Update on my SisIL

17 years ago

Thank-you for all the encouraging words. She was in hiding most of last week. She is currenly at home ..Don't worry my brother is still in jail. He has chosen not to be bailed out, thinking if he serves time until his hearing (11/17) he will be released for time served. Boy I hope not. He's charged with 2nd degree assult with a deadly weapon (I don't know if it's the car, gun, knife of sword). SIL actually sounds happy, so I don't know if she's forcing herself, or if it's such a relief that she doesn't have to worry about doing something "wrong". My little nephew finally slept through the night without a nightmare. Mi youngest niece went back to school on Thursday, Friday she had an incident and had to go to the principal, she all of th esudden realized that if Dad got out of jail he could come kill Mom. So sad.

Mom has an order of protection for herself and kids. School and Daycare are aware of the order of protection. So if he changes his mind and gets out of jail they know not to let him near the kids. She is filing for divorce. She has to see him tomorrow for the custody hearing. She is dreading that. I've offered to be with her, and so far she has said she'll be OK. But she knows, so if she changes her mind, at least she knows.

The great part..funny...odd, whatever word you want to use, by idiot brother was so sure that my SIL needed help he SENT HER TO COUNSELING to "help her be a better wife and mother". YEA, that too has helped her with this situation. Obviously that isn't "what she learned" at counseling! So she is getting help there, she is going to get the kids help. Sadly my brother quit his job. He worked for an insurance company, so had good benefits, now there are none. But maybe she'll qualify for county assistance? I don't know. I'm so hoping things work out. She did everythign right. If you were to read up on what a person being abused should do..make a plan, have a safe house, etc, she did it all, almost to the letter, I'm so proud of her, and keep telling her that. I want her to realize how strong she really is, not how stupid my brother made her feel all these years.

Vickey=MN

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Comments (9)

User
17 years ago
Thank you for the update. I will continue to send prayers for all of them to be safe and have a chance at a new life without violence.
May God bless them and keep them safe.
Linda Wayman
17 years ago
I did not reply to your first post, because by the time I saw it everything I would have said had already been said. I hope your SIL keeps her courage up. I wish her and the kids many blessings. She already has at least one wonderful blessing in you.
Linda
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Sorry to hear of your recent problems, Sue, and pleased that they seem to be being dealt with effectively. Thank you for your comprehensive story ... perhaps it may be helpful to others. We'd suggested an alert button for my old beef-farmer stepuncle, childless through two marriages, who'd had a hip replaced three times, with resultant pains in back, hips and leg and needlessly had cattle in the barn, though he had no need of the money, following the death of his wife, who in winter would start things happening if he didn't return after doing chores. I spent a couple of months with him until the cattle went to pasture. He did get an alert button a few months before his death, a couple of years later. If one has an alert button ... it's a good idea to have the people on the notify list have a key to one's house, or know where to find a well-hidden one, if one does not want to have one's door broken in when an emergency develops. In recent times, perhaps a cell phone would be a worthwhile alternative, with increased capabilities included. ole joyful
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Vickey, you have really impressed me. So many times we see outrageous things posted and more often than not I have to wonder what really happened since yes, there's two sides or more to every story. Your other posts were rational and thought out so you gained a lot of credibility with me. Now you acknowledge the possibility that you don't have totally accurate info and I respect you for that. What you said, bruises don't lie, is quite true. There CAN be circumstances in certain instances where they can misrepresent but I don't think anyone believes that to be the case here. You're a wise and rational person. I again urge you to go with your gut feelings. When something doesn't sound right, explore it. You're being supportive yet not getting too involved. That's not easy to do. Blackouts can be from irrational actions or they could be physical issues. There are cases where tumors or the like cause things. This doesn't change the outcome but changes the tone. You probably are aware that an omnibus hearing is also known as a "probable cause" hearing, where essentially they gain some time for plea negotiations, preparation or the like and at the hearing is when they determine if there's enough "probable cause" to go forth. So it's not like he'll be released at that hearing. On the contrary it's a step and unless he gains bail, he'll likely be in jail after that. All I can say is this must really weigh heavily on you. I agree that most likely neither is telling the whole truth. That's where your judgement comes into play. Wishing you and them the best and hoping that somehow, all works out for the best for everyone involved.
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jannie
17 years ago
Vickey, thank you so much for posting. You are a wonderful person, I think YOU are doing all the right things. Keep us posted.
vicki_lv_nv
17 years ago
Your SIL is a very fortunate person to have you on her side.

My thoughts are with her and the children.
janie_ga
17 years ago
Thank you for the update. Encourage her to take all paperwork out of the house ASAP and hide it at your house or someplace he would not think to look. Children's birth certificates, marriage license, house records, immunization records, school records, retirement account information, saving/checking account info. insurance information. Even though he quit his job, there may be accounts such as 401k that she will need to keep track of before he can "hide" them for the divorce proceedings.
monica_pa Grieves
17 years ago
And, I may add..tell her to write down his Social Security number. If they've been married for 10 years, and she doesn't re-marry, she can eventually collect on his benefits...even if he remarries.
caroline94535
17 years ago
I wish your SIL all the best and it sounds like she's on the right tract. Folks have shared some good info here.

Still, if you can, convince her to leave the county/state/area; she will be safer the further away she is.

An order of protection is a piece of paper and just as protective. Hold up a piece a paper and see how many punches you can take through it. They don't stop bullets or knives, either. I was hospitalized from the injuries I received while under an "order of protection."

It's hard to up and leave and start all over somewhere strange. It's hard for women with children to have to go assistance, or learn to be all alone while getting back on their feet. But it's far easier to do these things than to be dead.
williamsburgjane
17 years ago
Keeping your sil in my thoughts. Another suggestion, have her ask her lawyer if there can be extra officers on duty when she goes to court tomorrow or any other time she has to go to court and he will be there. It sure made me feel better that they were with me and kids when we had to meet him in court.
glenda_al
17 years ago
Bestest of thoughts for you SIL!!

Update on my SisIL

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