Well it's as simple as this madam grinch....If you can afford it without it being a burden, then say yes....If it puts a strain on the budget and family...then don't do it, say no. I know you don't want to disappoint him but the truth is...you cannot make every wish come true especially when it causes financial problems for the rest of the family then it shouldn't be done....Has he talked to his Dad about it...has he talked to his stepmom?

Is there something going on at school, that makes him want to transfer?

We took our youngest out of public school and put her in to Lutheran School. Never regretted it, even so all our belts were one notch tighter during that time.

I would check in to "why".

Moni

You are very right Ruthie. No he talked to me first and I told him what I said here...He said he wanted to talk to me first then he was going to approach his dad and stepmom...I am sure Carly wouldnt have a problem taking him but that is a hassel maybe if he could wait a year when he could drive himself back and forth would be better if we could figure out the tutition between us adults....Stacy

No Moni nothing going on with him...he is just big into Church and likes to be surrounded by the positive influences instead of the negative....he has always gone to Checotah schools and has never had any trouble.....Stacy

You definitely can and should tell a child you cannot afford something. Children, even his age, don't understand the value of money or the expenses we all must carry. So when he asks to go to the school, he really has no understanding of the expense or difficulties involved in that change. And it sounds like you are spread pretty thin now.

Would stepmom like that driving assignment there and back twice a day? Why just until April? Is he getting a car and insurance then and can drive himself?

What also concerns me is why he would want to make a change like this. Most kids this age have their social network well in place, and it can be difficult to get that going in a new school.

Just my 2 cents.

Socks, when I talked to him he knew it would cost money and he said he would get a job to help....he has friends everywhere he stressed over and over it was just the Christian enviroment he wanted to be in....and when I told him that we couldn't afford it he just said ahhhh shucks okay that is fine.....so he does know the value of money...and I don't know if Carly would mind the driving there are alot of things involved and he knows it also....Tanners social network is the world LOL he is still working on spending his senior year in Germany if he can.....Why April because he will be 16 then and have his own car..Stacy

Unless there's something I'm missing, it breaks down kinda like this ...

Call the school and find out how much tuition is. It may be a reasonable amount that causes no one any grief. Or, it may be that the school has grants or such that help cover costs.

I'd give Carly 'credit' for driving twice a day for the next eight or nine months (if she's really willing to do it) and figure out maybe a 2/3 split of the tuition ... you and Brian paying 2/3 and your ex and wife paying 1/3.

See if that amount is workable into your budget. It might mean that Tanner would have to give up some of the extras he currently enjoys, maybe the money to pal around on weekends, or he drops to a lower-minute cell plan to save money.

If the bottom line cost to you and Brian is reasonable, then give him a yes ... if the bottom line is not reasonable, then talk to his dad and see if he's willing to foot the higher portion. That response will determine either a yes or no.

Then talk to Tanner about how it can or cannot be worked out. He's old enough to understand how you get to the answers you give.

I'm sure that his summertime experience helping the less fortunate really contributed to his request, and I think that's awesome. He seems like such a giving young man, and I know you want to encourage that as much as you can.

I do have to say, Stacy, that it seems to me, you and your ex have a very positive relationship when it comes to the kids, and I have to applaud you for that effort. The fact that you can all sit down and talk about what best, and then do it, is very refreshing.

Good luck, and I really hope it does work out for Tanner.

Thank you Stoney you really put everything into respective for me! You are right....I need to print your reply out...figure out what Tan's extras cost a month (his guitar lessons, his skateboarding, etc) Even if he can't go to the school maybe he can join their youth group? There are lots of options for him....He does love his Church in Checotah and I to think that his experencie as being a jr. councelor at Church camp and then his Mission Trip has really made him sit back and think1 I was discussing Tan with my sister the other day and even before this came up and I told her you know he maybe be the Pastor in the family one day! I am proud of him.....Stacy thanks again Stoney!! And no you are not missing anyting you broke it down just right.....

It would be great if you could possibly swing it. He will do better if he's happier. Look into scholarships the school might offer. Most private schools have a program and it might make it affordable for you.

We aren't religious, but DH's daughter has been all her life (not sure where she got that ;-o).

If he is willing to work for a car at 16 which involves insurance etc...maybe is stepmom could drive him for the year and he could work instead for the cost of the school....I am sure he wants a car but it isn't fair for everyone to sacrifice for him unless he is willing to also.

I ditto Ruthie's suggestion. I also want to say that it will not be long before he will be going to college, and the costs will be even more. I would want to be sure that this high school tuition does not affect the resources available to him, including his savings, that will be used for college. He may well want to go to a church affiliated college, which would be good for him socially and dating and perhaps professionally if he is considering the ministry.

Perhaps now is the time to discuss college. Around here, the private universities are waaaaay more expensive than the great public universities.

Stacy, I'm sorry if I came across as harsh. I don't know your situation, and your son sounds like a very fine young man. I know you'll make the right decision after researching all the issues. Very best wishes.

I think Patti has a great idea about checking into scholarships at the school. Maybe even his home church would be able to offer some help. I hope everyting works out well!

That is part of life there are happiness and joys and then sadness and disappointments.

They say that parents shouldn't shelter their kids.

Sit him down, he's old enough and tell him the truth that there isn't the money to go there. You would love him to go but its just not possible.

Parents shouldn't be made to feel guilty when they can't do everything their child wants.

Teach them to learn how to handle these disappointments.

It would be nice to be able to say sure but its not possible all the time.

When I talked to him about it tonight he fully understood...he of course was disappointed....but I didn't think to remind him that he is wanted to go to Germany his senior yr. And that he can go to any college he wants be it Christian or not. If he fees that the kids at his schoo aren't as much into Church and God as he is then he is just going to have to suck it up. As I said this was just a short conversation and there is lots to talk about with his dad and Carly and of course with Brian.....and we will all pray about it and the right thing will happen....Stacy