Hey Sheila, I've wanted to reply to your post for a while now, but I truly haven't come up with anything I think could possibly be comforting. We are now in the midst of our first season of culling, and also grappling with the same feelings. I have really had to wrestle with the logic of it all. Am I coldhearted? No, more so than when we bought meat exclusively from the grocer. Was I MORE cold hearted before, being ignorant and likely contributing to a meat industry and their sometimes reprehensible practices? Argueable. If i disassemble the process, which part(s) strikes a nerve? THe killing? The dressing? The eating? And why should I feel differently about meat i never "knew" from the grocer? Hardest for me is the feeling of betrayal. I'm amused at the human behaviors we engage in to comfort ourselves....how we are frozen with our kill, stroking it until the inevitable nerve twitching subsides because we can't bear that it should 'die alone', or how everyone gets extra grain after a a comrade goes to "freezer camp". These silly things are however, signals that we are different than say, the coyotes, which are far less benevolent. However idiotic, I am grateful for all the inner turmoil. Would I rather be like the coyote? and to that end, aren't I much more like the coyote in my attitude toward the meat I bring home from the store? A week or so ago, my co-worker asked if I didn't wish I could wiggle my nose and voila! All the birds would be dressed and cut and packaged and done! I think he was surprised when I very quietly and solemnly replied...'no'. It's hard, very hard, and I don't like it, but there's something very valuable about going through it too. I take from the experience a commitment to give our remaining animals the very best I'm capable of, a feeling of responsibilty I may not otherwise feel so deeply. And for the sacrificed lamb, this is the greatest lesson it can give to me, and the most important legacy it can leave for its fellow creatures in my care. All creatures must come, and must pass. When we take them without their permission, we are humbled. We pray they move to an elevated state after this life, (if they wish), and shine our gratefulness upon those that remain. I think the greatest means by which we can insult them is to waste their bodies and/or ignore their teachings. In the greater scheme of things, I think they would be content with that philosophy. I hope they are. In nature, they would still likely be eaten. Being a creature of higher consciousness (unlike the coyote) I can honor them with appreciation, or I can not. To me, coldheartedness is about THAT choice. I have no idea if this rant helps or not, but i definitely know what you're going through. Hang in there and keep trying to sort it out. It takes courage for the thinking person. Congraulate yourself as being part of the inspired. LFRJ

I've included the link for the pond below. The pictures were taken in June so things look different now. The Morning Glory tower is full of blossoms every day and the skippy filter is full of frog bit. Yes that is a hummingbird feeder. I have since added another one. The one you see is often overwhelmed by bees but the one I just added is made from a test tube and the bees can't get to the sugar water, so I am hoping the hummers will find it and use it. Thanks for the compliments. I look forward to the plants filling in a bit so it doesn't look so "raw". Here is a link that might be useful: Pashta's Pond

Yoyobon, those were fantastic! I loved the rainbow bookcase, though I'd never be able to sort by color. The bookshelf outside was rather ... puzzling. I loved the bookcase made of large, red, leather-bound books, too. Thanks for sharing!

Where did you find that miniature jug? It looks sad. I think it misses me. I bought a large one (not quite that large) 5 years ago and divided it up into 5 good sized divisions and 7 small ones I potted up. I've given all of the potted ones away. The 5 grew well despite the maple tree roots. I moved a couple two years ago that had grown too big for their spot and another one last year. I dug those first 2 and 2 others as they were pipping this Spring. That one was the largest. Hey now you can count the eyes. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 . . . Zzzzz . . . 50 I've given them all away except this little one which will be going soon. Then I'll only have 3 left. I don't know about celebrity, but I had a blast at the auction. I couldn't shut up. I bid on a lot of stuff, but only came home with Rubies and Ruffles (front and center). No matter, I have plenty waiting for me at home. (Yes, there are more than these still in pots).