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The Kitchen Table

Making assumptions vs. making judgments

15 years ago

Do you think these are two different concepts or are they separate? If you make an assumption of how you thought a person would react about something, are you judging that person?

These may seem like petty questions, but the answers are important to me at the moment.

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Comments (12)

ivamae
15 years ago
I had never thought of it that way, but presume that it could be correct.

I'm not sure if it would always hold true, or not, though.

This is an interesting subject.
vannie
15 years ago
I think an assumption would involve your attitudes and feelings toward a person or subject based on your experiences and a judgment would take more into consideration the other person involved and their past actions.
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The therapist was making the correct ethical decision not to see siblings. Referrals would be appropriate and helpful. I work in mental health and have some insights that may be beneficial. Since I see your DD through your eyes only, I will speak in generalities. The transition to middle school is a stressful time for most kids and it's difficult to separate normal childhood behaviors from pathological ones. Some children are just hard-wired to be more anxious while others are more relaxed and able to take things in stride. Your DD may have perfectionist tendencies that cause distress when she is not able to meet her self-imposed high standards. When stuff happens, we have a choice to be empowered or victimized. For example, if she dances and falls on stage, she can make the fear-filled choice to never dance again. Or she can choose empowerment, recognize that the event is not part of her, it's outside of her, something that happened, but now it's over. And the show must go on! Naturally, this is easier said than done. Empowerment is a choice--even though she may not know HOW to get past the fall, she must choose to move on by taking active steps to recover--surrounding herself by supportive people (" That must have been scary and you were so brave to get up and save the show!") , developing an inner strength based on positive self-perception ("I fell, but I got up!") and refusing to let the fall define her (Hey, I went on to win DWTS!) A victim will relinquish all her power to the fall, ruminate, start to feel helpless and may even get reinforcement from pity or concern from others. This can create a dangerous cycle as it provides an unhealthy form of attention. Hypothetically, even if your DD chooses not to dance again, don't pressure her. Hopefully, she will realize that her fear is keeping her from having fun, being the center of attention or keeping her from something she really wants to do. She will need to come to that realization on her own and this will build her self-esteem. Be aware of your own choice of reactions—your child is watching your every move. Even if she’s not a direct witness, she’s picking up on your emotional response. Try to model behavior that sends empowering messages and helps her develop a wider emotional vocabulary. Make your home a "soft spot" for her to land. Continue your discussions, mainly keeping your ears open and mouth closed. Do reflective listening and challenge her negative thinking patterns. Most importantly, let her know she can always count on you for love and support.
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dirt_yfingernails
15 years ago
I think assumptions are more like opinions and judgments should be based on fact.
western_pa_luann
15 years ago
Yep - what vannie said.
An assumption is about ME; the judgment is on the other person.
okwriter
15 years ago
An assumption is what you *think* may/may not happen.
A judgement is what you *think* based on what happened/didn't happen.

ASSUMPTION: I won't invite Mary to the party because I don't *think* she will come.

JUDGEMENT: I invited Mary to the party, but she didn't come. Mary is rude.
Jerri
15 years ago
I think they are different. An assumption is more similar to a stereotype perhaps. We take things for granted based on our set parameters of how we think something/someone is always going to be: example, a career military person is a 'hawk' rather than a 'dove'.

But even with our own internal assumptions we still can and some people do suspend judgment. If I choose not to made a judgment about which is better, or which is right...hawk or dove....then my assumption didn't lead to a judgment.

did I just confuse the issue?
j
Vique_Pa
15 years ago
I don't know, but I do know I won't invite Mary again. Vique.
evatx
15 years ago
*LOL* at Vique!

I think an assumption is made before the fact, and judgement is made after.
sue_va
15 years ago
I am assuming that you are struggling with a situation.

I don't know you so there is no way I could not make a judgement about what your reaction might be to that situation.

Sue
itsmesuzq
15 years ago
When I "assume" something it's like expecting something. Such as "I'm assuming there will be lots of people at the party because a lot of invitations went out". So my assumptions are based on my "expectations."

"Judging" to me is something that has already happened that may cause me to take a stand or take a side on the subject. (The party was so crowded they ran out of food! I feel that too many people were invited.)

Regarding "assuming" something about a person or their actions. To me it's like "expecting" a person to act a certain way. And the results could go either way (disappointed or plesantly surprised).

"Judging" a person usually happens after that person has done something that may give you pause, (both in a good way or bad way.)

Just my first thoughts on the subject...what a great question.

~Susan
lilliepad
15 years ago
What Susan said.LOL
FlamingO in AR
15 years ago
I've always looked at assumptions as kind of like predictions of reactions and a judgement as my take on actual actions, regardless of my assumption.

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