Yes, That kind of thing happens to me all the time and I don't like it. Some people just don't think or don't care. She should have sent a card to both of you. JMO

I attended a baptism 3 months ago and gave a very nice gift. At this point, I would be happy just to recieve a facbook thank you.

Yes, it would bother me, but in the past few years, I've somehow become "old-fashioned". Generally speaking, today's youth do not show manners or courtesy. Correspondence is all done via some kind of electronic gadget. Phones aren't even for talking anymore, just texting and checking email. I guess you should be grateful that she even mentioned it to your husband, instead of just taking it and ignoring the sender.

I guess being "old-fashioned" isn't a bad thing, is it? At least most of us old-fashioned people have manners and courtesy.

I agree,not proper etiquette but seems to be the norm now days.I wouldn't let it bother me at all.Obviously it doesn't bother your DH's niece.LOL

It wouldn't bother me. There are so many different ways to communicate these days, any method of communication is fine with me.

She should have mentioned your name in the post, though.

Phone, text, Facebook, carrier pigeon, snail mail...all are ways to communicate.

Some people just don't think or don't care.
I agree. Many people today are not aware of proper etiquette, and are clueless that they are being less than polite.

I would be livid. And, if a gift isn't
acknowledged - it is the last gift they
get from me.

I wonder if the people who wouldn't care,
are guilty of the same thing? And, how
on earth could you not be aware? It's a Thank You, for heaven's
sake., not the complete guide to Proper
Etiquette!

It may bother me a little that they thanked my husband instead of me, but generally I kind of forget if I don't get a thank you card anyway (especially if it's only a gift card and I didn't really put a lot of thought into it). I know it's not proper ettiquette not to get a thank you but I usually consider the situation too... Pregnant women usually aren't the best about remembering and thinking of everything...

I may think a little less of the person who doesn't send a proper thank you...but it really doesn't bother me. If I'm giving a gift; I'm giving a gift. The only time it bothers me is if I think the recipient may have not received the gift - then I would like some sort of thank you or acknowledgement of the gift.

It did bother me a few years ago that some teachers didn't send thank yous for Christmas gifts I gave (I think teachers are in a position to set a good example and almost should have to send thank yous as part of their job)... but then someone explained that maybe some teachers are treating the gifts I was giving as thank you gifts so a thank you card for a thank you gift wasn't really needed. I don't know... I tend to not dwell on it. I still give teachers gifts...

Let's see....she thanked someone for the gift that was not the person who gave her the gift? Uh, yes, that would bother me, and I can't imagine how someone wouldn't be bothered by it. Might those people be people that would do it?

Did you sign the gift from you or from you and your husband? Since it was a shower, probably from just you. If so, then this is hugely rude. If from you and your husband, then it's simply rude.

Essentially, you didn't receive a thank you. Perhaps you should send her a note or call her asking if she received the gift card. How amazingly ignorant, regardless of whether it's becoming the norm (and I don't believe that it is...it may be becomming more common but certainly not the norm, thank God).

Not in this case. As long as your husband was thanked I'd be ok with that. It's the thought of giving and the thought of appreciation of the received gift that counts.

suzieque,

I don't think you should assume just because someone isn't all that bothered by it suggests they don't have good manners... I think it's just the opposite... real manners suggest not judging or pointing out other people's lack of manners. That's the height of rudeness.

The only time a lack of manners would "really" bother me is if it were my own lack or that of my children (who are a reflection on me). If somebody talks with their mouth full, doesn't hold the door for me, forgets to send me a thank you note for a gift card, or sends one to my husband on facebook instead, it's a reflection on them... not me... and I'm not going to lose any sleep over it or really be bothered by it. I might make a little joke about it with my husband; but that's about it.

When I give a gift, I give a "gift" and I generally won't get upset if I don't get a thank you card. Obviously, that's not your personality to think that way, but it doesn't mean I'm ill-mannered or that I don't send cards myself or don't follow proper ettiquette just because I don't get all that upset that others don't.

The way we communicate is so different now and at times it frustrates me. I taught my kids from the getgo to send hand written thank you notes and they have continued to do so as adults. I see it less and less with the younger generation. From them I frequently receive thank you's via e-mail or text message.

For your niece to leave off your name was wrong, but she may have figured if she's thanking him, it automatically includes you. Not sure what she was thinking!

Wow, this 'almost' very same thing happened to me this weekend.
My step son and his girlfriend are having a baby. Went to the shower...gave them a bunch (!) of stuff (they really need help), I even was asked to write down the names and gifts as she opened things.
On Sunday I got a thank-you via Facebook. Yes, sleeperblues I was taken aback. I don't know if I should comment with a 'you're welcome' or not ???
I don't know why anything surprises me anymore...

"I don't think you should assume just because someone isn't all that bothered by it suggests they don't have good manners... I think it's just the opposite... real manners suggest not judging or pointing out other people's lack of manners. That's the height of rudeness."

I completely agree.

Wow - gee, a simple question and I'm bashed. Sometimes if someone doesn't think something is a problem it is because they do the same thing. I do it myself.

Sorry panties got twisted.

I think she was trying to be polite. She should have included your name in the thank you, but that was probably more of an oversight rather than intentional rudeness. Because it was a party thrown for her and in a way she had asked for a gift, she probably should have mailed a thank you. I wouldn't be upset because she did acknowledge your gift.

When I little, my grandmother used to send my then two brothers and I a $1 bill each Christmas. She demanded a handwritten thank you note each time and said that we would not receive the $1. My brothers and I started refusing to write the notes because it no longer felt like a gift. Writing was a burden and we decided we'd rather not receive anything.

When my kids receive gifts from their grandparents, we call up the grandparents and thank them on the phone. The grandparents get thanked and they and the kids get to enjoy a visit. Written thank you's will come in a couple of years.

When I do volunteer geneaology research for out-of-area residents, I get an acknowledgment/thank you maybe a little more than half the time. I'd say each request easily takes me a couple of hours. I'm surprised in that we contact by email, & how hard is it to at least minimumly respond via that?

One guy, however, I'll always hold in my heart. He asked me to get a newspaper obituary for a relative, if such existed. I found a very small one, copied & mailed it to him, being somewhat disappointed myself that was the only info I could find anywhere on this guy. About a week later, I got a very nice handwritten thank you note, with a crisp $20. bill inside! Needless to say, I returned his thanks.

In answer to your question, YES it would bother me, but maybe just a little.

Yes it bothers me... it may be old fashoned, but to me it is a matter of respect and manners to say thank you for a gift. But it happenes all the time, when my grandson got married, he sent no thank you's for gifts... I even offered to buy the thank you cards for them ! Now a year later they have had a baby, they could send out shower invitations, and birth announcements... but not a single thank you for gifts recieved..

Yes, it would bother me. I recently gave a gift card for graduation, no thank you as of this date. I also gave two gift cards in the spring for graduation gifts, no thank you notes from them either. They all have computers and could have emailed me a thank you note and I would have been happy with that. If I were the parents I would have been after the kids and after them to get their thank you notes written and mailed or emailed.

Sue

facebook really isn't the place to send a thank you in my opinion. A private email or note would be better. Since she did use facebook your husband could politely reply to his neice that he really has you to thank for finding and giving the gift and he will forward her thank you on to you.
I imagine it's hard to tell if she was meaning to thank just him or both of you but I know if someone gave me a gift I would not go to their spouse to thank ONLY them. I think she was being thoughless and she needs to figure the better way to do a thank you.
Move on , you have better things to do.

Around here they are having you write your own address on the thank you envelope. This is tacky, too. Next time I am handing mine it in blank... They sure have your address to send you the invitation... I don't care if they call instead of writing a thank you. Just acknowledge the gift.

I have always given gifts to 2 girls but the last birthday and Christmas gifts I gave them I didn't even hear from them. This Christmas I am donating the money I have always spent on them to charity.... My 6, 7 and 8 year old grandchildren know better..

If a certain type or manner of appreciation is required on receipt of a gift it should be included with the gift or clarified up front. Sounds like this wasn't given as a true "gift" but rather as the predecessor of an "transaction". It also sounds like the offense is taken in that the husband was thanked and not the wife. To me, if something is received from a supposed lifetime partnership, thanking one is the same as thanking both unless specified otherwise, especially since neither attended the event. I didn't realize that one was expected to thank both parties individually or determine from whom the gift came. I would guess that this gift came from the couple so rather than figuring out which one, I'd thank the couple. Also, it seems enough separation to specify the relationship as "my husband's niece", the niece may feel uncomfortable or not welcomed by the OP and feel more comfortable commmunicating with her uncle.

Would it bother me? No, not really. I will say I've quit giving things when I feel they're not appreciated, but I see this as it being appreciated, just not expressed in a manner the OP prefers or an uncomfortable relationship between the two.

Etiquette changes over time. I remember times when people were expected to make an appearance in person to drop off a gift even if they weren't staying for the event or they were expected to drop it off before or after the event which is not the case anymore.

It would bother me, but I wouldn't make an issue of it. My step daughter sent my husband/her father a valentines card and did not put my name on it. He said I am ashamed to show this to you. He took care of it, never happened again.

People dont do that anymore.I sent a nephew a graduation gift,cash.I also sent a letter to my sisternlaw.The letter came back so I called,I said tell me you got the money,she said yes hes getting thank you cards ready to mail out.Well,I never got one.It does make you mad when you take the time to send them something.At least let us know it was appreciated.`

Doesn't bother me in the least if I don't get a thank you card in the mail or at all for that matter. When I send a gift or give a wedding gift etc, I write on the card that "no thank you is needed." Some still write a thank you and some do not.

Yes it would definitely bother me.

It bothered me when I visited a friends daughter on a recent trip to Colorado. I gave her a "new place" greeting card with cash inside.

Her mother thanked me on Facebook. Nothing from the recipient herself. In some ways I blame the mother - proper manners were probably never taught.

It's a shame. It's gotten to the point that I'm more surprised to get a thank you for a wedding or baby gift than to not receive one.

Oh, Cynic, don't be ridiculous! Of course I didn't see it as a "transaction", what a crazy thing to say. You may be right that the girl feels more comfortable corresponding with her Uncle (DH) and I did call her "my husband's niece" but never in a million years would DH even think to send a gift. And never is he the one invited to the wedding showers and baby showers for his siblings children and their spouses--it's always ONLY me. Being that we live at least 5 hours away and I work a great deal I am rarely able to attend, but I always send something.

As Cheri2008 stated, it seems they can send out wedding invites, shower invites and baby announcements (which to me is akin to asking for a gift) but it's too difficult to send a proper thank you?

I guess I may have to change my expectations when people start using facebook to invite others to a wedding.

I am so proud of my daughter! As baby gifts arrived, she wrote thank you cards, before she washed and put the clothes away, or the other presents that weren't closing in the baby's room.

Real cards, with a picture of the baby included!

Moni

It was my understanding from the OP that the gift card was given by both husband and wife,even though the wife did it on her own.In that case I would consider the thank you on husbands Facebook page sufficient thanks intended for both.If my assumption was wrong and ONLY the wife signed the card,then yes the recipient should have sent her a personal thank you or at least mentioned her in the post to her DH.On the other hand,I still wouldn't get too upset about it,or make a big issue of it Just put her on the "no more gifts" list! JMHO

Manners today have gone down the toilet. I made my kids hand write thank you notes for all gifts. Their kids thank me as I give the gift but never a written note or even a FB note.

A thank you note could still arrive, couldn't it?

I like for my gifts to be acknowledged, in some way. The facebook thing wouldn't bother me, but she should have said it in a way that included you. A phone call is better, IMO. Or a nice email. I'm not big on writing notes, I have so-so handwriting that gets worse as I go along, so I'd rather type it and send it electronically.

It would probably bother me, but not a lot. I would just think she didn't know better or was lazy. She should have at least included your name in the thank you. I'd rather have a FB thank you, than no thank you at all, b/c I've also gotten the "no thank you at all." You never can tell!

I assume she was born in this country? It seems odd to us, but other cultures do not necessarily or even usually acknowledge gifts. This is not bad manners, just the way it's always been; it almost seems like it would be embarrassing to say anything. Just a thought.

When my kids were younger, I made a big point to have them write Thank You notes. Even if it was just a drawing. I also sent gifts to all nieces and nephews at Birthdays and Christmas. I hated when (usually) they didn't send me Thank Yous. I often phoned their parents to ask if our gifts had arrived. Annoying. One year I sent a $20 bill in a card to a nephew. Never got an acknowledgement. Turned out the mother (my SIL) had left my brother and taken the kids back to Idaho. I never found out if he got the money, hard feelings all around.

I don't get worked up about that kind of thing but it would leave me thinking this person is kind of self absorbed. Kind of the "all about me" generation. All about me and my method of communication - not at all about the intended recipient.

I'm always impressed to receive a handwritten thank-you note especially from younger people. You just know it takes a little more thought and effort to pull out a card, write on it, find an address and a stamp, and put it in the mail. I've been sending more and more snail mail thank-yous as a result - when someone has me over for dinner, as a house guest, etc. I just think it's a thoughtful thing to do in this hectic, electronic age.

A hand written thank you note should have been sent to you - so sorry this wasn't done. No elegant way to address the situation right now - maybe there will be in the future.