No. I also don't say anything to someone pregnant and drinking.

I just think my thoughts.

Moni

NO! It is none of my business. She knows the risks.

I would mind my own business.

There is nothing for me 'to handle'.

Nothing...none of my business.

none of my business and she might just look pregnant.

Nothing. It wouldn't be someone I know.

No, I wouldn't say anything.

See it all the time. Nope, would not say a thing! And Minnie's right, you never know these days.

No I wouldn't. But once I was walking with my adult daughter and we saw an obviously pregnant woman smoking. My daughter was disgusted and said so to me. My reply: "When I was pregnant with you and your brother, I wouldn't walk on the same side of the street as someone who was smoking. And now as adults you both smoke, so where did all of that effort get me? No where. Mind your own business." She looked at me shocked, but never smoked again!

I would if I thought it would do any good. But I know better.

I'd say nothing. She obviously knows smoking is dangerous and doesn't care. On the other hand, if I found her child wandering alone in a store, I'd look for the mother.

a no here, too.

I wouldn't say anything. Everyone knows smoking is unhealthy, especially when pregnant, but addiction is a powerful thing. It would be like telling an pregnant obese person in a restaurant that they need to stop eating junk food because they are risking the health of themselves and their baby. Just not socially acceptable unless you are their doctor.

"On the other hand, if I found her child wandering alone in a store, I'd look for the mother..."

Huh?

Nope, she knows it's a "no-no." She's addicted and that is more important to her than her baby.

Well, considering the child of a smoker or drinker will have a higher than average chance of ending up with health and/or educational issues, and a much higher than usual chance of being cared for with tax money, and consdering that my profession is teaching (meaning I may have to deal with the special issues her child would bring into my class) and considering that one of my areas is Childcare/family living classes--it IS my business, since I'm picking up the tab.

Would depend upon the situation. I definitely would consider saying something--as long as it wasn't a situation where I'd be putting myself in personal danger.

It is true that most young women DO know that this isn't the best decision they could be making. But on the other hand, a lot of them really do not realize what the results will mean, on a daily basis, to them and their children. They DON'T understand the actual cost--in terms of money and the extra work raising a damaged child can mean to them every day. If there was any chance, even a tiny one, that my saying something might be the one comment that could make a difference to that child? Well, I'd be pretty selfish not to make the effort, wouldn't I?

No way. Last time I checked nobody'd appointed me smoking police. Now if it was my daughter (who doesn't smoke) or a close relative, I might.

Azzalea, I have a couple of questions that I'm curious about given your answer above. Would you tell a woman over 45 who was using IVF to have a baby that she shouldn't because there's a much higher risk of the baby having a birth defect at that age? What about a woman with a major physical or psychological problem that had a chance of passing it on to a child but chooses to try to get pregnant anyway? Or if you saw a woman who chooses to eat nothing but junk food and caffeine while pregnant and therefore risks delivery complications? Would you consider it your right to say something because these women are knowingly taking a chance of having a "damaged" child that you might have to deal with or help pay for someday?

I apologize if I sound combative, as I am sincerely not trying to be but I am curious if you feel it's your business in those types of situations. Is it risky pregnancy behavior in general or only smoking and drinking?

No, I wouldn't say anything because she would already know.

I think there are so many things people do or don't do that can effect the health and welfare of their child. How many people don't sleep with anyone before they are married and marry only a virgin to make sure they can't seriously harm a baby with an STD or Herpes? How many wait until they are financially set to have a child? How many move out to the country to avoid breathing in any city fumes when they are pregnant? How many don't eat any deli meat or soft cheeses to make sure they don't get listeria?

I don't smoke so I'm not coming at it from that perspective and of course it's bad for the baby if a mother smokes while pregnant. But I had a doctor once tell me that in some cases a small amount of smoking can help ease the stress in mothers implying that quiting cold turkey may not always be best. Do you know how many pregnant mothers may have to turn to anti-depressant instead of cigarettes? Do you have any idea what those anti-depressants can do to the baby?

I wish people cared about everything pregnant women do to themselves as much as the heated smoking thing. Unless you put that mom in a bubble, make her quit her job, and feed her only food cooked well and grown from your own garden, you can't really catch everything. Picking and choosing some vices over others just seems prejudicial.

Were you taking folic acid before you got pregnant? When did you cut out caffeine?

I agree that I wouldn't say anything. Not my place to police smokers.

My daughter is 51 years old today and back in my day, being pregnant and smoking or even having a drink was not taboo. As far as I know, my habits didn't cause her any issues. I didn't smoke heavily or don't even remember drinking at all but I do know girls who did have a drink. She started smoking in her twenties but the minute she found out she was pregnant with her first baby, she quit.

None of my business. I am sure that she has plenty of people already telling her.

If it were my own DD I would encourage her to stop smoking for the sake of the baby if not herself. But my kids don't smoke.

My story. I was a ciggie addict. Thre packs a day easily. Smoked since I was 12. Came from afamily of chain smokers etc. Tried and tried to quit. Again when I got pregnant. A lot of people were still smoking back then and even the doctors would say "just try to cut down". I wanted to quit so badly. Hoped that smoking during pregnancy would make me ill. It didn't. But DH and I decided that our kids would not be raised in a smoke filled home. He managed to quit with gum or something about 3 months before my due date. He wasn't that heavy a smoker and hadn't smoked until he was an adult. I had the last cigarette of my life on the way to the hospital. Been clean of that nasty habit ever sense.

How would you know by looking at her that she is a US citizen and somehow affecting YOUR taxes? Couldn't she be from some other part of the world?

I agree with the person who said there is nothing for ME to handle. None of my business. I do NOT believe in the theory that it takes a village...

No I would not. But when working at a register in Walmart I did say something to a young mother who called her son a "turd" in front of me. I told her, "if you keep calling him that, he will grow up thinking that is all he is". I risked my job but quite frankly I didn't care. The woman was horrible and I felt so sorry for the boy.

Azzalea,

With that line of thinking I guess you feel you have a say in other's people financial business, their health and diet, their sex lives, their childrearing methods and just about anything else. After all, if they make any bad decisions, you might end up paying the price through your tax dollars.

Unless they were smoking crack, I wouldn't say anything.

you have strange questions

I would not say a word. Everyone knows the risks associated with smoking while pregnant or otherwise. Makes me cringe when I see people smoking in the car with their children present.

Michelle, what were the circumstances in the situation? Are you asking how people think you should've handled it? How DID you handle it? If you said something, what, specifically, did you say and how did she respond? Is she a close relative? A stranger?

A little more information about the circumstances will help to determine how I'd react and whether I'd say anything or not. Are you happy with how it went for you?

Would depend on who it was.

I probably would say something.....I am a retired health care professional and maybe, if I say something, it would make a positive impact.
More than likely it would not be well received but I would take the chance.

On a similar note,I was once having a pedicure at a nail salon.There was always that strong smell of whatever they used for acrylic nails and it really bothered me.The people doing the nails wore masks. Once I saw a young mother come in with a tiny baby in stroller. All I could think of was the harm maybe being done to the baby and maybe all of us as well. But I didn't have the nerve to say anything. If I had, she might not have done it again. Who knows?

No, they may respond that I really should go on a diet.

Never. I don't know how we got to the point of thinking it is Ok, to make everything our business.

Amen, Cathy!
And, my mother smoked with all three of us. No health or educational issues. And we certainly weren't raised on Azzalea's, or anyone elses, "tax dollars". What an ignorant statement.