Maybe the vet will have some advice for you? It would be so unfortunate if you have to give her back.

The vet... and others (pet forum) had good advice that we've followed for a few days now but he's just out for blood! Our older cat doesn't even like strangers in the house. He'll growl and hiss. No outsider can pet him. He's been like this always and, of course, we love him... but my DD has wanted a lap cat (or at least one that likes people) and this little baby is all that! I just don't know what else to try. I do hate seeing him so upset and if I knew this might improve, I'd hold out, but there are no guarantees that in the end he'll accept her. I also don't want him to hurt her. He's a large cat. How long can I keep them separated?? He usually has hairballs, maybe 3 in a month but today alone he's had 5! I'm thinking excessive grooming because he's so upset. We can't even walk by him without him growling... even if the kitten is upstairs and we're downstairs! He's just very mad...

Aw, I'm so sorry to hear how hard this is. You have to do what is best for everyone, and every cat.

We adopted a kitten in May, he was 8 weeks old then. We already had an adult female about 5 years old. She had been the queen of the castle since December last year when we lost our oldest cat. The first few days were terrible, she was so mad at us. She would growl and bite if we so much as touched her. She acted like it hurt her to be touched, she clearly felt bad all the way around. I really thought something must be more wrong that having a new kitten b/c she was so far from her normal self. Unless one of us was right there with both cats to calm them down, we kept the cats separated. Even so, our adult cat was PO'ed for weeks! She was so out of sorts. A normally loving and playful cat, she would have nothing to do with anyone and was nasty if we tried. And she really treated the kitten like an evil intruder, hissed and growled at him with fur raised. It took a lot of patience and some special attention to reassure her.

She has almost come back to herself two months later! The kitten still annoys her, but she is learning to ignore him. He just wants to play with her ALL the time, and she, being the mature grown up she is, won't always tolerate it. But I have caught them grooming each other in the last couple days. ;o) We no longer have to separate them at all. The two cats have worked out who is in charge (the older one, of course) and get along without problems. They do play, sometimes the older one even starts it. She is sleeping with us again, even if it means sharing the bed with the kitten, too. I think she will make a full recovery. ;o) But it was rough at first and took a lot to get her to come around. Our thought was to have a younger cat to keep her active and stimulated. At first we thought we'd made a HUGE mistake. But it is starting to look like it has worked out after all.

Anyway. You listen to your gut, you're there with both cats. But maybe you can talk to the vet about some behavioral techniques to work things out. But I know how hard it is when you feel like you're doing something stressful to your "first born" furbaby.

Would the vet think that some kind of tranquilizer could calm her down enough to adapt to the new cat?

I remember bringing home our first child with our cat that we had had for quite a few years. She was very sad, felt betrayed or something for my going away for several days and then this creature taking all the attention. At first she left the room if we brought the baby into the room, but the avoidance was good because she also did not try to take over the basinette or crib. She was tolerant of the baby as time went by, and did not react to petting that was sometimes too rough. She was a trooper. I guess it could have been worse. That same child's first word was the cat's name!

My cats have always adjusted over new additions pretty well. But my daughter has a cat, Sidney, who rules the roost. My dog is petrified of this cat. They had cats Sam and Charlie and when Charlie died, adopted Sid. Sid came in the house like gangbusters with a real attitude. He was full grown, young and big. He's a pussy cat. I can hug and kiss him but he had poor Sam hiding under the bed for months. Finally they worked it out and are best friends. I would ask about giving your cat a tranquilizer, but only you know what's best.

Luna was very cheesed off when we got Wren but she got over it in a few days. She was the "only" cat for four months though so it wasn't such a shock. I really hope that you can work it out. If not, then I'm so sorry. That's so disappointing. :(

Danielle

Sorry it didn't work. Slow integrations are often more successful in the long run for some cats.

I think its time to put the orange tabby 'Garfield' out of the house and get a more gentle cat. Tabby is just too territoral and orney to make a good house pet, especially when he's so against guests. Some day, a child is going to get scratched or bitten, and the consequences are not good.

Tabby has gotten by with such behavior for so long that by now, I doubt the habit can be broken, and there are a few cats that are like that.

Thanks to you all for your advice and comments. Unfortunately, with kitty being so little still (just 4 wks), and still needing so much attention and care giving, it really places a lot of stress on the older cat. Kitten still really needs her mom and she has attached herself to me and DD and just wants to sleep under our ear or chin (terribly endearing). Of course, she needs the human contact and our ornery boy just can't tolerate it. He can't go outside as he is declawed. He is a wondeful cat to us but we are aware that he has his personality and won't tolerate much of anything from anyone or changes. As of this morning, I was still trying to see if there was a smidgen chance that I could keep her... then, after I placed kitty back in the tub so I could get some things done, old cat was waiting for me outside the bathroom door. I couldn't take a step without him lunging at me. Kinda scary to see all those teeth coming at you. I can't get rid of him as he's not ever bitten or attacked and I know he's just annoyed with us... can't fault him because he doesn't really understand. We do love him very much, too. Kitty went back this a.m. Thank God her sisters were there. It did hurt to see her try to come back up my arm as I placed her back. The vet suggested I try when she gets a little older (if she's still there). I had originally thought it a better idea with a kitty this small because it'd be less of a threat to the older one. I guess a new kitty is not in our near future. How I wish I could've kept her. 'Tis not been a good day. Thanks everyone.

I'm surprised the vet would give you a 4 week old kitten. What happened to the mother cat? Kittens should not be taken away from the litter until 12 weeks. That little baby was too young to be separated from it's siblings.
donna

We also have an older cat, not exactly sure how old as we got her from the pound. They estimated that she was about three months old when we got her and we've had her for about 10 years. A couple of years ago a mama cat abandoned her litter in our back yard. We decided to keep all 3. We lost one, but the other two went from feral to touchy-feely in just a matter of days. But boy, did our older cat hate them! Every time she laid eyes on them, she hissed at them. She occasionally swiped at them. We even had one trip to the emergency vet after we spotted blood in one of the kitten's eyes. After placing dye in his eye, the vet said that they could actually see the print of a paw - Penny's paw. He could have lost his sight, but we were lucky. We don't live in an environment in which we could actually keep the kitties totally separate, which is the advice I hear often, so we just watched them the best we could. It took some time, and I can't say that Penny actually likes the young ones now, but she does at least tolerate them. Only occasionally does she hiss at them now. She just avoids them the best she can. They eat in self imposed shifts. The "boys" still try to engage her occasionally in play, but she'll have none of it.

I can't say for absolutely sure that your cat will accept a newcomer, but usually cats work things out in their own way. Maybe give it another try in a month or so.

Four weeks is too young to have a kitten away from it's mother. I had a kitten who was a week old, mother was killed, and without socialization with other siblings, they often grow up weird. That's why my last kitten Henry who I took at four weeks along with his brother socialized with each other for months till I found Buster a home. As a result Henry , altho he was only 4 weeks when taken from feral mom, is well socialized because of Buster. Maybe you could try when the kitten is 10 weeks old.

I just adopted a 8 week old kitten. I have a 14 yo and a 3 year old cats. I was sure the problem was going to be with the 14 yo, but she is actually tolerating them better than the 3 yo.

After the first day or two, I decided to go back and get the kitten's brother. They are a blast to watch.

But, the 3 yo is really upset about the whole mess. She finally will be in the same room with them for short periods of time, but she is growling and hissing the entire time.

There has been some swatting, but nothing serious. I'm watching them closely, but letting them work it out.