The only thing I can think of was during Amber and Mike's wedding ceremony, the minister said, do you Abner take Mike, instead of saying Amber. We all laughed at that.

Sue

Back in the late '70's at my sister in laws wedding my then 2 year old son stood up on the pew and when the priest lifted his hands to the Lord, my sweet little boy pointed and yelled out "BATMAN"! Go figure.
Kathy G in MI

When my daughter, Julie, was about three we had strongly emphasized that she should not talk aloud in church ( she was a chatterbox). One Sunday we were sitting near the back and when the priest began his homily she shouted "Be Quiet!" We still remind her of that day.

When DS was about four he spent a Saturday night at a friend's home. The family went to mass the following morning. DS came home to tell me that his friend's church was very strange: "They give you weeds." (It was Palm Sunday; he was talking about the *reeds*.)

One of DH's fraternity brothers invited another brother to visit his home in the South. The host brother's little sister was fascinated by the guest's northern accent, but she was being polite and quiet about it. At dinner Saturday night the guest asked where he might attend mass on Sunday. This was just *too much* for the girl. She blurted out in amazement, "Why, he's a Yankee AND a Catholic!"

I think I've posted this story on here, years ago, but it's still worth a chuckle:

When my oldest son was 2, we went to mass with my parents. During the rite, when all was quiet, Tom stood up and said 'mom, I gotta go poop right now' - everyone was snickering and I was mortified!

We hurriedly left the service, took care of business and STAYED out of the service. LOL He's now 37, but occasionally I have to remind him of it.

This happened when I was a little girl. It wasn't funny at the time, but it is now! I always went to Church with my Grandmother and my Aunt. One Sunday, I stood up in the pew. My Grandmother told me to sit down. I did, but stood right back up! Hey...we were in CHURCH..what was she going to do! lol She reached over, thumped me on the leg and told me to sit down. Well, that thump was hard and it HURT! Still standing, I promptly SLAPPED HER and in the quiet Church..it echoed (I can still her it today)! But,we were in CHURCH..what was she going to do? Well..she grabbed me by the hand and down the aisle we went..I don't think my little feet even hit the floor. Right outside the front door was what I knew as a "switch bush"! She broke one off, stripped the leaves and made that little switch "talk to my legs"! I can still feel the sting of that today!!

Lesson learned! Even God won't save you from an upset Grandma!!! lol

Those stories are so funny. Keep em coming.

When oldest son, Scott was about 4, our Minister was getting real revved up in his sermon, the volume raising up. During a small lull, Scott said real loud...Who is that guy mad at?

That same Minister had a young family who would sit in the front pew. Their daughter, Becky, about 3 yrs was acting up, so her mother picked her up and was walking up the isle to the vestibule, and Becky reached over her mothers shoulder and said, Daddy, save me. Probably knowing she was going to get a scolding or spank. The Minister said, Only the Lord can save you, my child.

I really enjoyed all these church stories...

When one of our boys was fairly young, a teen aged girl was singing a special in church. At that time we only had a microphone mounted on the pulpit so she had to stand behind it to be heard. She happened to have on a flesh colored top. Our young son said, "Does she have any clothes on?".

Once a boy was being baptized by immersion and one of the boys said, "What are they doing, drowning that kid?".

My son was often less then a well behaved child in church (this when he was maybe 2-3-4 years old). I read a 'tip' somewhere. The mother said that when her child misbehaved in church, she pinched him, then he settled down. So, I decided to try this. My son started acting up in church, I pinched him, and he yelled at the top of his voice 'YOU PINCHED ME!'. Another one of those situations where it's funnier now then it was when it happened :-)

I had a friend whose first husband was Jewish and her 2 boys had not been to a Catholic church until she remarried and her 3rd son was being baptized. One of the older boys looked up at the cross and loudly said "Who is the guy on the sticks?".

Back in the 1970's, when shoulder length hair on men was very new, one of the priests in our parish, who worked with teens, sported shoulder length locks.
One Sunday, my neighbor took her pre-school son to Mass. As the priest walked onto the altar and turned to the congregation her son was clearly audible in the solemn silence as he yelled "Look mom - it's Jesus Christ ! ".
His mortified mother quickly told him "No - it's our priest"
And the boy added "Coulda fooled me !".

We had a comtempory service that our friends usually attended. Dress was casual and our pastor played the drums. One Easter Sunday we had a combined service and our pastor wore his robe. My friends little boy who was about 2, yelled "Why is he wearing a dress?" We all roared!

When my oldest DD was little, I was a single parent and my DD sat in the choir loft with me. One time we sang the hymn, There is a Balm in Gilead and my DD sat up screamed, "why are we singing about BOMBS in church?" I wanted to crawl under the pew.

It wasn't in the church, but...when I was 8 years old, my brother and I had eye surgery on the same day. Our Baptist minister visited our home to pray for us. My mother offered him something to drink--coffee, tea, or soda. I promptly offered him some of Daddy's beer. I never saw my mother turn a brighter red. He laughed about it, and always remembered it. Fortunately for me, you don't beat up a kid with patches on both eyes...

my cousins, from ohio would once in a great while go to las vegas to visit my dad and mother...they were devout and even if on vacation would attend mass...

the closest church at the time, was on the "strip"...mom drove them over and dropped them off...when she went back to pick them up, coz was livid...on the collection plate were chips (yup, that isn't a myth) she refused to return to that church and went to one in the less commercial part of town on later visits...

sad thing? that church is long gone and is now one of the big hotels...

A good friend and her husband were at church with their 2-year-old son. He was just learning how to talk, of course. Unfortunately, he began to loudly ask for his toy truck but couldn't make the "tr" sound at the beginning of the word "truck" and used the "ff" sound instead.

A co-worker's sister was being married and the parish minister was not available the weekend of the wedding, so an elderly substitute filled in. He must not have had the chance to sermonize before a large audience in some time and decided to make the best of it while he had the chance -- unfortunately, his sermon covered the subject of abortion. Yes, abortion, at a wedding. I'm sure the bride and groom look back and laugh, but at the time it must have been appalling.

My dear friend's father was repeatedly referred to by the wrong name during his own funeral.

These are good! lol Keep them coming!

I used to teach Sunday School to a group of preschoolers. One Sunday the lesson was about the 10 Commandments. It's tough to teach this to a group of preschoolers so I told them that the commandments are God's rules to us and that we all have rules. I named off a few that I had to follow and followed up with a few that my kids have to follow such as picking up after themselves etc. I then asked if there were any rules in their houses and one little boy piped up "no pi$$ing on the floor." I laughed so hard. This little boy had about 5 much older siblings and I can't help but wonder what they were teaching him. I never did tell the mother because she would have been mortified!

Like Wanda's, my story didn't exactly happen in church. One day the minister made an unexpected visit to the house, and my Mom hurried around and gathered up The National Enquire magazines(or similar mags)and shoved them under the chair cushion.

She welcomed the minister in and they all sat down in the livingroom. Suddenly the little boy my Mom babysat for ran to the chair, pulled the magazines out and threw them in the minister's lap. He stared at their covers and had the funniest look on his face. I thought my Mom would die from embarrassment.

Hi Susan (just friendly)

I remember a story here a while ago about a church in Las Vegas where many chips were given in the offering, and they were later taken to a monastery where they were counted by the monks ...

... called the chip monks, no less.

ole joyfilled

linda and monica - LMAO.

My son, Brian went into the men's room at the church, and there was little Robbie tinkling in the drain in the center of the floor. Brian asked him, did he always pee there. No, Robbie said, sometimes I pee my pants.

My friends little girl was just kind of standing in the corner of the church vestibule. Dodie asked little Michelle what she was doing, Michelle said I'm busy. Dodie asked what she was busy doing, and Michelle said, I'm pooping my pants. If you want the truth....ask a kid. LOL

We were just ready to walk into church when my son, age four, said, "Oh Damn! I left my sweater in Sunday School."

My parents started taking me to Catholic Mass when I was about 6. Once, I think it wAs at Christmas, I was sitting next to my parents, and on the other side of me was a woman with a mink stole, the kind they had in the 50's with the heads on , beads for eyes, and noses. I stared at the dead minks and started to pet them, like I did my cats. The lady either didn't notice or didn't mind. Not funny, just a nice memory.

In college, when dating a certain frat guy, and invited to attend church with the fraternity and dates.

One guy, who everyone loved, but he was very very shy.

He had a nose that was very pointed, and he was nicknamed "Sparrow"

The opening sentence from minister was "No one loves a Sparrow" and the pew rocked.

jannie....they weren't mink - they were fox stoles.

In 1997 An elderly lady I was doing 'live-in care' for had a friend tell a joke about a guy that announced to his room-mates that he had decided to start going to church, they were all surprised but accepting.

The next Sunday the young man came home bloody lip, bad bruising on his face, and shirt half tore off. His room mates asked what happened. He explained that the Fat lady in front of him stood up for the prayer and her dress was bunched up in the crack of her butt. He didn't think she wanted that so he tried to get it out. Her husband had taken offense.

Three weeks later(after the bruising healed). He decided to try church again. He came home in the same terrible shape. He room-mates asked what happened and he explained that the same fat lady sat in front of him again and when she stood up her dress hung straight down. He knew she did NOT want that so he tried to gather it into her crack again.

My friend and I had a good laugh and went home.

The next day being Sunday we attended Services at her home church sitting in her favorite spot. When the mildly overweight couple in font of us stood up her dress was gathered in her crack. My friend started choking to cover her laughter and we had to leave service immediately.

always a showman, o.j.!! lol...

it's pretty funny, if you thnk about it, that church bingo, is called keno in vegas...giggle...

Monica, thank you for the correction. Foxes, not minks.

When I was young, somewhere around 5 - 8 or so, I was doing something in church, maybe squirming, that displeased Dad, so he reached over and gave the lobe of my ear a substantial tweak.

I made a sound of protest, rather loudly.

Wrong move.

Dad led me out of the church, across the lot to the church shed, built when we had horses drawing buggies, with concrete walls and a high, metal roof. I think that he took me to the far end of the shed and ministered to my legs and rear end with his belt.

On the conclusion of the exercise, we were headed back into church, with my hand in Dad's, and I, embarrassed, said that I wasn't going back in there.

Dad gave me a choice - back into church ... or a return to the shed.

I chose to return to church (as the least unpalatable of two evils, possibly?).

It was mid-June, with all of the windows in church open, and after church, Dad asked the man of the family that occupied the next pew for many years whether they'd heard any of the operation.

"Every crack ... and every yell", was the reply.

Ole joyful ... who made the mistake, a couple of years later, of leaning over and advising younger brother, when he began doing a similar activity in church, that he'd better stop ... or Dad would take him out to the church shed

Thread-killer, it appears - again.

o j

I just wanted to say to jannie it may well have been a mink stole- I have my mother's and it's definitely minks, not foxes, I know the difference.