"My exhusband was a good father who adored his children, who shared a strong belief in attachment parenting, and who worked hard but made it clear to his employer that this family came first. He rocked the babies, read bedtime stories, cooked, took them places like the grocery store to give them extra one-on-one time, went to all their school events" This would be YOUR opinion or idea of what a good father is. Someone else may think a father that was a good provider or good role model is just as good a father. Like I said, it's a matter of each person's opinion or expectation of what a good parent is. "Just wait until you get Alzheimer's and turn into a cranky, paranoid old woman who doesn't recognize her own grandchildren, and your children start to whine about how you have abandoned them and how your behavior at that time negates all of the good you have ever done in your life. Oh wait - Alzheimer's is a disease, and mental illness is - according to you - no more than a moral weakness." Perhaps someday I will have Alzheimer's but it doesn't run in our family, but I guess I might get it. I would hope that my kids are learning that in our family, we value family. They see me taking care of my step mom. They see me bathe her. They see me feed her through a feeding tube. They see me clean her trach so she can breathe. They see me administer her medication so she isn't suffering in pain. They see me clean her when she has a bowel movement. They see me bandage her sores and brush her teeth and cover her up so she doesn't get cold. Now the example that they get from me is that children take care of their parents when the parents need them. Hopefully they will learn from what they see me doing. They hopefully learned through my example that I set as they were growing up, that parents don't abandon their children. It might have been easier for me to dump them off with a grandparent all the time so I could have a life. I didn't run from relationship to relationship, having multiple men in their lives. (the oldest was 3 when I had the youngest and I was alone except the 7 years I lived with my exBF) I did everything to keep my family together as they were growing up. At times, it might have been easier to run away or let someone else raise them, but I was always there for them. So, if I were to get Alzheimer's or some other disease and need care, I don't think my children would feel that I've abandoned them. I can't say for sure, but they have had a mom that has struggled at times with depression and I've always been here for them and I guess if I chose to leave them instead of dealing with my depression, they might feel like I abandoned them and might think I'm a bad parent. I don't know because I never did that. (and btw, under your philosophy, my mom was an excellent mother when we were young, but that didn't stop her from the things she did. Just because she took good care of us as babies doesn't mean she's a good parent because she bailed on us anyways. Blame alcohol or depression, but she chose to do the things she did instead of getting help)

I did tell grandma that her and her hubbys involvement means the world to the kids and that we are so happy that they are so involved. I told her what wonderful grandparents we think they are and how much we appreciate all they do for the kids. Grandma told me that she is just ashamed and in disbelief of how her dd turned out. She says her heart aches for the kids and she keeps telling her dd that once the kids are grown you can never get back the chance to make those childhood memories. She says her dd shuts down and refuses to admit fault. Its always someone elses fault or someone is lying, etc. (Just like when she claimed to bring the kids to the waterpark and had not even seen them in months!) The real heart warming part was when grandma said that she is greatful that the children have such a loving and caring person as me in their lives. It made me feel good to hear that, especially coming from someone on the "opposite side" if you will. That had to be hard for her to say so it meant a lot. One of bm's other relatives is still close to dh and I have become close to the relatives wife. She kinda knows all that is going on and she told me the other day that she considers me the only mom the kids have and said they are so much better off with us then they would be with their bm!

Hahaha! Nope, it was just a dumping ground for all of our stuff. And it is funny you mention that!! Because my husband was trying to get into the fridge and moved the chairs to those exact positions, and I thought it looked kind of good and would be functional in those aspects!! I will keep them there :) PS-- brown rug fits perfectly by front door, so that is where it will reside. @JustMe @groveraxle

It looks like a hurricane came through up here. Broken trees everywhere. I do not know how or why I have power. All my neighbors are without. I have started the trimming. Some to thin what remains to save it from more ice and snow. The wind last night brought more down. But I can't tell if we got wore ice. The branches off to the left are goners too. I have a 15' Madrone tree under this mess. It is snapped to pieces under these large oak branches. Ahh the life of an understory tree. I clean up everywhere I look ahead of me. WE lost every limb on a large live oak. God; it is so sad.I wanted to moan with the wind last night. I just looked on the radar and I see another mass headed our way. I hope it is snow. My large 6' agave porto americana is puckering.