Honestly, I don't see why you can't stay at a motel. You're adults, capable of making these choices for yourself. If your in-laws are as disinterested and uncaring as you think, they won't want you at their house anyway. If the issue comes up, you can simply say you didn't want to put them to any trouble.

Susan

You can pick your friends but you can't pick your family (or in laws).
Susan has excellent advice. Go to the reunion, stay in a motel, and blow off the in laws. Don't lose any sleep over it.

Ron

I don't know why you have let them have this power over you for over 30 years.
Quit seeking approval you will never get.
You need to let go....

Go to the reunion, stay in a hotel and have fun.

When we visit out of town relatives we ALWAYS stay in a hotel. I think it would be awkward to stay with them. I say that we are on a trip, and we are treating it like a mini-vacation. That way, we are on our own schedule, can eat what foods we want, and live the way we are comfortable. I hate feeling like someone has to accomodate me and my family, so it's just easier for all of us.

Are you sure it's personal? Maybe that's just their gift-giving style and entertaining style? I've gotten some tacky gifts from my ILs (and some very nice ones) but I know they were all given with the best intentions.

If it is personal, perhaps your ILs are just a little jealous of how things worked out for you.

I'd tell her you're coming but staying in a hotel (to save her the trouble of hosting you). If she insists on your staying there or there will be hard feelings, I'd just grin and bear it. It's only for a weekend. After 30 years, I'd stop feeling bad and just accept that things are the way they are and there isn't much you can do about it. Get happiness out of the other areas of your life.

You'll have a much better time at the reunion if you stay at a motel. The in-laws will only treat you the same as they always have. Don't let them ruin any more good times and memories. You can go visit the in-laws the next day for an hour or so, then go back home.
Leslie

I agree, go and stay in a motel. If you are afraid they might find out, just let them know before hand what your plans are, and maybe invite them out for a meal, it being your treat. That way you can be assured there will not be another chip incident.

I agree, don't let these people have power over you and continue to cause problems. Life is too short. Just limit the time you have with them, be cordial even if they aren't, and move on.

Go stay at a hotel. You will feel better and have a less stressful time if you do. I you feel you must, let the MIL know you will be down for the reunion. I personally would feel no obligation to let the MIL know ahead of time you are there. If she gets upset, who cares. She has been dishin' you for 30 years. When are you going to stop caring what she thinks? You are adults and can make your own plans without the input of the in-laws. Just go about your business and have a good time at the reunion. NancyLouise

Stay in the hotel. If they ask, just say you thought you would be less trouble that way. Stop in and visit the IL's for an hour or so. Enjoy the reunion.

I would definately go to the reunion and stay in a hotel or motel, and hope my name and picture were in the paper. They wouldn't know when I got to town or when I left. Vique.

You should go, maybe even stay in a hotel one town away, and have a great time. I agree with the others, it is time to stop letting their shortcomings affect you anymore.

Really, it sounds like they don't like hosting company, so you'd be doing them a favor, too. AND- You'll have FUN! No stress. He can go over for a visit and you can stay at the pool or in your room or go shopping, whatever you want.

Some people just aren't worth worrying about, IMO.

Absolutely go. Absolutely stay in a motel.
It breaks my heart that you have let this dig at you for 30 years.
Let them go. If you must attend a family event, stay in a motel, arrange for your own meals, but be flexible.
It very well could be that the family is so jealous they cannot see straight. Regardless, you have made a wonderful life with your DH - now enjoy it. If you are depending on his family's consideration to feel complete, you will continue to be disappointed.

WOW...I have to agree with everyone else. Your happiness is more important than trying to please them (which has never happened). Just stay in a motel, enjoy the reunion and you and your DH can have a fun, stress-free weekend.
If anything is mentioned afterwards, just let them know that you BOTH did not want to impose on them.

Another vote for going, staying in a hotel, having a good time and blowing off the in-laws.

Don't miss the reunion, have your DH let them know ahead of time that you both will be attending and staying at a hotel.

He can ask them if they would be interested in meeting for breakfast...you might have developed a headache.

Go and have fun in spite of them. Truth is, they probably don't even realize that they are making your life so miserable anyway.

Rule #1: Don't sweat the small stuff.
Rule #2: It's all small stuff.

30 years,oh my.Go stay at a motel relax and enoy yourself.Don't worry about them,think about what you and your dh want to do.

Thanks so much for all the responses. You have made me feel so much better. I plan to talk to DH about it tonight. I have checked and there are rooms available in a quaint little town about 20 miles away. Thx again.
Sipsy

I would much rather stay in a hotel than with any of my relative, on either side.

You can relax and be happy in a motel room. You can do what you want, eat what you want, leave and return as you please, and not have to once consider anyone else.

Go, and enjoy yourselves. I wouldn't bother stopping by to see the in-laws. If you really want to see them, go to a restaurant, call them, and invite them to meet you there.

tell her you want to meet some friends for a late night drink / breakfast after the party and that the both of you are staying at a hotel. Then really do it!

20 miles away? PERFECT!!!!! Get non-refundable reservations! lol

Make sure if DH talks to them that he will NOT back down or give in. Chances are they might want you to stay with them just so they can get in their little digs. And maybe they'll be relieved and this will be the beginning of a new era with them, where you are on equal footing and not treated like an unruly child.

I had the most hateful MIL ever. I finally realized she would make the people around her miserable because she was miserable. Life is too short to worry about people like that. Go, stay in a hotel and don't even tell them you're coming. Have fun!

Personally, I wouldn't even tell the in-laws that you'd be there. (And I never, ever stay with relatives when visiting my home town!)

Make a reservation, go to a lovely hotel, go the reunion, and enjoy yourselves! Then go home. You do not need to visit the in-laws, unless they have specifically invited you for that weekend already. If you don't tell them about the reunion, you're free and clear. I'm not sure why you feel any NEED to tell them!

I'm very puzzled why anyone thinks you need to contact your in-laws at all. Politeness? Nope, that doesn't fly with me. You and your husband are adults - make your own decisions. I'd never ask my Mom what she thought of my weekend plans or vacation plans - so why are you worried about this? Who cares that they might (unlikely) see a pic of you in the local newspaper? The reunion is not about them. It's about their son and his class, and they wouldn't be invited to attend anyway.

I'm another one who says go and stay in a motel. No explanations needed.

If I were you, I would go with DH to the school reunion, stay at as motel/hotel
and the h*ll with ILs. Enjoy your weekend and do whatever you please.
It is your life and no one elses.
ENJOY!!!
Deb

Just wondering...maybe the other siblings of the family were offered the same things to eat...Maybe she just doesn't know how to entertain.

I know I sound like I'm trying to be on her side...but I'm not...I say this for you , not for her.

I'd hate for you to feel that she has never cared for you, when maybe she just doesn't know how to be caring.

patti

Go with your DH and stay at a hotel or motel. Call now to get a reservation. Have a good time with the man you love.

Put another vote in the column to go to the reunion and stay in a hotel; and don't even tell the outlaws that you'll be in town.

If they pay attention to local news/goings-on, they may be aware of the reunion, but they may also think that since your husband has never attended any of the previous reunions that he won't attend this one, either.

And if for some reason they ask if you are going to attend, you can always say that, yes, you are; and you've already made reservations to stay at a hotel where other attendees will be staying; and since the reunion probably won't end until the wee hours of the night you wouldn't want to disturb them by coming in late.

(((SIPSY)))

My heart goes out to you!

I live by the Golden Rule; "Treat others as you want to be treated."

MHO....YOU have gone above & beyond that with these people!

From reading your post; you have tried/DONE this over the
past 30 years. Keep in mind...YOU will ALWAYS be the winner...ESPECIALLY when you kill them with kindness, the receiving "end" does not/will not know how to react! And this is obvious.

You are in a difficult situation and lucky to have a supportive spouse....SORRY if it has taken him this long to realize it.

Go to the reunion, stay in a hotel/motel; if is mentioned...just say "it was more convienent for everyone!

I'd stay in a hotel in the same town. If some of the functions are at a hotel, stay there. Reunions have different get-to-gethers. That way you'd be close enough to go to whatever functions without the hassle of driving back and forth.
As far as MIL, I'd tell her you were coming, rather DH can, and that staying in the hotel is for convenience as the functions are at different hours and some may run late. This way no worry of waking the house up. Then too, you'd be right there if schedule changed where you could be a part of all of it.
Now, as far as that sweet, nice BIL. Tell hubby, you need to make arrangements for a U-Haul trailer to pull back home. He and you are going to BIL and tell him you are there to pick up the things you had given to the grandmother and appreciate him keeping them for you. Sorry it's taken so long but with no one telling you about it, you weren't there. Then time just went by. Just be sure to make a list you can hand him of what you want. If he doesn't have it, where is it? Who else was there and got things? Pay them a little visit too. If you are going to diss them off might as well do it in style. :O)
Tell MIL to kiss your grits, so long, farewell, no more control. Have a happy life, etc!!!!!!!
It has been too much time wasted worryng about MIL and her ways. People are what they are. She probably saw nothing wrong with what she did. That's her lifestyle.
Take care of yourself, enjoy the reunion, and hope you get back the things given to grandma.
Lynn

"MIL was here last week for a visit and never said one word about how nice it was or anything."

Albert Einstein said, "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." It seems like you continue to be expect a different reaction or a different attitude from your in-laws. Stop being surprised by your in-laws boorish behavior. Let it go, move on, get past them and your life will be happier. There is no reason on earth these people should have such a strong hold on you emotionally.
Go to the reunion, stay at a motel and have a good time. Life is just too darn short.