Hi Katlan ... who must be of a larger age than 6? One woman ... four or five husbands? The trains don't run both ways on that track! If there were guns in the house ... ... soon there'd be fewer "husbands"! Some years ago a friend was telling of her husband who'd strayed ... apparently on a few occasions ... or was it mainly such when he was found out? In any case, there was crying and reconciliation, etc. I said that I thought that, on the second occasion (or, maybe the first?), that I'd have told him that he should pay careful attention to what I was about to say, which was that the next time that he tried that, that I'd go out and do exactly the same. She said that she had ... and his reply, made with substantial vehemence, had been that "he'd kill her!". Dad used to say that what was sauce for the goose ... should be sauce for the gander. ole joyfuelled

It sounds hostile, but it is not, personally it is my sincere wish as a child of divorce. I have wathed my BM struggle through the pain, and anger of the divorce, but it is not about hating the new partner of her ex, or even punishing him, it is about the effect on the life she was building as well as the effects on her children. She fought to protect us from the effects of the divorce, and us having to deal with the fact that our father actually believed that this woman loves us. She accepts us, and we accept her. We recieve nice gifts on christmas and birthdays, but her marriage to dad is for her satisfaction and her life, my sibling and I agree that we do not appreciate the decisions that shape our lives influenced by a woman who has not sacrificed for us. I mean 'the divorce'! Our sense of security is protected by our mother. She knows us, and gives for us. And i admire her even more now that we are finally settled again from this mess, for her being brave enough to love again. My step dad has filled a real gap for us in the home, he has embraced what another has compromised. My personal hope and faith has been renewed. But unfortunately my dad does not seem to get it! He's now jealous. WHAT!

Thanks for the words of advice and encouragement. Somedays it is really hard to know what the best thing to do is. I used to try and suggest things directly to my dh's ex, but I am always met with "you don't know what it's like because you've never been a mother" Which is true I don't and won't be having children of my own..dh had the operation after the youngest was born-due to complications he does not want to reverse it-we talked extensively about this prior to our marriage, so it was not a surprise. Maybe it has had the effect of me wanting to be closer to my step daughters knowing that they are the closest to children I will have, I just don't know how to do it without upseting her. The thing is that I can in some aspects sympathize with her-I understand that things have not been easy for her in life either. Her father died when she was young, she got pregnant at 17 (dh was 22-the man she left for was older than my dh-I suspect she has spent her life looking for a father type figure-as by accounts by dh & her sister-she did not accept her step dad) Ex is actually a couple years younger than me. Back to the point....My oldest sd was a twin; they were born at 26 weeks. The oldest twin suffered a brain tumor and the doctors felt it was best to take her off life support. Dh feels that his ex never forgave him as she feels that he forced her to consent to let their child die. I can understand this somewhat, (I know as a sister losing is not the same as a mother) my own family dealt with this when my mother became pregnant with twins (which were born at about 26-27 weeks-unfortunately within a year both passed away) when I was 13. I just feel that if bm would lose some of her anger that it could make all of our lives easier. Not that I am saying it is all her fault either-as I mentioned the conversations between dh & ex would turn into shouting matches...I know my dh still holds a resentment at coming home twice to find that she emptied out their home and moved into an apartment with another man. I just can't understand why she has to make things so hard when all dh wants to do is what's best for his daughters and have a good relationship with them. I have tried being friendly, I've tried staying out of her way, but I really don't know what it will take to make her happy-maybe if I disappeared of the face of the earth? I once asked her if her bf's ex made her feel wrong for wanting to do things with his sons...she said that her bf's ex treated her awfully and all she wanted to do was nice things for her ss, but I guess it didn't register that when it comes to her daughters I am in the same position. Hopefully it will get better!! In the meantime I just love my sds when they are with us, do things with them, but also ensure that they have quality alone time with dad as well, and try to always be honest with them....and pray A lot!!

benjesbride I absolutely LOVE this idea! Is moving a waste line more of an issue than moving the plumbing lines? I've always hated that the toilet is right at the door and would like to add a partition wall between the would be new vanity and toilet location. There is a vent in the rear of the existing shower (from bottom to top of building) that is about 12" wide. It's goes all the way to the end of the foyer closet. That leaves us with about 72" of space along the foyer closet wall to add a toilet and vanity. I think the toilet requires 30" so a 42" double vanity (or two smaller single vanities). We cannot have washer/dryers in this complex (old 1950's plumbing). But I've always complained about no linen closet in the bathroom so that works too. I'd like to move the door to the foyer; however, that would require a split vanity due to the heating pipes in the middle of the room along the wall behind the existing door. No, we are not adding a bedroom. That may be a later addition though, years from now. An neighbor converted the rear of the living/dining area to an office/bedroom (photo below). I've tried to adjust the floor plan to add the vent/shaft in the rear of the shower. It may not be worth the time and expense to open up the foyer wall if we can't get a great layout.