I am not so sure she is truly depressed...she has gone a week or more before she told her dad she needed her pills renewed. She is capable of dropping a prescription off and picking it up...i.e. she already had the prescription! ANd if she needed them that bad, she would have been on top of it. Se is almost 20 years old. Yes, she shows a lot of signs of depression, but I think mentally ill in other ways, is a possibility, or pathological liar...liar by omission? I agree with all that has been said above. A bit more background...she told my daughter that she flunked out her 1st year at school(away) because she was busy partying too much. As far as sticking he head in a hole, she is on the PC most of the time I presume and emerges for food from time to time. She turns her nights into days and days into nights. She has one good friend that I know of (her friend stayed her for about 3 weeks) and the others that she has brought around or we know of have different backgrounds. Let's just say they might be termed 'on the fringe' of society. She 'dated' some guy when she was 16 and still is friends with him...my SO calls him the jailbird...yes he was in jail for some juvenile stuff...not once but twice! I don't want to sound rude about some kid making mistakes (the jail guy) but she seems to surround herself with others that are off the beaten track. Her friend that stayed here was pleasant and has had a tough background. She is also grossly overweight, but has really had some tough things happen in her life...she's only 21. I like this girl and found myself putting my arms around her with tears in my eyes when I heard her story one evening. I am not a total meanie! I just guess I am at the end of my rope...I feel sorry for my SO. Regarding a plan and timeframe to move out....SO claims he gave her a time frame and that would have been in the past week. He even typed up a contract for her to sign. We never got to the signing part the evening that we talked to her as the conversation started to deteriorate. And, it was never picked up again, as far as I know. So we/he has had conversations with her. It's strange he cannot seem to raise his voice to her. Not that I think that is the solution, but I think she needs to know he means business...he is a very calm guy. It's great, but when you have to take a stand you have to at least sound firm and follow up all the time. He has asked me for my opinion many times, I have given him ideas and he has agreed with everything! But it seems so difficult for him to get tough with her...i.e. call her bluff. The last straw came when the junior college sent something home last Friday...another Withddrawn...this time it was by the school, reason...'stopped attending' class. So, if she really wanted to get that education and was struggling, there are so many avenues to turn to. Last semester she told us she dropped one of her courses because she didn't like the teacher and that the school encourages them to drop a class if the student doesn't like the teacher. Well, that was a new one. My 17 senior in HS laughed pretty hard at that one. It just seems that the lies keep coming. BTW, the house was purchased before her fall from grace the 1st year in college, so that is kind of a mute point. As far as depression and the divorce of her parents...she has suppported her dad in the divorce situation, at least outwardly...I don't think she got along too well with mom and prefers dad...now I know why...he is easy going and has probably not questioned her much up to this point. The high school question...she barely made it out of high school her senior year due to attendance. I remember ther mom calling dad pleading with him to come to the family home and make her go to school. I could hear all the drama going on over the phone. The daughter was sobbing about something and refused to go. Personally I would never have allowed my kid to go away to school and co-sign a student loan with that being her history. Dad has agreed no more school on his dime...she has already blown close to $1500 on courses that were paid and she will get no credit for...that just this year. Who knows about last year...dad doesn't either. That is what bothers me more than anything, that he thinks because she is 19 almost 20 she doesn't need to be monitored closely. She acts like a 10 year old with her lack of responsibility. A note on comparing her to my children, etc. It is the irony of life. Yesterday would have been my 21st wedding anniversay. The marriage was never an extremely happy one to begin with...he told my mom to shut up on our wedding night! Anyway, water under the bridge. He worked, made a good living and I was lucky enough to stay at home and raise the kids, while he pursued his career. As my daughter reached the teen years, she got extremely difficult to deal with.She's always had a sharp tongue for as long as I can remember. But once puberty hit, wow, it really got tough. Ex Husband would come home from work and he would side with the daughter. Right or wrong, I believe parents have to work together for the benefit of the child. You don't put down the parent in front of the child. You pull the parent aside and talk about what you don't agree with how they handled the situation. Again, ironically, this was the frosting on the cake and I couldn't take the marriage anymore. I was not a parent, but looked upon as some worker who lived in the house, or that's the way I felt. We nevwer seemed to be able to be partners and work together. I would never blame my daughter for the divorce, I blame the former spouse and myself for not dealing with issues reagarding her behavior, in the proper manner. Now, it is a differnt story. He calls me almost everyday and complains or vents about things that are bothering him about our daughter. I have nicely said, I wish you hsd seen these things before. Again, water under the bridge. Interestingly enough I have become a lot closer to my daughter since the divorce. Getting away from the husband has allowed me to deal with her more calmly and (most times) her with me! So, it is a great thing! She also had some extreme emotional issues about a year ago and is also on anti-deppresants, so I am not a stranger to mental illness. I also see how (at times) she uses that as a crutch and also see how she sometimes pits myself against her dad. I guess what I mean, when dad says no she comes to me and visa versa. Finally the ex and I are working together and agree on many issues with her and are working together to have a united stand. She is about to go off to school this fall and I am confidnet that she will do ok, but everytime something doesn't go her way she can't cave. Otherwise she will be home going to JC. Learning to become an adult is a process and you have to take the lumps with the joys of youth. Anyway, I see my daughter morphing into an adult...most days! Just dont see that with SO's daughter. Anyway, wanted all of you to know I have dealt with some of these issues with my own daughter. Back to the irony...I feel I am in the same boat now, someone's elses daughter, different issues, and seemingly no solutions with the father. Although my SO is totally respectful of me and my opinion. I also feel bad for him having to deal with this crap and cancer as well. I didn't mean to go on and on, but it feels good to get this off my chest. I sincerely appreciate all of your suggestions and agree with everyone...just have to figure out a way to get the ball rolling. Another aside, she is an animal lover and seems to have a bit of knowledge about the habits of animals, both domestic and wild. I have on more than one occasion mentioned that she should consider going into that field...vet's aid? But, she considers herself a singer, writer and artist. So, you can see her interests run into the arts but you have to learn the basic stuff also! Thanks to all who have read this far! I really appreciate the forum to just vent! Thanks again!

Hi Kay.....Welcome. I think if I were in your shoes I might try a couple of things with both SDs, altering things a bit to suit the ages of each. I would have a meeting with all of you, (husband and his daughters) and put a few things out on the table. If I had children, grown or not, that would not respect my husband, I believe the conversation would go something like this.... To the 23 yr. old.." I do not understand why you would choose to treat the man that I love with such disrespect. If you love and respect me you will not continue to do this. You are behaving in a mean and spiteful way and it is bound to affect our relationship. Although I love you with all of heart and that will never change I can't continue to put up with this. If you can't work it out on your own I suggest that you get counseling and I would be happy to participate in that with you. If you choose not to do anything about your treatment of my husband then our relationship, as much as it breaks my heart, will have change. You and I can't be close if you are choosing to treat my husband, the man that I love, in this manner. Please consider what I said and remember, from now on I will not tolerate disrespect towards my husband from you." I would encourage a heart to heart with the oldest to see if she will open up to you. If not if would give you the chance to tell her that you don't understand why she is treating you the way that she is and would she please tell you what she is angry or hurt about. Let her know that it is your desire to have a good relationship with her and she can set the boundaries for that but you won't present yourself as a whipping post for her. That is over. The 10 year old needs a good talking to and perhaps your husband and her mother should sit down first. The same principals apply to her as the older daughter with the understanding that she is 10. I suggest counseling again. I would apply some punishment for the 10 year olds behavior. If her mom doesn't have a problem with her or she doesn't behave that way towards her then set up your own system in your home. Husband needs to lay down the law with this one and attach privileges to good behavior. No disrespect towards you should be tolerated, any should be addressed and discipline should follow. You can talk with her also. Be honest about how she makes you feel but don't allow her to have power over you. I remember telling my SD33, who lived with my ex and me for 13 years, that I didn't marry her dad for her love and if she never loved me I could live with that but she would treat me with respect. It was not a choice, it was not a request it was an order. She and I have a wonderful relationship now. I wish you the best. I'm sure that you will get great advice here. These women ( and some men) have a lot to offer.

Yes we have watched all seasons and episodes of Zoo and enjoy it. I watch Below Deck, it's fun. We don't watch much on PBS except my husbands shows like This old house and Ask this old house and some other woodworking shows but they have cancelled so many of them that he loved. Will have to check out some of the shows mentioned on PBS. We have not been streaming at all. Right now in the rv we stick with the Direct tv for what we watch. Currently into the new season of Big Brother. WE love Suits so glad it is still on. Love the last ship. Rizzoli and Isles and so sad it is ending for ever after this season. Major Crimes is a regular and so was The Closer when it was on so sorry it is gone too. Still loving Devious maids! We always watch American Pickers too. And absolutely love those Black Dog salvage guys and gals on Salvage Dawgs! I want to go to their store!

Jay, I love the stories of people helping. It is so heart-warming. I agree that there's many more helpers than we'll ever hear about because so many of them absolutely do not wish to have any attention. I love them all, and they make me proud to call them our fellow citizens (or, non-citizens, as the case may be). Goodness comes in all shapes, sizes and colors. I did hear about the 4-H kids. Their families and 4-H leaders must be so very proud of them! I saw the story on FB or on a news website yesterday about a couple of young men who are not spending Spring Break on a beach somewhere---they are out there in the fire areas helping with fences. Common folks becoming uncommon heroes, all in a day's work. This makes my heart sing. I'll have to type in that FB page name and read what's on it tonight. I look forward to it. Kim, Isn't that just what we expect to see and hear? Farmers and ranchers are always the most kind and humble folks we meet, and they always put everyone else first before themselves. I hope this time they can fight that urge to send all the help off to someone else and accept some of the assistance themselves. The needs of everyone affected are so great right now, and it is a relief to see help flooding in. Remember Paul Harvey's "So God Made A Farmer"? I simply love it, and in my mind, the ranchers are farmers too and it applies to them every bit as much . It has been on my mind ever since the fire disaster struck. If ever, ever, ever there was a population of people well-equipped to overcome a disaster of this magnitude, it is our ranchers and farmers and all the folks who work with them, rely upon them, do business with them and now, in their time of need, rush to assist them. I'm going to find and link his speech because reading it always gives me hope because it reminds me that our nation's ag industry is still in fine hands. Okay, I found it and linked it. Page down past the first few paragraphs of the story to find the text of the speech. Then, see if you can read it without getting a lump in your throat and tears in your eyes. I can't. Dawn "So God Made A Farmer" Speech