I hurt for for you, Stacy! You can only do what you can do, and if the other side does not want to, you have done your part. Over and above expectations.

I pray there will be a good outcome.

Oh, Stacy, I am so sorry. D*mn drugs. I hope she wises up before it's too late, if it's not already. Prayers to you and the family.

Stacy, it's a blow, isn't it? I'm so sorry.

You did the right thing, though. Kasey needs to take responsibility for her actions, and only she can do that.

Stacy, I feel so badly for you. They say alcoholics and drug addicts have to hit rock bottom before they are ready to be clean and sober. It looks like Kasey is headed that way.

I feel the need to say this, please!

You have a great marriage with Brian, and you need to think about yourself as well. Don't put your marriage in jeopardy. You have a life to live as well.

Big time hugs!

I have found help with Nar-Anon. It saved my life and allowed me to see what is important and you can find good support for what is ahead for you and hopefully will help you with information for the kids - I know as I was on that rollercoaster ride myself 6 months ago... Look up Nar-Anon or contact Narcotic Annonomus (excuse the spelling) I will pray for all of you - until she wants help, you have to set your boundries and take care of yourself- you can't fix this. I hope my words help you.

Thank you everyone for listening to all this the past few days...here I disappear for a long time and come back to such comfort love and caring!!! Thanks....
Glenda Brian and I know this about our marriage we have disscussed this for a long time we want to do what is "expected" of us...but not sure if it is right for us....we can only talk about it and cry and pray and hope God leads us in the right direction.....Just last wk...I started contacting real estate agencies in Wyoming where we eventually want to buy land and live...and now we face if DHS put the kids up for adoption is this what we can handle for the next 18 yrs???? Because Trinity is not even a year so it would be that long...it is a very mind trouble heart searching choice to have to make...and no matter what we choose to do in this lovely little town I live in will not be the right choice......
I am just going to turn it all over to God and let him lead us in the direction we need to go.....
Grandma Bonnie I have not even thought to seek help for myself thru all of this but I am totally going to look into it.....I have stressed cried hated blamed myself for 12 years now...and I need to let it go and need to learn how to deal with a drug addicted child.....Thanks again everyoneSTacy

Stacy, you have a good thought process and I admire you. Good luck wishes and I'll be thinking about you

Thanks Glenda but don't admire me.....I just think what did I do to cause this....??? Where did I go wrong??? What could I have done different??? It is just killing me....this is not my child this drug addicted abused mean hateful person is not the child I raised....what happened to my baby????

The whole situation just sucks. I feel so sorry for all of you.

Thanks Diana...it does....where is my baby girl??? She is gone!!!

Gosh, Stacy. I can't really imagine all that you're going through, but somehow I know you will find strength to get through this.

You will.

Nar-Anon was mentioned, which is support groups and info for family and friends of drug addicts. Don't know if you're interested, but I'll put a link below in case:

Here is a link that might be useful: Nar-Anon family groups

I am so sorry,Stacy! You can't blame yourself, regardless of what you did/didn't do, all kids reach an age where they make their own decisions. Some make wise decisions, some don't. Kasey didn't! I hope for everyone's sake that Kasey hits bottom soon...and can start feeling her way to the top again. It's then she'll need your support. Don't enable her or let her gilt you into going against your better judgment. You doing that will not help her. I'll be Praying that you be given the strength to do what you may not like or want to do. Just remember it's for Kasey and the kids benefit. I feel like you're going to be pretty unpopular with Kasey in the coming weeks and months..but that's OK too...and in the end, you'll see that and so will Kasey! (((((Stacy)))))

I'm so sorry Stacey. I didn't respond to your last thread yesterday because I saw where this was going to end. The minute she walked out the door.

You can not trust a meth head. Ever. If you let them out of your sight for just an hour they will mess up. Like others have said in the last thread you are not equipped to deal with a meth head. No one is.

She needs to be in lock down or rehab. There is no other way. A meth user does not just stop on their own. They can't.

I am so sorry that the babies have to be in foster care but better that than dead. I have a friend who used to do meth. I won't go into the gory details but it was only the lose of a child and prison time that changed him. Today he is like an underground avenger. Beats the crap out of every tweaker he runs into.

I hate to say this but if Kasey were picked up on some charge and could be held (do not bail her out) until a bed opened up in rehab it would be a blessing in disguise.

Thank God the babies are safe. Now you and Brian have to keep yourselves and your family safe. I know you love Kasey and want to help her but you can't let her come into your home with that baggage. It would be different if it was almost any other drug. But meth doesn't just take down the user, it takes everyone in it and the user's path.

You did NOT cause this. There are bad parents who raise "clean" children. There are excellent parents whose children turn to drugs. Some people are wired for it, others take the risk with the wrong drug (like meth) and are ensnared in its web.

((((Stacey)))

Stacey, please. It has nothing to do with her wanting to party more than she loves her kids. She has no control. Her mind and her body belong to the drugs.

Is there a chapter of Narc Anon anywhere near you. As a family, you all need treatment. They can help you understand what Kasey can do and what she is not capable of doing until her mind of cleared of drugs.

Maybe Brian could travel alone for a while and you get those kids all under one roof. Their lives have been tortured by their dysfunctional parents. It can't do them any good be to separated from each other.

I am very sorry that you're going through this terrible situation.

Stacy have you ever heard the term..sometimes good parents just have bad children? It means that sometimes it is NOTHING you did. Meth is a horrible drug. DD#1's husband's family (who are WONDERFUL people) have a son who is a meth head. You never trust him. And to be honest we are so lucky because DD#1's husband used meth, how he got over it without rehab is beyond me, I guess her love was enough..and I do not say that lightly because I don't know how he did it. I have a niece too who was a meth head. Through rehab she's been sober for 3 years now, there is hope. BUT back to my original statement...Good parents can have bad kids. You cannot keep blaming yourself.

Good luck, keep us posted as you can.

Vickey

((((Stacy))))

I am so terribly sorry. I agree with everyone else - you didn't cause this, and tragically, you can't cure it. I'm sure you'd give your life to have your sweet daughter back again, but it won't work.

Protect yourself, find some companions for the journey (Narc Anon) and try as hard as you can to be gentle with yourself.

Oh my word, what are you going through??? This must hurt your heart to know your grandbabies are with other people. We've watched Kasey's journey but never expected it to end up like this, wow.

Hang in there and do all that you can within your reason.

I'm so sorry, Stacy. Love is so complex, especially the love a mother feels for her child. I agree with Glenda, do not let this come between you and Brian, your marriage is strong and will see you thru this. Grandma Bonnie's recommendation of finding a support group for families of addicts is good, it will help guide you and give you insight that you need. Knowing that you are not alone is such a relief.

I think that you are wise turning to God, I'm sure you have seen "Let God" before, but I find it so comforting during times of duress, it reminds me to let Him guide me.

As children bring their broken toys
with tears for us to mend,

I brought my broken dreams to God,
because He was my Friend.

But then, instead of leaving Him
in peace to work alone,

I hung around and tried to help
with ways that were my own.

At last I snatched them back and cried,
"How can You be so slow?"

"My child," He said, "what could I do"
You never did let go."

-Unknown

Bless you and yours, Stacy. You are all in my prayers, especially Kasey.

Stacy - Rehab is not necessarily the answer. There are no locks on the doors and she can walk out any time she wants. AT 65,I am the legal guardian of a 5 year old grandson. Nar-Anon will help you with decisions and they know what you are going thru and will give you support. She has to reach bottom by herself - BY HERSELF. And with help from her higher being and lots of work by her, she will come bck. I've added her to my list of pra*ers of those that are still out there and you to help you be strong...

I'm glad for Glenda's post about taking care of your marriage. I wanted to say that, but everytime I tried to write it, it sounded wrong. She said is just right.

Please don't blame yourself and remember that "tough love" is just that. Don't think you're being mean--you SHOULD be. Get mad! Stop beating yourself up. It'll be hard for you to see her go through it, but it may save her life--and that's the bottom line.

Harry went through this with his son, so I've heard the stories and they ain't pretty.

I echo all the supportive statements above Stacy. My heart aches for you. What a horribly sad situation. (((Stacy)))

Lakota is in the childs hospital in OKC

I can only guess why and it isn't good. If that didn't straighten her out then nothing will. Sorry to be harsh but you are fortunate your grandkids aren't dead.

Children of meth heads are not only often abused but exposed to the meth to the point of dying from it. If there was any cooking going on the meth is everywhere....on their toys, in their hair and in their bodies.

If Kasey doesn't straighten herself out the whole idea of reunification is moot.

Those kids need to be protected from their "parents". If it means foster care or even adoption for the little one then so be it.

Love your DD but hate what the drug has made her. Protect yourself, the rest of your family and even love the grands enough to let them go if need be. I am so so sorry.

((((((Stacy and family)))))))Lots of prayers.

I agree with wildchild completely. Not your fault!
Two years ago we were looking at what ifs' too.(Not for drug use, for for something that was almost as bad.)

We love the kids no question. BUT BUT BUT ..then you have to discuss if you'll even be around long enough to raise them, and God forbid if something happens to you then what..

This weekend I had the two youngest, and I can honestly say I am beyond exhausted. Not too fair for them.
The you get into what's best for them, a loving NEW family or one that loves them but may be gone when they need you most.

I am assuming with tribal, they are not going to allow them to be placed "outside" or did they not register?
Sometimes being the Gramma that's living real close is the best solution, sometimes it's just too close. No easy solution.. My heart goes out to you..

I'm so sorry, Stacy. I hope Kasey seeks the help she needs and the kids are safe. This is every parents' nightmare and I just hope I'm lucky enough to not have to ever deal with this or something similar. Don't blame yourself, please. ((((Stacy))))

Now, Stacy, you stop blaming yourself right this minute. You didn't do anything wrong. I've very proud of you for giving Kasey the rules and sticking to them when she didn't follow them.

The person you see now is not Kasey. Kasey fell victim to abuse and then drugs. Hopefully she can get help and be the loving person you raised. But even if she doesn't it's not your fault. If you need to blame someone blame Lee for sending her down this path and Kasey for allowing it.

Love you.

Linda

My heart goes out to you in your moments of despair which is totally understandable when you look around and see so many with their children on the right path. Know that you're not alone, go to Al-Anon please. Addicts are just people who can't stop doing what they do. We can relate to them if we think of giving up foods we love or cigarettes or coffee etc. It's not easy and it's not because we're weak, it's because the yearning is ruling our brain. I will pray that your Kasey can find the strength to realize that she's on the road to losing more than just her children. In the meantime you need to surrender to God. Know that He is on your side. Do what you can to make yourself accept and realize you had no part in her addiction, it was just a very bad choice that has it's grip on her. Way down inside her, she yearns to stop but the drugs rule. Say your prayers and then just let it be. You're a good woman and she knows it. She loves you but the drugs are making her love them over others. In time I feel she'll recover. God bless you and your husband.

Lots of good and supportive messages in the previous posts. Just wanted to let you know there is another person out here keeping you and yours on my mind and in my prayers.

Stacy, no advice but just a hug and a hope that things will work out well for all involved. Sometimes the things that we think of are not the best solutions but other avenues might bring better results. Hugs to you and all the kids. Hang in there, hon!

Linda said it when she said to blame Lee. Gosh, I can remember when it was just Gabe and Levi. Kasey was going thru the abuse back then. I hate you ALL are affected by this with those beautiful children. I wish you all the best Stacy!!

You know Stacy, there are a lot of parents who take the credit for doing it right when they just got lucky. My siblings and I turned out okay but when I think back about all of the 'near misses' we've had, which could have gone the other way no matter what my parents did right or wrong, my parents are fortunate they did not have more grief in their lives. You can't take the blame for this. Sometimes bad things just happen (and keep happening)no matter how good of a parent you are.