Julia Sorry about your seedlings. It is too late to start again but you can get some transplants from a nursery or any big box store. Most of mine are in the final pots in the tomato garden, the extras that I had are already given away. Look for disease resistance hybrids, for a big tomato the beefmaster did well last fall for me, better boy and celebrity for a medium, sweet 100 for a cherry. And next spring you can start your seedlings again, I will mail you some seeds sampler around that time so you can try your hand at growing them. Silvia

Advocacy... Mum's health "crashed" about 3years ago and she has been with me about that long. I have been to every appointment, every test, every surgery/recovery/rehabilitation. She didn't very much like my "intrusion" but it was clear to my brother and me that she was not capable of adequately relaying information to us. So... Fairegold, I had not realized your mother died. I'm so sorry. I know that every one has their time, but it is always a shock, and a relief, and a sadness when it happens. You were good to her; being good and kind to people carries a reward we often don't fully appreciate until they're gone. :) I have two things to offer: the actual medical services available to us are simply amazing. The "before" and "after" care, however STINKS. I have dealt with more nurses and doctors than I can count. Sadly, I have to say the quality of nursing is abyssmal; I made it a point to be polite and pleasant. But when they were unwilling to make time to discuss Mum's condition with me I lost whatever faith I had in the profession. When I watched a nurse drop an exam glove on the floor and then pick it up to PUT IT ON before changing Mum's urostomy I was horrified. "Were you planning on using that one?", I asked as she was preparing to do just that. She looked nervous and was even more nervous as I supervised the urostomy change... noting that is was done improperly. (I do it on average every 5 days, and have for 2 years now; I now realize I've FORGOTTEN more about the process than most RNs ever knew). The same nurse failed to raise the rails on Mum's bed and she got out of bed, confused. She fell hard, cracking her kneecap and badly spraining her wrist... all this followed a stroke. Why didn't the nurse have the presence of mind to realize a stroke patient doens't make good decisions and is a likely candidate for injury resulting from compromised decision making? HELLO? whatever happened to "common sense"? that's how "medical professionals" operate? Doctors. They're busy. They have a lot to juggle. Most have pathetic interpersonal skills. It's the rare jewel who has warmth, a sense of humor, and willingness to be direct and honest. Here's what we did: every day either my brother or I would visit Mum. We arrived at varying times of the day, That way, we knew all the staffers and had a chance to find a sympathetic one. We brought notebooks with us, and we took notes, jotting down the nurses' names, the doctor's name, the time of the visit, etc.. We noted whether or not the urostomy pouch was full, half full, empty... whenther or not she was simply left the sit, hooked to a Foley bag. We noted her cleanliness, if her hearing aids were in, and if the batteries were dead. We brought our digital cameras and took pictures. (Those pictures were a real "hit" when the social worker at the last "rehab." place proved difficult about discharging Mum after 5 weeks... she was "approved" for 8! nothing like a creeping skin condition all over her back to give 'em a case of "the worries", lol). Each of us called the doctors and requested information. We set up times to meet with them to discuss Mum and her condition/progress. Sometimes I did it, sometimes my brother did. Other times we did it together. We were polite, direct, and ON TIME. Being an advocate requires that you be PREPARED, informed, and as polite as you can be; have your questions prepared in advance if you're able. You have to be patient with staff and understand that they DO have a lot to manage on a daily basis, but when you're faced with something unacceptable you have to be willing to be steely-eyed, icy toned, and simply refuse to accept the usual litany of excuses. Believe me, nothing gets the attention of staff faster. And when staff has really gone above and beyond, you must say thank-you and do something kind. I can still the urologist's face when he saw Mum the first time. She weighed 84 lbs., was grey, slow, and sullen. He minced around the obvious reality, using "polite" phrases to avoid saying the obvious. I finally got out the chair, put my hands on his desk and looked him in the eye, "Look, doc., I am a busy woman. I have neither time nor patience for bulls!!t, get to the point.". He met my gaze and began the medical dictation of Mum's case... it wasn't good. He scheduled the next cystoscopy... when he saw her 6 weeks later, she had put on 12 lbs., had rosey cheeks, and he didn't recognize her. After the test, he spoke with me... told me I had done an amazing job with her, that he respected and appreciated my direct manner and willingness to pay attention to small details... as those are the things that make a difference when an elderly person faces a health crisis. He told me then that he had expected to learn of her death before that appointment.

Hey Cindy: Reading your story is very touching. I think we are kindred spirits. I lost my mom when i was only a few months old. My dad and his parents raised me. My grandfather died when i was 6. so my young life was spent with my dad and his mom- my mee mee. Unfortunately, my mee mee died in January 2008. a week after her funeral, my dad was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer, multiple myeloma. I was shattered. I spent the last almost three years taking care of my dad, going through the ups and downs of the chemo and bone marrow transplant working and than failing and working than failing, than ultimately finding there was no longer any hope. The last week of October, we found out the cancer had spread and the chemo stopped working. my dad went on hospic and i devoted three weeks of taking care of him nonstop with my stepmom and my older stepsister. November 23rd, 2010, a day before my 26th birthday and 2 before thanksgiving, my daddy passed away. This has been the most horrible time of my life. my dad remarried only when i wasx 19 and i do not have any blood siblings. my moms family hasnt been in my life that much but we are building a relationship presently. my dad has one brother living and his wife who have been consistently in my life since i was born. my uncle has stepchildren but no children of his own. my family is dwindling. my dad and i were EXTREMELY close. he and i finished eachothers sentances, laughed at things only we understood, and spent a lot of time together. in many ways, our lives were connected and one. He was my dad, my best friend, my hero, my protector, my everything. I played umbrella by rihanna for my dad and even made a video on the computer of pictures of he and i to that song during his bout with this cancer. I listen to that song today and it makes me both hurt and smile. I am just like you, trying to find my place in life, trying to find a way to live in a world without my daddy, without my parents, without a real home. I am too sad that my wonderful daddy will never get to be a part of his future grandchildrens' lives. I hurt for him, hurt for myself, and hurt for the children i will have. whether its been two weeks or nine months or forever ago that we lose our parents, it feels deep and fresh. its an incredible feeling of despair to be a young adult and an orphan. please feel free to email me: rachelen@aol.com. I dont know of ANY people who are in my same unique experience and would love to email with you and talk with a kindred spirit. God bless, rachel enderwood

Sounds like me. My older daughter had her own apartment for 3 months-it was wonderful. I didn't worry about what she was eating or if she came home late at night. Then she couldn't pay her rent and moved back home. My younger daughter is sort of on her own-lives with her boyfriend. I would love to see both married and really stable.