Dottie, thanks for bringing this to our attention - we want to support Cynic during this difficult time.

Cynic, please accept my sympathy for the loss of your loved one - my prayers will go up for you and your family.

Cynic,
Add me to the list of concerned KT'ers who are supporting you through the loss of cousin. I didn't know it had gone that far.

You are greatly missed here.
((((Cynic))))

Also sending my sympathy.

Tami

Offering my sympathy and special thoughts, also. I didn't see the original post where this was mentioned.

Thank you all so much. There's such mixed feelings. He was like a big brother to me and it came as such a shock. I'm not totally sure it's sunk in just yet! He really went through a year from hell. Let's see if I can remember it all. About a year ago he got a staff infection in his foot and people familiar with staff infections know the problems and seriousness of it. (An old girlfriend died from MRSA a couple years ago so I knew a lot about that stuff.) He nearly lost his foot and part of his leg. But that recovered for the most part. Then last fall he was diagnosed as a severe diabetic and was ordered to lose weight He lost a LOT of weight very fast and I became suspicious over that. Something wasn't right. Mid-winter was a bladder and kidney issue, surgery a couple months later, that was "successful" according to the doctors. Not sure if I'm leaving out anything else but then a couple months ago he was diagnosed with cancer. Lymphoma, a growth on the pancreas, (non-operable), within a couple weeks it was growing noticeably, then added prostate cancer, liver and duodenum.

To show the kind of guy he was, when he got home from the doctor telling him his death sentence, he called me and the first thing he was worried about was his cat and that she'd be cared for properly. He had already arranged for a friend to come and take her so she would have a home! I had to chuckle when he said "look at me, I'm just told I'm dying and I'm worried about the *cat*! LOL But that's what a caring person he could be. He did have a big heart and he loved animals.

As I said a year from hell for him and to rub salt into the wounds, what happens the very next day? He walked into the bedroom and his cat was on the bed, dead. The primary source of comfort and his companion gone at the time he'd need her most. I needn't say what that did to him. I can't imagine the trauma he went through. Losing a pet is bad enough but at that time. Sheesh!

He said if he had to go into hospice he wouldn't fight it, but he wanted to stay at home. The real hero here though is his ex-girlfriend. She came and moved in and stayed with him most of the time after his diagnosis, took massive amounts of time off work and I think it's probably why she didn't get a promotion, though she won't admit it. She put up with a lot when they were together, and put up with even more during his last days. He was a great guy but had his faults as do we all. Katie is a candidate for sainthood IMO. Not only that, but *her* friends came and helped care for him too. They were close when they were together, but nevertheless, there was no obligation there. I found it ironic it was more of his ex-GF's friends than his own family and friends who stepped up to help. It's weird how you find out who your real friends are sometimes, isn't it?

As I mentioned there's mixed feelings. I'm selfish, I want him around. But since he had to die, at least he was comfortable until the end. He had discomfort for sure, and of course weakness, since essentially you starve to death from it, but he didn't have the severe pain. I was there the morning he died, after spending the weekend since his death was pretty much expected. He was in his own house, in his own bed and even expressed thanks that people were helping out so he could be there. He had his mind working fine to the end. Hence the quandary, if you gotta go, go on your own terms.

He had some satisfaction since the VA sent a letter about a week before and acknowledged that at least two of his cancers were caused by Agent Orange during military service. He had time to help arrange his funeral, make some arrangements on his estate and take care of things so he could die in peace.

He went through the normal gamut of emotions, feelings and frustrations but all in all he showed how to die with class. I know I'll miss him but it' hard to be too sad all in all when he was able to go on his terms. If only we all could have that option. His funeral had people volunteering to share stories as well as at the gathering afterward. A surprisingly large turnout too, which was nice to see. He had a military honor guard at the funeral, a gun salute at the cemetary and the Patriot Guard Riders were there to escort and help with traffic if needed.

His ex-GF, her sister, a couple friends who helped out and I stayed at the cemetary a while and had a toast to him before returning to the gathering. She put one of the shells from the gun salute in the vault with his casket. It was a beautiful day and breezy, and the rain held off until after the gathering broke up so all went smoothly. I said to another cousin who has lung cancer that one year ago we could have picked any one of us, myself included, as being far more believable to be the one being buried that day. It can go so fast.

He was more than a cousin to me, he was a close friend, one who stood by me when others in my family didn't and we had the last laugh together. He was also a confidante. And a fun guy. Strong opinions and loved to exaggerate things for impact. He could get people going! Avid couponer and rebater, it was a challenge to him. He gave his car to a cousin in need of a vehicle, ordered and paid for a well to be installed at the cemetary along with a roofed area to be built there. When he would do something he dived in head first. Went on the carb diet and the man was skin and bones but the last weekend of his life he was still counting his carbs! Also encouraging me to take care of myself, and giving his advice. Still thinking of others. I will say this, maybe it's better to not know far in advance.

Dottie, you're a real sweetheart! Thank you. And thank you all for your kind words. My contribution was trivial by comparison. I actually enjoyed spending the time with him and catching up since we hadn't seen each other much in the last year with his health issues. And as I said a lot of people did a lot and he knew it. So in that respect, it kind of worked out well.

RIP Vern.

Awww, Cynic. Your beautiful word tribute to your friend/cousin is so beautiful. It sounds like he was a quite a guy (must run in the family) I hope that soon your pain can turn into smiles when you think of him. Yes, in that way, wouldn't it be nice if we could all this Earth on our own terms. Rest in peace, Vern.

What a beautiful tribute to your cousin Cynic. He sounds like quite a guy. You and he are definitely similar in some areas! (wonder which ones... :)

Thanks for sharing. RIP Vern

Once again Cynic, the way you share your thoughts impresses me. Especially when it's about your dear Vern and when your feelings are so tender.

My heart goes out to you.

Lana

What a beautifully written tribute to your cousin. You are so fortunate to be left with such beautiful memories to hold onto.

I am so sorry for your loss, Cynic.

So sorry for your loss,Cynic.

You were very fortunate to have had Vern in your life,as he was to have had you.

RIP Vern......

I'm so sorry for your loss Cynic...it's obvious you truly thought the world of him and for that I'm sure he was greatful...real true friends come along so few in our lifetime especially an added gift of being a relative and it means so much to hold on to those...may your grief be short and your memories long...

Thank you for sharing your story about your cousin. It sounds like you both were really great pals to each other and he knew you were there for him. I am truly sorry for your loss.

Sue

Yes, thank you for sharing your love and respect for your cousin. We are not always able to have such long friendships that are so meaningful. Very sorry for your loss.

What a beautiful tribute to your cousin, Cynic. We should all appreciate our loved ones who are both with us now and in Heaven. Thank you for answering.

I hope someone feels the same about me when it's my time. Beautifully written and thought-provoking.

My deepest sympathies going out to you & yours. May your good memories of your dear Vern bring you great comfort.

Thank you all for your kindness!

So sorry for your loss.