I'm not an overly sunshine-y person normally, but I find myself becoming almost maniacally cheerful when faced with a someone who is determinedly negative. LOL!

I was thinking the same thing today. One forum I used to be on there was a few very negative people. To hear them tell it the world is going to **** in a handbasket. I'm not overly optimistic but I do believe there is still good in this world. Some days I can feel perfectly fine, and after a visit there I feel gloomy. You can't really speak your mind about it either, that wouldn't be good. LOL I've been wanting to say this to someone for a long, long time. Thanks! LOL

I think I am overly optimistic. I think life is good, and you are treated the way you treat others, for the most part. There are a couple posters on the KT who are very pessimistic, almost makes me laugh every time I read a post from them. At least they are consistent, lol.

It seems to me, juellie, vintage 1962, that we have here a challenge to your creative nature!

... to figure a way to be sprightly and happy, in spite of them.

And to give them a lightly-applied taste of it, of course - not heavily enough to get them so p'd off at you that they'll rat you out to your employer ...

... but gently enough that you'll rattle their chain some.

Best way to treat people like that is to laugh at them - they can't stand that!

ole joyfuelled

When I owned my hair salon we'd have people who came in that were dedicated pessimists. I suggested to my staff that we all stick together and change the subject constantly to a more positive vein when the person was speaking. I also said to do it in a positive way with no ill feelings. Strangely, yes even I was surprised, the people started changing little by little and we saw them joining in the positivity. I'm not convinced that positive people can over power the negative if they do it together. If a person is permanently negative, I avoid them, they suck the life out of you.

Juellie, I feel for you. A few weeks ago, I broke off contact with a friend who had a thoroughly negative attitude about everything. She truly wasn't happy unless she could find the negative in every situation. I am much happier since I don't have to deal with her any more, so my advice would be to stay far away from people like that. Of course, with customers you don't have that luxury. But look on the bright side, at least you are rid of them after a short phone call.

It took me a looong time to turn around the toxic pessimism/negativitey instilled in me as a kid by my father and grandmother. (i.e, I was 32 when I had a daughter after 6 boys, 3 of whom died in infancy. I called her from the hospital with the announcement, overflowing with joy that I had a HEALTHY baby and it was a girl! Her reply: "it's too bad you got a girl because you won't know how to raise her.") Toxic people are best avoided, but it's hard to do when they're your immediate family. I love vayagal's solution, but that didn't work with my family (I tried. I REALLY tried!)

I had the same father and grandmother as you. Totally negative and pessimistic. How I wish I had been raised differently.

drewsmaga,I'm so sorry you had to hear those words from your mother. Perhaps she had someone in her youth who did the same to her. I was blessed with two very positive parents. We didn't have a ton of money but we had singing in the house and laughing and helping others, all gifts that cost nothing. I'm glad you learned so you could stop the legacy and make a great example to your daughter.

I figure I got my optimism from my mother. She always saw the good in a situation. She'd often remark "Things Always Work Out". And I think she was right.

I admit it...I'm a born pessimist. Came by it environmentally too. I'm at the opposite extreme of many in that extreme optimism bothers me more than pessimism. While there are people who are too pessimistic for me to be around. I find more optimists hard to be around also in that pessimism seems to be built more around common worries or fears and follow what I consider a logical path. Extreme optimists seem to ignore to those worries. While a pessimist would worry about having money in the bank in case they lost a job, an optimist would spend the money on a vacation and plan to let someone else take care of the problem later.

Anyway, back to topic. I don't know the nature of the OP's job, but I was wondering if the complainers were possibly trying to get a freebie. I've found some people think they shouldn't have to pay for anything if they can tal someone else into getting it for free.

Adella, I wouldn't consider someone who spends money they can't afford (on a vacation or anything else they don't need) an optimist. I would consider them irresponsible and immature. Especially if they expect someone else to bail them out of the resulting financial mess. Optimists just try to see the bright side of things, they don't necessarily undertake more risks (financial or otherwise) than pessimists.

It is hard to explain. I was trying to think of an example.

What I was trying to get at what I see some people who always seem to be optimists or consider themselves cheerful 'positive' people ignoring the reality of what goes on around them.

Ha, I've run across those types too, they live in la-la land and refuse to see reality. And others overdo the optimism, even being offensive in trying to find the bright side in really bad situations. But I think most optimists aren't like those extremes.

That daughter is now 32 with a 17 month old and a 5 week old and it's hard (sleep deprivation) and chaotic and her mantra has always been, "It's all good." And she's taught me the "No stress express." --even though she's having a hard time being there. Optimism is not living in lala land. It's finding the silver lining in the dark cloud. Chilling. Telling yourself that no one's died or is in intensive care, so this is manageable and good.

Petra - That would be my mother :-( Rose-colored glasses and all that. Quote from Dr. Laura which I attributed to my mother "Her address is Disneyland"......

My mother always had an expression for us if we were being too pessimistic- "Cheer up, you'll soon be dead."

rofl

I stopped working for a lady because she was dragging me too far down with her constant negativity and I was afraid I was going to become as bad as she was. My MIL was very negative too, I was becoming surrounded by it. I don't WANT to see the dark side of everything, I know it's there but I don't have to wallow in it.

Constantly optimistic people bother me...I love a good griping session. But telling someone they won't know how to raise a girl because they have all boys is something altogether different than pessimistic, that's just plain old rude and mean. I think you call those people @$$ h*les, or at least that's what I call them! HAHA!

I used to work with a guy that was never happy! If it was raining, he wanted sunny. If it was sunny, it was too hot! etc etc etc! I was little Mary Sunshine next to him! I eventually learned to basically ignore him and his nasty attitude.

Here's a great example. My friend Lynn is a teacher. She has a new principal this year and they don't get along. As a result, Lynn is very unhappy. She said to me "One good thing. I'm so upset I can't eat. So I'm losing weight".

Drewmaga, I was not accusing optimists of living in la-la land, I was responding to Adella's post about people who spend money they can't afford on vacations and then expect someone else to bail them out. People like that are not optimists, and they do live in la-la land if they are fiscally irresponsible and expect others to bail them out. And even though I am usually an optimist, there are some situations that just do not have a silver lining and trying to find one can be offensive, as in the case of an acquaintance who lost her daughter and was told by someone, well, at least she won't have to deal with old age.

I love Lynn's attitude.
Choose your mood is my motto. I am an optimist, and I wear the rose colored glasses and I see the silver lining. I have my moments just like anyone else, but I will never go into any situation thinking things are going to be bad or I am going to fail.

Thanks for all the input and suggestions. As far as "you're treated the way you treat others" suggestion....NOT! This woman has perhaps the ugliest personality I've ever come across. I've tried killing her with kindness; I've baked her goodies, remembered her birthday and offered to take her to appointments. I guess she just doesn't know how to accept friendship and probably never will. :(

petra, I totally agree that people who are financially irresponsible are not optimists, but our society's leeches. And I agree the comment to your friend was not optimistic, but truly falling out of the mouth of an insensitive idiot. Optimism is my stepmom died in '04 and I still miss her all the time and wish I could talk to her and wish she could play with my youngest grandbabies. And then the optimism is, thank God I had her for 44 years and her love and her strength and her wisdom and her wit are in me and I can give that to those babies. That's my silver lining in the black cloud.

"I guess she just doesn't know how to accept friendship and probably never will" I'm not a pessimistic but not really an optimistic either. Maybe the above statement of juellie's may be what I am the closest too. Example: I never received many gifts growing up, a birthday was just another day so I have a very very hard time acting excited when people give me anything. I really think maybe I don't deserve it. I'm trying to do better about this but I feel fake. I'm really putting myself out here so PLEASE be nice but why do I have a hard time being and having a best friend. I have friends but not close friends. I'm a private person I guess. I really want to delete this but won't. Judy

"As far as "you're treated the way you treat others" suggestion....NOT! This woman has perhaps the ugliest personality I've ever come across. I've tried killing her with kindness; I've baked her goodies, remembered her birthday and offered to take her to appointments. I guess she just doesn't know how to accept friendship and probably never will. :("

"I guess she just doesn't know how to accept friendship and probably never will" I'm not a pessimistic but not really an optimistic either. Maybe the above statement of juellie's may be what I am the closest too. Example: I never received many gifts growing up, a birthday was just another day so I have a very very hard time acting excited when people give me anything. I really think maybe I don't deserve it. I'm trying to do better about this but I feel fake. I'm really putting myself out here so PLEASE be nice but why do I have a hard time being and having a best friend. I have friends but not close friends. I'm a private person I guess."

I can relate to jkayd's statement. Birthday's were not a huge deal in my family growing up. The only birthdays I enjoy are my childrens because it is a celebration of them coming into my life. I don't particularly enjoy my birthday. I have just about everything monetarily that I want so gifts don't excite me. I don't like putting myself ot there to be fake either. Any time I give the extra effort, someone calls me on it. Gift giving is stressful for me because what I consider nice others don't seem to appreciate. If someone gives me a gift, then I feel I need to reciprocate which then causes me to go through the gift giving stress.

I don't know the other woman, but it is possible that she feels uncomfortable when you try to do what you consider nice things for her. You may be right in that she doesn't know how to accept friendship. She may just not know how to react and isn't trying to hack you off. Some of the best people I know aren't the most charming and don't necessarily have a lot of close friends. They are the first people who would be there if you truly needed help.

This is the day the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it.

Thank you jkayd and adellabedella - another perspective, appreciated! :) (btw - sorry birthdays don't excite you, my Beaver Cleaver parents always made mine special, hence, I do the same for others)

i really try and get the most out of the day even if it's as simple as watching a great old movie...but i swear to goodness spending 2 1/2 days with fil, and dh working like a dog to get ready for a garage sale about sent me packing...yes, i realize selling stuff that you've had for almost 90 years is difficult, but being rude sure didn't help! thank goodness we went from depression to joy as we left early to celebrate the 10th bday of one of our dgd's...it took us 2 days to recover from the trip!