God didn't just give you a wink, He gave you one of His most lovable smiles. I feel a special joy in my heart for you, even though I don't know you personally, and feel it 's that woman to woman bond. You have truly been (((blessed))) emerald!

Emerald - I hope you don't have to continue them either as I know how much they hurt. Once I saw the needle I was freaking out as it is so big and I'm used to sticking myself with needles (Type 1 diabetic). My DH had to give them to me and he didn't like it at all (btw he reminded me it was from 16 weeks and onward). I have a very rare mullerian defect so at very high risk for pre-term labor. Not sure if this would be an issue at all with your cancer or not, but if it is I highly recommend doing a pre-term labor prevention program. My OB sent me to one and it was very helpful in my situation.

Emerald, I've been following your journey since your first post and had to come out of lurkdome to add my congratulations! Such wonderful news! I'll be watching for an ultrasound update, I'm rooting for twins!

(I'm a twin mom so I know what I'm wishing on you :) )

Congratulations! I haven't been around much and when I popped in and saw the title of this post my first thought was why would anyone post a title like that when Emeraldisle has been going through hard times?!.... Then I saw it was YOU! So happy for you both! Rest, don't worry, and enjoy your pregnancy. :) Keep us posted!

Congrats!!

I'm late to the conversation with this one. I don't check GW often but I purposely looked here to see if you had news to share. So very happy for you. I don't know why but I think of you often and I have been praying for happy news for you.

What a wonderful thing to see!!! I am SO happy for you!

All the BEST!

Nancy

That's wonderful! I am so happy it went well despite all you went through afterwards. I hope you have a healthy and happy pregnancy, although I guess a little morning sickness is to be expected.

How is/are the baby/babies doing? Was everyone super surprised at Easter for your announcement?

I was trying to put off posting an update as long as I could but then I saw Glad2be's post from last night. I feel like nothing is ever routine and normal for me. :/

I went for my ultrasound last week and per the calendar I was 5w4d. The doctor is concerned as she couldn't find anything except for 1 sac (no embryo, no fetal pole, no heartbeat). It was the most awkward 45 seconds when it was dead silence with 4 of us in the room and the ultrasound wand just kept searching all over the screen, zooming in then out and back in again. She said it could be that it was too early and she wants me back in 10-12 days. She said the sac implanted properly (i.e. not an ectopic) but that she really should be able to see something by now. She's not my regular doctor so I couldn't really read her stern and serious face (I have met her before but don't really remember too much about her personality).

I asked for a copy of the ultrasound and she looked at me like I had 5 heads. All it shows is a black hole whereas all the 5-week ultrasounds I have looked at online show a dot/line where the baby is. I wanted a copy of the ultrasound only because it either is or was my baby and I wanted to stare at it more.

She asked if I could wait for the next ultrasound and I said "NO, but what choice do I have?". I go back this weekend and it can't get here fast enough. I cry every day and wonder what is going on inside me. I read online that the progesterone shots I am on can possibly delay a natural miscarriage (so you will still miscarry, you just won't expel everything until the meds are stopped). I was tempted to stop them to see what happens but if the baby is thriving, I don't want to deprive him/her either. I also asked if I could switch to the progesterone suppositories instead of the intramuscular needle and she said "in my condition" the shots are required. IN MY CONDITION??!! (She told me to call with any bleeding or cramping. I haven't had either yet.) She also told me to continue on like I am pregnant with no alcohol/drugs, limited caffeine, light exercise. Why wouldn't I?! Aren't I still pregnant?

After my appointment I asked if my doctor was available to talk real quick but he wasn't in the office. (Sometimes he's there but not doing appointments.) They said he could call me if I wanted but I declined. I wanted to see his face to possibly notice any concern and I won't be able to do anything but cry if we speak on the phone. Plus I figure all he can do is tell me we have to wait and I don't want to bother him with that.
I left my appointment so shook up and more nervous than I was before we went there. I thought the ultrasound was going to calm me down and let me relax and enjoy being pregnant for a while (or as much as someone as anxious as I am can). I wish too that I asked about another blood test to check my HCG levels but everything I read online said it would continue to rise if the sac thinks it's still growing an embryo.

We canceled going to see our family for Easter. I think I cursed myself buying Easter grandparent cards and cute pastel baby bags for the framed ultrasounds I was going to do. I know it was really early but I wanted to tell them. We are seeing them this weekend for my dad's one-month anniversary Mass so I should know either way if things are looking good or not. Either way I will break the news.

The 2 weeks waiting for the pregnancy test was torture. This almost 2 weeks waiting for the follow-up ultrasound is extreme torture. I have no symptoms like morning sickness that all my other online friends have in the infertility forum I am on. They are all posting pictures of their little beans clearly in the pictures and I just keep staring at them all.

I gained 22lbs in the IVF process and I already look so bloated I could be 5 months pregnant (my friends online had the same thing happen so it has to be a combo of the IVF drugs and now the progesterone). My neighbors are all looking at me like I have something to share with them and I'm busting out of my clothes. I'm so self-conscious and it's worse now that I'm afraid something is wrong. My friends and family keep texting me asking what is going on but I haven't replied. I don't want to say anything to anyone until I know for sure.

I was going to call my doctors office and see if I can go in earlier but I don't want to rush things. I will be just over 7 weeks when I go back so everything should be in plain view. I just don't know how I can make it 5 more days, I'm already losing my mind. I'm trying to stay positive but on the other hand, I have to prepare that something isn't right. I know my doctors told me to be cautious with my numbers from the start and now the ultrasound but how can you be cautious when your dreams are coming true and you are so excited? I can't believe that God would bring me this far and then not have it all work out. Mentally this will be so much worse than just getting another negative result in the beginning.

Please keep me in your prayers more than ever now. I feel like my fate is already decided and I just don't know it yet.

This post was edited by emeraldisle624 on Tue, Apr 22, 14 at 7:26

I have been following your saga, but not posting. I am so sorry for the anguish you are going through right now. Know that so many people here are pulling for you and wishing you well.

Oh dear - I'm so sorry to hear you're dealing with such gut wrenching uncertainty. I cannot begin to imagine how hard it must be.

I have been watching for an update after Easter. I wish there was something we all could say to lessen the anxiety, fear, and anxiousness you are feeling.

I went through the same thing you are now facing. I found myself "willing myself to stay pregnant." It has been many years but I can recall those feelings.

Prayers are being said. If you want to "talk" you can contact me through GW. Hugs to you.

Mary

I'm coming out of 'lurkdome' to tell you I've been anxiously following your saga as well. I have to tell you that I admire your approach and steadfastness. You talk so openly and honestly. Please know that we are all pulling for you and are here for you....either way. I am just so sorry you are having to 'wait' a few more days for clarity. Know that if prayers help, they are being said. Thank you for sharing this precious time in your life with all of us. God speed.

emerald, it does seem like what you are going through is torture! I'm so sorry you are going through such- graywings used the word anguish- and that seems to describe it right. I am so sorry. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

You are in my thoughts. We're there with you, holding your hand all the way.

Emerald -hold tight, and don't give up yet. Keep praying!

Emerald, we are all here for you.

Keep up the faith, we are behind you !!

Thinking of you and praying for you and your husband!

Sending caring thoughts your way.

May God give you the peace of mind that you so desperately need.

Thank you all so much for these messages. You have no idea how calming they are for me to read over and over. I'm so very blessed to have you all here for me, thank you.

It's so hard to stay positive but I'm trying. I feel like all I do is wait! I'm trying to fill my days with lots of activities but its not like I can stop thinking about it. I wish I had an on/off switch. :)

I will post on Sunday with my update even if its real fast from my phone before I get home. Thank you again.

You're in my thoughts, Emerald.

Just saw this thread pop up on recents (I haven't checked in the past few days). Hang in there, when are you going for next u/s? Sunday? I know how the waiting is killing you.

Can you ask for a quantitative blood test today or tomorrow and then another Friday? That should give you an idea (the levels will rise but not double as they should, even with the meds, if something is wrong).

You should definitely be able to see what's going on by Sunday, you have so many people pulling for you, it will be OK. Email me through GW if you need someone to "talk" to.

Sheila

Thinking positively and praying for you!

My thoughts and prayers are with you Emerald. I hope you are seeing your regular doctor next time so you can have a long talk too.

Emeraldisle ... sending caring thoughts and hugs to you and your husband. I admire your determination ... you are an inspiration to all of us.

Emerald, lots of prayers (still) coming your way.

Sending positive thoughts and prayers your way. Hope you are remaining calm and don't give up hope! Wishing you and your husband all the best. Hugs!

Hold on and hold up, Emeraldisle, and we will be hoping and oraying alongside you

Emerald,

It's been over 10 yrs since I was on the infertility roller coaster, but like others have said, I still remember those emotions and the seemingly endless waiting in between one stop to the next. Praying for peace for you and your husband.

I've been following your story too, Emerald. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

Emerald,
Just wanted to encourage you. My 14 month old son is sitting beside me playing with a crank flashlight. When I was 5 or so weeks pregnant I started spotting so I went in to my doctor. They did an ultrasound and also saw an empty sac. No fetal pole, no nothing. They were very kind and got me the tissues and gave me the 'it's not your fault it just happens sometimes' talk and I went home to wait for the event. I stopped spotting a few days later and nothing happened. I went in two weeks later for another ultrasound to find out what was going on and there was my fat baby with a beating heart, measuring right on schedule. No one knows why they didn't see any sign of him the first time.

Anyway, I hope that encourages you not to lose hope.

Take care of yourself. I hope you know you have many many of us keeping you in our thoughts and prayers. The caring and love on this thread makes me a little teary. Hang in there sweetheart.

Just wanted to say you are in my thoughts today.

I hope things get better. It is possible to see no embryo that early and then to see it at a later ultrasound... here are some women talking about that happening to them:

http://babyandbump.momtastic.com/pregnancy-first-trimester/716440-5-weeks-3-days-pregannt-no-fetus-but-sac-presant.html

How high was your beta? When is your next beta?

I really hope that what happened for those women on the thread who later saw a heartbeat is what's happening with you. Wishing you the best possible luck.

My heart breaks for you, Emerald; the waiting has to be unbearable. Thinking of you and hoping for the best possible outcome!:)

Thanks again everyone esp. with all of the prayers, positive thoughts, personal experiences and success stories. And I'm sorry for those who are experiencing a sort of ptsd going through all of this with me. I have a feeling I will never forget this experience as long as I live regardless of the outcome.

My first beta was 153@14dp3dt and then 415@16dp3dt. They didn't test it again and said the ultrasound was the next step in 7-10 days (of course I went in exactly 7 days later). It didn't even occur to me to ask during that appointment for another beta as nothing happened in the way I pictured in my head. It is my understanding from googling and googling and googling that the beta for an empty sac could still be growing as expected for a little while as it's preparing for the embryo to attach and start growing the placenta. So essentially, it would be a false reading and the ultrasound is the best read of the situation.

I haven't called there since that day as I'm not sure I could even get my thoughts or words out without crying. I think I'm like mboston said above, "just trying to will myself to stay pregnant". I am trying to trust the process and that the doctor was right to make me wait all this time to go back. I don't think I will see my regular doctor unless he's on duty this weekend. This is another appointment where I think I just see whomever is doing the ultrasounds. Usually when I have an appointment with him it's spelled out specifically.

I keep trying to remember that this is all in God's hands and He's only going to give me what I can handle. Easier said than done, of course!

Oh Emerald, I feel your pain! That first beta number is NOT low for 14 days post 3-day transfer. "Low" at that point would be like under 100. And the number more than doubled in two days, exactly as it should, which is really, really important--even more important than the actual number. And 5wk4d is very, very early for an ultrasound--I was at CCRM and they didn't want me to get one until about a week after that, and as it happens I didn't actually get one until week 9, but we just kept track of my HCG and it kept rising as expected. We are very pregnant now.

And come to think of it, on IVF chatboards people sometimes talk about the "four-week wait"--meaning the wait between transfer and the first ultrasound. So I think waiting that long--i.e. until you're at least six weeks pregnant--is pretty typical. Probably because it just makes sense to give the baby more time to develop, so people don't have to come in for repeat ultrasounds if either the baby can't be seen or the heartbeat can't be heard on the first one.

It's going to be hard to wait another week for your next ultrasound, I know. Do you have a copy of your prescription for the HCG test (a paper copy or an email)? If so, you could just go get it done without having to talk to a doctor again. Otherwise I think the only things you can do are either just wait a week for the ultrasound (taking very good care of yourself in the meantime), or call to ask for another prescription for another HCG test.

Thanks ideagirl. :) Congratulations on your pregnancy!

I don't get prescriptions for the HCG, they just do it in the office when I am there and then they follow up with me when they get the results.

I wouldn't have been able to wait till week 9 so you are a much stronger person than me. This whole IVF process has been THE hardest thing I have ever done in my life in 39 years.

Thank you so much for responding. I wish you a very healthy and happy rest of your pregnancy!

You are in my thoughts, Emerald. I am holding you close!

I am hoping very, very hard that all goes well. Stop by as often as you need to for moral support. There is always someone here.

Crossing my eyes, fingers and toes for a beautiful outcome. I'm absolutely thrilled for you. Keep us posted and let us toast to Science (and finger crossing, just in case).

((Hugs))

I've been where you are at with so many pregnancies (only have one child to show for them), but no IVF experience. It is so hard, but I have to say with the only pregnancy that made it almost to term for me it was also the only one that just showed a sac that early in the pregnancy and nothing in it, but my OB at that point said it was early and could go either way. Well a week later we had a heartbeat. Although at that point I couldn't get excited at all still as my previous one had a nice strong heartbeat at that time too and then nothing at 9 weeks.

Pregnancy to me was just a huge roller coaster of emotions and constant worries. When is the next US, when are we past the most common point of having losses, 12 weeks to measure the neck fold to check for downs syndrome, when are we at 16 weeks to start progesterone shots and incompetent cervix monitoring, 24 weeks when the baby will be saved if born early, and then weekly onward. Then when the baby was born a whole new set of worries. I was a very high risk pregnancy though. My DH didn't get attached at all to the baby until she was born (he made up for it then) and was very distant during the pregnancy. I think his way of dealing with anything going wrong.

You are right though, you will always remember this. I wish the u/s this week will show a little seed or even a heart beat and you can at least get a chance to try to relax and enjoy pregnancy instead of the constant worry I experienced.

This post was edited by lyfia on Fri, Apr 25, 14 at 8:39

I think you're going to have a very pleasant outcome. God bless.

I think you're going to have a very pleasant outcome. God bless.

Hoping and praying for you.

One more day! Looking forward to seeing your post tomorrow saying that you saw your baby bean!

more hope coming your way from me, keep positive and well !!!