Redneck IQ Test From a buddy who grew up in West Virginia. He sent it with the comment, "I am sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people are in the South. I challenge any so-called smart Yankee to take this exam!" --- 1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum. 2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard? (A) '65 Ford Fairlane (B) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle, or (C) '64 Pontiac GTO. 3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the product? 4. A woodcutter has a chain saw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down? 5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the percentage decrease in the ozone layer? 6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed? 7. A man owns a Tennessee house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front? 8. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler? 9. A coal mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of the 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift? At a reduction in the gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town which has been bypassed by the Interstate to breed a country-western singer? --- I betcha thought that there test was gonna be an easy one, didn't ya? It's okay if'n ya didn't do all that well. Just goes to show ya...There's a hole heap of things that big city book-learning don't prepare ya for in this life. As an added bonus for taking the "Redneck IQ Test", here's some southerly advice that may come in handy down the road a piece: Next time you are too drunk to drive, walk to the nearest pizza shop and place an order. When they go to deliver it, catch a ride home with em.

When I was young, somewhere around 5 - 8 or so, I was doing something in church, maybe squirming, that displeased Dad, so he reached over and gave the lobe of my ear a substantial tweak. I made a sound of protest, rather loudly. Wrong move. Dad led me out of the church, across the lot to the church shed, built when we had horses drawing buggies, with concrete walls and a high, metal roof. I think that he took me to the far end of the shed and ministered to my legs and rear end with his belt. On the conclusion of the exercise, we were headed back into church, with my hand in Dad's, and I, embarrassed, said that I wasn't going back in there. Dad gave me a choice - back into church ... or a return to the shed. I chose to return to church (as the least unpalatable of two evils, possibly?). It was mid-June, with all of the windows in church open, and after church, Dad asked the man of the family that occupied the next pew for many years whether they'd heard any of the operation. "Every crack ... and every yell", was the reply. Ole joyful ... who made the mistake, a couple of years later, of leaning over and advising younger brother, when he began doing a similar activity in church, that he'd better stop ... or Dad would take him out to the church shed

OK, so I couldn't help myself -- I placed a few small (for me) orders for the cemetery. I already reserved a few from Long Ago Roses, and I mentioned these in my previous thread. I'll list them again, along with the new orders, as well as what others here have offered to share or let me propagate. I heeded mad_gallica's advice about these roses being hard to root and likely better off being purchased. Albas “Ethel Yount’s White” found, possibly ‘Semi-Plena’ — Rose Petals Nursery Centifolias ‘La Noblesse’ 1856 — Burlington Roses ‘Robert Le Diable’ pre-1858 — Long Ago Roses Damasks ‘Celsiana’ pre-1732 — Burlington Roses ‘Ispahan’ pre-1827 — Long Ago Roses ‘Kazanlik’ VID pre-1612 — Rose Petals Nursery ‘Quatre Saisons’ pre-1633 — Rose Petals Nursery Gallicas ‘La Belle Sultane’ pre-1795 — frances_in_nj ‘Rosa Mundi’ pre-1581 — Long Ago Roses Hybrid Chinas ‘Hippolyte’ pre-1842 — Burlington Roses ‘Ombree Parfaite’ aka ‘Alice Vena’ 1823 — Long Ago Roses “Rush Family Gallica” found — Long Ago Roses “Ruth’s German Rose” found — Long Ago Roses 'Shailer’s Provence' 1799 — Long Ago Roses “The Bishop” (not sure which "version") — Long Ago Roses Hybrid Multifloras ‘Ghislaine de Feligonde’ 1916 — frances_in_nj ‘Veilchenblau’ 1909 — frances_in_nj Hybrid Perpetuals ‘Baronne Prevost’ 1841 — Long Ago Roses Mosses ‘Henri Martin’ 1862 — Long Ago Roses ‘Old Red Moss’ 1835 — Burlington Roses Polyanthas, Climbing ‘Mlle Cecile Brunner, CL’ 1894 — vmr423 ‘Phyllis Bide’ 1923 — frances_in_nj Ramblers ‘Erinnerung an Brod’ pre-1884 — frances_in_nj ‘Paul’s Himalayan Musk Rambler’ 1916 — frances_in_nj Species and Species Hybrids R. primula 1890 — Paradise Gardens Now, before everyone says I went nuts, a few caveats. First, planting isn't going to be restricted to existing beds you saw in the pics on the previous thread. When I spoke to Brian about possibilities, I mentioned that there was an old tradition of planting roses on graves. He liked that idea -- obviously not for every grave, but we're going to go through the list of "residents" and "honor" some of the more noteworthy ones with roses. Second, I know that some OGRs like Gallicas, some Hybrid Chinas, and Centifolias are known for suckering. These I don't want in beds, but rather in areas surrounded by grass or pavement to contain them. I looked through my list -- both "coming" and "possibilities" -- while walking around the cemetery. I definitely found places where all would work with room for more, but final placement will be Brian the caretaker's decision. I'm going to grow them on in my "magic mix" through the Summer here, and bring them to the cemetery in mid to late August for planting. That's when temperatures tend to cool down, and heavy rains soon follow -- which would work well for getting them established. Through the Winter, I'm going to be bringing my daily Starbucks hauls to the cemetery and start covering the beds -- not nearly as thickly as I do here, where I'm almost finished. I'm thinking an inch is fine. Brian's been collecting all the leaves into a big pile, shredding them, and holding the shredded leaves in bags for me to put down on top of the grounds. This will be going onto existing beds, but I wanted to wait for hard frost to kill off foliage on the other plants there. We're still waiting for one! The coldest three or four nights we've had so far went only to 30F for about an hour or so each time. Once the existing beds there are covered, I'll hold off until Spring to add more, and then only a sprinkling through the growing season. I'm hoping that this continued application will re-invigorate the soil there in time for rose planting in late Summer. I'm still waiting to hear back from Stephen Scanniello about things available through the HRF, but I don't think he's returned to the US yet. So I'm not going to bug him while he's on vacation. I'm still open to more "pass-alongs" that would be appropriate for the era. I'm also going to try rooting some of my "inventory" in late Winter -- I already see a sucker on my 'Botzaris' which I'm hoping I can get going in a pot. Anything I bring to the cemetery that doesn't "find a home" there will be donated to the HRF via Stephen Scanniello. He happens to live just south of me in Barnegat. :-) ~Christopher

Sorry for not responding for a bit, I got really bad news about my little dog at the end of last week and we've just been concentrating on her since then. These windows look bad from the outside too sadly. The side wall is this pretty hideous stucco and the color is dubious. still I think the house looks pretty cute from the front so I'll post a pic of that. i decided to slow down on the beams and still haven't made a decision on lighting for the beamed portion of the room as recessed lights won't work. I may hit you guys up for ideas on that next. To my own shock I am considering track lighting for that section. i got several quotes for storm windows, both interior and exterior. The ones I have settled on are expensive ($4500 for all three), but they are built by a very highly recommended person in town who lives less than 5 minutes walk away, knows all the history of my windows and I just feel really good about using them. Mom still reserving judgement on the glass, but we'll see. I'm waiting on the design to come back showing some colors. The front of the house; it's about 2650 sqft. Most of the portion to the right would have been added at some point. It was initially just the tiny chapel to the left.