and she has been there 22 yrs.
tobygirl
14 years ago
I had a job once that I just loved. However, I was so overworked and under appreciated that I was on the verge of breaking down. When I was offered a job somewhere else, I took it. It wasn't too long before I regretted that I had not spoken up and voiced my grievances before quitting a job which I had loved.
alisande
14 years ago
I wouldn't call it under-appreciation, exactly; his actions are really rather demeaning.

I'll ditto Flamingo's post. If you didn't enjoy so many aspects of your job, quitting would be a no-brainer. Since your boss won't engage in a discussion of the problem, have you thought about writing him a letter? You express yourself well.
wantoretire_did
14 years ago
Alisande, that is the perfect answer! I worked in a small, toxic office for 13 years, but the pay was so good, close to home, good about vacation time, etc., I couldn't leave. Writing letters when I was at my wit's end, maybe 4 times in all, did have impact. One toxic employee finally left, but long after she had made my life hell. Husband and wife attorneys were exasperating and micro-managed constantly. There was no constructive conversation whatsoever. The written word was what it took to finally get their attention.
lynn_d
14 years ago
Moonie, I meant to add, being appreciated and making a difference is a need that most of us have within us. I cannot imagine not having that part of my life fulfilled. Some folks have jobs that really don't seem to accomplish much or be very challenging so they are able to surf the net or read during their work life. I can't imagine having such a lack of self worth, I suppose that one could attempt to make up for it in other ways but that would be tough.

Whatever you decide, I hope you work things out because it sounds like you really like your job.
marie_ndcal
14 years ago
I have been there where you are and I know the feeling. It has taken me a long time to get over it. I too tried to do too much, even though it was ""not"" my job. In my case it was not a small business, but a very large business and I did love working with the public--but?? The only thing I would suggest is take a few days off, sit down and really evaluate what you are doing--what is your job and the pros and cons. Then that could help you make a decision--good luck and relax--you will survive.
from an old retired me and enjoying it.
moonie_57 (8 NC)
Original Author
14 years ago
Thanks, ladies, your input is really appreciated!

Actually, I had considered writing him a letter or sending an email. The only thing that has kept me from doing just that is the fear of having my letter circulate through the office. Not by him, but just because everyone is at his desk or even in his email.

Today I had a discussion with my co-worker. We have realized that as long as we work there that "his ways" are just something we will either have to put up with or stand up for ourselves which would probably send us packing anyway. LOL

As far as taking time off... I will be off the whole month of January because the garden shop is closed. But really, were I to take time off, during our busy season, where my absence might actually be noticed, I don't think he would worry overly much before hiring someone else. After all, no one is irreplaceable. And, as I mentioned, he really doesn't care much about the garden shop.

Don't know how I forgot to mention this, but one of the reasons that I haven't gotten fed up enough to just pack my garden tools and leave is because of a cat. Yep, I'm hopelessly attached to it. He began hanging around about 3 years ago. A nice big neutered male, and the sweetest thing you could ever want. Now, he lives in the greenhouse, greets each and every customer, including those that hates cats! He seems to be able to hone in on the cat haters but seldom manages to convert them! I have considered bringing him home but I think that would be selfish. Not only would he not like my dogs and other cats, but he is very happy at the garden shop and loves his customers. And most love him!

But still, maybe after January I won't be going back. There are no benefits to worry about and the pay scale is what I could find with any other job I might would decide to take.

Sorry this has been so long. LOL
3katz4me
14 years ago
Interesting thread. I work in management for a company that is constantly working on how we can retain our great employees and create a work environment that makes them feel passionate about and engaged in their work. All kinds of things you read about employee engagement studies tell you that people don't leave their jobs over money and such, the most common reason they leave is because they don't feel valued and they don't have a good working relationship with their manager. This sounds just like you!

Sometimes things can be improved if you can have a heart to heart talk with your manager/owner. Sometimes managers don't know how they are perceived. Sometimes they don't actually think what you feel they are thinking. In my experience we never do enough to let people know how much they are appreciated even though we do appreciate them. I know I am kind of a perfectionist and I'm always focusing on how we can make improvements and not enough on people's accomplishments.

I think it's very rare to find the ideal job and work environment that you absolutely love. There's always something to not like. If you're not planning to quit and retire completely you may want to consider whether or not the grass is really going to be greener somewhere else.
liz
14 years ago
You're in my thoughts and I pray the right decision will come to you...
lazypup
14 years ago
I know exactly what you mean...for the last five years before I retired I had a boss that was the worlds biggest SOB....never a kind word but no matter what went wrong I caught hell...

The sad part of this story is....I was self employed...LOL
nanny98
14 years ago
LOL at Lazypup.
kacram
14 years ago
lol lazy

Monnie, I'm sorry, I hope you can get it figured out.

Should appreciation even matter? (long-winded!)

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