(((((catlady)))))))

I understand, I lost two loved one in the matter of 4 weeks this past month.

Hard to believe, but it gets better with time. Just remember all the good things about them.

(((catlady)))

I wear my grandmother's wedding ring and find that a comfort when I miss her. Also just bought charms (on a necklace) that are her birthstone and my brother's birthstone. I find myself clutching them at times during the day and that helps.

Maybe starting a scrapbook, with pictures, poems, favorite songs, thoughts etc would help. I too miss my grandparents and wish I had done that years ago.

I'm so sorry you lost your Paps. He looks like a really sweet and happy guy. Glad you had such a nice relationship with your dear FIL. Hope you can get past the tears and be happy again like he'd want you to.

Think of it this way, if you didn't keep missing him, you'd be forgetting him and that's not what you want. He sounds like a very memorable person and worthy of remembrance.

The pain will dull as you become numbed to it. The best thing is still to not concentrate on how much you miss him but rather, why you miss him and that's the great memories you have. Every time you feel saddened, feel a tear or something, think about a good time, a funny moment, a joke he told or a practical joke he pulled. Think about your favorite moments. Think about why you're proud of him or what he might say or do in a given situation. It even helps to sit down and write out those favorite moments. Have a laugh, it's OK. It good in fact.

It's been 33 years since my mother's death. I miss her as much now as ever. I'm resentful that she was cheated out of so much life she deserved but I also realize there's nothing that can be done so I cherish the memories I have and it makes things better.

The pain will never go away completely, but it will become bearable. If you hadn't loved and been loved, you would have no pain -- but that's hardly a life worth living! I'm sure you GAVE as much as you GOT.

I'm so glad you were able to speak your heart to him before he died. He knew how you loved and valued him. It will get better, but you will always miss him. Cry all you need to...it's ok.

It just takes time but I always tell myself that I can better serve my loved one by rejoicing in their memory instead of feeling self pity at their loss. One day soon hopefully thinking of him will make you smile, not cry and I am sure that is the way he would want it.

Catlady, It's okay to miss him and cry. It hasn't been that long. And yes if you didn't feel sad and miss him then there wouldn't have been love there. I lost my grandma a week before you lost your paps, and I just went to my grandma's brothers' funeral viewing tonight, They were the last two living out of 13 children and they died within a month of each other. I still cry (almost every day) because I miss my grandma, but I am finding that I am starting to laugh alittle more too. I am remembering some pretty good times with her and how funny she was.
It will get better with time. When your really feeling sad and missing him there's nothing wrong with crying, but also try and remember the good times.
My heart aches for you, because I know this isn't an easy time

(((catlady)))))))))
I'm so sorry.

Awww Judy...I am so sorry that you are hurting so badly...it will get better with time

Cynic and Chisue are right - the pain will lessen with time, but it won't go away. My mother has been gone for 13 years, and sometimes when I think about her, the loss still takes my breath away. It only means that we loved them.

What's that saying, "The only way around the pain is *through* the pain." Something like that. It's true.

I'm sorry you're hurting so badly. Maybe if you try to think of how lucky you are to have known that love.....my fil hardly gives me the time of day; or his own children for that matter. You were lucky to have such a sweet man in your life!!! :) What an awesome role model he was!

Thank you all so much for your caring words.He was the sweetest father anyone could have asked for.He loved people.I can not say enough about him.I am crying as I am trying to type.Only if you could see my broken heart.I will always hear those words he would tell me as I stood close to his bedside rubbing that little hairless head of his telling him how much I love him and I told him he was the best father,granddaddy,husband,anyone could ask for.If I could reach out one more time and hug him.We did not think Greg was going to make it before he passed so we had several cell phones on letting Ashley and greg tell him bye and how much they loved him.I heard Greg tell over the cell phone its okay daddy I will always love you,and you go and rest now.Thanks for letting me share this.Love Judy

Ahh, I can relate. I miss my Mom so much. She had Alzheimers for years and I really don't even know if she knew who I was, but I miss that smile when I entered the room so much! All I can tell you is that time is a wonderful thing. The pain will ease some and soon you will smile instead of cry when memories come to you. Just remember how lucky you are to have had him for such a long time.
Hugs,
Mush

Were you present at the visitation before the funeral?

Often many of the friends bring stories of various interesting or humourous experiences that they had with your FIL, over the years ... as they've had a couple of days to think of their relationship, since the death. If you were not, perhaps if you ask some of the people who were there, they'll have some stories to tell that will ease your pain some (and theirs, as they recount it).

I've thought that we should take a tape recorder into the funeral homes to record some of those stories.

Often it's good to do something, rather than sit and sweat. Perhaps if you know of some task that he would like to do for some mutual friend, to warm someone's heart, and go do it in his stead, it would warm your heart, as well, and ease its pain some.

ole joyful

My Dear Catlady 15
Here is a poem I wrote when I was grieving
for a Dear Dear Friend who gave us so much
happiness. He was gave a lot of himself and was
only concerned for our happiness. It took
a number of years to get over his loss but now we
only think of the happy times with him.

"Our Dear Bumpy"

Our thoughts have no end
for our memories of you
Like a continuous wave,
flowing through and through

You are a part of us
and you always will be
Now you're held in God's
arms through eternity

Many Hugs to you and yours
Dolly