Situation: My husband and I are both 44, both previously married, he has 2 sons from previous marriage, I did not have kids with either husband. (my 1st marriage was a mistake, didn't compound it by having kids, my 2nd husband did not want more kids).

We have been together for 10 years (dated for 2 years, lived together 2 years, then married) and he was divorced for a year before I moved here from another state.

We now have had the younger 16 year old in our house for the last 1.5 years, because his mother could not handle things. The older boy is moving out of town next month, he joined the military, which will be a great worry for my husband and for me.

Ok, we have been to counseling off and on with these kids, the ex-wife's household is disfunctional and our's has been more stable, except for some of the usual problems (money, in-laws). We do love each other and a divorce will not solve the problems and will not make us happy. But I feel like I cannot stand to be in this house.

And for the those who say it was a package deal, well he never really wanted the kids to move in with us. I honestly think, for the bio-parents, since these kids turned out to be so problematic, well - it was too much for them to deal with. And I read a few step-parenting and parenting books when I was still dating my husband.

And how do non-divorced, seemingly good parents cope with children that do horrible things, I mean that is a package deal too isn't it? This is prbably not eloquently stated, but what I am trying to say is just because you are related somehow, do you have to give up your happiness and well being because the other person is a jerk.

Both boys are ADD-HD, and the younger one still takes meds for it. When you act up at age 7 or 8 it is one thing, doing cerain behavoirs later on is another. We logged many meetings for both boys at the Jr high and High school, and like I said we went to counseling, but their suggestions of taking away privledges did not work. When we took things away, they got worse because they had nothing left to lose, and certainly were not interested in earning anything back. Bad grades at school, many misbehavoirs, basically got the older one suspended frequently and the younger one is now attending a school for kids with problems (so he was all but kicked out).

WHen the boys visited us every other weekend, I wanted to have some one on one time with each one. I wanted to take one for lunch on Saturday, and the other on Sunday. No, they just wanted to stay home, hubby said that was ok. I didn't expect them to work like slaves but a few more chores, other than taking out the garbage- very grudgingly- but husband said he just wanted them to have fun on his weekends. I wanted them to stay in scouts, but the younger one was kicked out and the older one quit after his friend moved away. But those weekends were overall, were not awful, not the way things are now.

Since the younger one has lived here we have had many problems and blow ups. He will not listen, is not learning anything in the school now attends, and likes to create problems for my husband and me.

Typical things are: well he used to get up at midnight and ride his bike arouund our neighborhood, still will not do chores willingly or properly, just overall defiance beyond what is typical for a teenager. Tonight's blow up, his father tells him to turn off his PSP, or it will be taken away. My husband goes to bed, but I am up, can't sleep from all the stress, I hear him talking on it, go in his room and he says he wasn't told anything like that. So, a big problem and my husband I are fighting. He really doen't want to deal with all of the problems his sons have brought to the table. Sorry, but you have to be on this kid's as$ all the time. The stepson says that he doesn't care, will never apologize, and he knows he can just wear people out with his lousy behavoir. I feel like I have to serve a 2 yr. prison sentence until he leaves this house. His mother, who incidentally, didn't think she's have to pay us child support, might want him back when the older one leaves home. At least partly so she can recieve support again.

But, like I said I don't want to be in my own house anymore. I didn't have high blood pressure before I got married. And the kids acted out every time we had a milestone. Moving in together, engaged, marriage, buying 1st home together.

When the boys visited every other weekend, and you know we would have them over for dinner 1-2 tiimes a week also. I used to get along well with younger stepson. And so I thought things would work out when he moved in with us. We both thought that he and his bio-mom simply didn't get along. Ans I remember thinking it was strange when she would talk about how mean and hateful her son was. When we decided to have the younger one move in, we really put a lot of energy into getting him to a better place in his life. We all got along for the 1st 3 weeks or so, and then he started his crappy stuff, we asked why, and he said it is "because I see you all the time now". So our hopes for him, emphasis on schoolwork, better socialization, setting goals, etc. didn't go anywhere. And my husband and I really worked at this, but my stepson didn't participate. He just wants to get by doing as little as possible and not being responsible for any of his mis-behavoirs. Will play video games all day, after waking up at noon or later. I will be going back to counseling as soon as our insurance changes at beginning of the year. I can't stand the stress and how miserable this is making me. Until then, I just spend time in my room as an evasive action, should I just find a second job, go to movies every night. None of this is good for my marriage, but there doesn't seem to be a solution.

What should I do here?

Please don't send any replies to my email. And THANKS to everyone who made it the end of this post...