Oh, that is so sad. I know you must feel bad. Your Mom knows you love/loved her. Your sister must be eaten with hate, and she'll have to live with that. Some day, she'll meet with her Maker and be delt with.
Don't make any plans to sell your house and move at this time. Think it over, and don't make any moves during this time of stress/hurt. That's giving her more power over you. Set it out a while. It's not a good time to be selling.
We're here for you whenever you need to vent/talk.
Leslie

Oh junkyardgirl.....your post made me feel so saddened. I do agree with grammahony in that you should wait for a while before you make any life changing decisions, like selling your house. I truly believe that your mom knows how much you love her. She will be watching over you and protecting you. I don't know the whole story, but if your sister is so hateful, she will find herself all alone.
Anytime you need to vent, we are here for you.
Take care of yourself and remember that your mom wants only the best for you.

I was once told not to make any big and/or life changing decisions for at least a year after a divorce or death of a close loved one unless you absolutely have to. There's just too much emotion involved. I've found those words to be wise for me. I'm sorry that you have so much going on in your life right now.

Shirley

((((junkyardgirl)))) I agree with what everyone else has said... wait a while before selling. The emotions are too high right now and mistakes will be made.

I'm hoping something wonderful will happen in your life very soon. You deserve it.

I am so sorry all this has happened. Please keep your head up, don't let the B******s get you down. I'm sorry on the loss of your Mother. Take time to grieve, and let us know how you are doing.

Hugs coming to you and remember that someday your sister will really need someone or something and no one will be there. Please wait awhile to sell, unless your sister is living quite close, and then wait at least 6 months. Things will get better.

My heart really aches for all you.

I can't imagine why your sister would do something as crass as that but it may help you some to consider what my Mother always told me: "Our earthly bodies are like old coats -discarded when we leave this world for a beautiful Heavenly one."

Others have already given you good advice about not selling your home or making drastic changes in your life for awhile. You KNOW your Mother loved you and that you loved her, and she understands even more now that she's without earthly boundries. Why give your sister the satisfaction of believing she has defeated you?

And yes, you are as deserving of love and support as anyone else!

Prayers 'n hugs,
Suzi

Why didn't this cousin, the one person you keep in touch with, tell you when the funeral was? Or your children?

If there is such animosity between you, your children, sister and others....moving away won't "get back" at them, they probably won't even miss you...it will just allow you to blame them for the trouble and expenses of moving.

Wait. As others have said..stay where you are. Stay where you have the love and support from your friends.

Junkyardgirl you don't have to be a 'regular' at the KT to be a part of our family. We ARE you family, day and night, always here for you. Many of us have had similar experiences, heart break, happiness. Many miles have been walked at this table.
Add me to the list - I care about you. You can email me privately if you want to talk more. I don't get on at all with my sister and have just had my mother pass in June. I am learning to take things one day at a time, hold close what is dear to me and my family are those I love. It's not necessarily biological. I am also learning to let go of things/people that hurt me, things I am powerless to change so that I can have more room to live life again.

Please don't make any rash decisions right now about selling your home, moving or changing your life. Once your Mother has passed on in this life I truly believe she is now in a better place. Her body is a vessel that was left when she traveled to a better place. She is still with you and always will be. Still loving you. That will never stop.

I wish I could be with you right now - to give you my support and just be with you. I feel for you and pray that your pain will ease over time.

Please keep talking to us. We are here for you.

(((((((((((((((((Junkyardgirl)))))))))))))))))))

LOL
Peggy

((((junkyardgirl)))) I don't have anything else to add to what everyone else has said. I just want to give you a hug.
Linda

oh junkyard, i didn't even think of anything else other than what was given to me by the mortuary, when my mother passed. in fact we had two since one was taken to her home town, and the other to be sprinkled in the desert where my dad was placed...

in fact my darling dh, uncle, and an official from the cemetary did the actual grave...then a stone was placed. if that hasn't been done prehaps you can do that a some other time, when it's less painful.

i'm sure your mother knew she was in your thoughts...

i'm another voice that says take your time and grieve, before you make major life changes...if you have family you care for, than enjoy them... being isolated/bitter isn't living it's only existing, as your family members will find out someday...

j-girl-- You're carrying a load right now and seem to have a lot of bitterness buried in you. Can you possibly see a grief counselor or general counselor? I hope you will listen to mcpeg as she has recently been through an experience very similar to yours. I think it is important to figure out how to let go of your sister; maybe some day you may even be able to look upon her with pity because she obviously is a very sad person without heart. Don't worry about your mom because she's in a much better place. We worry for you, girl. Can you find someone to help you through this, in addition to all of us? As I said before, many churches have grief therapy groups that probably don't cost anything, and I'm sure they'd be happy to have you join them. You could just listen at first if you're uncomfortable.

I just want to give you a big Texas hug. I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this. It is truly heartbreaking.

Trin

Thanks,everyone. My cousins assumed that my son or my sister would tell me about the service. They had no obligation to tell me. I don't hold anything against them, because right now, they are the only loving family I have. They are the ones who called me when my mother died, and they are the ones who all called me last night. I guess I'll let my aunt be my surrogate mother now, and they all my brothers and sisters.

I don't have much choice about the house. In addition to all of this, I'm unemployed, and will lose my house if I don't sell it. I'm ready to make a BIG change. My family does not live close to me, they are two states away. I'm seriously thinking of moving to Jamaica. I've been considering that for years, not just now. It's been a dream I've had for awhile now.

My sons are both spoiled and selfish. My own fault, I have no one else to blame, but I'm paying the price for it. I always stuck close to my family for most of my life, but they just don't seem to have any loyalty to anyone. To them, I'm just a vessel they were carried in for nine months. It's something I've come to terms with over the years. I've tried as hard as I can to mend whatever fences they said needed mending, even if I didn't break them, but I seriously can't do it anymore. They know who their mother is, and where I am if they want to start showing me respect.

I hear ya there Junkyard...you just described my life...all of it in fact.

I was "disowned" when I had to execute my Dads' will...all of the living brothers and the one sister dumped me like a hot potato.

For 4 yrs.I have been on my own...all my own...not one of them has even attempted to find me or make contact.

It hurts,especially at times like today;our Can. Thanksgiving, when most "families" are together.

As far as my kids go,my DD disowned me when I went back to her Dad,the one that thought I was a punching bag..long story.

Anyways,the one son I have, keeps in touch,but only as the wife he has at this time, allows(another long story)

I know this much Junkyard..these so-called ppl will get theirs in the end....judgement will come to them..I can hardly wait!

Go where YOU want to go..do what YOU want/have to do....regret over decisions made in haste is a helluva place to be..just so what you choose to do,or in this particular case,you have to do..good luck!

Ontgal I agree - we all have to do what makes us happy. Family to me are those who are close in heart - first and foremost. We can't change people and there is no sense fretting over things we cannot change. I love my friends here at KT. There is so much of life's experience here and great advice, warm hugs, smiles, tears, joy - everything and more.

(((((hugs)))))

So sorry for all that you are going through.

Doreen

((((((((((((((((junkyardgirl))))))))))))))))

Your post made me sad. I'm sorry this happened to you.

I think if you have a dream of moving to Jamaica, do it!! Nobody ever said that family had to be blood relatives. Aside from your aunt/cousins, live your life, move to Jamaica if you want and create a new family. You'll be happier in the long run.

I believe your mom knows you love her and that this is not the sendoff you would've chosen or wanted for her. Some people are very selfish, as your sister sounds, and someday what comes around, goes around.

Hang in there!

I agree 100% with what Steph just said. I'm so sorry about all the sadness and grief that you are going thru. I hope time heals all your wounds.

Give yourself some time before making major decisions - the everday decisions will be tough enough. Allow at least 6 months grieving time and during that period you can make plans about what you will do.

When my dad died, my mother was in such haste to move to another town that she practically gave her house away. I was powerless to help or advise because she lived 400 miles from my home and the first hint I had that she was selling the house was her request to come down and help her move. I had about a 2 day notice to arrange leave of absence and go to her. She accepted an offer that was about 33% under what she could have gotten. Because of that, she lived in very small house that was cramped, and did not meet codes, for the remainder of her life. However, she was happy with her choice because she had wanted a change of environment more than anything else. The house she moved to was problematic, though.

Bottom line: Give yourself some time.

First, I may be forced to sell my house because I'm out of work and can't find a job. This will be the second month I haven't made a payment.

Second, if I do sell this house, it will be to save at least some of the equity before foreclosure.

Third, I do not ever want to own another house, and a cramped, tiny apartment would be fine with me.

Not everyone needs a lot of money or a big house. Like your mom, I'd be very happy with a huge change in cirumstances. I like big changes, new places, new people. I have no reason to stay here, and no real home town to go back to. We moved a lot when I was growing up. The only place I considered home is lost to me now, and has been for many years.

I'm 56 years old, and have nothing, no savings, no retirement, not a lot of possessions I care about, except for maybe 5 pieces of family furniture and some family keepsakes. I have lupus, and probably will not live to be very much older.

I want to enjoy what's left of my life, and if that means living in a shack on a tropical island, then so be it.