We always tell everyone the cost of their portion of a group gift. But do be reasonable. Some people may not know the mother-to-be all that well or have tight budgets.

I think that is reasonable. I'd also mention in the flyer the item you are thinking of purchasing... I like to know what my money is going for when I contribute.

The gifts for co-workers thing can get out of hand. I wouldn't tell people that there's a minimum they must contribute. You might word it as a suggestion.

I just got off really easy when we had a bridal shower at work. Someone came around saying everyone was putting in $5 for a group gift if I wanted to contribute. The week before the wedding my supervisor came around saying everyone was putting in $10 for a group gift but if someone couldn't afford $10, they could just put in what they could afford. I thought $10 was a bargain. We got them gift cards for both the shower and wedding. I probably would have spent $20 for a shower gift and $25-30 for a wedding gift on my own.

I don't have a problem with $2 donations. I can think of several valid reasons why someone wouldn't want to contribute more. IMO, posting a $10 donation request would be more tacky.

Nope, I don't think it's reasonable to say "donations of $10 or more for a group gift . . ." What if it's somebody I don't like? Or don't know well? Or never even heard of? I'm not going to contribute $10 (or more) for that. I'd simply pass.

I hate pass-around-invitations like that; I avoid them at all costs. There's no way to make it fair.

I think it is fine to name an amount and let folks know what you are buying~~if they do not want to put in fine. When I worked in large place I never put in if I did not know or like ther person. My choice same as theirs.

I work in a school now in the cafeteria I never put in for gifts, if I like someone I buy my own, the reason why is they never give me the card to sign never, so I stopped!!!

At one office, we used to have one person take around an envelope and have anyone who put in $ sign their name... It was a large office in space & numbers, which is why one person would do the handing around of the envelope -- too easy for it to get 'lost' otherwise...
There are always the ones who want to participate but don't really want to give the $... Same way with pitch-in lunches for holidays... Buy a bag of chips & show up with a lunch plate that is the size of a tv tray...

If this is really such a problem, you'd be better off just going w/ the individual gifts. That would be easier!

Most of my life I have been a SAHM, so when I did work outside the home, it was not just for extra spending money. I was working because we needed the pay checks. At least once a week there was a reason for a gift or a special dinner or a fund drive for a charity. I just plain could not take part in those things! It was not that I didn't like the person. That really adds up when you are working a starting wage job.

There are many good reasons why some don't take part in those things, and although some people are just cheapskates, others may be feeling bad that they are unable to join in finacially, but would like to be part.

I usually turned down the chance to join in and if I knew the person well enough, I picked up one of those 99 cent cards to give them in recognition of the occasion.

I think putting up a flyer is tacky and I'd be embarrassed if I were the mother-to-be.

I think the better way to do the group gift is to spread the word that the contribution, for those that would like to participate, will be $10 (or whatever). The amount you collect will determine what off her registry you get. Everyone else will be left to do whatever they want (buy an individual gift, not participate, etc.).

If you are holding a baby shower at work then I would handle it as a regular baby shower where every one brings a small gift or a card with cash if they wish. If some want to go in on a gift together then they should organize their own group gift whether it be 2 people splitting the cost or a dozen. It's not the job of the organizers to make gift buying easy for those too lazy to get there own gift. I'd treat it just as I would a shower in someone's home. Either a group gift from all or individuals gifts from all. Those who want to give a joint gift can do it on their own.

To avoid problems, my office (about 40 people, mostly women) started a "Sunshine Club". Everyone who joins puts in the same amount on payday, it could be five or ten dollars. Then, as events come up, such as weddings babies or retirements , the treasurer of Sunshine buys a gift for the person, usually a gift certificate, but it could be a specific big-ticket item like a baby stroller. When there are a lot of events, the fund might get low,but we found it basically works. If anyone wants to, they can buy another separate gift and give it on their own. Just a suggestion, but it worked in my office for many years!

I am not sure from your post what the exact details are. If there is a shower and some of the guests have decided to go in together for a gift, while others are doing there own thing, then I think it's fair to ask everyone who voluntarily joins that group to share equally. But I would just talk about it, not post something the mom-to-be could see. If there was someone who said "Hey, I don't really know the person, but here's a couple bucks," or "Wow, this is a really bad week for me, this is all I have," that's ok with me. It's supposed to be friendly. Nothing good will come from judging others for what they do/don't give.

If there is a shower and it was decided to give one big gift, so everyone on the guest list is asked to give the same amount... no, I don't like that. If I were invited, I might have my own reasons for not attending or wanting to participate. I would be annoyed to be told what I'm giving and how much my share is. That would turn me off, and it wouldn't be the mom-to-be's fault. If I were the mom-to-be I it would be awkward to know that went on for my benefit.

I have similiar experiences when a room mom expects all the parents to go in on a gift for the teacher. She will send a note home saying "This is what we've decided to give the teacher, this is how much we need from each family." I think, "who is this we, because I didn't vote on this gift." Or worse, they don't tell us what the gift is, they ask for a lump donation at the beginning of the year to divide on gifts throughout the year. And I don't send any money. Later a room mom might complain to me that they didn't collect enough money to get what they wanted for the teacher. I say sorry, if you wanted to get the teacher a spa gift certificate, get it, but don't assume others are going to help you pay for it.

I appreciate that the organizer is just trying to do what they thought was a nice thing for the honoree, and make it easy for the givers. But I like to keep my choice in these matters.

I'm with Stephanie on this.

I make my own choices about where and when to buy a gift or join in a group gift. If directed, whether by a co-worker or a room mother, my usual response is to blow it off completely.

I think it's wonderful you want to hold a baby shower for your co-worker, but trying to control what other people want to give is wrong.

Crotchety old woman rant follows:

Baby showers used to be for young mothers having a first baby. Young friends attended, and gave token gifts like rattles, an outfit, some burp cloths, a stuffed animal, a cute plastic baby plate and cup featuring Peter Rabbit. That was all that was expected back in the dark ages, LOL.

All of the expensive gifts like high chairs, expensive smocked clothing, the silver christening cup and silver rattle, were given by very close family members after the baby was born! Baby showers never used to mean expensive stuff to outfit a home for the baby.

I think it's tacky, and very uncouth, to put a $ value on what people donate. Sometimes a $1 or $2 donation only meant that I didn't know the person well enough, but wanted to contribute anyway. Hey, if you stopped all those $1-$2 donations you'd have a lot less to spend on a gift! And we always got everybody who contributed to sign the card.... even the $1 contributors!!!

It would help to know whether there are 10 coworkers or 40. First baby or not? Is this going to be a "surprise" shower, and will everyone be at a certain place at a certain time to see the gift/gifts opened? Will the mother-to-be have any say in what the large group gift will be? Too many unknowns.

Maybe the best thing to do is pass the hat, and let everyone put in whatever they want. Then count it up and decide on a gift. Not fair for someone to decide on a $100-$200 gift then not have enough money to pay for it.

Or, just let it be a fun time and everyone bring what they want, or if 2-3 choose to go together, that is okay too. It is part of the fun to see a number of gifts to ooh and aah over, rather than one big changing table or high char, etc.

And lastly, what has been done in the past? No way should anyone be asked for a specific amount.

Sue

Thank you, all, for your opinions and comments. But, I guess I left out a detail or two when I originally posted...

This is the couple's first child.

I've sort of gotten stuck with helping with the shower, although I would prefer not to be involved other than to purchase a gift (which I've already done) and attend the shower. I'm also paying for the cake.

All of us who are working on this would prefer that everyone be responsible for either purchasing their own gift, or organizing their own little group if they want to do a group gift.

I've been tasked with designing the flyer -- which, to me, should simply say when and where the shower is being held, and that it's a baby boy (because that fact is known).

But, several folks have already asked "who is collecting the money for a group gift," so I don't know if there's a way to avoid it altogether. And, in the past when someone has collected money for a group gift, no matter what the occasion, the flyer has always named the person who is collecting the money. And anyone who has worked there for at least a year (this coworker has been with us more than 10 years) knows that money is collected for group gifts, so having it on a flyer isn't going to be any big surprise.

"I think putting up a flyer is tacky and I'd be embarrassed if I were the mother-to-be."

It is quite common where I work for flyers to be put up announcing various events like retirement parties, birthday celebrations, etc. I really don't think anyone considers the flyers to be tacky. Yes, I have a concern whether saying anything about a minimum donation amount being tacky (which is why I started this thread)... But, those retirement party flyers all have menu choices and dollar amounts on them and something about how the money is for the food and gift for the honoree, and I've never heard anyone complain about them... And as I said a moment ago, the coworker has seen plenty of these flyers in the past 10 years.

WildChild, I agree with everything you said. But, that still doesn't stop folks from asking who's collecting the money for a group gift...

I think that I'm not going to put anything on the flyer about a group gift or donations; and when folks ask me "who's collecting the money" I'll just reply that if they want to go in with someone else on a gift that it's a fine idea, but they will need to discuss it with whomever they decide to go in with...

I was typing when JustLinda and Sue_VA posted...

It's the first baby.

It's not a surprise shower.

It will be held over an elongated lunch -- bring your own sack lunch and beverage (nonalcoholic - this is at work), and cake will be provided.

The parents are registered at a few places, and that will be noted on the flyer.

No, a particular gift has not already been chosen as the "group gift." That can't/won't be done until we find out what total amount has been donated, then something from one of the registries will be chosen, so there won't be any worry as to whether or not the parents want/like it.

Although there are a couple thousand employees in the building, the shower is only being announced to our division - about 150 people. Typically, anywhere from 35 to 70 people show up for these things.

Lindsey,at one place where I worked we used to do exactly as you mentioned: If some were close co-workers or friends with the mother-to-be, they might get together & decide on a group gift from them & let others bring individual gifts. If 10 of us were closer to the shower recipient than others, we'd just have a little meeting & decide that everyone would contribute $x & then choose the gift. I think you are handling it correctly by just announcing the shower & telling others that they can do a group gift if they want, but they need to discuss it among themselves.

Well, we're doing this right now for a woman at work. The shower is next Saturday at work and we're all putting in whatever we want towards a $200 double baby stroller (she has a one year old too). She has everything else she needs and when asked she said the stroller would be nice.

Everyone is giving what they can afford. Some gave $20, I gave $10 but told them if they didn't get enough to let me know and I'd add to it. We have enough people that if everyone gave $10, they should've had enough. Some aren't going to help, some give more than others. Happens everytime we do something like this. I only chose to give $10 because I thought they would have enough and I'm trying to get out of debt and save for a big trip next year. Everytime you turn around they are collecting money for something, deaths, sickness, birthdays, babies, etc... I'm also making a bunch of finger sandwiches for the shower and driving into work on my day off, so I don't feel bad for only giving $10 towards the gift when others gave $20.

You give what you can.

Mary C., I'm a crotchety old woman myself. "Back in the day" a bridal shower was a time for small token gifts, like dishcloths or potholders, and for a baby shower (first babies only) you gave a pacifier or a baby sweater or some other small gift. It was more a chance for the girls to get together and have a party than a big grab for large gifts. I remember the first bridal shower I ever attended,in the early 70's. I gave a couple of washcloths and a a bath towel, it cost me about $10. I wasn't even invited to the wedding. I was a college student at the time.

I would like to come sit alongside the other old crotchety women. Showers have gotten out of hand with virtual strangers being invited and gift registries and what not. So have birthday parties for children. It no longer seems to be not about celebrating with friends but how many gifts can be collected. I think it's nice for co-workers to have a shower for the new mom-to-be but gifts should NOT be the focus of the event.

We do this at work all the time. We do keep it simple though. $5.00 for whoever wants to give towards the present and cake. Some want to give their own gift others just want to be thoughtful. If they do not donate to the fund, their name does not go on the card. Simple as that and it works.
Judy

I give $20 to group gifts like this. But I work w/ people who make very little and have very expensive homes.

On their behalf, I would NOT be happy with any sort of stated minimum.

If they can only spend $2 or $1, fine. They *could* give nothing.

I give the largest amount given in my office. I don't mind that the people who give less get their name on the card the same as mine. If I wanted individual credit for the generosity of my gift, I'd give a gift under my own name.

And part of the benefit of the group gift is that if enough of them give $1 her and $2 there, it can add up.

When it comes to the work-place, I wouldn't want to limit people according to how much money they would spend.

We are not talking close family or friends that have been "invited" to a shower, but rather co-workers that are chipping in because they happen to work in the same place.

If there are people that want to spend more and are afraid that people won't know how much MORE they contributed, they should purchase their own gift.

It would be different if you said "We want to buy X stroller, because we think it is the perfect gift for her. If you would like to chip in, please sign up. Once we know how many people there are we will let you know what your share will be". In that case, there is no problem setting an amount to pay.