Count me in the "no registries" camp.

I don't have a problem with registries in general IF the couple only registers at one or two places and doesn't go overboard. I've seen too many registries where the couple asks for multiples of things like strollers or swings (baby shower, not wedding :). It's really not much different than your kids giving you a list of what they want for Christmas.

I haven't heard of a honeymoon registry. Is this instead of a wedding registry? I guess it would be okay IF they already had all the household items they needed (a lot of couples do) and didn't expect a separate wedding gift.

A Honeymoon registry, after I've already given money to the bridal shower registry and the wedding registry, I'm now being asked to give for a honeymoon? And then there's one, two, three ...baby shower registries and birthday registries, graduation registries (do those exist?). We might as well just adopt the bride or groom at birth. :-)

My feelings on weddings - honeymoons - life ...
Plan a conservative, low-cost wedding, go on a nice honeymoon and then put a down payment on a house with the money you saved on the wedding.

A friend of mine spent $125,000+ on a wedding three years ago. While it was an beautiful, awesome and wild wedding (the Ritz-Carlton is probably still talking about it), it was a complete waste of money. Her husband walked out on her two years later after cleaning out the bank account leaving her with all the bills and not a penny to pay them.

Now I understand most weddings don't cost $125K but regardless, they are still expensive. A honeymoon is generally a lot cheaper, a far less stressful and much more fun.

Jodi-

Hmmmm....I thought the groom was responsible for the honeymoon. I guess the rules of ettiquette have changed.

I just attended a wedding where the bride and groom registered for china that cost $275.00 a place setting...ridiculous! The vegetable dish was $500.00. Her everyday dishes were $150.00. Everything else was top of the line as well. Neither one comes from wealth. They invited 200 people and not one purchased the china or everyday.

The most unique wedding I ever attended was the bride and groom requesting no gifts to them personally, instead make a donation to one of three charities they had listed.

Seems a bit odd to me and I would never do it. I'd just honeymoon within my means. However a wedding gift is about giving the couple something THEY will enjoy. The primary intention is not to please the giver of the gift.

Some people might not need more tangible stuff especially if they've been in their own household for a while.

I imagine if you don't want to buy a gift the couple is registered for you don't have to. You can always do what pleases you rather than the people you're giving the gift to.

I've never heard of a honeymoon registry, but I appreciate registries in general, as they save me a lot of time and running around trying to guess what the recipient would like.

Registries are a convenience for me.

Sometimes on registries, is the store and even maybe the honeymoon registry ""forgets"" to remove the purchased item and someone else buys it so the couple ends up with several and when they take the item back may not even get the amount paid credits. Wonder how the honeymoon registry works, and wonder if someone could pay for the same items several times so the hotel etc could end up with too much money but refuse to refund to couple--only give them credits to use at a future date.
I buy what I want to or just give a give card or money.
Marie

What do they have on a Honeymoon registry ?
Sunscreen?

I actually like gift registries. Around here they register at a smaller hardware type store. The store will wrap and deliver the gift for free!

I have seen a couple invites with a request for cash - oh my!

I appreciate registries with reasonable items on them - but don't put in the invitation. That's rude. I'll call your parents, if you're young, or ask directly if I want to know.

I might contribute to a honeymoon registry, but only if I knew the couple was well established in other ways - like having all the necessities. But I would also then feel very comfortable giving just a small amount. I don't believe a honeymoon registry should do anything more than defray the cost of the honeymoon - not pay for it!

Monica, I just looked it up on Google and found this sample site.

Shirley

Here is a link that might be useful: Sample Honeymoon Registry

I'm not big on honeymoon registries. That is up to the couple to pay for themselves. If they can't afford it, they need to find someplace less expensive.

I'm not a huge fan of regular wedding registries either. I've seen too many good intentions abused that way.

First, "hi" Tally Sue, where in the world have you been? So glad to see you back again!!! Now don't you disappear again, okay?

I first heard of honeymoon registries when my DS and BIL were invited to a wedding where the honeymoon registry was the only one the couple had. They wanted to go to Tahiti and sent a list of how you could help; i.e., one night at X for XXX amount of money. XXX amount to help pay for air fare. Dinner for two at X for XXX amount. You get the picture. To me, it's the epitome of greediness. And on top of that, the brides mother could've gifted them with that honeymoon several times over. DS thought it was a great idea. Go figure!

I'm of the same thought and I owned a travel business for over 20 years. I think they are asking people to pay for the honeymoon. What really stinks is that most of them cost money for the donor to give the gift. So if one wants to give the couple $200 it might cost $220 to do so. There are also 'opportunities' for a giver to sponsor an event, such as a spa treatment or sightseeing tour.

I don't like them, mostly due to the fact that it costs the giver $$ to do so, just give the couple a check.

do they charge the donor, or do they deduct it from what they give the couple?

Oh, and a honeymoon registry is always *instead of* a traditional registry.

it's not an additional gift.

Keep the comments coming, though! This is interesting to hear.

(Hi to you, too, Patti--and everybody else)

I think the entire wedding industry just shows how much we can be brainwashed. How anyone could drop tens of thousands of dollars on one event just boggles my mind. I'm not talking about the truly wealthy people but this has become standard for the middle class. Your friends have to dress up in expensive matching outfits that they will only wear once? Why? Do you really need to spend $$ on special champagne flutes and cake knives?

And the guests are expected to give according to how much was spent on the wedding, and according to how expensive the couple's tastes are, not on what the guest can afford so the guest is basically paying some sort of admission to the event. Couples used to receive a few practical things as gifts to get started. Goods were not cheaply made in foreign countries and these items truly helped a couple. Now most couples have everything they need before they get married so they expect to upgrade or else have the guests pay for a fancy honeymoon.

Weddings have turned into more of a production than a true celebration. I used to work weddings as a waitress and when you see one after the other of pretty much the same cookie cutter event, you get a different perspective.

I'm another who thinks ANY demand for a specific gift is tacky. Gifts are supposed to nbe from the heart, not just from the pocketbook.

Only reason I ever check ANY sort of registry, is to avoid giving the couple anything they've demanded. My gifts are generally creative and original, often handmade (like quilts, afgans, etc) and always something I've specially picked out or created for the recipient.

Frankly, there are a few matters of ettiquette where I will never become comfortable with, nor follow the 'new' rules. Bridal registries are one. Wearing black to a wedding is another. Apparently, I've made such an impression on that one with my dd, that she's planning on requesting that no one wear black to her wedding when she gets married. Good for her--it's a happy occasion, after all, not a funeral.

As a wedding guest, I don't really like registries. I've gotten a few invitations that lead to websites for gift registries. And everything is so so so expensive. I bought my nephew and his bride a set of glasses that set us back $200. I also gave them a crocheted afghan I made just for them. I thought the registry gift was just so mechanical and tacky, something I was more or less "ordered" to get them. I needed to give them something handmade. And I've never been asked to contribute to the cost of a honeymoon. That would be revolting to me. That said, my niece is getting married next summer August 2012. I haven't received any invitations yet, for showers or the actual wedding. I'm thinking of starting another afghan...Oh, and when I got married in 1979 my husband's sister wore a black dress to our wedding and reception. I was totally insulted. Tho I now get along well with his sister, it only took 32 years to get over...

I'm not a big fan of registries in general and probably wouldn't register if I was getting married, but I personally don't understand the anger people have at honeymoon registries vs. regular registries. You want to give the couple something THEY want right? I personally wouldn't mind helping fund an experience (an amazing trip) rather than a salad bowl or towel.

A lot of couples these days are already established in a home together and don't want or need more "stuff". The gift is to celebrate them and their new life together and I don't feel like it's any of my business what they would prefer for gifts...it's not for ME or about what I think they should have.

If I were to have to register for a wedding I was going to have, I would love to do a trip rather than stuff. Memories and experiences are more important to me that material items.

I've had friends do all sorts of interesting things for their weddings. One couple registered at REI for camping gear, one couple asked for monetary donations for a new washer and dryer for their house instead of gifts. When they bought them, they sent out all their thank you cards with a picture of them and their puppy in front of their new washer and dryer, I loved it!

I do understand and agree that asking for gifts is tacky (such as including it in invites), but since regestries are common place these days, they should choose what they want. If someone doesn't like it, don't buy them a gift...or give them cash, which they will then spend however they choose anyway.

Good grief. Just because someone has a wedding registry at Macy's or Saks Fifth Avenue doesn't mean that you have to buy the gift at Macy's or Saks Fifth Avenue. It's a means of finding out the couple's intended color scheme, style, etc. Then you can go shop at Costco or Pier I and buy something that "fits" that's within your price range.

Honeymoon registries, though, are a different animal, aren't they?

I think if I were invited to a wedding and received notification of a honeymoon registry, I would ignore the honeymoon registry.

I appreciate a bridal registry. The few I've used, there were choices at all price levels. MY Q is, is the honeymoon registry instead of a bridal one? or are people expected to give to both? I agree with one of the above posts, so many weddings are way over the top and way over the couple's financial situation. As for wearing black at a wedding? In my opinion....an old wives tale, like not wearing white after Labor day. Even bridesmaids are wearing black, often.

I've never even heard of this before.

I like a wedding registry so I can see what the bride needs in her china or crystal or flatware or cooking equipment. I think I honeymoon registry is a little too gimme-gimme. I think the honeymoon ought to be from the groom's family or the groom, and be within the means of the young couple.

That said, our DS who is getting married next year answered my question about what he'd like for a honeymoon. They would like to live in Paris and/or Italy for a year. I asked him how they could possibly afford such a lifestyle.

Hello Talley Sue - welcome back!

My thoughts on the topic probably won't help you because I am really not sure about it. I'm not real keen on registries of any kind, but when I'm invited to a wedding or shower I always check the registry and usually select a gift from it. I think it's a real help too when you don't know either the bride or groom well enough to know what they like. It's probably a silly feeling on my part but I just don't like giving money.

The first two times I encountered a honeymoon registry I was appalled. I thought it was tacky. At least with the wedding registry you're usually giving a gift that the newlyweds could use in their home. Perhaps it's something for daily use or maybe something fancier that's used for special occasions. But buying something for the honeymoon was just too much. My initial thought was 'OK, you're married, you're starting a life together and you don't have the foresight to handle the honeymoon? What's next - a down payment for a house registry?'

I think part of my aversion is that the items on the honeymoon registry are fleeting -depending on the location of the honeymoon the list might include a bottle of wine, a scuba lesson, a show, a side trip etc. I'm probably just being old fashioned but it just doesn't sit well with me. But if I were really honest about it - why should I discriminate between the wedding registry and a honeymoon one? See - I told you I was torn.

We just went to a wedding last month and at the reception there was a table with an informal photo of the bride and groom. On the table was a sign saying 'take one of these cards' and the card had the photographer's web site with the announcement that we could view the wedding photos in about 3 weeks online. When I checked the site to see if the photos had been posted I was surprised to see that I could sign up to buy photos for the wedding couple. There was a wedding photograph registry.........!

they wern't exactly asked for, but back in 2000 when ds1 was married we bought them for the wedding shower, disney dollars...they did the cruise...

I've never heard of a honeymoon registry. When I got married, we were in graduate school and didn't have any extra money for a honeymoon. As for bridal registries and baby registries--oh, yes!! Why would I buy something the couple may not care for? Yes, I love them and always use them. I think it's totally practical. I rarely buy a shower gift AND a wedding gift. We know too many people to be able to afford doing that. I also try to buy something they're gonna use every day, not the occasional waffle maker, etc. Towels, sheets, everyday dishes.

Hi Tally, some of the registries charge the donor unless they over-ride it, in which case it is deducted from the gift. The fees are usually 10%.

Put me in with those who dislike registries in general.

I'm old school. Originally registries were for letting people know what china/silver pattern you had. Most modern brides don't care about those items. Now most registries have become gimme lists. I even know some brides who are a bit embarrassed by the whole process but they are badgered into going along. But my kids friends are older, mature and self-sufficient. They take pride in that. Old school.

No way am I contributing to someone's honeymoon.

I've lost count of the number of events I've been invited to from people I hardly know. Weddings, bridal showers, baby showers, middle school graduations, high school & college graduations. IMO the only reason for inviting someone you barely know (if at all) is for the gift. As far as registries, if I hardly know them, I probably won't go and if I do know them, hopefully I know them well enough to select a gift that I think is meaningful. In other words, the whole registry thing is tacky.

We almost always give cash as a wedding gift. That said, I'm not opposed to a regular registry. It's nice to give something very personal to a close friend or family member, but I don't always know the wedding couple that well.

Honeymoon registry, well, I probably would just give a cash gift.

I've never heard of a honeymoon registry until I read this post. The things I learn from you all here....lol.

Haven't been invited to a wedding in years either so I'm not too worried about it. I did look at the link posted above out of curiosity and thought, "wow, their friends must be rich if they can afford those gifts!" I'd be embarrassed if my kids did that.

I have never heard of a "honeymoon registry" either.

I would really be happy if I would get a
"thank you" note for the wedding gift. They don't seem to do that anymore. Very sad.

The most recent wedding was that of my DD's friend. I bought her a nice shower gift that was not on her registry. She loved it and often mentions it to me. I know that picking out a gift myself with her personality in mind really meant a lot to her. How do I know she is being sincere about her pleasure? It is the ONLY gift she mentioned on FB. Several times. Posted pictures too. :-)

We did get them a wedding gift off the registry. They have been together for quite some time, even bought a house together so it made sense to pick something they needed and didn't already have. The registry was not very long and was pretty moderate by today's standards.

Talley Sue - well you knew the KT would offer lots of opinions - what are your thoughts on the idea? Do you think it's more prevalent in NYC?

Enjoying spring brought up the subject of Thank you notes. That custom seems to have disappeared. One wedding I went to had a big clear glass bowl filled with rolled up and tied with cheap curly ribbon, pieces of paper. A sign posted by the bowl said...Please take one. I did and it the note said....Thank you for coming to our wedding and thank you for the gift you gave us. Tacky Tacky Tacky.

Hi, everyone--thanks for all the thoughts.

Here are some random reactions:

Pls discourage her from doing this. Dictating people's attire is even ruder than telling them where you've registered for gifts. (and you must not see people wearing the right black--every black dress I've seen at a wedding is a pretty happy dress!)

regarding honeymoon registries: Guests are never expected to give TWO gifts. The honeymoon registry often co-exists w/ a more "traditional" bridal registry, but guests are expected to choose what they'd like to give for their ONE wedding present.

With regular registries, they're *supposed* to be simply list of "success guaranteed" gift ideas. No one is ever required to give a gift from the list, though of course there are brides/couples who feel that way.

Marie_cate--thanks for the welcome back!

A note about the photographer's website--that wasn't a registry. Those photos that you would buy *should* have been coming TO YOU. That's how those are mostly done--the photographer thinks he'll sell more photos if you, the family member/guest, get a chance to buy a few for yourself.

Few couples buy photos to pass out to their aunts--they buy a few for the parents, one or two for grandparents, maybe one for each attendant. And for themselves. They would never buy a picture for their aunt & uncle. This way, the aunt & uncle can buy one for themselves if they want. (or not)

Also, the couple may not have had much of a choice--the photographer is an independent business, and he probably does this for every one of his customers.

As for what I think about honeymoon registries: I think they're risky, and I think a lot of people will react negatively--as a guest. And I think brides & grooms don't see that perspective much, because they're so wrapped up in the idea of what THEY would like (i.e., not more stuff, because they don't NEED an upgrade, and they don't NEED items for their home)

Any kind of registry or gift suggestion for cash is tacky IMO. I think these "creative" ideas of registering for the honeymoon or other cash gifts stems from the fact that people get married later these days than they used to. So they don't need all the starter stuff for their first home away from parents that was the norm in the past.

OK, so if you don't need all that stuff, don't register! But a registry that asks me to give you money? No thanks.

What's next - a down payment for a house registry?
Oh yeah. The last wedding I was invited to, that's exactly what they did. Wanted guests to contribute to the purchase of a house. Unbelievable.

I do buy gifts off a normal registry when I either don't know the couple that well (offspring of my friends, for example) or when they are in another city (easier to just purchase on line and have the gift delivered). But if I'm going to go to a shower or present the gift in person, I try to buy something off the registry, something I personally pick out that I think they will like.

Looking back on my wedding (way back when!) those gifts were the nicest and most memorable. Of course back then, all I registered for was china and flatware. Imagine!

I was very impolite when I got engaged December 1978, married June 1979. I told my relatives to please tell anyone who asked about gifts, tell them we both have our own apartments, we're combining two households and we have just about everything we need, so we'd like cash gifts. We did get lots of checks, but a few gave gifts. We got a coffeemaker and a salad bowl and several fondue sets. Why fondue sets? They were the first thing we gave away to charity. I'm sorry now I did something so awkward and tacky. Neither of our families was ever wealthy.

I told my relatives to please tell anyone who asked

This is actually not impolite.Nor is it tacky.

Because the ideas that the other people didn't say anything until someone ASKED.

If someone asks what to get you, they deserve an accurate answer.

I might have suggested a small registry w/ household stuff, if only to give fondue-set buyers a potential source for other ideas.

Actually, some friends of mine who married last summer also wanted cash to put toward a down payment on a house. They didn't tell people that out right, you would only know if you asked. It didn't bother me in the least. They had been living together for seven or eight years already and didn't need much stuff. I didn't care what they did with the money once it left my hands.

Another couple I know got married this past spring. At their reception, they had a table filled with self-addressed stamped envelopes and recipe cards. All they wanted as gifts was for people to take home the recipe cards and mail them back a few recipes. They are now making a recipe book with all the recipes they got for their wedding. I thought that was a really cool idea!

Jannie, I don't think that was tacky nor was it impolite. I've had more than one person tell me something similar, they were close friends or the child of a very close friend. I don't mind gifting money so it was fine with me.

I don't think registries are tacky, I usually appreciate them. Especially with so many folks who are already established in homes and apartments, I would not have any idea what to get those folks. And I buy a lot of gifts for my boss, I don't know those folks at all so buying from their registry is a lifesaver! Not just wedding but baby registries as well.

Have you seen the Amazon wish lists? You can now make them public so that whoever you send the i.d. to can see it and send the appropriate gift for birthdays, Christmas, whatever. I think that pushes the envelope a bit too far.

I was married in 1964. We registered at a major department store. I believe we registered for china, silver, linens and everyday tableware. (All of which was gratefully received.)

Everyone I knew did this. I found it a great convenience when other couples had registered. Even if I didn't choose a gift from the registry, it was an indication of that couple's taste.

Wedding invitations and announcements are entirely separate from gifts and registries, so I don't see that it matters WHAT a couple registers for. No one has to give ANY gift. No one has to buy a whole place setting -- or fund a whole honeymoon trip. The idea is to contribute to their happiness as newlyweds. (You don't want them to start out without the proverbial pot and you want them to start out happy.)

I think a honeymoon registy is just fine, and more than fine for for a second marriage or anytime the couple already 'have everything'. I'd just as soon fund something on their honeymoon wish list as donate to their favorite charity! Either is preferable to wracking my brains for some THING they MIGHT like.

I'll have to remember in the future to ask if 'John and Mary' have a honeymoon registry. I may still address people as Mr. and Mrs. instead of John and Mary, but I can embrace a new kind of wedding registry.

Re: Wedding photos. When DS married, we provided the honeymoon and paid for the photographer. We notified family members to please choose one of the poses taken of themselves -- as our gift to them for their kindnesses to DS and DIL. Our DIL's parents paid for the gown, flowers, limos, etc. and the dinner reception. The 'kids' paid for the full dance band that 'made' the reception.

Not to be cranky, you know I love you Talley Sue, but regarding the photography...

My niece purchased two lovely professional wedding photos and mailed them to me, along with a copy of the DVD of her wedding. Some nieces do remember the old aunties! As for the nephews...that's another story.

I love wedding registries but would be offended at the Honeymoon registry...unless I specifically asked what the couple really wants. But as a blanket, card enclosed, registry, I don't like the idea.

I married in 1978 and didn't use a registry for my bridal shower or wedding. Needless to say, I got many gifts in duplicate and triplicate and felt guilty regifting them at other showers and weddings I attended over the years, but they couldn't be exchanged and I only needed one of each. I therefore love any kind of registry and do not find the idea tacky at all. It just seems like an organized way of giving people some kind of idea of what they may CHOOSE to give, without duplicating someone elses purchase.

By no means do I consider the premise of registries as a 'demand' for something from the list. Registries are only an option and one may certainly prefer to give anything of their choice. I take no offense at Honeymoon registries either, as I don't really see the difference in depositing money into their Honeymoon registry or enclosing cash or a cheque in the wedding card. Either way, the couple will use the monetary amount towards something that will mean something to them.

When I married in 1960 the common practice was to register for dishes and silverware.
My Mother wisely told me to pick out pottery and sliverplate, not expensive china or sterling.

A few months later a couple moved in next to us. She got very few pieces of her china or sterling.

Sometimes Mothers know what they are talking about.

FWT in my family we used our silverplate every day.
When I married the 2nd time, I was using my silverplate. My new husband went out a bought us some stainless, so I would not have to use my "good" stuff. I never told him that I used it by choice. It was such a sweet gesture on his part.
When one of my sons married I gave the silver to them. They wound up getting a divorce. I told him to throw the SP out. To me it seemed that anyone that had it got divorced!
he married again and they really laughed about that. When she walked off with another man, she wanted the SP. After he began to heal, I told him, see I told you.

I like registries. Seems like the only weddings I go to are the children of friends, or friends of my son. I don't know what their personal style is anymore. And usually you know only one half of the happy couple. lol As a matter of fact, the last wedding we went to was in November. My best friend from high school, and her hubby who is my husband's employer, it was their son. I don't know Matt anymore, and the registry was great. I went to Target and bought a LOT of kitchen gadgets that they had listed. It was a ball! And I wrapped the gift in three boxes using tan contracter's paper, with brown, gold and green ribbons and bows. Each box was smaller than the next, and I built a tower. I LOVE gift wrapping. It's the ONLY time that a bride (and Matt, lol) THANKED ME at the wedding reception for the cool wrapping! I was introduced to the bride and she was so excited that I took the time to wrap the gift in their wedding colors! LOL (got the colors from the invitation)

A honeymoon registry, well sounds odd, I've never heard of one. Very intersting. I would rather send money. I was thinking that this was done through a travel agency. But I checked the link and I guess I was wrong! I know that these companies need $$$ to keep going, but I don't want 10% or more of my gift going to someone else. I just as soon give cash to the couple.

Jannie, I love ya', I do, but I think it is kind of sad that it took you 32 years to get over someone wearing a specific color to your wedding. I have no problem with anyone wearing any color they want to, to celebrate with me.

I wore black and white to Matt's wedding, and his Mom was wearing a gorgeous black velvet formal dress.

Wedding registries are a helpful thing. What's tacky is including them in the wedding invitation. It's very bad manners to ever ask for gifts. If people want to know if the couple is registered they can call someone close to the couple and ask if and where they are registered.

That massage that was one of the possibilities offered on the sample registry ...

... that'd be a soft touch, probably??

Things surely are different now, where either both have been on their own for a few years, or they've been operating a household together for a time.

Here's an idea ... should we put a proviso with the gift ...

... that unless they stay married for, say, ten years ...

... they owe us part of the price of the gift, back?

(That should work for the one that cost 125 Grand - most of which the gal ended up getting stuck with, it appears: should have sued the *%#*@!!).

ole joyful

P.S. Google ad is for www.ehoneymoonreistry.com ...

... is the "com" the abbreviation for "Commercial"?

o j

Beyond Tacky.......Even wedding registries get so out of hand..Half the stuff on them are beyond the price an acquaintance wants to spend.....