Reading all of your posts have made me realize I am not alone in how I feel about losing my Mom.. I lost my Mom Sept 10th 2010 she died of complcations of a debilitating stroke that she had a year prior.. It was my worse nightmare her dying as when she had the stroke in 2009 she didn't really know me most of the time and she had no idea where she was or what happened to her and could do nothing for herself so really i lost her twice.. I had went to visit her the night before she had her stroke and I stayed late and she walked me to the door i can remember her waving goodbye to me how did I know that would be the last time she would do that or be the same person.. I feel guilty for leaving her that night but I didn't know this was going to happen.. I always called her every morning to make sure she was up and had ate and taken her pills but she didn't answer the phone ..I wasn't concerned as she sometimes slept late so I waited a little while and called again she still didn't answer so I called her neighbor and asked if she had seen MOm and if she would go to her apt and check on her I just was not thinking anything was wrong..Her friend did and she said Mom didn't answer the door but she said it sounded like she could hear Mom's voice.. So I got myself together and went to her apt we had a hard time getting in as she had locked the screen door. When we got in I found Mom on the floor in a sort of a twisted uncomfortable position ,I said Mom what happened do you know who I am and she said yes that I was her Mom I knew something was wrong , we called the emergency squad and they came and tried to get Mom up and to stand and her legs were like rubber and she was not speaking things that made sense the apt was a mess as she had been stumbling and falling trying to stand or get some where she had bloody bruises on her arms . We got her to the hospital and they xrayed her and ran tests she had had a very bad blood clot stroke that should have killed her they said but didn't it left her paralyzed on her whole right side and plus affected her sight as she saw double it was bad.. They told me there was nothing they could do she stayed in the hospital for 4 days and then told me I had to decide something ..I knew I couldn't take care of her by myself as I had severe back problems and she was going to need 24 hr care I had no other siblings or no other family close and my Mom nor I had the money to hire someone to help me.So against all I beleived and didn't want to do i had to put her in a nursing home something I swore i would never do .. The year I had her in there was a nightmare in itself,I had to fight with them not literally but you know what I mean to get them to take care of her right I was always upset everytime I visited her as I knew things were not right I would talk to them and ask why ,they would always blame it on some one else she had MRSA twice while she was there and an infection of the colon called C-Diff both staff infections were very contagious.. I talked to people outside of the nursing home to try to get help and called the state and couldn't get anything accomplished they don't care about elderly people and maybe because Mom was on Medicaid maybe that was not good either..It just was a living nightmare I was so upset all of the time after I would leave seeing her it affected my health and I hated seeing Mom like she was as she would not want to have lived if she knew she was having to depend on someone else to do everything for her and she was totally bedfast.. I was the only one to go and visit her as all other family was far away and the nursing home knew that and i think they took advantage of it I tried to go at different times but it didn't help it was just so hard and my husband was not a supportive person for me so i was dealing by myself which was very difficult.. She very seldon knew who I was she could talk at times and sometimes she was silent I continued to talk to her..The times she knew me and was able to tell me she loved me i will cherish in my heart..I was with her the day and through the night till the next moring when she passed holding her hand and singing to her as I always did the whole time she was in there..I would try to get her to sing with me the songs she knew to try to keep her mind alert and talking.. I just have guilt of having to put her in the nursing home and how she had was taken care I understand nursing home are short staff but I think they could do better then they do ,there were a few that really cared and did a good job but most of them could have cared less and the ones that would take the time and do a good job they would let them go so sad.. I miss my Momma so much I miss her voice being able to ask her things and hugs she was my best friend and was there when no one else was always..I feel when she died a part of me went with her there is an emptiness inside of me .. We don't know how it feels to lose a parent or anyone until we experience it ourselves.. Some people can just deal and get on with it ..Lot of people don't want to hear how you feel or what you are experienceing and we need to be able to talk about our loved one it does help.. Some days are so overwheming that I don't I am ever going to be able to deal and then a few days will go by and I am ok but My Mom is always in my thoughts each day.. I know she is by my side at times or comes in my thoughts ,I really don't think it is going to get easier the pain at times is so great..It is just so lonely at times.. It is hard to keep it all in some days I will just cry alot till its all out then i will be ok ..The strangest things will set the crying in and comes on me when I least expect.. My heart goes out to each one of you that has lost a loved one and know I understand and feel your pain.. I do know that if it was not for my faith in God I would be in worse shape then i am I know that he helps and that crying and talking about your loved one is part of the grief process.

Ima,my mother in law made the complaint to myspace today. It was infact her fault that BM was able to obtain the pictures, and now all family members profiles and pictures are private. Yes, I know that once they are "out there" there is nothing I can do, I'm sure she has them saved to her computer and will always have them. As for her having to believe the things she says, it's more of a way for her to prove to her family out of state that she is who "they" think she is. We (my husband and myself) did in fact get it easy where gaining custody was concerned. Dhr/Cps was involved because of some health issues reguarding one of my step sons, with many DHR visits to the home she left them living in and her home, I was granted temporary custody per her request (dad had been trying for 2 yrs before hand) because of his job.A year later my husband and myself were granted full custody with no support and only supervised visitation from her on the first and third sunday of each month (she has never once followed through with a visit). It has since been ammended to no visitation and we have a protective order on her and her husband. My step kids were beaten, threatened with weapons and not fed for over a week the last time they were with their mother over 4 years ago. Not only do we have the protective order but our local ymca, ballpark and their school also have them. She has shown up numerous times and still continues to do so, to all of the above screaming they were kidnapped and are being held hostage. She has even tried to "kidnap" my youngest step son and my own son from walmart and they were in the buggy I was pushing. So in that aspect no we arent lucky as you tell me to consider myself. I know of the emotional damage a BM can do to a child, I see it daily times 3. As I said, I have a 9 yr old who thinks he should be a girl and a 7 yr old who vomits at will to not have to eat. AND FOR THE RECORD... I never in my post accused her of being a bad parent for giving up custody, I simply chose to post a FEW of the bad choices she has made over the years, but I will say now; I think she is a bad parent (not for giving up custody) for how she has emotionally and physically abused her children and allowed others to do the same. I think she is a bad parent because she still allows her husband to abuse her and their child together, instead of seaking help(and before you say I dont understand what an abusive relationship is like, I was in one for 7 years before I met my husband all of my teenage years and into my early 20's, eventually everyone knows enough is enough). Now, you asked why I wanted to contact a lawyer. No, not necessarily to sue her, she has nothing to sue for and she wouldnt show up in court anyways. To have it documented, yes. She shows up and causes enough trouble without aid of pictures at their school, ymca and sports activities ect. It does scare me to think she has updated pictures that she can wave around and them possibly have the chance of seeing. They know she wasnt there and Im unsure of what that could do to their stability, their mental capacities(they have alot to work through as it is) and their all around behavorial issues, even if it's only for that day or week. Do I think she will use them in that manner, yes. So again, no I dont want to sue her. I dont want to waste money we dont have to waste, energy I am completly drained of already or time that I never seem to have either. As for her myspace page, today was the first I knew of her having one and no I dont care to go back to it. All of my focus does now and has for almost 7 years gone into MY KIDS, I do love them and they know it and with their father's job I am 99.999% the only PARENT they have. I do also try and ignore her, I have only one other time fed into her pity party and that was her email, she isnt worth it. But yes, this makes me angry and I feel I have the right to be, as you stated you were doing the job of "your" BM, so am I. I have a myspace page, I dont post pictures (for this reason) of any of my kids, yet here she is posting them, ones she didnt take, from a holiday she was absent from and claiming MY son as her own child also, when she didnt want to be a parent to her own kids. No matter her reason behind it, I cant seem to want to let it lie. And your right, its not going to change or fix thing nor will it make them better, but I cant help how I feel. Maybe this is all too fresh having all happened today, and Im sorry if this post seems rude, but I didnt expect to be reprimanded or attacked for my earlier post and thats kind of how it felt.

This poem made me think of my Mom and how people treated her at the assisted care place. She died at 93 and still had good days where she could discuss anything in the news. And she had not so good days where she would stare into the distance. All said she was the sweetest person, she was never "crabby", forgetful and tired sometimes. I loved listening to the stories of her youth and talking to all the old folks that were there. I think some young people forget there is still a person inside with things to say. Love the poem, "When I am an Old Woman"!

Picking up on Cyn's post - When my Father passed away he was living with us but had a cemetery plot near Pittsburgh where my Mom was buried. I contacted a funeral home near us here and they handled everything from that point on. All I did was tell him which funeral home would have the viewing in Pittsburgh and they did it all - including getting the permits to fly him back to Pittsburgh. We told our kids the same thing - cremation (or whatever might be cheaper) and then use the money that was saved and treat yourself to something. I maintain joint savings accounts with each of my kids that's seldom used but there's always enough money in there for just about any emergency and it would easily cover the expense.