I'm not a red oak fan. I don't like its smell, its stringiness and its lousy burn. I much prefer white oak or choke cherry. I had a fire going in the Defiant, cherry from a blow down in the front yard last winter. I could smell it whilst car crawling. Smells like a maraschino cherry . I replaced the broken latch on the Defiant's side door with a bolt and washers. I caulked the door edges with gasket material and pushed it in as I tightened the bolt. This has restored a great amount of the stove's "airtightness" . I have more repairs to go, but that was the most bang for least effort. The stove was rated at 40,000 BTU and heated a 1200 sqare foot house. That was 40 yrs ago . Most of the plates are cracked. The inner baffle burnt out years ago I snapped off the worst of the warped piece, I intend to strap it roughly back into place with lots of slack built in to accomodate expansion. Heating oil is about 3.40 a gallon. I have a hot air system . Firewood is 275 $ a cord. Most of the house also has 220 Volt electric baseboard. The chimney was put in an enclosed porch. Then a few yrs later, I rolled the porch away, and put in a 28 x 28 , 2 story addition on a 20 X 28 with a 12x12 ell. Story and a half New England farmhouse built about 1870 from local pine. So the chimney is in a center of the house now. Thanksgiving of '85 I tended a mason who corbled the last 5 feet over 4 inches to clear the ridge pole Instead of splitting the ridge each course of brick was hung out about 3/8 of an inch.to the north. The masonry is great. It retains heat and heats the sheetrock plaster in the stairwell.

Kids can and will learn different rules in different houses! I'm an aunt, not a grandparent. When my sisters' kids were little, they ran wild at home. When they came to my house they tried it too. I corrected them: We only eat in the kitchen or outside. We don't run in the house. We ask if we want to play with something, and put it away when we're done. Every time they came over, I greeted them with a big hug and then said the rules again in a warm manner. After a few visits, I asked *them* to tell me what the rules were. Only once did I have a problem after that. They played in my stepdaughter's room and made a huge mess, taking a game with tiny pieces and flinging them all over the room. I also found glass decorative marbles from my bathroom in their pockets. I made them clean up the room and close the door, then told them since they could not respect others' things and play nicely, they were banned from her room. Since their parents never enforced any rule or punishments, they would head for her room every time they came over after that, and I would remind them they were not allowed in there. After 4 months I allowed them back in with a reminder about what happened and if they played nicely they could have their privelege back. They know I mean business so things were fine. (although I'm sure I'm known as the "mean aunt" sometimes!)

stepmomneedshelp, In spite of the mother of the children not being held to some accountability, the help keeps coming. SWEEBY'S SUGGESTION IS RELEVENT BECAUSE: the people helping need to join their forces in doing what would bring this step-daughter/grand daughter/mother of the children to have a good reason to get her act together. I know that the suggestion sounds heartless, but you have to realize that a drug addict will always be a drug addict and that IF this woman is to get any better, she has to want to. She must go into a detoxification program and follow through with her recovery. Her recovery will last the rest of her life. If I were you, I would seek some answers and then talk with your husband and his parents and see if you all can be strong enough to take this bull by the horns. Whatever problems this woman has, those are the problems that need addressing while those who are helping her are able and willing to help. Those of us that have some insight know that you are going through some very trying times. Don't think for one minute that we don't understand. But unless you and your husband move away and forget about this whole thing and forget about the grandchildren -- well, then the only way you are going to get any rest over this is to HELP IN RELEVENT WAYS. The child that is so disrespectful -- not much of a reward now is it. Just like you, she is a victim. Let your heart go out to her. Continue to let her see what goodness is. Her mother has caused she and her siblings to have great unstability, insecurity, etc. Her behavier is going to reflect. If you are to continue to take care of these children, then you and everyone involved absolutely need to come together and support each other in the ways you handle the children. They will need much affection and firmness. They should not be made to hear about what a failure or how screwy their mother is -- that would hurt them in many ways. It's hard to keep some of our feelings inside, but the children will only suffer in long term kinds of ways if they are reminded about how much you or others are giving up to help take care of them. I don't know if you complain to the children, or if other people do that. But if that happens, well that can't go on. That kind of talk causes children to feel guilty for their mother's transgressions. Well, it causes all kinds of baggage. It is hurtful and cruel. There needs to be some education and organization. Do not let the mother of these children dictate to you or the rest of the helpers. Decide exactly what you will do and exactly what you will not do. The mother of these children is so unable, that you might think that you have no choices -- but you do. But YOU MUST HAVE COOPERATION from those that have healthy minds. We can't sit here and write a book and quick answers may be lacking in the kind of help you all need. Please seek help from some professionals. If you find strength in posting and being answered -- that's nice. Some people on this forum are not helpful and are very screwed up themselves -- so I don't think this is the place for you...not if it takes the place of getting the help you need. You need to have cooperation from those involved. That needs to be your focus if you want to be a part of a solution for this family. Otherwise, you can continue to watch the children and just watch this tragedy as it unfolds. Personaly, if this were my problem? I would watch the children only when the woman was going to visit her psychiatrist and her AA meetings, and maybe for doctor appointments -- those kinds of things. A night out -- no way. Best to you.

One tip that we had to find out the hard way: Most child-proof latches won't work on frameless cabinets - even ones that say they do. There often isn't a long enough throw to get the drawer or door open enough to get your fingers in to operate the latch. The magnetic ones are the way to go. The opening key magnets don't stick to the front of our stainless fridge, but the sides of the fridge are magnetic. We use a learning tower for the grandkids too. They like that it brings them up to counter level so they can help. However to be stable it is fairly large so it only works well in a large kitchen. Also, base sticks out for more stability and I think all the adults have stubbed their toes on it so our relationship with it is a little bit love/hate. Most microwaves have a way to lock the controls. For example on ours you hold the stop button down for 3 seconds. We have had no trouble with it being below counter because it can be locked between use when the kids show an interest in it and that phase didn't last long for us. Our gas rangetop has controls on the front. We agonized about getting that vs a cooktop with controls on top but we really wanted the power of the Bluestar for wok cooking after test driving it vs our cooktop candidates. It hasn't been a problem especially because the igniters go snap-snap as soon as someone turns the knob from off which allows us to hear it and correct the behavior immediately. Our grandson discovered the ability to move a chair and get on it to reach the counter before he was two. Little kids have to be supervised in the kitchen. I wouldn't count on things being above the counter for keeping them safe. As they get older, having a kitchen that can accommodate multiple workers is really nice. For example, our prep sink is on a corner of our island so two people can use it; one from the main prep area at the front and one from side. It also often gets used from the side to wash kids hands without getting in the way of someone doing prep. Then there is also the baking area to the right of the main sink and the counter to the left of the main sink.