I think you should go to the reunion. Your friend already knows the situation. In addition to the flowers or donation (depending upon what the family has requested), a nice special note to her would be nice.

I would go to the reunion. My mom died a few years ago and the actual day of the funeral was a blur. I'm not sure who was there or not. Your friendship will be more valuable afterward when the grief hits. I would take her at what she says and don't try to find hidden meaning in it. Don't feel guilty! It's not your fault. You're a good friend.

I'd go to MIL's. No hesitation. Your friend will have others for support.

Yes, go to the reunion and enjoy it without guilt. Your friend will appreciate you being there for her later when the shock of the death wears off. Then would be the nice time for taking her out to lunch and being with her.

Absolutely go to the reunion. Your friend will understand and there is plenty of time to be there for her afterwards.

I say go to the Reunion! Your friend will need you more in a few weeks when all the people that are offering help NOW...will fade into the background and THEIR lives return to normal.

Absolutely, GO to the reunion! Ditto Country_Bumpkin_AL. Be there for your friend later.

I also agree that you should go to the Reunion! Call your friend to tell her of your decision, and I like Heathers suggestion of taking her out to lunch. Set a date with her when you let her know you'll be going to your Reunion!

Life is for the living. Go to the reunion and enjoy yourself. Your friend understands. Send a nice flower arrangement.

Go to the reunion, but be sure to end your friend a card and express that will be with her on that difficult day 'in spirit'. Maybe send flowers, or perhaps a donation to the preferred charity is that is noted in the obituary.

Your MIL is wise. My best friend could not be with me the day of my brother's funeral. She was there the night we got the call, the days waiting for his body to return and the months afterward when the others had gone - that was the greater gift.

I think you are getting very good advice.

Reunion. Support your friend in the months following the loss of her father.

Family is always first. But tell your friend you appreciate her understanding and wish her and their family well in their sorrow. A covered dish or something similar would likely be appreciated.

I agree with everyone else who has said that you should go to the reunion. But I would also make an effort to call my friend on that day, at a time when I know I could get in touch with her, to let her know that I am thinking of her.

I'd go to the reunion. Your friend will have a lot of support at the funeral. She'll need your help and support in the days and weeks afterward.

ditto all of the above Teresa.... and a word to the wise...take the "shoulds" out of your life and live for what you "want"-not what you "should" do.

Go to the reunion and enjoy yourself.

Teresa, I'm also saying to go to the reunion, your friend is going to need you after everyone goes home and things are quiet. Reach out to her often and reinforce your love for her. She will need you more then than the day of the funeral.

I agree, you should go to the reunion. Your friend knows you love her and will be there for her all the other times.

Definitely go to the reunion.

Just switch the situation and you'll know what to do. If YOU had a relative die, and your friend had a previously scheduled family function, what would you want HER to do?

You know how a funeral day is--so rushed, so intense. You don't mean it to happend, but afterwards, the memory is generally such a blur, you don't really know who was there and who wasn't. She really will appreciate a supportive day with you a week or so later, when she's collected herself, and has had time to catch her breath.

Go, enjoy your family--funerals are always a wake-up call to make sure we DO spend time with our loved ones when we get the chance.

Wow-I didn't expect everyone to choose the reunion side. Thanks so much. I think I have decided to go to the reunion and you have helped me not feel guilty about it.

My girls have been talking about seeing their cousins all week and I hate to disappoint them. I talked with my friend this morning and she seemed to be okay. This was something they were expecting. His mind has been "gone" for a while now, so they've really been in mourning this whole time. Plus she is in the planning mode of getting everything arranged and yes, funerals (or even weddings) everything is a blur. It's usually a few weeks later when you think "Oh, I need to call Dad about such and such" that it hits you.

Well thanks again, I know I can count on the KT for lots of unbiased answers! I really consider this a valuable resource!

Go to the reunion.

Linda

Send condolences to the funeral and maybe flowers or a donation, and by all means, go to the reunion.

Life is for the living. Your friend understands that. Go to your family reunion and send flowers for the services to be there in your stead.

Definitely the reunion. Support your friend later when she'll need it the most.

My word, this may be the first time EVERY post has been in agreement in the life of the KT, lol!

I agree- you never know if this might be the last reunion for someone and you would have regretted not being there.

Another vote for reunion - for all the reasons listed above.

Not that my opinion is any different -- We just held a memorial service for my mom 5 months after her death... which was what she wanted... the day was still sorta blur as to who was there...

Sure, go to the reunion. I admire your loyalty to your friend but in all honesty, when a person has Alzheimer's and hasn't recognized any loved ones for some time, death is not a surprise. (I know, because my mother had dementia.)

Plus, it sounds like you've committed to your MIL to help her and she may really need you more than your friend will.

Life is for the living. Go to the reunion. Your friend will need you more after the funeral than before or during. At first there are lots of people around being supportive, and that kinda wears off, and then she'll be able to have your company. I've lost 2 parents, and I know that feeling. Be there for her later, when she needs someone.