Some people do not have the energy to deal with toddlers. I was with a friend with children the same age as your toddlers, and it is exhausting and all consuming. The two year old kept running to the stairs (even though the child could not do stairs) and the mom kept bringing the child to another area to play, but the child kept trying to go on back to the stairs. When the mom would pick the child up, the child would kick and scream and cry (AKA a major temper tantrum) returning again and again for the stairs. The mom was trying to visit with friends, and have a conversation, and the child made this impossible. At the same time, she was trying to keep and eye on her 3 year old who kept wandering off. Some people just do not enjoy babies and toddlers, and do not feel comfortable being responsible for someone else's toddlers. Friends would take turns watching each others toddler, while the other ran errands. After doing it a few times, it stopped, as the one child would scream for the entire 2 hours. No amount of distraction or toys helped. One of the friends said that the few hour break was not worth the price of having to return the favor and watch a child who cried so much. Toddlers take enormous energy, and you have to focus on them every minute. It is one thing when they are your children. It is another thing entirely when they belong to someone else. Trust her and try not to take it personally. Several years from now (5 or so) if they still leave your children out, then you may want to talk to them. But for now, don't force your toddlers on someone who is not willing. Perhaps you can do somethings with them bringing the toddlers, so that a relationship begins to develop, but you are there to help if your children cry or wander off. At some point, they may feel up to the challenge of an outing with one or both of your young children. This may have "nothing" to do with their step child versus your children, and have everything to do with the fact that some people are uncomfortable with babies and toddlers. Wait and see as your children become more self sufficient (around age 7-8) if they are included. If they are not, then I imagine it will be their loss. Many people simply do not have the energy to enjoy taking such young children out on outings. The others are right in that with the toddlers along, they would be unable to focus on the older grandchild. You yourself must know many parents who cannot even go out to dinner and actually enjoy it with toddlers. The child wants out of the high chair, and then is running around the restaurant, or will not go in the high chair and is crying if made to sit in a high chair. Or one of the parents is walking around outside with the toddler, while the other parent finishes eating., etc. Not a relaxing dinner out by any stretch of the imagination, for anyone. So again, try not to take it personally right now. Respect their discomfort being responsible for someone else's toddlers, and do not try and force them into something they are clearly uncomfortable with.

Good grief. I hadn't even seen this discussion thread, much less read it until now, so I guess I'd better post. I've been so busy at work (still am) on a major project that I barely have time to do a load of laundry so I'll have clean underwear, much less read many disussion threads here... Anyway, to get to the discussion at hand -- When I was about 14 and my brother was about 7, I was in the breakfast nook one afternoon talking to my mother. My brother came in from the backyard, said something, then went back outside. I said something to the effect that it wouldn't suprise me at all if he grew up to be gay. My mother replied, with shock in her voice, "How can you say that? He's just a little boy!" I said, "I don't know - it's just a feeling I have." Our parents died when my brother was 14, and I became his legal guardian. We had always gotten along really well as kids, and I never felt "burdened" to be his guardian. When he was 17, my brother came to me one day when I was in the family room and said that he needed to have a serious talk with me. I said, "Okay." He then said, "I'm gay." I replied, "Yes, I know." He said, "You know?!? You don't mind?!?" I hugged him and told him that I love him, that I'd always love him no matter what, and that of course I didn't "mind" that he was gay. He said that he'd been so stressed and worried about telling me. I told him that I was so sorry that he'd been stressed and worried, and that everything was ok. He wondered what our parents would have thought, and I told him in all honesty that I knew they wouldn't have had a problem, either. In February 1988 he found out that he was HIV+ and I promised him that he would not die alone, which was his greatest fear. In 1993, when he was living in San Francisco and Hubs and I in the Sacramento area, my brother converted to full-blown AIDS and was hospitalized, not expected to live through the night. He was in the hospital for over 9 weeks, 6 of which were in ICU, and I was with him the entire time with the exception of about three nights. When he was discharged my husband and I moved him in with us, and I was his caregiver. He died in my arms in 1994. He was, bar none, the bravest person I've ever known. I love him and miss him so very much.

Wow. This is quite an intricate situation! What's the health status of the girlfriend? Where are your grandson's parents? The girl's parents? Are you young enough to take on the care of a baby/toddler/child? You said he's high-functioning .... so why do you think that he might not care for the baby? Will the girlfriend have custody?

My kids and our granddaughter were all 6 1/2 weeks early. Everyone is doing fine. Good luck to all of you. I know she will be fine and congrats!