I had no set age but figured I'd wait until they actually "need" them. Until the age of 13, my oldest was always in the presence of an adult, whether at school, camp, sports, activities, etc. Sure, it is a convenience, but I didn't feel like forking out the money if it was really necessary. In 7th grade, I started getting pressured by her because nearly all of her friends had them. By Christmas that year, she was one of about 3 kids in her class of 90 at school that did not have a phone. By spring, she was going through a bit of a rough patch socially (darn girls, what a tough age!) Much of her social circle's communication (well, basically ALL) was occurring via text and she was not only feeling left out, but actually was being left out. Her self esteem really being affected. Dh and I discussed it and after much annoyance at the feeling of "giving in" we got her a cell phone about two months before her 13th birthday. By the time she got her cheap phone, the majority of her friends had already graduated to iPhones. Don't even get me started on that subject! She is now 14, entering high school and all of her friends have them. I have come to realize now at her age, though, it is a nice comfort to me that she now has a phone because she now goes places with her friends (without parents). It's convenient for me in terms of getting in touch with her for logistical reasons. My son, who just finished 6th grade and turns 13 in five months is one of very few kids in his grade that doesn't have a phone. And there are plenty of kids in his grade that already have iPhones. Blows my mind. So, I guess I would say 12/13 is probably the typical age, but really, it should be what you are comfortable with, not what other people are doing. I don't imagine that my son will have the same social issues as my dd simply b/c his friendships don't operate the same way (let's face it, girls can be very *itchy to each other, especially in the early teen years!). Most of his friends do have cellphones but half the time, the parents have taken them away as punishment, or they've forgotten to bring it with them, etc. So for now, it's a non-issue with him and I don't imagine he'll get one anytime soon.

Silver Quite interesting reading. I have thought about EX and how he must feel about DD, or any woman that has been in his life. I do understand the conceptual thinking behind the term "limerance". I had a man that I felt that way about once. I never told him, figuring that if he felt anything for me he would approach me. There were a few mixed signals, I thought but he never made an attempt that was something that I knew for sure showed he was interested in me. He had enough chances to do that and he didn't. He thought of me as a friend or sister I guess. Or he would have gone for a little "roll in the hay" if I would have. He even introduced me to a girlfriend that he began dating and ended up getting her pregnant and they later married. Ouch! With EX's past ( if what he has said is true ) he undoubtedly has great fear of rejection. Again, if what he says is true, he wanted my DD to stay with him, build a future with him and he wanted a family with us. There are too many things though that are negatives to the success of their relationship that he is completely out of touch with which makes me think that he has a break with normal thought processes. This is evident with other actions...his extensive lying and his criminal behavior. My DD did not want to marry or have children ( my goodness, she is only 20 ) and he did. Very much in fact. I don't know that she will ever change her mind but he had said that he would rather have had her and no kids than to not have her at all. I don't know that it would have been something he could have easily lived with though. The age difference is something that was too vast....11 years...when dealing with her age group. Had they met when she was in her 30's or 40's or older then it would not have been as big a deal. I am sorry for him when it comes to honest, heartfelt feelings that he might have had for my DD. The fact that he could install such fear ( and continues to do so ) and the fact that he has told so many lies negates all of that though. It sucks to be rejected. Our family histories have a lot to do with whether or not we can process the rejection in a healthy way. Most of us have been and some of us have stepped over a line while dealing with it that we cringe at after having healed a bit. It is important to teach our kids that when they deal with peers or a romantic interest people have a right to reject them. In the long run it is for the best. I don't know how much EX has control over when it comes to his emotions about the breakup. I am sorry that I can't talk to him. It just can't happen. I want him to get help and to go onto have a happy life. More importantly though I want him to leave my DD alone and let her move on. Thanks for the thread and the link Silversword.

I agree the child should be free to express their feelings in whatever way they can word it. They don't understand hierarchies and family politics. What irked me is I didn't bring any sort of ranking into the equation at all in the post that people keep refering to and yet that's what it got turned into. I nor the girls ever mentioned anything at all in the post about their mother or I being better, or the best or #1 but since the bio mom was the one who the girls were questioning that's what it got turned into. Mom was perceived by the other posters as "the winner" so I got tore apart. The double standard just gets me. I all the sudden went from step parent sewing having a conversation with step daughters to the underhanded wrecker of bio mom who was in some way trying to make her look inferior because the girls father bought me a sewing machine. I handled the situation no difference than you and "ranking" never even came up but I turned into the competitive witch. I think you did nothing wrong at all. A____ should be able to express himself however he feels and so should the girls.

Even Obama, a highly educated man, slips up. He used "with him and I" and "with Senator Edwards and I" several times in a talk recently. It's all over the internet. It must be a regionalism because I never heard it until I moved to Minnesota: the word "drug" for the past tense of "to drag," such as "I drug the mattress into the living room." It sounds so backwoods ignorant that it makes my blood boil! I also can't stand people that don't know the difference between "its" and "it's."