Is the issue his IQ or the ADHD? Sounds more like the latter.

I suggest finding a professional.

Is the issue his IQ or the ADHD?

Exactly what I was thinking....

Could he have Asperger syndrome? High IQ and ADHD are often symptoms. You didn't mention anything about his social habits so I have no idea if it applies but just throwing it out there! I've known a few people with it and they are extremely smart but have trouble in some areas. If it's true, that might help you find some help.

I agree, professional help would be good either thru the school, social services, YMCA, or even your local college if they teach this. Medical also.
Any child who is extemely polite raises a flag to ME, that is if they are holding issues in. Personally I would rather deal with an outspoken young person. BUT, that is my feelings only. And I had one of each.

The child's pediatrician should be able to help direct them.

I think the book in the link below would be good for them to read to help offer some insight but they should touch base with someone in the medical field.

Here is a link that might be useful: Dreamers...

Marie, I have only met him once. He met us at the car, held out his hand to shake mine, and introduced himself. I know he's not like that all the time. He's pretty typical of an 11 y/o, including fighting with his brother! I also forgot to mention that he is very hard of hearing and wears hearing aids. DS & his GF were asking if there were others out here who had some experience. Keeping him on track is hard, but normal for the ADHD. Like a lot of the people I have met with extremely high IQ's, he is extremely smart in a big way, but everyday normal stuff is non existant, I guess is what I want to say. DS requested that I post. I sent a link to his GF so she could keep track of what I posted and the responses. She was also invited to join us. Hope she does! I may not be wording the questions the way it needs to be.

Tami

Is it possible to contact his school to find a professional of some sort that knows what to do? I would think that a teacher would have an idea of someone to contact even if it is someone that does not work for the school.

Sorry I can't be of more help. You didn't say but is he in special education? Many times kids with high IQ's are receiving some type of special education services.

He might need exposure to other kids with high IQs. Consider having him join Mensa; there is a section for kids. Speaking as someone who is a Mensa member, I only wish it had been available for me as a child.

Hmmm. High IQ is an asset yet ADHD is a disability. Sounds like this child needs professional, guidance-does his school offer testing or special ed? What does his pediatrician suggest? You may want to consider counselling for the whole family. I have one daughter with high IQ and another with ADD. Both are now in college and doing okay but it was hard at when they were younger. We went to a psychologist as a family. Also there are medications for ADD. My ADD daughter is 22 and still takes Adderall.

I just want to mention the book I posted a link for again. Contrary to the title, the book does not just focus on school.

It focuses on explaining how some children are wired differently (regardless of how you want to label them) and how to address dealing with these types and bringing out their best when society is set up to work one way, but their personalities and minds are programed to worked another. The book doesn't just give friendly or neighborly advice you may be receiving elsewhere.

And for others reading this post who may have a highly intelligent child who may not have ADHD but could be catogorize as extremetly "flighty", "different" or "disorganized", etc... it may be good for you too. You know the kids...they are A+ kids but get B's because they forget to put their name on papers, their penmenship is too messy to grade, and they forget to do assignments.

Please have you DIL read the comments to the book to see if it may be what she is looking for - I really think the book would be beneficial to them.

Also speaking as a member of Mensa, I don't think Mensa is the answer.

I don't think you've clarified the problem. The child needs to be professionally assesed to pinpoint exactly what the issue is (if there is one). Only then can you speculate on what the solution might be.

one on one work..dd2 does that almost every day with the grands. and when she can't, the nanny does...set schedule is a MUST...i'd have mom post one or 2 around the house...

dd2 also found local programs for dgs (he's 6) currently is taking art classes thru the library or city summer school...he also went to a summer day camp at local church... they've tried sports but he's just not into them, although he LOVES swimming...

the hearing problem is another area all to itself...he can "escape" by not hearing...i'd have mom always talk directly to him, make sure he has eye contact...

these are just few suggestions...as always professionals are their best bet...sadly with the schools these days ($$$) you can't always count on gifted classes...with the loss of hearing, i do know here in mi some help out there..when dd2 found dgd had 30% loss in hospital, she's had state people out a couple of times...thanks be it hasn't held dgd back, but then like with dgs, dd2 has worked daily from the get-go...

This is a wonderful problem to have. Wonderful, but still a problem. I am speaking as a parent who walked this path not once but twice.

My advice is to contact the childs Dr. for some guidance. Take what S/he has to say and then seek a professional who works with children such as this. I would not depend or wait on the school system to come forward with answers or services. To them, this child is just one of many, get in line.

The professional I found for my children was a Psychiatrist who deals with exactly these issues. On paper, we can all sit here and separate out ADHD from High IQ, but the reality is that it is not that simple. Within the child the two issues are forever commingled. Having a professional help to sort it all out is a huge help to not only the child but also to the parent.

In our case, our Psychiatrist did the testing, the evaluation, came up with the official diagnosis as well as the educational needs that needed to be addressed. The results went to the school system and could not be disputed by them. In doing so, we were able to streamline the process and get right to the IEP without waisting time.

Children are children only once, time is of the essence. A parent must advocate for his or her own child and not wait for someone else to do it for them. It's a parents job.

Good luck to your DS's GF. Let her know that all of the effort that this will take is well worth it. Seeing your children grow into successful, contributing adults is a joy to behold.

sooey

My genius IQ daughter was identified early on and put into the school's "Gifted And Talented" program. Smaller classes, special projects, more field trips. She did very well and enjoyed the program. MY ADD daughter was always disorganized, her locker at school was a mess, she wore glasses at age 4. We all went to family counselling for a few years, special needs kids can be a handful. The ADD girl was also a bit of a bully, hit several kids at school and was threatened with expulsion. Hence the family group councelling and medication. All I can say is, treat this boy as an individual, cheer his successes. Take time to know him as an individual. If he has friends, or even one good friend, that's a good thing. Sports are great for all kids, helps them to learn there are rules in life and sports. Thanks for caring about him.

Thanks

tami, you're more than welcome...so often parents wait too long then the child is lost...so refreshing to find a mom with a special ds not waiting till it's too late...

I do want to thank everyone for all the suggestions and help! I have definitely checked out the book that was suggested from the library.

I am, Anna, Tami_Ohio's DS's GF. All the information everyone gave has been so helpful. I really appreciate all of it! Thank you so much!

~Anna

Anna, you are entitled to have your son screened at your local public school to see what he may need, even if he attends a private school. Ideally, what Sooey suggests above is the best, IMHO, but second best is to as for your son to be evaluated. Then go from there.

My youngest was my brightest child, and in many ways needed the most supervision. As a very successful young adult, he insisted that he must have struggled with some ADD in his childhood. He had a doctor test him at that time, but it was inconclusive. Nevertheless, he feels that the experiences that ADD friends have shared about their childhood learning experiences were similar to his.

I did not feel he was ADD. He was bright and talented across the board, and as a result, he tried a little of everything and rarely finished anything. I kept him busy and exposed to various learning opportunities. He took AP classes, graduated from a selective university, became self motivated finally and earned graduate degrees including law. He is a lawyer in NYC and earns a fabulous salary and the respect of his superiors. Soooo, I am saying, this all can be good. Just keep working at helping him to approach life logically, to meeting friends and socializing well, and learning in challenging classes. Above all, don't let him shut any doors so early that he will limit his choices later on in his education and in life.

Hey Anna (Kat is what I know her by!) Welcome to the KT

Mrs C