I don't deal well with with losses like that, and so I do understand your numbness and send you my condolence. I lost a lot of friends who were in the 30s and 40s, and so by now I am beginning to feel that reaching 60 is adequate, but I know that is wrong. One friend in his 40s died suddenly of a brain aneurysm while I was in the middle of preparing an astrological reading for him. When I noticed that he had a very exact Mars-Uranus conjuction in the 8th House (Death), I called him to set up an appointment to warn him to be careful when he had transits of that conjuction, as it could mean a sudden unexpected death. I only got his voice mail, and then he left a voice mail for me the day before he died. I kept that message for a long time. Anyway, I really feel for your loss. Lars

(((Mercedes and husband))) My 30yr old son Glenn passed away last March, nearly six years after his first diagnosis of melanoma. For more than five years, he lived his life as he had always done and although I always knew there was a strong possibility it would return I put it to the back of my mind and followed his lead. September 2004 it returned as brain tumours and then spread. He underwent chemo and radiation with all the unpleasant side effects. I have so much admiration for him and for his wife. He preferred not to talk about it much, so we did what he wanted and carried on as normally as possible when we were together, talked of what he would do when he felt better, made plans for his little son and showed our love and support so that he would be in no doubt that we would always be there for his family. We didn't fuss over him and make him feel like an invalid because he was a big, strong man who had always been independent. He had several really good friends, especially his younger brother, who showed their love and respect by treating him the same way as always - joking and laughing but always there when he needed strong shoulders. We are so glad that he stayed Glenn to the end and I believe he appreciated that we all waited until later to fall apart. Of course, we all did lots of grieving in private before and after. What I am trying to say in this long ramble is - don't look too far ahead, try and make get on with your lives as best you can. You know your husband better than anyone. If possible, sort out the practical things like wills and finances just as everyone should even without illness. I know my son was easier in his mind knowing that he had provided well for his family. Other than the usual sensible things - try as much as much as possible to live your life as though cancer is not a part of it. Plan for fun things when he is feeling well and make memories just by being together.If you have a family, lean on each other and talk about everyone's feelings and just be together. I don't know you of course, but I used to wish people would not say - don't give up hope, there is always hope. This is true in many cases but I knew because of the nature of Glenn's cancer, that there was no hope when it returned and although I would have died a thousand times if I could save my beautiful boy, I was not going to waste time pretending to myself. He knew that his wife and I were there for him always, doing whatever he needed us to do and supporting each other and just loving him. If he was the type to need us to weep and wail over him, we would have done that but because we knew him, we followed his lead and let him stay Glenn making his own decisions about his care and being able to stay in his own home. As someone previously said, none of us know how long we have and somehow we get through it just one day at a time. Please keep in touch and know that many here understand a lot of what you feel. Elspeth

HuntersMom and Obelisk: My sincere condolences. I have loved cats all my life and have been where you are many times. My present cats will soon be 18 and 16 years of age, and of course, I worry every time one of them gets constipated or refuses to eat. I guess we always hope that our babies will die at home with us there, but sometimes the choice falls on the owners. The only consolation is how much we and they filled each other's lives with love and joy and the fact that we are able to keep them happy until the end because we outlive them. HuntersMom: Like you, when I find myself catless, sooner or later, I get a new cat. I consider that it is like a tribute to the ones that are gone that they made me so happy that I want to give another cat a home. Sometimes I cry over a cat that died long ago, but at the same time, when one dies, the new one(s) help ease the pain. I hope and feel sure that your new kitten will do that for you after your dear Daisy's death. You did well to keep her going those extra months and to help her enjoy the time. Obelisk: I understand your feelings, too. Many people feel the way you do. You have been through a horrible experience that came upon you all unexpectedly. I am so sorry for your loss, and especially because you apparently didn't get to share your cat's life for many years, the way it should be. One of my favorite cats died of kidney trouble at only 4&1/2. Kittymom: I'll be looking for your new post and will post something there. I'm so sorry about William of Orange. (What a delightful name for a cat of his color!)

Sue - You hit the nail on the head. In my first post a couple of weeks ago, I did state that there are some maternal feelings towards this kid. Maybe he does need male influence, but I've always thought he needed a mother figure as well, something he hasn't had. On one of my post in the pet forum, when I was discussing us keeping his dog, I mentioned about how bad I felt for this kid when he got a Xmas card from his mom. He hadn't heard from her in a couple of years. He actually called me soon as he got home from work just to tell me that he had gotten the card. So, yeah... I wish I could be there for him like I was my own son, but the problem is, I know my son a little better than I do this kid, thus, possibly what to expect or mostly, what concerns to have. As far as calling, he's only called the one time, and because I sent the message that he could. I told him he can call me again when he finds out when he'll get released. The gf and those kids... I have taken her a couple of times to run errands and to the Dept of SS. She's getting foodstamps, but I think I had already mentioned that. Why do people do such stupid things to ruin their lives and the lives of their families????