What a nightmare for you to have to go through this? Is Megan on drugs? I pray that God keeps you and your family safe from things like this in the future.

Shirley

How frightening, FMW! You will never, ever be able to drop your guard it sounds like. Those poor babies. It does break my heart to think Tanna has that fear in the back of her mind.

Otherwise, it sounds like you had a good weekend and gave the girls fun memories.

If this had to happen, I'm glad it happened when your DH was there. Now the police are aware of the situation and they will be there if you need them.

Tanna knows she is safe with you and DH, but will probably still question it.

You and DH are the perfect family for those girls now.

Blessings.

Sue

Oh, my dear, how scary - it seems you handled it very well - GOD bless all of you!

Fmw, I can't tell you how much I enjoy and appreciate your posts.

I hope this x-mom thing is taken care of soon.

Your girls have found their "home" with you and the fireman. They are now happy, healthy, well fed, and most of all, wanted and loved. All 5 of you have been truly blessed.

How upsetting for you. You did all the right things. You and your husband are amazing.

How scary to have Megan show up at your door. It sounds like she is on drugs. I hope you are teaching the girls to never, ever answer a knock at the door.
I enjoy your daily updates and miss them on the weekends.

wow, I'm without words. Ok, a few words....
I keep thinking if these girls bio mom could change her ways. Remain calm and thoughtful, these girls could have a future with so many people that love them. It's not like you stole them. This mixed up bio mom should be grateful your giving them a balanced life, full of love and learning. To take on what you have AND THEN to have this irresponsible woman do that. It's not a total surprise and so not right on the other hand. I hope that the authorities and her can come up with a solution to calm her nerves. I don't know what's right but I keep thinking pictures of the girls, POSSIBLY a distant visit although I can't blame you for saying NO WAY right now. I'm mainly concerned for their safety at home and school. If you can give the beast something to chew on maybe it will go away. I truly hope this would be the last of her but you know you can't count on that.
Keep doing what your doing, your mothering is working wonders seems.

Couple of things... is the new husband listed on the no contact order? Can you have him added. Can you have "no trespassing" signs put in your yard (not sure how "legally binding they are but it might help"). Do your neighbors know what is going on so they can keep a look out for you?

Does the school playground have a fence, is it behind the school, is is surrounded at all by trees? This may impact how safe the girls are at school. Not sure how teachers are now but when I was in elementary school (1980s)- the teachers stood on one side of the field (think football field FULL of kids!) and we had free rein. Part of the playground equipment was in the woods and 3 sides of the field were woods. We only had a fence on the side that was against the parking lot. No way could a teacher have protected a kid if there had been a "bad guy" in the woods. Can you walk the girls ALL THE WAY to their classroom and pick them up at the classroom door? May not be a good idea to have them at the front of the school waiting on you since it is harder for the teacher to keep an eye out for them. You need to talk to the teacher about what to do if you are running late picking them up (I know you mentioned the school is aware of the order but this is a new and escalating issue).

A few weeks ago, there was a discussion about protecting homes from home invasion/burglars. I mentioned special hinges, etc for outside doors. There were other suggestions for protection. You may want to read through that thread.

I have posted this link in the past. I worked for Betsy from 1995-1998. She is an expert in stalking and I would highly recommend you check out her sight and contact her if you have any questions (you can tell her Janie told you to contact her- I think she will remember me). I think she currently works with the DeKalb County Domestic Violence Task Force and Victim Witness Assistance Coordinator in the Dekalb Solicitor's Office.
http://betsyramsey.com/

I don't want to unduly scare you but this sounds serious! Please keep us posted.

Oh wow..what a mess!! Did the bio-mother sign "adoption" papers or did she just sign over "custody" of the kids to you and your DH? It worries me that she could petition the courts and say she changed her mind. I'm thinking if she did that, she'd have to prove the kids would be better off with her. She probably couldn't do that..but it could still cause a lot of stress.

You can't make your home a prison to protect all of you..especially the girls, from that woman..but that's exactly what I'd want to do! I'm glad you're going to talk to your attorney!!

I just got off the phone with our attorney. Megan has no legal rights to the kids nor can she change her mind and get them back. We added her new husband to the no contact order. I think what brought this on is Tanna's birthday is this Thursday. They flew in from Texas to see the girls. She knows she is not allowed to see them and when all this was first done she agreed to everything. I think the reason she's changing her mind is the influence from her mom.

The girls are not allowed to answer the door. This was a rule even before this all happened. They are also not allowed to answer the phone.

I WAS comfortable letting Tanna grab the school bus on our corner, we can see the school from our back door. Now there is no way. I will drop her off and pick her up. The school is aware of the situation and only DH, myself and grandma and grandpa are allowed to pick her up. We will have a code word also so if you don't know the code word she knows she's not allowed to go with that person. I have pics of Megan and her new husband (thank goodness for Facebook) that I will give to her teacher.

I would like to say this was no big deal and I'm okay...but I'm not. I put the girls to bed last night and cried and cried. I got up every half hour or so to check on them. We have a security system in the house and DH put a large broom handle in their window. We kept the blinds drawn in their room all night.

Last she told the police is she has a flight back to Texas on Tuesday. So hopefully she will gone.

The girls and I walk to the post office every day and today the thought of taking the girls out by myself makes my skin crawl.

The girls are playing with their dolls and to them everything is fine. They have had breakfast and all the little things we do in the morning we've done. It's important to me not to let this shake them. They are still so fragile.

Just stay safe and keep the girls close for a while. I don't understand about school. Tanna wouldn't be eligible to ride the bus in most places since you live within site of the school. I could be wrong about your area, but you may want to check it out.

Glad you have a security system!!

Wow. I can see how that was a surprise.
It is amazing that someone who could afford to keep food in the house is now popping for 2 cross country airline tickets.

What is your first name, my friend?

You are perfectly RIGHT - do NOT, under any circumstances, try to second-guess what the bio-mom will try - the girls are NOT safe alone at ANY time! I worked in mental health and drug addictions for many years - do NOT TRUST these people - they know how to lie and manipulate everyone around them. This woman could put anyone up to grabbing the girls.

Be sure to take them to the police department and get their fingerprints and picture i.d. on file.

Get a permit, if you need one, and carry pepper spray at all times - it hooks on your belt or waist and it wouldn't hurt to get a big dog to walk with you - borrow the neighbor's dog if necessary. This is very serious!

gardenspice.....that's what I want to know.....?

Me too.

Just sending good thoughts to calm you down and for making the right and legal decisions. You said the mom may be behind this? Should/could you put her on a restraining order also? Try to take as much precautions as possible, be honest with the girls, without scaring everyone. I wish you the best. By the way, because your husband is a firefighter, there are other protections avaiable. Have him/your lawyer check on them. My DD has a code on her driver's license showing her husband is in law enforcement. Also, here in ND we can/and did/ sign a form that NO information to be realised thru the Dept of Motor Vechiles unless there is court order. You might check into your state.

Patti....about the school bus. In our town, all elementary school children must be driven to school, either by school bus or car.
We live between two elementary schools(one public, the other private), about 1/2 mile on either side of us...and even DH's children had to take the bus (stop is right in front of our house) . No walking allowed.

i'm not surprised at bio/m...they get this self rightous attitude that everything is made for them...

i really suggest you get the girls into counseling at some point, so they know it's OK to be in a new family, it's OK for them not to want to be around bio/m...

as for their bio/gma? wow...don't know what she's thinking of...big time guilt...can your parents deal with her?

My name is Diane. Tanna is allowed to ride the school bus because they aren't allowed to walk. She won't be riding the school bus now she will either be with me or DH.

The man she married has money, she's 29 and he's 51! Don't ask!
He has three kids that she is helping to raise...how messed up is that.

My parents right now have screwed to the ceiling over this. My mom has been in contact with her sister and sadly to say I think this may end their relationship which just breaks my heart.

Thank you all so much for the words of advice. These little girls mean so much to us and right now their safety is our main concern.
They know something is up but not sure what. I won't bad mouth their mom in front of them...that's not fair. I won't lie to them either I am not going to tell them this fairytale story about her either. Right now she's dangerous and that's hard to explain to these sweet little girls that their bio mother is crazy.
We talked to them last night and again this morning about strangers. It's hard not to show them a pic of their mom and tell them she's a monster...in my heart I would like nothing more but I can't do that to them.
Tanna does not want to have anything to do with her. She scares Tanna. I called our pediatrician today to hook us up with a family counselor to give the girls someone to talk to and someone that can answer their questions.
We are lucky we live in a small town where everyone knows everyone else...I never in a million years thought I would feel this way but they will watch out for the girls and strangers are rare here so they will be noticed.

You did everything exactly right. Kudo's to you for your quick thinking and level headedness. I pray that the Lord will place a hedge of protection around you, your husband and the girls. You are exemplary parents, and I feel certain that God will bless you greatly.

Kitt

I would even add motion lights.

And some vicious guard dogs, LOL...

I can't believe your Aunt..the GRANDMOTHER of these little girls would act the way she is! My opinion she's twisted and no better than her daughter if she's siding with her!

Along with fingerprint, try to get hair samples (with the root) or fingernail clippings for each girl. I think storing it in the freezer is best but ask the police. God forbid you would need it but it is best to have.

Diane, I'm so sorry about your incident this weekend. I have no advice. But I'm saying a few prayers for the safety of all of you.

It's nice to make your acquaintence, Diane - we all agree - you are one of GOD'S special angels - in fact, your husband and daughters make you a family of angels!

After this new event, it might be worth re-mentioning something that I brought up a while back. I think it was during the time when you had your family visiting. I'm sure you didn't have time to respond, because you have been so VERY good at responding to every question.

I had suggested that you might want to refrain from using the girl's real names on the net. If anyone just googles the first names they will be lead to this site. You might be better off starting over, under a new name here and then refer to the girls as DD#1, DD#2, and #3. That is very commonly used for children and would be less likely to be followed.

I just shutter to think of the terror of her showing up at the door. You might want to also put a peephole in the door. That way you would not even open it.
The abundance of advice given here is amazing and I hope it isn't even needed again.

I think DD#1 may understand a lot more then is expected at that age, and a counselor can more easily determine just where she needs to be reassured, and what she can handle. She has learned to be a very strong little girl just for survival of herself and her sisters. She is already knowing a lot about what is right and what is wrong in a family.

I think you and DH are doing a wonderful job, and I hope you noticed that you are Mommy and "she" is Megan. That is a GREAT sign!

I just have to say a couple things here.

I don't know why it is important to know your real first name. There is another thread today about not using real names and other info on the internet.

Also, and I expect to get flamed for this, but I don't understand the need for "counseling" in this situation, or in many others either. You and your DH seem to have more common sense and ingrown abilities with these girls than most counselors I've worked for. Being faced with strangers (counselors) could give the two older girls the idea that something is wrong with them. And certain things would probably be brought up that the girls would never have heard of or thought about. They don't need that.

Please think about this a while before you get involved with counseling.

And please forgive me if I have overstepped here.

Sue

Hummmmm, Sue does make me re-think the counselor idea. I am normally with the understanding that most situations don't need them, and this may be one too.
That is such a tough thing to figure. But then, I have no experience with counselors at all.

I agree with Sue. The best thing y'all can do, is exactly what you're doing--love those little girls. You have made them feel secure and that's nothing a counselor can do.

You mentioned grandma and grandpa--yours or his parents. If I am not mistaken your mom has a relationship with her sister, whick sad to say, could be a worth thinking about situation. Sometimes older people don't look at things the same way younger ones do. Your mom may be trying to ""mend"" the ways, or getting involved that could turn dangerous. As a grandma, if it was my sister, I would not have any relationship. Just be careful, as I have seen too many older people get involve in relatives conflicts. They don't want to lose a relative/friend.The older people sad to say, will do anything to keep Uncle xxx or Auntxxx just because they are afraid that the others members of the family will say something. It has happened in my family.

What a terrifying weekend you had!! I'm so sorry this is happening.

I agree with Hayjud, in light of what's happened, you might want to reconsider using different names for the girls and yourself when posting online.

Hugs to you!

Diane...please never print a pic. of the girls..don'tdo it. as much as we all would love to see them it is not a good thing to do. I also agree with someone who already posted...to create distance with the information going from your mom to her sister.The next thing I fear is that their maternal grandmother is going to file for visitation rights.Get youself a good watchdog immediately, closed circuit TV for the premises too. What a dam shame..hopefully she'll get pregnant and take her mind of the girls for a bit..

Sue va - I thought it odd too that she would be asked her first name. "Firemanswife" has been a good posting name - we all recognize it.

Firemanswife - I would really miss your charming and uplifting posts if you were to stop posting. But it may be something to think about if it's in the best interest of the girls. And it's a shame that you had to endure her shenanigans this weekend. Let's hope things settle down again now.

The grandparents that live here are DH. My mom and my aunt are sisters and needless to say the relationship is over. It is sad because I love my sister to pieces but she would also never do this.
Let's just say the apple didn't fall far from the tree.

Right now we are focused on Tanna's birthday and making this day extra special for her then of course school is starting which she is super excited about. This weekend we are leaving to take her school shopping...we just got the list of things she will need. I don't think her feet have touched the ground since.

As far as I can tell the girls seem to be untouched by this whole episode. We haven't made a huge deal out of it because we don't want to scare them but we have made them aware of strangers and being safe. The best thing for them right now is us to keep them safe and loved.

Everything today has been pretty normal. I spent the morning on the phone with our lawyer and the police. Their bio mom is in town about 35 miles from where we live at a hotel. The police are keeping an eye on her for us...DH works pretty close with the police and they are aware of the situation.

Tonight we are having lasagna which is the girlÂs favorite...not to mention mine!

Thanks again for all the kind words and helpful advice...I don't know what I would do without you!

the reason i suggested a counslor was from my gf experience...no matter how much she and dh loved her adopted child, (and she was abused by bio/m from day one to age 3) the minute she could, she ran away looking for her...there was some draw or pull in her to reconnect.. it about broke my friends hearts...love or doing the right thing often isn't enough...besides, fireman's wife said her child fears her bio/m...

sometimes a independent person can get through to the kids that these people won't dissapear, the food will be on the table, and they don't have to fear for their personal safety...

even the baby might be imprinted with fear or whatever..that's been shown in studies...it might not appear right away either...my mother's god-child was sure proof of that..the agency hadn't informed our friend all that her oldest son had gone through (this was back in the 70's before dislcosure) when he started attacking the other 2 kids in the home...the older he got the worse it was...and he had been adopted at 6 months...

i just pray that bio/m goes back to texas and leaves the kids and family alone...prehaps her daddy warbucks can keep her busy with his 3...

fireman's wife...i'm so glad you're coping so well with all this stress...you've done the right thing, and got to know this coz of yours is jealous and mean-spirited...it's hard to say don't let fear rule your newly formed family...but do take of yourself, as well...if there's anything we can do, it's at least give you a place to vent...

hope your next post will be about getting ready for school, and finding the "right" outfits to wear the first day...bless you!

Make ure your idea of a stranger is the same as the girls! kids have different ideas of what makes a stranger. While we think of the mailman as a stranger, kids may not because it is someone who they see everyday. I adore my mailman but I would have to remind any kids that no matter how nice he is, he is still a stranger.

In the past, kids have thought of strangers and "dirty looking or scary looking people" not simply someone they may not know that is actually nice to them..... and their bio/m and grandmother (and possibly the new husband) are not strangers. Make flashcards of friendly people/strangers, bio/m/grandmother/husband, and safe family- teach the girls to immediately differentiate between those they can trust and those they cannot. I know you do not want to bad mouth her but right now focus on their safety (which you are doing and excellent job of!!). Also include pictures of "safe strangers" who they can ask for help heaven forbid they get lost or need help and you are not around.

The code word is excellent. An old boss had that with her son. Both parents got tied up at work and had a family friend pick him up at childcare. They forgot to tell the friend the code word (I think they actually forgot what it was!) but because the friend did not know the code word, the son refused to go with him even though the son knew the friend and knew he was a safe person.

Quilly, I asked for her first name, not for any reason, except it's a bit more personal than her screen name, when responding to her post. If she wishes to have it removed, she can go to the bottom of the page and click on 'contact us' and request admin. remove it. I certainly didn't mean any harm, or to make an 'odd' request, by asking.

(((((((((Diane)))))))))

lots of good advice.
I have nothing to add, just wanted to say
I enjoy your updates, and always feel free to
come here and vent or just let it all
hang out when you get stressed or scared.

How scary for all of you. Glad today seemed calmer.

I, too, am sorry and surprised that, despite cautions, the real names of the children and now the real name of firemanswife are posted. I think firemanswife or FMW was fine as a name, maybe even too telling in itself.

But, anyway, it's probably too late to change now, because it's simple to follow. Oh well.

I love hearing about the girls. But please don't go into too much detail. Simple things like the little one taking the bus to school could be used by the "dark side".

No one here should be asking you for details like pics etc. Your real name is nobody's business either. Usernames on forums are there for a reason. Otherwise all of of would be all over the net posting under our real names.

I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings but I am appalled at the trusting natures of so many here. I recently peaked at the new site one of our members had made so KTers could have all the personal sharing in one place. I was stunned to see the stuff that some peeps shared. I know that the person who started the site has good intentions and I know many of you feel you are among friends. But there are lurkers everywhere and they know exactly how to take casual info and use it.

So Firemanwife it is not too late to change. For starters you could contact Gardenweb and ask that all the previous threads about your girls be deleted. Then get registered under a new username. The regulars here will know it's still you. Stop using the girls' names. Right now. Be vague about where the places you take them are. Use discretion and even a little bit of "poetic license" when necessary.
There are ways to share without giving too much away. You obviously have a big heart and a good person. People like you hate to see the evil in others. But there is evil all around and you must protect those little girls first and foremost. It's a very small world and the internet has made it smaller. The sense of community is wonderful. The flip side is the community knows too much about everyone elses private business.

I agree with wildchild. You should have all the stuff taken off, then register under a new name, and then just briefly keep us updated. You never know what a parent will do especially if they are given money. Law enforcement can only do so much legally. Where one of my DD's live there is a lot of inappropriate action going on and they never go by themselves. They either take the dog or go with each other and they are in their teens. By the way the dog is a pit bull mix and very protective. We all want to know but it is more more important to keep the children safe. As you know it is easy to join this site and lurk without anyone knowing. Take care and do what is best for the family.

I thought she might show up . What you're doing is exactly what you should do. I'd add your aunt on the no contact list. These dear little girls are so lucky to have found a wonderful mom and dad and stable family life. For a first time mom, you're smarter than most of us oldtimers. I don't know if you have a dog, but it might be fun for the girls to have a pet and for you to have a watch dog. I have two harmless dogs but when someone approaches the house , they sound like a gang of pit bulls. Good luck and keep us posted.

What would be gained by deleting old posts? Diane's cousin and her mother KNOW where the girls are. They know the girls' names and ages.

I can see being less specific in future posts -- not posting where you are going on vaction, the girls' special friends names, news of school field trips, etc.

Perhaps if they knew HOW the girls are, how well they are doing, some of this possessive 'attitude' would cease -- if they can see how this benefits the GIRLS.

I am impressed with Toni's post on holding out the possibility of some future contact for Megan. It could accomplish several good things -- one being to get Megan off your back until/unless she shapes up -- setting 'the rules' in stone. IF she can put the girls' welfare first, and if the girls WANT IT, she could have *supervised* contact with them from time to time.

It's hardly surprising that Megan showed up at your door. You handled it, but YOU WERE NOT PREPARED for it. I don't know if the girls would benefit from counseling. I have thought all along that you could save yourself and the girls grief by seeking some help in advance of crisis. Given the lives they've led, it would be foolish to think that the girls will somehow mend on just biscuits and love. (Goes a long way, but really...)

No law will change the fact that these are Megan's children. She's not mothering them. You are. They may need to know they will have the choice of seeing her one day. Maybe they just want to know her whereabouts, to be CLEAR about her role in their lives and your role. You can't 'erase' her -- that makes her a scary ghost. You don't want paranoid kids and you don't want to live behind barbed wire with a snarling guard dog.

It's not easy. You knew that. Other people have experience with how to make it less hard on you and on the children -- and, yes, on Megan. There are some win/win possibilities.

I am NOT saying you should ignore all danger of 'snatching'. I AM saying there are ways to defuse the situation.

See what family counseling is available. Try it. You can always decide to accept or reject what you learn. There may even be a support group of parents in similar situations. (I like self-help groups!)

As is the usual for you, Sue, I feel the same.

Non posts since Monday. Wondering if all is okay or if she has decided to take some of the advice offered. Wishing your family the best.

It's Wednesday, hope all is well. I miss your posts. And have a wonderful Happy Birthday with Tanna! P.S. If I were you, I might post less . And be sure never to post last names or photos or identifying information.