Unfortunately some people only come to forums to cause chaos and discontent, it's what they thrive on. Often they will focus on specific people for no apparent reason and just make their lives miserable. They are sick disgusting Jerks.
Sometimes people are having a bad day and take it out online.
It's sad when the situation you describe happens. But you have your own built in ignore button, use it and move on, if you can.

People rarely get angry at 'you' - they just unload on the closest person or audience.

Thanks. :)

You need to pick your forums with caution. Some internet forums aren't monitored in any manner and outrageous behavior thrives. I'd look through any new forum carefully before posting.

I used to lurk at a particular site. I would never post anything, something as innocuous as asking for a recipe, you'd get quickly told to use the Search button. That was just one example. The forum closed and is strictly a Facebook site, which doesn't interest me at all.

I would never post on Hot topics.......I don't even like to read that forum :-)

It's a public forum. Say what you feel. If the person asking cannot accept your opinion, it's their problem.

Any forum where a person can hide behind a user name will have people like that. The best advice is to not take anything personally. I know it is hard for some but it really is the best way.

Most people here are pretty ok. There have been a few instances but it is generally a nice place to chat.

Welcome!

OldFixer, you're exactly right.

Some people by their comments seem to exude the message that "It's ok for others to express an opinion, as long as they agree with me. Those who disagree or have a different suggestion for this question needn't bother because they're wrong."

A conversation in which everyone has the same view is boring. I always learn something from talking to people I don't agree with, I hope everyone else feels the same way.

There's no button on the thread pages that says "Post a Follow-Up if You Agree"

There has been many times I have typed up a reply, sometimes not very nice, read it out loud, then Delete!!! Makes me feel better and the OP does not even know how I feel. I have done it several times even on a single posting.
But some people just like to be noticed bad or good.

Thanks for all the replies. Just to clear something up, I certainly do not expect anyone to agree with everything I say. It would be a dull world if we all agreed on everything. When one asks for an opinion on a public forum they should expect to take what they don't want to hear along with what they do want to hear. I agree with that.
But on the other hand, I have never went out of my way to make someone feel small or stupid. That isn't my thing. Without elaborating, that is the way I was made to feel on a public forum today. It wasn't anywhere on the Garden web community.

Thanks again for listening to my vent..I value your input.
Have a good evening. :)

There's one thing to disagree with someone, but when the comments become rude, hurtful, or demeaning to the original poster, or anyone else, then it becomes a problem.

Personally, I think of those that write such a comment, as nothing more than a school yard bully. Someone that needs to put others down to build themselves up.

I was raised with the Thumper Rule. "If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all" Yes, there's a double negative, but we all know it means if you can't be nice, then keep your opinions to yourself. If you do have an opinion that doesn't agree with others, but you honestly feel it needs to be brought up, then do so kindly.

We all have our bad days. Unlike when you say something bad in real life where you can't take it back, we have a chance on the internet to stop, re-read what we wrote before we post it. Sometimes just writing it makes us feel better. (See below.)

Believe me, there have been many, many times (on another forum not here on the GW) where I wanted to tell someone they were nuts for thinking they improved a beautiful piece of wood stained furniture by painting it and then distressing it to point where it looks like it's been neglected for a hundred years sitting in a leaky barn. But I don't. That would be hurtful and rude when they were so proud of what they did. Many think because it is not an antique (just old) that it's okay.

My thought on painting any well made, beautifully grained, stained furniture no matter it's disrepair is.... "So fifty years from now, all the would be antiques will have already been ruined. Sad, very sad."

Oh that felt good to write! But again, I'd never send that comment to someone that had posted photos of a piece they were obviously proud of. We all have different views of what's beautiful, so instead of commenting, I silently move on.

There are some strong personalities here and that is a good thing. They will come right out and say what is on their mind. Don't confuse that sort of reply even if it is a disagreement, with an attempt to hurt you.

Occasionally hurtful comments are made here, but most of the time it is the back and forth of those with differing opinions who are sometimes very expressive.
Subjects like tomatoes or roses create passionate replies as well as other subjects, people talking about what they know, and comfortable enough to have a strong opinion.

justgotabeme, you made me laugh with "...where I wanted to tell someone they were nuts for thinking they improved a beautiful piece of wood stained furniture by painting it and then distressing it to point where it looks like it's been neglected for a hundred years sitting in a leaky barn. "

I think you will like it here, Missy. We at least *try* to be tactful.

I browse Hot Topics more than I post. It's a well-named forum where people argue their views of important issues of the day -- the ones we are warned to avoid on this forum. It gets heated *because* the issues rise above the generally minor concerns here. (NOT that we are all sweetness and light! LOL)

I'm glad I gave you a laugh Suzieque!

I had to stop visiting that forum as I'm pretty sure it rose my blood pressure. To me some of the things they've painted would be like painting over a Raphael, Monet, Rembrandt, Renior, Vermeer, Degas.... I could go on and on.

Justgottobeme, I see items for sale on Kijiji recently. Do you remember those coffee tables that are in 2 levels.......the smaller table to set a lamp, coffee cup on, above a longer lower table. I'm not sure how to describe them. From the 70's thereabouts.

People pick them up for a song, as no one wants them, then rough them up and paint them, distress them and sell them for much more money.

The problem with expressing opinions is that they are developed through our own unbringings, backgrounds, educations, readings, careers, hobbies, nationalities, ethnic groups, religions (if you have one) and heck, our inherent DNA. I don't even know the ages of you people never mind whether or not you are male or female.

The written word is not accompanied by any form of body language. I can't tell if your arms are crossed, if you are nodding in agreement or grimacing at what you think is my naivety.(which I think probably happens a lot in my case - I am a bit of a lightweight in the thinking department).

So, to take umbrage at someone's opinion is one thing - you can have an interesting back and forth but to belittle the person who states something that you don't agree with says more about you than the other person.

edited to clarify my last sentence - the one with the problem is the one who did the belittling. I put so many "you"'s in that sentence it sounded a little confusing! Sorry for any confusion.

This post was edited by blfenton on Wed, Oct 8, 14 at 15:51

Welcome Missy May. I think people have become more rude in general. I think a lot of it comes from being able to "hide" behind your words on the internet. Real tough guys that go on mean, nasty tirades online. I'll bet good money they wouldn't have the nerve to do it face to face.

Seriously, do unto others. I'm with jasdip about Hot Topics....rude, judgmental people.

I think people who are overly sensitive should just not ask for opinions if they don't want to hear them all...If you are sensitive read don't play..

I agree. I think many are becoming less tactful these days. Dunno why. In person and on forums. Maybe on forums because they're "faceless"?

I don't believe Hot Topics are rude people, generally. Opinionated YES, but rude, not really. It bothers me when posts contain disparaging with broad strokes. But then, I often stick up for the underdog. Here too, I tend to stick a toe in if the back/forths are a getting a bit heavy handed. Or one sided. I don't like ganging up on anyone. That's my thing. Fairness.

I really like the, I don't know if you're sitting there with your arms crossed, nodding in agreement picture. That helps me a lot! I mean, I know we don't know what body language is going on, but I haven't tried to picture what someone might be doing. Now I will.

Jasdip, I know just what type of table you mean. They are called step tables. I love them! In fact I'm using one in our Gentleman's Parlor and have a couple more to refinish in the basement. One of them being a corner step table. The sad thing is, if those that bought them on the cheap, refinished them, they'd be worth a whole lot more than they are painted. People that paint them have no clue what they have. Granted some of the originally less expensive ones, are perfect for painting in the shabby chic style. Lane, Heywood Wakefield, Broyhill and anything Danish would not be good choices for painting when it comes to value.

Here is a link that might be useful: Mid Century Step tables.

There ARE a few ongoing battles (and battle-axes, male and female) on Hot Topics, but mostly I find literate people with information and thoughtful viewpoints I don't find elsewhere.

Regarding Hot Topics..I don't use that particular forum. I think once or twice I asked a question. Got an answer and left. No problem.

I know I said I was sensitive, but in reality I was probably just having an already bad day. :) I'm fine, thanks for all you input, suggestions, and more importantly, letting me vent. Sometimes, that in itself is enough. LOL

I joined here a couple of years ago..but check in and read more than I post. You're all good people here. :)

Eh, I find the Hot Topics discussions to be pretty lightweight. The few times I looked, it seemed to have a lot of forced outrage over National Enquirer-type topics I don't find interesting. The kind of non-news one finds on local newscasts.

"White House has announced they will resume serving Italian style pasta to the First Family, after a locked storage room was opened and 100 cases of canned tomatoes were found", It's no wonder we have potholed highways and unaffordable medicare co-pays when the government loses track of canned tomatoes. It's Obama's fault.

Like that.

snidely - LOL

Hot topics got very boring very quickly for me. It was always the same topics, same people, same script. A topic would be introduced, 2 or 3 responses and then the name-calling would start and then Bengazi would be thrown into the fray. To follow your example - Bengazi would be next.

To quote an authority whom I've quoted before ...

My Dad used to say ...

... "When you get kicked by a jack-ass ...

... consider where it comes from!".

My Dad, an old retired farmer 28 years ahead of me, died at 85 - 28 years ago. Some hard-working people were inclined to encapsulate some worthwhile ideas in a short, pithy, often descriptive or metaphoric saying, or adage.

ole joyfuelled

A plug for Hot Topics

Sure you have to wade through it sometimes, but then there are some who are quite erudite talking about important topics, using their minds, and not shouting talking points which are all blather from slanted press (or are rumors). Absolutely, a breath of fresh air. And great to hear about things other than day to day grind. Sometimes.

And sometimes, it's more fun to have a bit of fun, which is why both forums exist. Any way, here's something well written, which just really made me pause and watch in awe/wonder. As an example of what is good at Hot Topics. (see? I feel it's getting one sided, and now I'm stepping up for the underdog!).

________________________
" RE: Afghans vote in large numbers!
In my view it is a very good sign that Afghans may be trying to get a hold of their own destiny but I surely would never say it was worth the blood and treasure that has been spent....not a chance

I heard an interesting commentary about the driving forces in the last three elections.

His thought was that, in the first election Afghans turned out to vote for voting , who won didn't matter. The fact they had the right to vote was all that mattered.

The second election was less popular because it was seen as the States trying to install their influence.

This election the people seem to be voting for leaders they feel are in their best interests as Afghans. Leaders that will deal with the corruption, the Taliban and bring safety and security to Afghanistan.

I have no idea whether that is true or not but I surely hope it is.

The numbers of women both running for seats and voting was very significant and that's positive."

Well, another example of everyone is entitled to their own opinion. My opinion about Hot Topics hasn't changed.

rob333, if you want to have some fun, take your quotation, delete "Taliban" and replace Afghan and Afghanistan with American and USA.

Those revisions create an article we ought to see but never will !

(edit for misspelling)

This post was edited by snidely on Thu, Oct 9, 14 at 19:23

And my opinion about Kitchen and snidley hasn't changed. Although, I am willing on the snidely front (glad to listen to Hot Topics authors io this one). Glad Kitchen hasn't changed!

The only issue I have with forums like Hot Topics are that they tend to attract argumentative people. Then it all becomes about winning the day, not expressing an erudite opinion.

At least it serves as an outlet for people who need to release suppressed hostility.

But it does kind of drown out the more reasonable, logical points of view.

Sometimes it does. I totally agree tally. There are certainly some jewels of wisdom though.