husband

13 years ago

My condolances go out to mscsippy on the loss of her husband. I can honestly say I know how you feel, my husband of 55 years also died unexspectidly on June 16th of this year. I miss him so much, I think I just have to see him come through the door or call my name. I loved him so much and he treated me like a princess. We had six children, I don't think he wanted that many but he knew I did and he wanted to give me what I wanted. I can't get interested in doing anything right now, so I sit at the window with my glass of wine and keep watching for him to come home, even though I know he won't. I pray to God to take me home so I can be with him but I know that is his decision. I found a cassette tape this morning that he made when he was in Thailand with the Air Force. He tells me how much he loves and misses me, how beautiful I am to him and what a wonderful wife and mother to his children I am. He says he is counting down the days when he will be home with me again, and he did come home at the end of the years tour of duty. But I know he isn't going to come home anymore. If I could only have one more chance to look in his eyes, hold his hand and tell him how much I love him and all the things he did for me, I would be eternally grateful. Don't miss the chance to tell the one you love how much they mean to you or you might find yourself in my shoes someday, and believe me, they hurt. Vique.

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Comments (55)

lindyluwho
13 years ago
Vique, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my first husband in a wreck when I was 29 and he was 32. It does take awhile to stop expecting him to walk through the door. Or you think of something you want to tell him the minute you see him. Then you realize you can't tell him. I promise you this: It does get better with time. Don't expect it to happen quickly though. The "first" everything is the worst. First Christmas, Birthday, etc.

This is still really fresh for you so take your time. Just remember at some point you have to rejoin the human race. Find something you enjoy and get involved preferably something you can do with other people and not alone.

When my husband died I realized I had 2 choices. 1. I could make myself and everyone around me miserable (knew someone who did that) or 2. I could pull myself together and get on with my life. I choose option 2. Don't get me wrong I cried - a lot. I talked about. It was good therapy. But most importantly I survived. You will too and probably find out you are a lot stronger than you think you are. And anytime you need a shoulder you have lot of KT friends for moral support.

Linda
glenda_al
13 years ago
You are special for sharing.
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patti43
13 years ago
I'm sorry you're missing him so much, but thank you for writing. That must've been really hard to do. I think we could all learn a lesson from your post and maybe treat our spouses a little kinder. It couldn't have come at a better time because I've been snippy with Harry all day. Now I'm so ashamed and thank you for the eye opener.
matti5
13 years ago
I am so very sorry for you loss. I know you are in tremendous pain, but I hope as each day passes that the pain gets a little more bearable. Big hugs to you!!

I appreciate you posting what you did. I had been a little ticked off at my husband today for something very minor. Thank you for reminding me how fragile and precious life is.

If there is anything we can do to help you, please let us know.
juellie1962
13 years ago
Oh, I'm so sorry for you...and anyone else who has lost a beloved spouse, especially unexpectedly. That's how my mom lost my dad when she was only 44, with kids still at home. Again, I'm so very sorry!
wifetojoeiii
13 years ago
Vique -

What a beautful expresssion of yor love for your husband. Please ask your husband for strength. I am so happy you have such love in your life. My Mother lost my Father when she was only 52 and they were so in love. My heart hurt - and still hurts - so very much for her. I have seven brothers and sisters and she was so very strong for all of us. She was married for 34 years and without him for 26 years - she died last November. They were married when she was 18 and he was 21. Their love for each other really set a great example for me and my brothers and sisters. I hope you can find a place of peace and please be proud of the love you and your husband have for each other. I am crying even typing this - you are blessed.

hostapasta
gadgets
13 years ago
I'm so very sorry for your loss, Vique. May God give you a goodly dose of His peace that passes all understanding. I'm glad you found the tape to listen to. Even though it's made you sad to hear it, it must also somewhere down deep bring you great joy to know that you were loved so much and so deeply.

Shirley
jkayd_il5
13 years ago
I am so sorry. I can only imagine your pain but know it must hurt so much. I hope these posts will help you to find comfort because we care about you. Judy
alisande
13 years ago
I'm so sorry, Vique. You had a wonderful marriage, and I'm sure your husband knew--and still knows--how much you love him.

I hope I'm not out of line in saying this, but Vique, please be careful with the wine. Drinking alcohol to ease emotional pain can become addictive, and one of my aunts did serious damage to her liver in this way after she lost her daughter. I remembered this after I lost my own daughter. Your family needs you to stay as healthy as you can.
bunnylover21
13 years ago
My prayers for peace and comfort.
susan_on
13 years ago
I'm so sorry Vique.
donna_oh
13 years ago
(((Vique)))

God Bless ya, Donna (^_^)
sheilajoyce_gw
13 years ago
What a wonderful marriage you had! Lucky You!
ronf_gw
13 years ago
You're in my prayers, vique.

Ron
wanda_va
13 years ago
Vique, you are in my heart and prayers. I pray that the wonderful memories you have of your 55 years together will help to ease the pain of loss. Hugs!
lydia1959
13 years ago
Vique, I'm so sorry. I'm glad you had that special bond with him and I hope you still feel he is around you. One day you will join him again in paradise. (((Vique)))
heatherinohio
13 years ago
What a touching post. You brought tears to my eyes and my heart breaks for you. I honestly can not even begin to imagine the pain that you are feeling.

DH and I have been together since I was 13 and he was 15. He is my entire world. There is that post right now, about what is keeping your from enjoying life. (Or something along those lines anyway) I think I enjoy life for the most part. One of my biggest problems though, is that I am a worrier. I worry so much about DH getting in a wreck or getting killed at work. He is my world. What on earth would I do without him?

A couple of years ago, a dear friend of ours passed away. He and his wife had been together for years and years. I talked to her about a month ago and she still has a hard time talking about him without crying. She wants to talk about him, but then she cries. When he first passed, she went to meetings where she could talk with others who had lost their spouses. She said she thought it was helping some, though she doesn't go anymore now.

I'd like to say that with every passing day it will get a little better. I'm sure you've heard that already a zillion times. And the last thing you want is to hear it from someone who isn't in your shoes.

What I can say, is that its clear that the time you had with your husband was wonderful. Many people spend their entire lives looking and longing for even a small fraction of what you had together with your husband. You were blessed with something absolutely AMAZING. And until you get to be with him again, you have thousands of beautiful memories to keep you going.

If sitting by the window waiting for him to return home is something that helps you get through each day as your broken heart tries to heal, I say do it.

((((Vique))))
ont_gal
13 years ago
I so envy the love that you and your beloved husband had Vique.

Continue to grieve as that is the only way to get thru this,and hang onto what he gave you in your heart.

You are one lucky woman to have had such a love.

My sincerest sympathy to you at this time and for always.
sue_il
13 years ago
Vique,
I too lost my husband of 23 years last year, he was only 46 and I feel lost and cheated sometimes. It is hard to keep going, but in reality there is not any alternative, as the saying goes- life goes on. I also know that he would want me to be happy, so I do my best.

Know that you are not alone and there are always people who care for you, I find strength in my kids. It has not been long-- but I can tell you that the feeling that he will come walking through the door does lessen and every day gets a bit easier.

I have also made an effort to not dwell too much on special dates--his birthday, our anniversary etc. I find that you end up making yourself miserable and it has no purpose, instead I try to celebrate the good times that we had and stay focused on the positive.

All of this sounds easy to do, and trust me I know it is not, but as my granmother used to say, you have to pull yourself up by your bootstraps and keep on going.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.
des_arc_ya_ya
13 years ago
((Vique)) I am so sorry.
kayjones
13 years ago
Visque, I am so sorry for your great loss - I lost my husband to pancreatic cancer 3 years ago, so I can relate. I still miss him every day and will for the rest of my life.
jenson13
13 years ago
I HAVE walked in your shoes, and u r right they DO hurt. While u may not believe it right now, you WILL get over this. I lost my husband 5 years ago to cancer. We had just moved into a new condo, he had retired, and bang, was disgnosed with cancer and dead 5 months later. A big help to me was volunteer work. Kept me busy and I made new friends. I worked at a food bank, and also on the information desk at a local hospital. Just take one day at a time. Good Luck.
monica_pa Grieves
13 years ago
I also lost a husband, of 35 years, 8 years ago.
What anyone who has not lost a husband may not realize, is that this loss is the greatest one. It's the loss of the future you both have planned. Others go back to their usual routine after the funeral, but yours is shattered.
You have to work out new goals, a new future.

I wish you all the best...it's hard, but it can be done. Those memories of your times together will never be gone, they will always comfort you.
Granlan_TX
13 years ago
Oh Vique, I'm so sorry for your heartache and for the loss of your beloved husband.

What a blessing to share a love like you had.

In time, I hope you will realize you still have so much to be thankful for. For now, I'm sending you lots of comforting hugs. ((((((((((Vique))))))))))
FlamingO in AR
13 years ago
Oh, Vique, I am so sorry for your loss, I can't imagine the pain you're feeling. You give good advice and I thank you for it.

(((((Vique)))))
Jasdip
13 years ago
Vique, I had no idea this happened to you. Obviously you hadn't mentioned it, or I would have remembered.

I'm so very sorry for your huge loss.
A friend of mine's husband died unexpectedly last year. She hasn't gotten over it either. She dreads shopping, cooking or anything. She hardly goes out and misses him dreadfully.

I suggested she might want to look into the grieving forum here, but she doesn't seem to want to.

How about you, have you wandered over there? I know it has helped people here at the table.

I hope things will get better for you. Hopefully your family is helping you through this, it's awful to suffer alone.
jannie
13 years ago
Vique, I am so sorry. Thank you for reminding me to cherish those I love and not take them for granted.
mawheel
13 years ago
Vique, I'm mostly a lurker, here, but had to respond to your post. I am so sorry for your loss and as I type, am asking God to comfort you. I haven't yet experienced your loss, but know it's coming, for my DH and I have been married almost 59 years. It's truly hard to imagine life without him. ((((Vique)))
chisue
13 years ago
Deepest sympathy for your loss and the big hole it has left in your life. You need to grieve. It's normal.

YOUR life goes on. It won't continue in the old pattern, but it will go on, and you can steer it to be good or not. Surely it is enriched by your experience of a good marriage, and by the children who are proof of the love you two shared.

Keep on keeping on. Life has changed, but it can still be good. How good is up to you.
joann23456
13 years ago
Vique, I am so sorry for your loss.

I always remember what Joy Gresham (C.S. Lewis' wife) says in "Shadowlands" - "The pain now is a part of the happiness then. That's the deal."

I pray and hope that the pain doesn't overwhelm you, and that some of the things in your life give you joy during this difficult time.
maire_cate
13 years ago
I am so sorry. I hope you will find the strength to help you through this time. I know you've had a devastating loss. I pray you will find comfort in your cherished memories.
gemini40
13 years ago
So sorry for your loss Vique. It takes time but the pain subsides, never goes away, but you live with the beautiful memories of the love you shared.

June
trishaw
13 years ago
I am so sorry for your loss. I wish there was this magic time frame that I could give you and tell you that it won't hurt so much after that point. But we all know that is just not true. My heart just breaks for you. You are in my prayers.

Trish in SC
lynn_d
13 years ago
Oh Vique, I am so very sorry for your loss. The love that you shared lives on, and I'm sure that he is still watching over you. Bless your broken heart.
socks
13 years ago
Vique--June 16 was just a couple of months ago, a very short time in the face of this terrible loss. Of course you are feeling so sad now.

What are you doing to take care of yourself? Spending time with friends and family?

My heart aches for you.
Jamie_LA
13 years ago
Vique, I am sooo sorry! My heart goes out to you.
marylmi
13 years ago
Vique, my heart goes out to you also. I can say I know how you are feeling as my husband passed away in August. We were married 33 years. I too have to force myself to do the everyday housework tasks. My heart just isn't in it, but I know someday I will see him again. The other day I got out our wedding album and it seemed to help me to look at the pictures rather than make me more sad. I am so sorry for your loss.
Cherryfizz
13 years ago
(((Vique))) You are in my thoughts.

Anne
taigen_gw
13 years ago
So very sorry for your loss and your pain. What an incredible love you have and have had..I agree you should talk/pray to him to give you your daily strength to go about life on earth without him physically by your side. But with a love like that he is most certainly walking each and every step and breath in your heart.
Hugs to you.
gail2010
13 years ago
I am so very sorry, God bless you.
jannie
13 years ago
When my beloved FIL died, the priest said something very helpful at his funeral mass. "Remember, when you said your marriage vows, you agreed to love and honor each other. You also agreed, after one of you pases on, to bear the grief of continuing alone. That was part of the deal."
sleeperblues
13 years ago
I am also very sorry for your loss, Vique. What a wonderful man he must have been! I am also somewhat envious of the love you shared.

I really liked Jenson's suggestion of volunteering. It sounds as if you are rightly depressed, and focusing on others in your time of need could very well help.

About the wine--I agree with Alisande. I see the same thing happening with my Mom in regards to her life with my Dad. Her situation was a little different, but she started drinking to cope with his illness, and now that he has been gone for 2 years and that pain has lessened, she continues to drink. I fear she has become an alcoholic. I am not suggesting that will happen to you, but relying on alcohol can have negative unintended consequences.

My prayers are with you.
margad
13 years ago
I lost my husband of 50 years seven years ago. I still miss him every day.
Linda Wayman
13 years ago
Vique, I'm so sorry for the pain you are feeling. I'm still in a state of shock about Bob and my nerves won't settle down. The funeral isn't til Tuesday. He's in a funeral home about three blocks from home. I've had to pass by there a few times and I hate doing it because I hate to think of him in there all alone. I know it's just his body there and his soul has gone to a greater place, but just to picture him there by himself while I'm driving the car to go somewhere bothers me.
Linda
suzieque
13 years ago
I send my very sincere condolences to all of you who have suffered the loss of your dear husbands.
nanatricia
13 years ago
I too am so sorry for all your loss .
jel48
13 years ago
I am sorry, Vique.
lisa_fla
13 years ago
My heart goes out to all of you who have lost your spouse. Lots of great advice given.
hgl_gaylemarie
13 years ago
I'm so sorry for our Widows and Widowers. The loss of a spouse is really tough.

Here is a link that might be useful: Dying of Loneliness
kittiemom
13 years ago
Vique, I'm so sorry for your loss. You and he obviously shared a great love. You have 55 years of wonderful memories. I pray for peace for you & comfort for your breaking heart.

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