Yes, you are being unfair. You can justify it anyway you want (my mom was good at that). But just remember it comes with a pricetag.

I don't think Moonie is being unfair at all. He said that he also spends a good amount of time with the 3 year old, but there are times when he feels that he would rather not have all three at the same time. As long as he is including the baby in some doings - he even is the one to take him to the doctor and out for a happy meal, he isn't doing anything wrong.

I remember that when my son was 8 and loved to spend time with his 10 year old cousin, they'd have lots of sleep-overs. When the sleep-overs were at his cousin's house, that boy's 4 year old brother was present. After a few sleep-overs at our house, my SIL told me that the older boy wouldn't be able to spend the night at our house anymore unless the 4 year old was invited too. Just what a couple of big boys wanted, a baby brother to tag along. I went along with it a couple of times, but it really put a crimp in the older boys style, so to speak. So I spoke up and said that it was ridiculous for her to expect that every invitation to the older boy (parties, sleep-overs, whatever) had to include the 4 year old as well. The 4 year old had younger cousins to spend time with.

I don't see that you are slighting any of the children. But you might want to clear the air and have that talk with your DIL to let her know that you love all of your grandchildren the same. And when you can, include the baby in appropriate outings.

Moonie, you seem to be trying very hard to have a good relationship with your grandsons and their parents. I commend you. I can hear the pain in your words as you try to do what is right for everyone.

I don't think it's unfair to take just the older two when the activity is not appropriate for the youngest. But maybe the youngest is overdue for his "turn." There are many compromises. If you're taking them swimming, suggest that one of the parents also comes b/c more kids than hands is very difficult in the water. I know I would not suggest any relative take all 4 of my kids at the same time alone. Definitely not when they were younger, and not even really now that the youngest is 7. It's too much when you're not used to it. I also know that if just one of the kids (any one, doesn't matter) is taken out of the group, the others interact differently and all goes more smoothly. It's a weird dynamic. But I also know that, if we aren't conscious of it, we can easily give the youngest fewer "turns" running errands, etc. with us b/c he is the most work compared to the older kids.

In your case, I hear your love for your grandsons and your desire to be in their lives. I know that will guide you to set everything straight with your DIL.

I have definitely felt that my MIL does not treat my youngest kids fairly. She prefers our oldest two boys. When we visit she plans competitions between kids as games, without thought to the fact that my 7 y/o does not stand much chance against his older siblings and cousins. When he loses and cries, she chastised him for not being a good sport. I've seen her tell my DD that grandma is too tired to read a book with her, then 10 minutes later sit down to play a board game with the oldest two boys- sometimes it's even her suggestions! My kids are all 3 years apart. ALL my kids know how things are, even the oldest ones have made their own observations that their siblings are not treated fairly.

I don't think my MIL ever asks if she is being unfair. I doubt she thinks it matters. I don't try to talk to to her about it. DH does not either. In the end, it is her loss. You are a wonderful grandmother to be asking and looking out for the unique relationship you have with each of the boys. I know this will work out.

sorry, wonderful *grandfather*... grandparent. ;o)

The 9 year old is spending the summer with him. The 6 year old is invited over frequently. He spent some time with the 3 year old during the school year. Well, school has been out for quite a while.
"However, I seldom invite the 3 y/o to come over to play or to go to the movies, etc. It's nice that the older two can go out in the yard and play while I do housework and cook."
and here's the problem.... "It's not like I don't spend time with him. Just not recently."

I don't really know. I understand your point, but I understand the others too. One thing you may not be considering though and that is that the 6 year old may often be helping by playing etc with the 3 year old and if the 6 year old is not there, it may be harder on the mom to entertain the 3 year old by herself... she may not be able to take showers, go to the basement to do laundry, or even fix dinner if she is counting on the 6 year old to play games with the 3 year old, etc.

The 3 year old may also cause an extreme scene and pout all day that he can't go with his brother. That by itself is sometimes very hard to handle and can ruin a whole day.

So, even if you are not really being unfair so to say, you may still be creating some problems. I wouldn't say you could never take the 6 year old, just don't do it too much. It is probably nice that the 6 and 9 year old spend some time together. I understand watching a 3 year old may be too much for you with two other kids. Have you thought to talk to the mother about when would be a good time to take the 6 year old -maybe when the 3 year old has other play dates, a doctor appt., or is napping, etc.

grandmother.. me... grandmother LOL
One of the reasons I regret the nickname I picked.

Honestly, I'm unsure even after reading everyone's responses. I would never want any of my grandchildren to feel slighted and have never ever felt that I showed favoritism. My time is definitely not divided equally as I have always had my oldest grandson staying with me alot, sometimes for weeks on end. Even still I don't feel where the parents could say that I do this for one or that for another and be fair in that argument.

However, I may be making a mountain out of a molehill. Maybe the comment about it being unfair about the swimming thing was never given anymore thought. Guess I'll find out later.

she may not be able to take showers, go to the basement to do laundry, or even fix dinner if she is counting on the six year old....

It comes with the territory of being a parent. Not grandparent's problem, not the 6 year olds problem.

moonie, from reading all your posts, it sounds to me like you are being "fair" with time spent with the little guy. It comes down to "age-appropriate" activities. I have 4 GKs. The eldest (boy) was 4 & 1/2 when preemie twins (girl & boy) were born. Sis was not quite 2. They're 11 to 6 & 1/2 now. And thinking back, I've had the twins at my home WAY more than the older 2 put together. B/c parents took older kids on Colorado skiing trips when twins were 2 & 3 (they've been going since they were 4.) And just 2 wks. ago, I had the twins for 4 days b/c parents were counselers at VBS camp & twins were too young to go. All the kids have been ok with the arrangements. The twins know they won't be going to VBS camp next year either BECAUSE of their age. And the older ones get it that they don't stay over as much b/c of their school/activity/classes schedules. Taking the little one for a happy meal all by himself with you is probably MORE bonding for him than tagging along with the older ones to watch the space station. Just enjoy whatever precious time you have with each of them.

moonie,

your message sounds as if this is 2nd marriage for your son, and that the oldest lives with his Mom and/or you, while the other 2 live with Dad and their Mom, am I correct? Aside from all the age appropriate stuff, is it possible that current DIL is feeling "jealous", either on behave of her kids, or in some way that you like the other Mom better so spend more time with her child? It doesn't have to make sense, if that is how she feels...

Since you say that you take youngest one by himself at times I would explain to DIL that there are times (like by the pool) that you feel uncomfortable having all of them at once, so you try to do age appropriate things with them.

Perhaps you could institute Movie and Pizza at Grannies 1 night a month,the "movie" could be a cartoon or even 1/2 hour comedy. The 9 year old could handle "Manny the Handyman" or "Dora & Diego" etc for 1 night. The kids would all get time together, and be with Grannie, you'd have a more controlled area to deal with. Extend the specialness of the night, Grannie sleeps on the couch and the kids get to sleep on the floor in sleeping bags.
When my boys were young (now 27 & 30) we did Friday night picnics in the LR, spread out a blanket, had pizza, hot dogs & fries etc, and a movie, they still talk about it with fondness!

Good luck, Ellie (the one near Dallas)

To me this seems a matter of convenience, not deliberately excluding the younger one. You can always grab the older 2 to do things, but the 3 yr old will come with baggage and instructions.

I do think that you should plan to do activities with all three, at least every other outing. Of course the youngest one is going to realize that he's being left alone without his brother to play with, so by all means include him sometimes.

You're a good granny to be concerned, and it's to be admired that you will address it directly with their mother. You're going to create fond memories for all of your grandchildren.

Has it ever occurred to you to take just the 6 and 3 year old out for an activity together without the 9 year old? If not now, i'm sure in a year or two, the oldest will lose interest in activities with the second child, anyway.

When my 3 nephews and niece were children (since they were born), they spent a lot of time with me (weekends, esp.).

The two oldest were 2 years apart, and the third & fourth were 7 and 9 years younger than the oldest.
I would sometimes take just the 2 oldest, or the two youngest.

Am I being unfair?
NO

It sounds like you to things with the 3 year old at other times.

It would be unfair to the other two to drag a very young one along and ruin the activities.

My MIL would often take just one of the grandkids to do "something fun" - but she did take them all - just not at the same time. She did age appropriate activities with them.

I also did that. I might take one kid to McDonalds...just to have some one-on-one time.

I don't think you're being unfair. Apparently you spend time with each child, whether all at the same time or separately. Do the older kids feel left out when you take the 3 y/o for a happy meal? Pizza & movie night sounds like a great idea to get everyone together for grandma-time. All grandmas should be as considerate and loving as you are.

Have you thought about trying this. Have one day a week (month or time frame of your choosing) where you take them all for a special activity. They then take turns choosing which activity they will be doing on that day. Other times you have the right to choose to take one or two or three whichever you choose for special activities with you. For instance your could take the two older boys for more advanced activities and then take the two younger ones for something aimed at the younger or something age appropriate for each if taken alone.

Personally, I think the parents are being unreasonable as they seem to be forgetting all the other times your take the three year old without the older boys. But, that's just me.

Might DIL be miffed because you not taking the 3 year old means she won't have any 'alone' time? If that is the case, maybe she should ask that you babysit her two occasionally, or find a sitter for those times she might want/need alone time for herself and/or appointments.

I'll be interested in hearing what she has to say. Hope all goes well and she understands where you are coming from.

I used to have 3 little people friends come visit. They are grown now. I would either have the 2 little girls together (approx ages 3 and 5) or have brother (approx age 9) at other times. Of course I did different things with the girls than what I did with their brother. Also, he picked on them and made them cry, so it wasn't much fun for us being all together. When he was alone with me, he was a nice little boy, who loved fishing, and such.

Sue

I think you are being unfair and if I were the mother, I would feel resentful. I do, however, understand that there are some things that are just difficult to do with a child that age. If that's the case, I think you should do other things with the 3 year old to make up for it. How often do you call them up and take the 3 year old and not the 6 year old?

I think you should make an effort to do things that include all of them.

I think what you are doing is just fine. It all 'evens out in the wash'. I'm sure the 3 yo gets much more attention during the school year. The older ones are gone all day and have homework, sports, etc. A 3 yo is a lot of work to take places. What you are doing makes sense to me. You have to do the majority of 'fun' activities while the kids are out of school.

I agree you've been a little unfair to the 3 year old. Can't you plan more activities for all three grandkids? Maybe invite them all over to make cut-out cookies, or a trip to a zoo or something like that? I agree it's impossible to take all three swimming, but other than that, I would try to include the youngest.

I would suggest that you ask any child that has been left behind in deference to another one if you are being unfair. I think it would be really difficult and much responsibility to take 3 little guys...especially a 3 year old..to a pool but if I were you, I'd just do a face to face with son and wife and tell them where you are coming from and work it out...maybe they just need reminding of all that you do with the 3 year old when the other boys are not available. Don't let it become and issue...just talk about it.

The parents are very fortunate to have you to help out with the kids, regardless of their age.
I think it is wrong for DIL to get angry, she should be giving you kuddos for taking any of the kids, together or separate.
I often have my 7 y/o GD here, and she has spent the night on weekends here since she was a baby. Her 4 y/o brother has never spent the night. It is just too much for me to watch them both.
Yesterday GS stayed here with my DD and I and cooked up some mexican food. He had a blast. But could I have done that alone? no. He is a handful, and I have told my daughter I am not up to handling him yet on my own.
She understands completely, and knows that anytime the kids spent time here, is just an added blessing.
My in-laws never once asked to watch our kids when they were growing up, and my folks were 2500 miles away.
So consider yourself a godsend to the family.

Trin

I think it's wonderful that you're so willing to ask to examine your behavior and ask for opinions. Whether you're being fair or unfair- what do you think the 3 year old thinks? Even someone as young as 3 knows when their brothers are at Grand dad's house and they had to stay home and they don't understand why they weren't included.

I have 3 kids and my MIL blatantly played favorites. I even spoke with her one day about it thinking that she was unaware of her favoritism. Her answer shocked me- she said of course she plays favorites, that's her prerogative as a grandmother. And just as Azzalea's daughter knew she was being left out so did my youngest. And it broke her heart because she loved her Granny.

I don't think you can wait until the 9 year old is 12 and off on his own to start spending time with the youngest. By then he'll have figured out that he's in the way. So change your routine and try to even things out. It might mean asking your son or DIL to come over with the kids to swim so that you aren't forced to watch all 3 of them. Or as others suggested planning the activity to include different kids at different times.

Again I commend you for wanting to make things right with your grand kids. I wish my MIL had enough sense to do that.

Bless you trin. There is no law that says grandparents are required to babysit or otherwise entertain their grandchildren. We do it because we love them, not because it is our job to do so. That being said, it should always be on our terms based on what we feel we can handle at the time. If that means a 3 yo is too much, they have to understand that he will get more attention when he's older It's a shame the parents of today don't understand that. One thing for certain, their time is coming.

Could it be too that son and DIL don't realize you have a few years on them and that handling the 3 of them is a bit 'much' for you? They might not realize that one's energy, and maybe patience lessons as one ages.

I'll bet DIL is 'forgetting' all the one on one time you've had with the 3 year old.

I for one, love children...in small doses.

I think it's very unfair for any grandparent to have to provide a home for a grandchild 24/7.

Even if I wasn't a long distance gran, there's no way I'd want kids around me as much as you see your grands.

Who am I to judge? All the best to you, Moonie.

I don't really know what would be fair here - you being forced to take a 3-year old that you weren't comfortable keeping an eye on? The older boys missing opportunities because you couldn't handle all three of them? I really don't have an answer to the 'fairness' of it. Certainly life isn't fair in the sense that not everyone gets the same treatment, the same amount of everything but is that necessarily a bad thing? Or do you just need to teach kids to look at the big picture?

What bothers me here is the resentment that their mother might be feeling. You are obviously not trying to slight anyone. Maybe some things needs to be discussed, some changes made, etc but certainly this is no place for resentment - you are obviously active in your grandkids lives.

I don't think that you are being unfair. I have three kids who are almost 9, close to 6 and 2. The youngest is always being ripped off because the older two play together and have since long before she was born. She is not at that level of playing yet and it would only cause everyone frustration...do they play with her still? Sometimes. Is she always included? Not even close! There are many evenings where she's been left with Jason so the older girls and I could spend some time together. The same happened to Claire when she was little. She would stay home and go to bed so that Annie and I could go to evening swimming together. It all works out in the end. When Annie is no longer interested in playing then Claire will play with Evelyn exclusively.

The three year old is already used to not seeing his siblings because they have been in school all day until recently. I am a fan of fairness, but over the long run. I can't imagine my mom taking all of the kids to the pool by herself. I would never ask her to. Pre-schoolers are work and it's exhausting even when you're used to it. I think you're a fantastic grandma! It all works out.

Danielle

So far I have not talked with DS and DIL. This morning I dropped the oldest off to stay a few hours with DIL and his brothers (she is good in that way) but didn't want to bring the subject up with the kids around. This evening after DS got home from work he seemed very tired so I didn't "bother" them.

Right now I'm annoyed with myself for letting this get to me. Last night I was after 3AM getting to sleep, then it was storming so I had a restless 4 hours of sleep so I'm not at my best.

As far as I'm concerned, I do my best by all 3 of my grandchildren. Certainly I spend more time with the oldest and probably the least time with the youngest but if their parents have a problem with that, then they can keep all the kids at home and I'll return to some peace and quiet.

BTW, during the off-seasonal when I'm not working, I see all my grandkids and grown kids every day. Sometimes several times a day. I'll stop by there or they'll stop by here. They all eat here often... at least once a week. We have a spare bedroom that is referred to as whichever kid is here at the time.. or referred to as "their room" if more than one is here. The grandkids are as much at home here as they are at their own home. Before they leave, they always look to see what grandma has they can take home for snack. My side yard is full of toys and trees have ropes and nailed on wood used for steps. So, I'd appreciate it if the parents could clean all that up if they decide I'm unfair and keep the kids home.

Having said all that, after a good nights sleep, I'll probably be questioning myself on if my 3 y/o feels left out. But yeah, I'm feeling rather frazzled.

And another thing.. has anyone ever tried to spend the same amount of money on each child just to be fair? I've been there. So one wants spy goggles that cost $39 and one wants a big rig truck that costs $26. So you try to make up the difference in money but still get them all the same amount of gifts? Well, I got over trying to go for total fairness so guess I'll get over this. Hope everyone else does!

PS to scottymam - you hit on something from the past with current DIL.

Aw, Moonie! It all works out in the end. Don't keep track of the nickels and dimes... or the minutes. Just continue to make each one feel special. Years from now they will not sit around recalling how much you spent on a gift or who got the most hours and minutes with Grandpa. The will talk about the memories of what you did with them.

My own kids receive gifts from my parents and my aunts every Christmas and birthday. (DH's parents send checks- nice and even.) I know that the dollar value of the gifts is not equal b/c I shop, too, and have an idea what the items cost. And my older kids can take a guess, as they are "older and wiser" ;o) But they don't care. What makes their day is opening the gift and being amazed at how well-chosen it was. It's is exactly right for the child who receives it. They know that their grandparents and great aunts know who they are, what they like, how to make them happy. That's what makes a kid feel special. "Fairness" and "equality" are not necessarily the same thing. You can be fair without the dimes and minutes being equal.

Remember that the smallest loving thought, shared with a few words, can be priceless to a child the rest of their lives. It's quality, not quantity, whether you are talking time or gifts. I know you know that. I'm just reminding you of the truth in it.

There is a book called I Love You the Purplest for kids. A mother tells her children (three, I think) that she loves them differently, for their uniqueness, but it's all special. I bet you could tell us what makes each of your grandsons special and unique b/c you do know them so well. Remember to tell them those qualities, share the special stories with them over and over. They know, and will always know, how much you love them. Even if a feeling gets hurt on an off day, it will pass b/c they know how you feel about them.

I think it's still go to share with your son and DIL what you've been thinking about and how you've struggled with it. They should know you are giving it thought so they are certain to not exaggerate their bad-day irritation and give the kids false ideas. I have to believe that the parents will see the same genuine spirit we all see and know you want the best for the boys.

Yes.
I think you are being unfair.
It would be best to do activities where the youngest grandson could go with you even if it will be inconvenient for you. There's going to come a time when he is 'old' enough to go with you and he's not going to want to, whether he figures out what you are doing on his own or he picks it up from his mother. Either that or he will resent you and I don't think you want that.

In my mind you are missing out on a little guy who is at a real funny age. He won't be little for long and I can't imagine you risking 'losing' him as a grandson.

Lori

I think you are being horrible to the 3 year old...for me to be this outspoken is RARE...............

I guess some are simply not getting it that you DO spend a lot of of time with the little one at other times.

I would also like to commend Danielle and Stephanie in Ga who as mothers of this age range understand that kids are individuals with individual needs.

Insecure people hide behind the "equality" banner. Fairness and love are infinite. They can not be marked by time spent,money spent or doing the same thing with everyone.

Your are a wonderful grandparent Moonie. You are spending time with your GKs doing AGE APPROPRIATE things with them that they enjoy. You are building memories for all 3 of them. Don't let anyone guilt trip you into changing.

This could well be a problem with the 2nd DIL and not the kids at all. It also occurs to me that DIL may well prefer the benefit to her of no kids at all so she can have a night or weekend off,so she wants grandma to take both. Could be pure selfishness on her part.

Boy, this has sure stirred up alot of comments. And, frankly, alot of them seem pretty harsh to me. Gee whiz! It's nice for the older kids to get to go to a movie or swim. Also gives the little one some important one-on-one time with mom and dad to do special things. A talk with DIL would probably be good - just explaining your reasoning, and maybe some scheduled time for just you and the three-year old or the two younger boys together. You are obviously a good grandma or you wouldn't even be worrying about this.

I understand that you want to do more grown-up things with the older kids, and it doesn't make sense to treat different kids exactly the same, but if I were their mom, I would *hate* seeing my little one left out all the time. And just because you're not hearing about it doesn't mean the little one isn't complaining to Mom. "Why can't *I* go???"

Personally, I'd plan things where all three kids could come, or I'd do things with just one kid at a time. Or maybe, since you have the 9-year-old all the time, I'd alternate between the 3-year-old and the 6-year-old when inviting them for outings.

I think it's great that you're going to talk to your DIL, though. Usually, people ignore stuff like this and hope it will go away, which it never does.:)

I did read where you spend a lot more time with the 3 year old during the months when school is in session...but, you know that it's pretty hard for a 3 year old to remember that exclusive time, or assume or believe that it will pick up again when the older ones go back to school.
All the child probably remembers is that he used to go with you, and now he can't.

"And just because you're not hearing about it doesn't mean the little one isn't complaining to Mom. 'Why can't *I* go???'"

So then the Mom should do something about this. If my 3-year-old was displaying hurt feelings in this situation, I would call the grandmother and talk it out and fix it. Moonie didn't realize she was hurting his feelings but if the child is actually getting upset, the mom KNOWS this and she should be doing something about it. The grandmother can't read minds. The 3-year old could just as well love getting Mommy to himself.

Whether it's getting the 3-year old to accept not being included in everything or not letting the 6-year old go or asking the grandmother to do more things with the 3-year old - the mother is in control of this situation.

"And just because you're not hearing about it doesn't mean the little one isn't complaining to Mom. 'Why can't *I* go???'"

Good gosh, you'd think if he complained that someone could explain that he will get to go another time, or that he got to go the last times. I'm a firm believer in teaching a child the word no once in a while and not giving in to all of their wants. Children who are never told 'no' or who always get what they want, end up spoiled and 'expecting' everything to be given to them. Spoiled children end up being whiners once they happen across someone who tell them no. I've seen it happen first hand.

I certainly don't think you're doing anything wrong enough to lose sleep over. I think a nice discussion may be in order to clear the air and make sure everyone is on the same page and that parental feelings aren't being hurt unnecessarily.

I don't think you are as old as my mother, but I really don't even like her watching my youngest one. I would never allow her to watch him at a pool. I think my mom's the best ever... it's just there comes an age and a point where too much is just too much for some grandparents. You aren't a 30 year old... sometimes safety and even judgement comes into play. If you don't feel comfortable watching all three at the same time, don't. And, if you don't feel comfortable watching the 3 year old at all, don't. It's hard when you know you can't do things you would like and feel guilty because you can't do them. Don't beat yourself up over that. Come up with a plan with the parents so that everyone is comfortable.

I'm not sure taking the 3 year old out on his own will even help; when it's the 6 year old's turn.. the 3 year old may not even remember he had a turn or even really understand the concept of turns. He will still feel left out. But, I would try to fit him in for some things, if you feel you can. Still, I wouldn't miss out on your older grandchildren if you can't spend much time with the 3 yr old.

I do think you may be missing some of the family dynamics though. I pulled an 11 yr old away from his family the other to play with my kid... his whole family had to rearrange stuff because he couldn't watch his little brother. The mom may really not like you messing with the family dynamics.. yes, it comes with the territory but taking an older child often makes things harder on a mother, not easier, so you need to keep that in mind. If the 6 year old is the 3 year olds playmate and you take the 6 yr old, it can throw everything in the family off. The mom may not say it but it's just something to keep in mind. Ask when she thinks would be a good time for you to take the 6 year old.

For those of you being so hard on Moonie, I say "get off her back"! She is obviously a terrific grandma and she obviously cares a great deal about those kids. If she didn't she wouldn't have brought this up and have spent days worrying about it.

To jump all over her is just ridiculous and says more about you than about her. Are you harboring some new/old resentments yourself? It appears to me that some people are taking things out on Moonie that have nothing to do with her actual situation.

JMHO. Now you can jump all over me.

As a mother of three, its common sense the 3 yo shouldn't be around for movie trips, star gazing, etc. He would be a real distraction. As I stated before, I think what you are doing is just fine. The fact that you are still fretting about this shows how much you care for each of them. Clear the air with the parents, it could be you are making a mountain out of a molehill.

I believe that moonie is a He. HE is a terrific GRANDPA.

I don't agree that the 3 year old should always come along. Just as I don't think that any of them always have to be included. Sometimes take the 6 & 3 year old. Sometimes take the 9 & 6. Sometimes just the 3 year old. Etc. I think that the way moonie is doing it is fine.

As far as the 3 year old whining about not going (if he does), I agree that all children (including the 9 & 6 year old) should be taught that things don't always have to be equal. Taking the 3 year old to certain activities will sometimes impact the older ones' good time; sometimes it won't. But Grandpa should be able to enjoy himself, too, and that's hard to do when trying to essentially herd cats.

In parent-child families, do you always do everything with all of your kids? Or do you sometimes do things with one or 2 of them, depending upon the situation? I think "fair" doesn't have to equal "exactly the same at the same time". Sometimes the older kid(s) go, sometimes the younger, sometimes all, sometimes 2 out of 3, etc. And frankly, I think the 3 year old would go less, as he is naturally still growing into the ability to go on "field trips".

Moonie, maybe some day take the 3 year old miniature golfing, for example. He will have fun even if he doesn't fully "get it". But if you took all 3, I can imagine that it wouldn't be all that much fun for the older ones with the little one there.

Anyway - just my 2 cents.

Okay, I give. Why do some people keep insisting that Moonie is a 'he', especially even after she clarified she was a 'she'? What am I missing? Are there a lot of male Moonies out there?

Moonie is a she.

She said:
grandmother.. me... grandmother LOL
One of the reasons I regret the nickname I picked.

I do see where the older kids might have more fun without the 3 year old tagging along to certain events. But telling a 3 year old he cannot go swimming with his brothers... well, I can just imagine his poor pitiful face. I would have asked one of the parents or someone else to have went to help supervise. I imagine the pool trip is what upset DIL.

I think Moonie is a super Grandma. It sounds like she is very active in the kids lives and I think the little one will get more "grandma" time once the others are back in school.

No, moonie is definitely a "she", not a "he". LOL
I swear some day I'm going to have a more gender-defining nickname! :)

But, I talked to DIL this morning.

I believe wildchild hit the nail on the head that some of you aren't reading that I -do- spend a good deal of time with my youngest grandson. This really has become a problem, if indeed it -should- be a problem, since the 4th of July.

My son and DIL were sick and unable to go to the fireworks. DH, oldest grandson and myself were suppose to meet them. On the way there, we got the phonecall that they were feeling too bad to get out in the heat. On a spur of the moment decision, I decided to turn around and get the 6 y/o. It was a bad decision not thinking about the baby but I knew he would not be able to walk the distance from parking and I certainly couldn't carry him. From our discussion on the phone, they weren't suppose to tell either child they were going to the fireworks, only that the 6 y/o was going off with us. I'm sure the little one knew when his brother got home. So, that's what started it.

Then, the 2 older ones were so good together, which is a change from the past, that I felt it was great for them to spend more time with me and each other, away from their dad, whose attention they vie for. Remember, the oldest doesn't live with his dad so there have been jealousies in the past and the brothers haven't always gotten along. Spending time together has been great for their relationship. The 3 of them are often together at my house and have always been together often at my house. But, DIL's problem goes back to the 4th and I suppose each time I took the older two that it irked her just a little bit more. I apologized because clearly I wasn't thinking beyond the moment.

Still, I told her I was not able to take all 3 kids off together, but when I take the older 2, I will still continue to bring the baby a treat when returning his brother home. I also thanked her for the time she spends with my oldest grandson, allowing him to spend time there when dad isn't home. Not all stepmoms are as generous.

I'm with barb_from_pa... this sure has stirred up some emotion! LOL

When my kids were young and I took one and maybe not the other, I certainly wouldn't have been telling the ones that had to stay home that mommy is taking your brother off to have fun but you have to stay home. They might find out after the fact but as a mother I never had that problem with someone getting upset.

Anyway, I guess I do still feel bad but think it was more of a problem with DIL and not the little GS.

No, moonie is definitely a "she", not a "he". LOL
I'm glad THAT is cleared up! LOL. I thought so, but then other posts made be think I was wrong. I will always remember from now on that you are a wonderful grandMOTHER! Maybe we need pink or blue bows next to our names. ;o)

I am also glad that got straightened out with your DIL. I'm sure it will be water under the bridge. Sounds like DIL was more upset than your GS, like a mother would be. I had my kids out of town for July 4th visiting family. DH did not go. Even though my kids are not that young (almost 16, 12, 9 and 7) I was glad there was so much family around to keep them from getting separated in the crowd of the fireworks. We even had my 9 and 7 y/o stay in a wagon and be pulled for the worst of the crowd so it was easier to keep track of them. I would rather hurt feelings for a night that a lose a child in the crowd. Even if you found him soon, that would be scarier than staying home for the night!

I have read this thread. Moonie in my opinion you are doing the best or better than any grandmother could do. There is quite an age difference in the two older boys and the youngest. You are doing a great job, just you being concerned about DDIL thinking you were playing favorites is an indication that you are a good grandmother and mother in law. I think maybe a nice talk with DDIL would clear up any misunderstandings. I know you said that you were going to do that anyway...

Darleen

*wearing pink bow*

LOL

Thank you, Darlene. I actually did talk to DIL this afternoon and believe we have cleared the air. :)

The important thing is that you talked to them and now you all understand where you are both coming from...Amazing what a little honest communication can do...My thought is to always try to solve something "before" it becomes an issue...

Good for you Moonie...