Lose her ASAP!

She's jealous of you and wants to interfere with you and your husband. Don't tolerate her anymore! No one should have to be insulted like she has insulted you.

There are names for people like her but I'll get banned from the forum if I type them. :)

Say something! Don't take her crap.

If she is often critical of your life, you don't need to be around her. Especially if your DH doesn't stand up for you in front of her.
You are not overreacting.

That sounds like a relationship I would end, now. Her behavior is inappropiate, at best.
Ask those telling you, that you're "unable to take a joke", how they would like it if the tables were turned.

Okay. I'm a self-proclaimed flirt. I flirt with everyone young and old. Flirting is something that makes people feel good. It doesn't hurt anyone and it is never done for one-up-man-ship against someone.

The behavior you describe is NOT flirting. It toxic behavior that is intentionally done to boost her self-esteem with no regard for how anyone else feels. She's a passive-aggressive narcissistic witch with a capital B.

Not only do you need to drop her like a hot potato but you need to speak directly to your DH about his allowing the behavior at your expense. It sounds like at least he did agree with you and speak to her about this time. Now make it clear to him that if there is a next time he should be a man and publicly defend you by confronting the behavior then and there. Some men are truly obtuse in this regard. I've always said that if my own DH ever cheated it would be because he didn't see it coming.He only sees good in others. I've continued to have the "talk" with him for 35 years.

I would discontinue the friendship. It isn't good for your marriage.

I wouldn't invite them over again and I wouldn't accept invitations to their home. She may be happily married, but she also seems to feel some "ownership" of your DH for some reason. I'm not saying she'd really try anything, or that your DH would respond, but you don't need to be friends with someone like that.

She's not just a flirt. She's also insulting to you. Completely inappropriate.

Too flirty. Not friendly.

A friend never insults the spouse of a friend. Her motives may not be to "get" your DH, but whatever they are, they are clearly meant to hurt you.

"I just like to touch people"!! UH, NO! Inappropriate.

Socks says it best. Drop her and do not see her socially at all.

It sounds to me like she is trying to run you down in his eyes and trying to make it seem like a joke....Maybe she's hoping it will make you seem less to him and her more to him....

I'd have none of it...or her...!!!

patti

If I were you, and this were my situation...

She would not be allowed in my home ever again; I would not go to her home and hubby d--- well better step up to the plate and stop the nonsense without me having to say a word.

This is not the behavior of a "friend." This is the behavior of a woman that wants to hurt you and mess around with your husband.

Just my humble opinion.

I agree with everyone else. End the relationship with her ASAP.

As someone who has a sense of humor somewhat warped and occasionally taken wrong I look at this a little different than many. If you step back an look at any one of the situations, it could just be covered by tactless, bad joke or otherwise. However the totality is the more important concept to consider. If I find that someone doesn't like my humor on a subject, I apologize and won't repeat it with that person. Perhaps the person is oversensitive or whatever but out of respect for the person I will do that.

That said, she doesn't do that. She goes on and on and after looking at the whole situation then I'd say if I were you, I wouldn't have her over, nor would I go to her place, but I think I'd make an attempt to let her know that she's offensive and if she won't change, then it's over. My bet is that she will not change, but you probably will feel better about yourself for making a simple effort that could save a friendship. Not all friendships are worth saving and I agree she hasn't treated you as I feel a friend would treat a friend. Unfortunately all-too-many "friends" do not treat friends as friends should be treated.

I'd hit her..then ask questions after.

But seriously...she is not a friend..she is up to something....dump her

You are not overreacting at all! Her behavior was totally inappropriate, unacceptable and slutty. She sounds like really bad news and I would personally cut ALL contact with this woman -including her contact with your husband. She ain't a friend or she would have shown more respect towards you. She must claim it's all jokes, but to me it sounds like she's obviously interested in your husband.

I'm sorry... I didn't even read any of the above posts yet.. so if I repeat anything that's already been stated, that's why. Reading this made me soooo angry that I had to post. I would never, never, put up with that kind of behaviour! That is ridiculous and I think you should have called her on it (IMHO). She needs to be put in her place... in a bad way! If I lived by you, I'd gladly do it for you. This kind of crap just makes me mad! I for one would definitely NOT hang out with her again. She IS NOT somebody that I would call a friend. Stick up for yourself! You can be strong... you aren't in the wrong here... you are being "wronged"!!

Hugs to you!

I agree with everyone else, stay away from this woman. She's not your friend.

I wouldn't have put up with it as long as you did. She's evil! I like what cynic said. Not all friendships are worth saving. Keep that in mind.

I'd also show this post to DH. Shame on him for allowing that stuff to go on right in front of you.

This woman is not your friend!
She sounds evil. She's being mean and then trying to play the "just kidding" card.

I'd confront her face to face & let her know how uncomfortable she is making you as well as embarrassed AND explain all of the things she has been doing so there's NO confusion!! Methinks your hubs is 'flattered' (typical male ego), so it may fly right over his head as being nothing but innocent fun. Then again....
If after your talk with HER..if it continues-omit them from your social life, ENTIRELY!

She would never set foot in my home again and I would have nothing else to do with her. Flirting with my husband is one thing....and in very bad taste, but insulting me....uh uh. I probably would have blown a gasket and thrown her out then and there. I admire your restrait, but as everyone says, this is not a friend. Making me the butt of her jokes...and being so disrespectful of me....I wouldn't put up with that.

And let me tell you something else....she is not as hot as she thinks she is or she wouldn't be doing anything like that. I wouldn't have given her the satisfaction of my husband telling her anything. As warped as she is, she probably thinks she is something special for getting under your skin.

I would never go to her and tell her to shape up, as someone suggested. In her own little way, she would probably see that as a victory and be glad she was able to get such a reaction out of you. I'd just drop her like a hot potato.

I'm another flirt, "Hey good lookin", a wink, a hug those are flirty, depending on the bodylanguage etc the hair thing may be flirty (I think its a step beyond) but her disrespecting you continually has nothing to do with that.
Disrespect in the guise of humor is more hurtful that full out disrespect (I've also been on the receiving end).

Let your DH know that it hurts you when she says these things, and it also hurts that he doesn't correct her. He doesn't need to be mean about it, but something like "we are happy with her job, it allows us to spend lots of time together" will let the "friend" know that he is with you.

If not seeing this couple again is not an option, perhaps only meeting in a public place, or with another couple present will help.

Wonder if she would take it as a joke if you asked her if she'd always acted like a slut, or how she got hooked up with a man who didn't have ba!!s enough to tell her to behave?

I'm 71 years old, and have never seen/known/heard of a woman who would sit hip to hip with her BROTHER, look into his eyes while running her fingers thru his hair & tell him it pretty.

If a woman sat that close to my DH & ran her fingers thru his hair she'd be looking for a wig maker to cover the bald spots on hers! What kind of stupid dolt is her husband to sit there & do/say anything? First thing that I'd have thought of was "Swingers." Something smells!

HF, your intuition is telling you something...listen and remember, NO one has the right to put you down.

Suzi

When people run other people down like that, they are usually very insecure in some way, even though they project that they think they are the be-all/end-all of the world. So in her pathetic little way, she's complimenting you every time she slams you. YOU have what she wants, whether she'll admit or not.

That said, I wouldn't let her darken my door again, and if she ever asks why I would very mildly say "I don't like you and I don't associate with people I don't like." That's it. No reasons. No excuses. No fighting or yelling or screaming, I wouldn't give her the satisfaction.

Then, of course, you have the problem of not being able to supervise your DH around her, because he'll probably stay in contact with her unless he's really smart. I've found that it takes men a LOOOONG time to realize how petty and witchy some women can be. I would tell him that while I may trust HIM, that I'll never trust her, so if he wants to keep a happy home he'll be totally upfront about any contact he has with her and let me read emails, etc. Explain that if the shoe were on the other foot, you wouldn't be happy knowing that HE might be worried about you.

Man, what a skanky woman. Was she drinking when this happened???

A real friend would never put you down, ever. She doesn't sound like a friend and she sounds like a heck of a lot more than a flirt. I would talk to her and tell her how I felt, see what she says, if she tells you that you are over reacting then she is not a friend. A real friend would say she was sorry for ever making you feel uncomfortable or disrespected.

I like Flamingo's description...SKANKY! Yep, that's her!

And ditto to what Marilyn and Ont Gal said.

This B!tch doesn't know how to be a true friend.

Just my opinion but when your dh confronts her, he needs to say things as though it bothers HIM, not just you. Her comments can't be, why can't you take a joke, it needs to be why can't the both of you take a joke. (bad joke, Huh?)
I don't really get why you've put up with this at all. It would have been over along time ago for me. Everyone (your dh) likes a compliment or be fawned over if it doesn't hurt anyone else but this has been a real pain in your side for a while. It's time to make space in between this couple and yourselves.

I do know that there are couples that talk that way to each other, laughing it off but it seems this woman has crossed the personal space boundries and the prettied up insults are far too many.

I agree with the other. She's not a friend. She MEANS to put you down, for whatever reason. To make herself look better, or more important. I don't know where they met, but I wouldn't be doing anything with her there ever again. Your DH should respect that too. Put the shoe on the other foot. If her 15 year (?) younger DH was hitting on you, would they like it? I don't think so.
Leslie

I believe, I would tell my husband I am really hurt, and that I wish he would tell her to quit saying such things, when she does. Right then and there.

If he stands up to her, she should be stopping this nonsense. If she doesn't, I would curtail visits to a bare minimum.

Realize, I am very good friends with Mel (male) and my husband is friends with Mel too, since he got to know him. I would NEVER do any such thing, cause first of all, I am just friends with Mel, and second of all, I would never hurt Mel's wife, nor my husband.

Besides, such behavior would ruin my friendship with Mel.

My thoughts.

Moni

Yes, she has a problem and is doing unappropriate things, but the person you should really be dealing with is your husband, not her. He needs to take better control of the situation; he should not have allowed her to touch his hair -- a simple arm up should have done that and he should not have told her that "you - his wife" had a problem with her. He should have told her it was him. It makes you look petty, jealous, etc (and she's probably loving it). He needs to say "he" doesn't like the behavior (she can't really argue that).

For you, a sarcastic comment back to her when she insults you should help cut out her comments. It's an art learning how to handle abusive people. You may just go ahead and let her comment and ignore her. Or, a simple eye roll or "allrightly then" comment to such negative comments may even work. Make her feel 'dumb' for making such a comment. It's hard not to take the digs at heart, but you really shouldn't. Don't let her get to your insecuritites. Let her be the one that looks petty and jealous to other people, not you, and she will if she continues with those types of comments and actions.

I don't know how close you are with her husband or if you have other friends in common, but if you can't cut them out altoghter, I would be sure you husband knows how he should handle this on his own, and I wouldn't take anything she says to heart.

If this were happening to me I sure wouldn't "talk" to her about her behaviour, she's toxic to you, your DH, and your marriage.

I would give her a talking to though, and not one meant to save a friendship that she isn't interested in having.

Like Ont_gal, I might hit her lol. I would suggest you practice what you want to say and say it as meanly (don't care if that's a word or not) as you can.

You know it really isn't that hard to tell somebody they are no longer welcome in your home and mean it. You already know she's a slut and she sure isn't careful of your feelings so why are you worrying about hers? Now make yourself proud and go for the throat lol.

As for your DH, he's probably enjoying the fact that his "friend?" is flirting with him and it's upsetting you. If it were me I'd make sure DH would know what will happen to him if this doesn't stop immediately!

I'm just saying.........

A comment I use and may be helpful if and when she'd say something demeaning "Now, why would that interest you!!"

I'd also suggest you and you hubby detach yourselves from them as much as possible. She is not a friend, and is just a rude and possibly dangerous nuisance.

Sue

Like everyone has said, she is NOT your friend. With friends like that, who needs enemies! I would not have anything more to do with that couple. Drop them! She seems to have some serious issues so get as far away from her as possible. And what the H@LL was wrong with your husband (and her's) that he put up with all that touching. My DH would have politely asked her to not touch him and to move her chair. If she didn't, he would have stood up and asked them to leave.
Clare

Sounds like this woman is a flirt by nature, and tries to get a "rise" out of everyone. She also seems to be quite insecure and this is her way of feeling like she has control. She sounds like a negative, toxic person, and we all know what toxic people are capable of. They cause trouble and she already proved that.

It makes me wonder what her husband thinks of her acting like this. My crystal balls tells me that if she keeps this up, her marriage will be jeopardized in time. Usually if one has this behavior, they won't just stop because they want to or because they can. It's like a habit that's hard to break. However, usually flirts like the attention so they won't stop.

Time to have a heart to heart with hubby.

I learned a new word a while back 'frenemy'. It sounds like the so-called friend is one. You don't need her.

Oh I agree WITH EVERYONE!!!

I wouldn't have put up with it as long as you did, but I know first hand about that awkward situation. My husband had a close female friend (younger) when we met, and I was very tolerant. He couldn't see what I saw. Come to find out, they had had a brief sexual relationship about five years prior to my entering the picture but decided they made better friends. It took a couple years but I got her kicked to the curb. I know that sounds selfish, but there was NO place for her in my home. And it was mine now.

Like everyone has said. this one feels a sense of ownership and it seems has some serious jealousy over you. She absolutely has no right to behave the way she does. If she is kidding then she is really bad at it. Speaking from my point of view, some men (my DH) really enjoy the attention and do get caught up in it. Others in your DH's situation, recognize that it is inappropriate but have been friends with that person for so long they don't want to hurt their feelings. It makes it really awkward. Still it isn't right and has to stop. I wouldn't have made it through that evening as well as you did. I would have embarrassed everyone and escorted that witch right out my door.

You have 15-ish years of experience on her. Next time take that experience, put it in a pie tin, and smash it in her face. :o) Hee Hee

Definitely not a friend...much too flirty and insulting. My husband and I have been together almost 40 years. We've had many aquaintances through the years and I have personally witnessed this type of behavior from other women. I've seen the type, and they are women who have very little confidence and need their egos boosted. They try to make other women jealous and when they succeed, it's a feather in their cap. Other women who go after another's husband and cut their wives down are desperate souls. Your husband should be the one to tell her that he doesn't approve of this kind of behavior. That will be the only thing that will stop it. She obviously doesn't care what you think. All she cares about is herself, and it also doesn't show much respect for her husband to do this in front of him. I would sever the relationship now. She is not a friend. She is cheap and lacks class.
I didn't read all the posts above, so I'm sorry if I repeated anything.
Lulie Cosby

I would hope that my husband would genuinely look at her, incredulous, and say "how in the world could you think that I'd be Ok with you treating my wife like that"?

I would show her the front door and she could pick up her teeth on the way out. vique.

She's doing this to get your goat and as long as it works, she will continue to do it.

Next time she does something like that, just start laughing! Laughing so hard that you cry. Then when you are done laughing, look her in the eye and say "you can't possibly believe that (insert Hubby's name here) would be even remotely interested in you?" Then laugh again.

It works. I know because my ex SIL was so jealous of me she couldn't see straight. I just laughed at her every time she said something or did something (including numerous passes at my husband) and SHE is the one who looked and felt rediculous.

I agree with the others who have said she's not a friend and just ditch the relationship and cut off the social contacts.

But, you haven't mentioned how long your husband and this woman have been friends and how this friendship came to be.
Are they co-workers?

No, they are not co-workers. The two of them have been friends for about five years. They met on the job many years ago (worked in different departments) and realized they had some common friends.

Thank you so very much for the many replies. This information helps me a whole lot. I'm glad i am not the only one who thinks this is screwed up. It's good to hear other women's opinions and it makes me feel a lot better.

What's the latest, HF? Have you approached either DH or the "friend" on the issue?
I thought about you last night. I was at a social function and someone was talking about another woman and situation very similar to yours. She said the woman was married, was not nice looking (although your "friend" is), and she thinks she was just hungry for validation from another woman's husband... or any other man. Probably true. Aggravating, but pitiful at the same time.
Lulie

Thanks again for the replies and thanks for the follow-up. Yes, I did talk with DH about this and that did NOT go well. He reports that after talking with Ms. Flirt that she became very upset and insisted that I was making a mountain out of a mole hill, blah, blah, blah.

And then, thanks to this thread, I approached him again and that didn't go well either. I told him that when he allowed her to say those things in my home and in front of me, it hurt me deeply and that his silence implied both his consent and his agreement. He became agitated and said that I was over-reacting, etc.

This is my second marriage and I'm struggling to make it work. He's not an easy man to live with and I'm probably not an easy woman to live with. Heck, I don't know what to think anymore.

We have had three or four major "discussions" on this issue and he said he's tired of talking about it. The problem is, there has not been a satisfactory resolution. I do think that if it happens again, he'll be more alert to telling WHOMEVER to shut up. Or so I hope.

In the meantime, I have no dealings with Ms. Flirt and I keep my distance. She is doing the same, and claiming to HIM that she is "very hurt" at my attitude and has no interest in seeing me again.

Yeesh.

Still glad you asked?

For now, I think it's gonna be one of those messy, icky marital issues that I'm just going to build a mental fence around and just leave it alone for a time. I can't ruin my marriage over this. I'll just pay attention and see how he behaves in the future.

DH is one of those guys who will rant and rave but in the end, he'll pay attention to what I say and not repeat his mistakes. I've told him that (in the words of Stephen Covey), this was a huge withdrawal from my spiritual/emotional bank account and it'll take some time for his account with me to be restored to where it was before this incident. That just makes him mad, but it's the truth.

You long-term married people, how do you DO THIS???? And you long-term second marriage people, was it harder the second time? Holy canoly, this ain't easy.

First, I fully agree she is not a friend. She is either trying to make her huband jealous or has stronger feelings than friendship towards your husband.
Her attempts to make you look bad in front of your husband is a way of trying to put doubt in his mind.
Your husband is the one that should have put a stop to it. However if he has known her for some time, this may just be her personality and he takes no offense.
If you by chance are in her comany again, I'd stay away from any contact with her but stay close to your husband. If she says offensive things about you, just tell her off in a subtle way. You're sorry she's so unhappy that she feels the need to put others down. But really, it only makes her look bad.
If she tries the touchy thing again with your husband, tell her she has a husband, go feel on him. Besides, you're sure she likes her own hair. If she tries that again you will snatch her bald and she'll need a wig, and take one step towards her.
Another thing would be to ask her how old she is. After she answers, ask her when she's going to grow up as she's acting like a flrty high school girl and it's very unbecoming to someone her age.
Just get some things in mind to say that will put her in her place. Even if only to say you've heard her run her mouth enough. Take your husband by the arm and suggest you go here or there. Leave her standing there with her mouth open. Then you can tell her not to catch any flies!
If hubby won't act out what he said to her, then give him a nudge with what you have to say. Best of luck.
Lynn

Speaking from the male point of view, if she were my wife and pulled something like that I'd be on her case in a heartbeat. There is absolutely no reason for her to say and do the things she does.

I had one incident (after my divorce) at a party where the wife of someone I barely knew kept remarking on what a charming man I was and couldn't keep her paws off of me. The husband stood there smiling and remarking about how whats-her-name likes to be cute like that and flirt. Flirt he.. she was communicating a lot more than being cute.

Thanks but no thanks and I guarantee if it was me they'd not be invited back anymore and I'd sever all ties to them.

I doubt if you'll ever have any more overt trouble from this woman, but you can bet she'll be playing the "scorned woman" part around your husband. He'll probably get tired of hearing it from her, too. She has "no interest in seeing you again" because you've now called her on her bad behavior and she is busted as far as you are concerned and she knows that you will no longer put up with her crap. She overplayed her hand that night and she really shouldn't be surprised that you had your fill of her.

I think you've done all you can at this point and the part about your emotional bank account was very interesting to me and hopefully to your husband, too.

If I were you, I wouldn't bring her up ever again and I would make my home as happy and cheerful a place as I could so that her whiny, complainy ways draw a huge contrast between the 2 of you. Men are funny, they don't like it when you point things out to them especially if you're pointing out to them that they are wrong about a judgement. Some things that are very obvious to other women are not so obvious to men. BUT! Once it's pointed out to them, they start to notice little things and pretty soon he'll see her for the troublemaker that she is and while he may never admit it out loud, he'll realize that you were right about her and he'll distance himself from her. Women are much more astute about other women, he will realize that one day. Hopefully, he'll be spending more happy time with you and your opinions/actions/deeds will sway him.

Good luck and thanks for the update.

Get to the nitty gritty of the issue: his respect, (or lack of) for you. What the other woman thinks, should not be the order of the day. What YOU think, should be.

Ask him about where his respect lies in all of this. (IMO)

Her attentions toward him flatter him. Of course he's not going to admit that. But, now that he knows how you feel, hopefully it will stop and you can let it go. He's not easy to live with? Has he always been hard to live with?
It wouldn't break my heart that she didn't want to see me anymore.
Leslie